Parents in Training

by Barbara McMahon

  “Still thrilled to be pregnant.”

  He hoped that was one twin trait they didn’t share. When he and Annalise had first met, at Georgetown University, they’d hit it off immediately. He’d loved being with her, enjoyed her enthusiasm about everything. She’d been so different from his high-school girlfriend, who had been needy and demanding. Annalise had been a breath of fresh air, and he’d moved in on her like a hunter on prey.

  Before long, they’d become a couple, then engaged, and had married right after graduation. Having children did not play in his plans. His own father was a shining example of the opposite of Father-of-the-Year. The apple didn’t fall far from the tree. He knew from the past he was not cut out to be a father.

  He didn’t voice his concern that Annalise was only toying with the idea of a child because her sister was pregnant. They lived separate lives, for all they were close. Lianne had recently married, for one thing; he and Annalise had been married for five years. Lianne worked as an analyst in a security firm; Annalise was more independent as a real-estate agent.

  The twins were from a family of eleven children. They were next to oldest, with two older boys also twins. Even after knowing the members of her family for half a dozen years, he was amazed at the sheer chaotic nature of holiday gatherings, and the amazing patience of their father, Patrick O’Mallory. Dominic had been an only child, and happy to leave home when he’d had the chance. He was used to the O’Mallory celebrations now, but was always glad to leave for the quieter, more tranquil apartment they owned.

  He couldn’t understand Lianne’s burning desire for a child. It was totally foreign to him.

  He reached out and caught Annalise’s hand, bringing it to his mouth for a quick kiss. “I’m telling the schedulers to try for a New York assignment next time. There are some new plays we haven’t seen. Might as well have the company pick up some of the tab.”

  “You do that. And I’ll see if I can sell a home or two so we can afford the best seats.”

  He wasn’t worried about Annalise selling property. She was a natural at it. Her sunny disposition and genuine liking for people shone through when she acquired clients. They knew instinctively that she would find the best property available for them.

  And they could afford the best seats in any theater without another sale. After a childhood of deprivation, the one thing Dominic made sure of was that there was plenty of money for unexpected expenditure. They had a very healthy savings and investment plan. Never again would he experience the hardship of his early years.

  “Ready for bed?”

  “Not yet. Sit down. I have something to tell with you,” she said.

  He sat on the sofa beside her.

  Annalise took a deep breath.

  “What’s up?” he asked.

  “I’m pregnant.” She looked at him, as if gauging his reaction.

  Dominic didn’t believe he’d heard the words at first.

  His worst nightmare.

  For a moment, he was eighteen again, and hearing the dreaded words from Phyllis Evans. Life as he had planned it had changed with those two words. He had never wanted to hear them again. And now Annalise was staring at him, having uttered the words that struck dread into his heart.

  “How did that happen?” he asked evenly, holding on to control by a thread. Anger began to build. They were always very careful, so had Annalise had a change of heart about having a child?

  It was Lianne’s influence. He knew it. He had always been distrustful of the tie between the twins. He had felt excluded on more than one occasion when the two of them had been together. Twins shared a special bond, one a husband couldn’t ever penetrate. But for Annalise to change their lives so completely without even talking about it with him was beyond anything.

  “The usual way,” she said, trying for flippancy but sounding tentative.

  He gazed at her in disbelief. He took a breath, trying to get the anger under control. She looked wary, watching him carefully. Well, she should. He wanted to smash something. To tip the table over and storm out of the room. He had been through this once before—with disastrous results. He could not go through it again.

  Clamping down on his emotions, he tried to think. But the only thought that ricocheted around his mind was the fact they were bringing a child into the world and life as he knew it—as he liked it—would end forever.

  He stood, paced to the window, clenching his hands into fists. He felt the room close in on him. “Dammit, Annalise, we talked about this. More than once. I. Do. Not. Want. Children. What part of that do you not understand?”

  “I understand it all. But I didn’t do anything to become pregnant. If you’ll remember, we agreed before we were married that a childless marriage would be a wonderful thing. But you and I both know the only perfect birth control is abstinence, and that’s not something we practice. You and me together made a baby. It’ll take some adjusting, but I’m sure we’ll be happy when the baby’s born. We can make it work. I know we can.”

  He turned and faced her. It was like looking at a total stranger. “Is this a twin thing? Lianne is pregnant, so you had to be, too?”

  “No.” She was quiet for a moment. “I’m as stunned as you. I didn’t plan on this. You can’t think that. It’ll change everything.”

  “You’ve got that right. We like to travel. A kid will mean no more jumping up at the last moment and taking off somewhere. There would be so much to tie us down. What kind of life do you envision for us with a baby in the mix? Or when he’s six, and in school for most of the year? Or as a teenager, giving untold grief? This is the last thing we need!”

  “We’ll adapt. I only found out this afternoon. I haven’t had a chance to do anything but try to get used to the idea myself,” she said. “And if my folks can get through eleven kids, I’m sure we can manage one.”

  “How did you find out? Did you see a doctor?”

  “No, I took a home pregnancy test.”

  For a moment, a glimmer of hope rose. “Take another one. They aren’t one hundred percent.”

