The Lost (Echoes from the Past Book 9)

by Irina Shapiro

  “Goodnight,” Captain Denning said, bowing to her formally.

  Jocelyn hurried up the stairs and disappeared into her room, shutting the door behind her and locking it.

  Chapter 56

  Jocelyn quickly undressed, poured some water into a basin, and wiped away the sweat of the day with a wet towel, then pulled on her cotton shift. Instead of going directly to bed, she opened the window and curled up on the window seat, enjoying the gentle breeze on her still-damp skin. The air had cooled, and she thought she could smell the river and the wonderful scent of roses coming from the garden of the neighboring house. She sighed deeply and stared up at the star-strewn sky, wishing things didn’t have to be so complicated.

  She had always made a point of being honest with herself, and tonight was no different. The captain’s touch had awakened something deep and dark within her, something that had lain dormant for years. She wanted him to kiss her again, to touch her as a lover would. Jocelyn rested her head against her knees and wrapped her arms about her legs. To get involved with a British captain was to go against everything she stood for, everything she was risking her life for. He may be sympathetic to the plight of the Americans, but he would fight to the death to put down the rebellion that had become the American Revolution. How could she justify having feelings for a man who stood on the opposite side of the conflict and who would eventually return to his home in England? Even if he had honorable intentions toward her, there could be no future for them in either country. She would never go to England, and he wouldn’t wish to remain in America once his regiment was recalled.

  She had to nip her attraction to the captain in the bud, she told herself sternly. She couldn’t possibly allow their liaison to continue, but an evil little voice piped up in her head, arguing, cajoling, and reasoning away her doubts. There was still so much to learn about the impending attack. Which way would the troops be marching? How many men? How many cannons? There had to be maps, lists, names of regiments and their commanders. How could she simply walk away from such valuable information?

  Tomorrow, she would send a message to Richard, informing him of what she’d learned, but she had nothing concrete. He’d ask her to probe deeper. Was she strong enough to take such a risk? Could she play her part without becoming emotionally involved?

  Who was she kidding? She was already emotionally involved, and this was no longer a part she was playing. This was her life. She’d made her bed, and now she’d have to lie in it. The idea made her chuckle. Her thoughts had turned to lying in beds but not because she was tired. She was wide awake, her body thrumming with unfamiliar desires. She opened the window wider, hoping the breeze would chill her enough to cool the need pulsing deep in her belly, but the evening air was damp and warm, her skin radiating heat that had nothing to do with the August night.

  Chapter 57

  March 2018

  London

  Quinn stretched luxuriously and smiled, not in any hurry to get out of bed since it was Saturday. Sunlight was pouring through the window, and it looked to be a fine day outside. She felt more optimistic than she had in days. Now that the case had officially been reopened, a sense of rightness had settled on her shoulders. She’d done the right thing, and whatever she outcome, she would accept it and move forward. Craving a bit of company, she had invited Logan, Rafe, and Chrissy for dinner tonight. Chrissy was due in a few weeks, so it would be nice to celebrate Logan and Rafe’s impending parenthood and take this opportunity to spend some time with them before they went down the rabbit hole of first-time parenting.

  “What’s your plan for the day?” Gabe asked as he pulled her closer.

  “I have to order Mia’s birthday cake, shop for tonight’s dinner, and then prepare. What about you?”

  “I thought I’d take the children to the Unicorn Theatre. Alex has been asking to go. And Emma might want to tag along too, if she doesn’t consider herself too mature for such childish pursuits,” Gabe added with a grin.

  “I doubt it,” Quinn replied. “By the way, Jill asked if it’d be okay to take Alex and Mia for a sleepover tonight. She thought it’d be fun for Olivia to have her friends over. You don’t mind, do you?” Quinn asked.

  “They’re a bit young to sleep away from home, but this is Jill, so I guess it’s all right,” Gabe said with a shrug. “I can collect them tomorrow after I meet Mum off the train. She can’t wait to see the children.”

  “And they can’t wait to see her. Emma was hoping Buster would be coming along for the ride.”

  “No, Mum’s leaving him with Cecily for a few days. Buster is getting a sleepover of his own, with Cecily’s Bertie. He’ll be in doggie heaven.”

  “Well, looks like everyone is set for a fun weekend, then,” Quinn said.

  “What are you making for tonight’s dinner?” Gabe asked.

  “I thought I’d make salmon, since Rafe doesn’t eat red meat.”

  “Okay. I’ll grab a few bottles of white wine on my way home.”

  “Thanks,” Quinn said as she got out of bed. “I need a cup of tea. Want me to bring you one?”

  “No, I’m coming down,” Gabe said. “I’ll help you make breakfast.”

  Quinn went downstairs and examined the contents of the fridge, making a mental list of the items she needed to buy while the water boiled for tea. She popped two slices of bread into the toaster, then took out butter and marmalade, hoping against hope that she might enjoy a peaceful breakfast before the kids woke up. Her hopes were disappointed when she heard Mia calling for her. A few moments later, Gabe came down, Mia on his hip. Her dark hair curled away from her head like Medusa’s snakes, and she was rubbing her eyes with her fists.

  “Madam here is joining us for breakfast. Alex and Emma are still asleep,” Gabe informed Quinn.

  “All right, then. Would you like some toast?” she asked the little girl.

  Mia nodded enthusiastically. “And juice,” she said.

  “And juice,” Quinn agreed.

  Just as they were about to sit down, Alex came down. “I want a boiled egg and soldiers,” he announced.

  “Right,” Gabe said, springing to his feet. “I’ll make it,” he said to Quinn, who’d been about to take a bite of her toast. Mia was already halfway through her piece, marmalade all over her face.

  “Are you making Alex an egg and soldiers?” Emma asked as she sauntered into the kitchen. “I want some too.” She poured herself a glass of orange juice and took a seat at the table. “I found some tops I like on Amazon. Can you take a look after breakfast?” she asked hopefully.

  “At this rate, I’m never going to leave the house,” Quinn muttered.

  “You go on,” Gabe said. “I’ll see to the kids.”

  “Emma, Dad is taking Alex and Mia to a show at the Unicorn Theatre. Did you want to go too?”

  Emma made a face. “No. Those shows are for babies. Maybe I can help you cook,” Emma offered.

  “Sure, if you like.”

  “What are you making?”

  “Salmon with roasted potatoes and steamed vegetables.”

  “Right. Never mind. Let me know when you’re making something I like. Will there be pudding, at least?”

  “Yes, there will be pudding.”

  “I want sticky toffee pudding,” Emma announced. “Uncle Logan loves sticky toffee pudding.”

  “Fine. I will get sticky toffee pudding,” Quinn replied, now really exasperated. She set her plate and cup in the sink and kissed everyone in turn. “Have a good day, darlings. I’m off.”

  Quinn was on her way to the shops when her mobile rang. It was Logan.

  “Hi. I’m just shopping for tonight. Salmon okay?”

  “Quinn, I’m sorry, but we won’t be able to make it,” Logan said. He sounded tense.

  “Logan, are you all right?” Quinn asked.

  “I’m at Middlesex. Chrissy was brought in about an hour ago.”

  Quinn felt a cold dread seeping into her chest. Chrissy wasn’t due for three
weeks, and even if she was in labor, she wouldn’t have been brought in. She’d have arrived at the hospital on her own, and as far as Quinn knew, Middlesex wasn’t where Chrissy had planned to give birth. “What happened?”

  Logan’s voice sounded raspy, harsh, unlike his usual easygoing self. “Chrissy got into a minor accident this morning on her way to an antenatal exercise class,” he said. “There wasn’t much damage to the car, but the airbag went off and hit her in the chest and stomach. She began to bleed heavily and called an ambulance.”

  Quinn’s dread intensified. “Do they know what’s wrong?”

  “She’s suffered a placental abruption.”

  “What does that mean?” Quinn asked. She knew what placental abruption was but wasn’t sure if the condition was treatable.

  “They’re monitoring her and the baby. If the damage is minimal, they might recommend bed rest. If not, a decision will need to be made.”

  “Oh, Logan,” Quinn said, her heart going out to him. “Is there anything I can do?”