  “I tried three. Every one showed positive.”

  He hit the wall with his fist. “Dammit, Annalise, we weren’t going to have children. We agreed to that.” He glared at her. “I like the life we have. If I had wanted it changed, I would have said something.”

  She stood and put her hands on her hips, glaring at him. “I wasn’t planning anything except to go on as we’ve been. Do you think I want to be tied down, unable to go off on a moment’s notice? I love traveling. I never was able to go anywhere but the shore when we were children. Don’t blame me for this. It takes two.”

  “So how did it happen?”

  “How should I know? Something didn’t work, obviously. Now we have a situation we have to deal with. We’ll have to adjust our thinking.”

  “I don’t want to adjust.” God, he knew he sounded petulant and stubborn. But if she knew the full story—He blanked the thought. The last thing he wanted was for anyone to know the full story.

  “Well, tough. There it is. What else do you suggest?” Her wariness had faded. She glared at him.

  He couldn’t think. He was furious with the news. And afraid of the past repeating itself.

  “Hell, I don’t know. Why not consult your precious sister?” he said, and strode from the room. Snatching a jacket, he headed for the door. “I don’t want the baby.”

  The moment he said the words, he cringed. How cold it sounded—especially when it echoed what he’d said years ago. And look at that result. Guilt and grief played out. He knew intellectually he had not caused the outcome, but secretly he’d always believed he had. He’d never planned to bring a child into the world, disrupting the life he’d carefully built. He still had challenges he wanted to meet, places to visit. This would change everything—if he let it.

  Annalise stared at him for a long moment. “How could anyone not want a baby?” she asked. “Granted, we didn’t plan on one. But now that it’s on the way,
we will love this child.”

  “There are millions of people on the planet who do not want children,” he said. It wasn’t only the thought of a baby but the betrayal he felt at his wife’s becoming pregnant. That was exactly what he felt—betrayed.

  “Well, there’s not much to be done about it now,” she said, turning and heading down the hall.

  A moment later, Dominic heard the slam of the bedroom door.

  What a mess. He let himself out of the apartment. He reached the sidewalk and turned south. Blocks away lay the Mall, with the Lincoln Monument at one end and the Capitol at the other. On the other side of the Mall was the Tidal Basin. The open space would allow him some breathing room. He felt claustrophobic in the apartment. Like the walls were closing in on him. Like the past was returning. He needed freedom.

  He could hear his father’s voice echoing—how having a kid had kept him from doing all he wanted. He’d blamed Dominic’s mother for getting pregnant and forcing him to marry her. For having a child that needed care, which had kept his father from traveling the world and living life to the fullest. The arguments had been endless, and Dominic remembered every one.

  He’d felt the same way when Phyllis had told him she was pregnant. Eighteen, just graduated from high school, and all his plans for the future down the drain. They’d been sweethearts in high school, but once graduation had come, he’d had his ticket to freedom. Only, Phyllis’s news had changed that. He’d done the right thing by marrying her. Then he’d gone to work at the mill. Same as his father. History repeating itself.

  Only, when there’d been a reprieve, he’d grabbed it.

  He’d sworn he would never get in that position again. He liked his job, combining computer work with travel. He liked Annalise, beautiful, sophisticated. Not tired all the time and scared like Phyllis had been. This pregnancy had the power to change everything—just like before.

  Annalise sat on the edge of the bed, frustrated and angry. She had not made a decision for them. She’d never had daydreams about having babies. How could he think that? Okay, maybe she had brought up the subject when Lianne began talking about having a baby. But when Dominic had said unequivocally no, she’d accepted they’d stay childless.

  Granted, she’d enjoyed holding her sister Mary Margaret’s babies when they’d been small, but she’d always been relieved to give them back to Mama when they cried.

  Now she was going to have a baby of her own. One she couldn’t hand back when it cried. She hoped Dominic got used to the idea fast. Sure, there’d be some adjustments. She rubbed her tummy, hoping the baby didn’t feel the turmoil. Why couldn’t Dominic be like Tray, her sister’s husband, and overjoyed at the thought of a child?

  Why should he? She wasn’t as ecstatic as Lianne. This would mean major compromises when before they’d lived life on their own terms. She had to get used to the idea herself.

  Still, having a baby was a good thing. She’d better hold on to that thought. There was no going back now. They both had solid careers, made enough money to live comfortably and provide for a child. It wasn’t what they’d planned, but it wasn’t the end of the world like Dominic made it seem. He had to come around. He had to.

  The next morning when Annalise awoke, she realized Dominic had never come to bed. Had he even returned home? She put on her robe and went down the hall. The apartment was quiet. He was not in the living room, nor the kitchen. She went to the den and peered in. He was stretched out on the recliner, asleep, still wearing the clothes he’d had on last night. The computer screen scrolled its screensaver. Had he been working and fallen asleep? Or had he deliberately stayed away?

  “Dominic?” she called softly.

  He didn’t move.

  Annalise went to shower and dress. Then she went to the kitchen to prepare breakfast. She wanted to discuss the situation with Dominic as soon as he was awake. They had fights from time to time, but soon made up. This altercation would be the same, she hoped.