  “Rafe’s mum is here.” Logan sounded wistful.

  “Did you call Sylvia?” Quinn asked, wondering if Logan wished his own mother was there to comfort him.

  “She’s in Manchester. Went to visit a friend. She won’t be back until tomorrow evening.”

  “I’ll be there in a half hour,” Quinn said, and heard the relief in Logan’s voice.

  “Thank you. I know this is not a life-or-death situation, but I’m feeling a bit fragile,” he admitted.

  “I’m on my way.” Quinn abandoned her shopping trip, hailed a taxi, and climbed in. Unfortunately, the traffic was awful, and it took nearly forty minutes to get to the hospital. It took another ten to finally locate the maternity ward and find Logan and Rafe. Rafe’s mother, Rita, was holding Rafe’s hand, which Quinn found endearing. Quinn enveloped Logan in a big hug.

  “Any news?” she asked.

  “Not yet. We’re still waiting,” Logan said. “Jude’s coming.”

  “What, right now? From Germany?” Quinn asked, wondering how Logan had been able to pull that off.

  Logan gave her a watery smile. “He was due leave and decided to take it now, before the baby came and no one would have time for him. He was going to surprise Mum. Well, now the surprise is on him. Mum’s away, and I’m here. He landed about an hour ago and is on his way to the hospital.”

  “Is there anything you need? Can I get you some coffee?”

  All three shook their heads. “Just stay here with me,” Logan said softly. “Come, let’s sit down. I’m tired of pacing.”

  “Logan, it will be all right, won’t it?” Quinn asked. Being a nurse, Logan understood the implications of the situation in ways she never could.

  Logan covered her hand with his own. “Yes, it will be all right.”

  “Then why are you so frightened?” Quinn asked, needing to understand what Logan was going through.

  Logan’s anxious gaze met hers. “Quinn, I might become a father today.”

  “What? Today?”

  Logan nodded. “Normally, if the woman is close to her due date, they allow her to deliver.”

  “And you think this will happen today?”

  Logan nodded. “I doubt they will discharge her. The bleeding was heavy, and unless it has stopped…” He let the sentence trail off.

  As if on cue, a doctor appeared at the end of the corridor and headed straight for Logan and Rafe, both of whom sprang to their feet, their faces anxious. The doctor appeared to be in his forties and had warm brown eyes and dark hair threaded with silver. There was an air of calm competence about him that Quinn found reassuring.

  The doctor smiled. “Good afternoon. I’m Dr. Hunt, and I’ve been looking after Chrissy. She is resting comfortably,” he said. “The bleeding has slowed, but given how close she is to her due date, we feel it’s best if we deliver the baby.”

  “Will you be inducing labor?” Logan asked.

  “No. In this situation, a cesarean section is the safest option.”

  “May we be present?” Rafe asked. His face was ashen and his eyes wide with panic.

  “Which one of you is the father?” Dr. Hunt asked.

  “We both are,” Logan replied. “Chrissy is our surrogate.”

  “Right. Well, I can’t allow too many people in theater, so I’ll leave it up to you to decide which one of you would like to be there. Once Chrissy has been prepped, a nurse will come to get you.”

  “Thank you, Doctor,” Logan said.

  Rafe nodded and sat back down, slumping in his chair as if his bones had turned to rubber. “You go,” he said as soon as the doctor left. “You’re better at this sort of thing.”

  “Are you sure?” Logan asked, but Quinn could see the eagerness in his gaze. He really wanted to be there when his son was born.

  Rafe nodded again. “Yes. I’m sure. I’m a nervous wreck. I won’t be doing Chrissy any favors. I’ll be right here, waiting,” he said.

  Logan pulled Rafe into a hug, and Rafe rested his head on Logan’s shoulder, his fair head bowed. “It’ll be all right,” Logan said. “We’re going to become daddies today.”

  “I know.” Rafe’s whisper sounded strangled. “I don’t think I’m ready, Logan.”

  “Of course you are. You are going to be a great dad.”

  “So will you.”

  “Why don’t I take you to the canteen for a cup of tea and something to eat?” Rita said to her son once Logan released him from the hug.

  “Go on,” Logan urged Rafe. “I’ll be fine.”

  Rafe allowed his mother to lead him away, shuffling next to her like a little boy who’d been forced to leave the playground.

  “How do you feel?” Quinn asked, looking up into Logan’s anxious eyes.

  “Excited, scared, impatient, and overwhelmed all at the same time. I’m feeling so much, I think my heart is going to explode.”

  “Then you are absolutely ready for this,” Quinn assured him. “That’s how all new parents feel.”

  “I’m a little worried about Rafe,” Logan confessed, his gaze following Rafe until he got into the lift.

  “It’s natural to be nervous,” Quinn said. Rafe wasn’t as tough as Logan, emotionally or physically.

  “I know, but I think he feels like a third wheel just now.”

  “Why would he feel like a third wheel?” Quinn asked, sensing that Logan was holding something back.

  He sighed, and his shoulders drooped in a way that wasn’t at all reassuring. “Chrissy is the biological mum, and I’m the biological dad. Rafe has no genetic connection to the baby.”

  Quinn stared at Logan, her brain still processing what he’d just said. “What do you mean she’s the biological mum? I thought you’d used a donor egg.”

  A look of guilt passed over Logan’s features. “That’s what we wanted everyone to think.”

  “Logan? What exactly do you mean?”

  “Look, we didn’t have the money to go through multiple rounds of in vitro. Jude’s rehab set me back about twenty grand, and the NHS didn’t think we were suitable candidates. There are other, more deserving couples, apparently, who no doubt happen to be heterosexual,” Logan said bitterly. “So we decided to take a shortcut.”

  “What sort of shortcut?”

  “Chrissy was willing to be our surrogate. She needs the money to send back to her family in the Czech Republic, so, I had sex with her a few times. Until she got pregnant. And yes, I know it’s illegal to pay a surrogate, but no one needs to know she’s doing it for money,” Logan said, lowering his voice to a whisper.

  “You had sex with her?” Quinn echoed. “And you’re paying her illegally?”

  “It’s the easiest and the cheapest way. It only took two months for her to conceive, and there was no worrying that the embryo wouldn’t take.”

  “And Rafe was fine with that, was he?” Quinn asked, unable to wrap her mind around this new scenario she’d been presented with.

  “He kno
ws I have absolutely no romantic feelings for Chrissy. I simply took care of business.”

  “Logan, do you realize that as the birth mother Chrissy has legal claim to the baby whether it’s biologically hers or not?” Quinn asked, horrified. “She can take him away from you. She can even take him back to the Czech Republic, and since he is biologically hers, she just might decide to do that. She might change her mind and keep him.”

  “She doesn’t want the baby,” Logan said, dismissing her concerns.

  “But what if she wants to be a part of his life?”

  “Every child longs for a mother, Quinn. If Chrissy wants to be a part of our son’s life, we’ll welcome it. She is a good person. She would never do anything to hurt us, or the baby.”

  Oh, Logan, I do hope you know what you’re doing, Quinn thought, but didn’t say anything. It was too late for recriminations now.

  A few minutes later, a nurse came to fetch Logan. He’d have to suit up to be allowed in the operating theater. “Are you ready, then?” she asked, smiling up at Logan, who was at least a head taller than her.

  “Yes,” Logan said without hesitation.

  “Come meet your son, then,” the nurse said. “It’ll be at least an hour, love,” she said to Quinn. “Possibly more.”

  “I’ll be here,” Quinn said.

  Logan gave her a brief hug and a kiss and hurried after the nurse.

  Chapter 58

  Once Logan had gone, Quinn settled in to wait for news. Rafe and Rita still had not returned, so she reached for a magazine someone had left in the waiting area and flipped through the glossy pages.

  “Quinn!” Jude was still in his uniform, his face tense, his eyes searching hers. A khaki kit bag was slung over his shoulder, but he dropped it to the floor and opened his arms to Quinn. “It’s so good to see you,” he said. “Are Chrissy and the baby all right?”

  “They’re delivering the baby via C-section. Logan is with Chrissy. Rafe and his mum went for a cup of tea.”