  By the time she had biscuits coming out of the oven, Dominic stood in the kitchen doorway. He looked incredibly sexy, with a day’s growth of dark beard and a sleepy look around his eyes. He had changed, and the T-shirt he’d pulled on delineated every rock-hard muscle in his chest and shoulders. The jeans molded his lean physique. She turned away, wishing for the easy camaraderie they normally enjoyed. If it were another morning, she’d give him a kiss, and maybe suggest postponing breakfast while they detoured into the bedroom.

  After their fight last night, she knew he’d refuse, and she was not into getting rebuffed.

  “Breakfast is almost ready,” she said, pointing to the coffeemaker.

  “The smell of coffee woke me,” he said. Crossing the small kitchen, he poured himself a cup.

  As always, her heart gave a small skip when she saw him. He didn’t say anything, just sipped the hot beverage and gazed out the window.

  “How long are you going to be mad at me?” she asked finally, annoyed he was ignoring her.

  There was silence for a moment. “This isn’t like the other fights we’ve had, Annalise,” he said, turning slowly to look at her. “You’ve rocked my world. I’m not sure if I will get over it.”

  That floored her. She leaned against the counter, unable to believe what he’d said, feeling a touch of panic.

  “It changes my world, too, you know. We need to talk about this.”

  “There’s nothing to discuss.”

  “There’s lots to discuss,” she said, clutching the edge of the counter tightly. “I know this wasn’t the way we planned our life going, but it’s not the end of the world.”

  “It may be the end of us,” he said slowly.

  Annalise felt as if he’d slapped her. She couldn’t believe she’d heard him correctly.

  “You do not mean that,” she said hotly.

  “I don’t know what I mean. Talking isn’t going to change anything, is it? I made my views known before we married. Nothing’s changed for me. Seems as if we’ve reached a fork in the road.”

  “Once you get used to the idea, you’ll feel better about it. You can talk to my father, or Tray or Mary Margaret’s husband. You must know lots of men who are fathers. They’ll all tell you it’s a great thing. Not something bad.”

  “For them, not for me.” He crossed to the table and pulled out a chair. Sitting, he studied the coffee in his mug.

  She dished up the eggs, placed sausages on the side of each plate and carried them to the table. A moment later, she added the hot biscuits. Jam was already out. She poured some orange juice for each of them and then sat in her chair.

  “So explain to me why having a baby is such a horrible thing,” she said. If he’d only talk about it, maybe they could move beyond his anger.

  “After breakfast,” he said. He began to eat.

  Annalise didn’t have much appetite. She hated confrontation and disharmony. She’d rather clear the air and then eat, but maybe it was better this way. At least the food was hot.

  They ate in silence. She studied him through the meal. He never once looked up, but kept his gaze focused on his plate of food. She thought about all the breakfasts they had shared over the years. When he was away, she missed their routine. In the early days of their marriage, she’d accompanied him on most of his assignments. As her own list of clients had grown she’d not been able to take off every time at a moment’s notice. But she went often enough that they had seen a lot of the world together.

  They would not forever be young, and on the fast track at work. She had reached a level that gave her a good income and still allowed her time for other pursuits. To her, stability and roots were important. She was grounded by her parents and grandparents, who had lived in the Washington metropolitan area all their lives. She wanted that grounding for her child. Travel was broadening, but staying home provided roots.

  When he’d finished eating, Dominic rose and went for another cup of coffee. “Want any more?”

  “No.” She should cut out caffeine
altogether, but couldn’t yet forgo that first cup in the morning. The best she could do was limit her intake.

  Clearing the dishes quickly, she ran water in the sink to let them soak. “Ready?”

  He shrugged and leaned against the counter.

  “Shouldn’t we go and sit down or something?” she said.

  “This won’t take long. Before we were married we discussed having children. You came from a large family and said you were content with nieces and nephews. I was an only child with parents who had to get married and didn’t really

  want a family.”

  Annalise nodded.

  “They were young, and I don’t know if they thought they loved each other or not. But my mother got pregnant and my dad did right by her—so he told her, over and over. And he didn’t care in whose hearing he complained.”

  “It takes two,” she murmured, wondering how a man could be so insensitive to a woman’s feelings.

  “Getting married and having a kid wasn’t in my dad’s plans—at least not at that point. He’d been raised in a mill town and had plans to escape. He wanted to move to New York, see about working in the theater—not as an actor, but behind the scenes. Instead, he was stuck in a small Pennsylvania town, with a wife and a kid and an old house that needed constant work. He ended up working in the mill.”

  “You told me that before.”

  “All his life he had to settle, because of one night that changed his world.”

  “You don’t have to settle for anything,” she protested. “For heaven’s sake, Dominic, you can’t compare that with us. You have a great career, and so do I. We don’t have some shabby house. You don’t have a dead-end job.”

  “I’ve seen what that kind of life is like. Men get bitter and turn old before their time. All focus is on the children—what they need, what their schedule is. Sacrifices have to be made so they’ll have what they need. Soon it seems like the parents’ lives revolve around the children. Look at your sister Mary Margaret—piano lessons, soccer practice, tutoring to get into the best schools. When do she and Sam have a life of their own?”