Envious

by Cheryl Douglas

  “I’ve never seen you so excited. Does mom know about this?”

  “No, I didn’t want to get her hopes up.” Katie shrugged. “You know, in case I couldn’t see my way through to the end of the program.”

  “How many more courses do you have to take?” Cassidy asked.

  “I’m working on my last two right now. If I can pass the final exams, I’ll get my degree and I can teach pre-school.” Her dream was to work with children aged two to five, before they started their formal education. According to experts, children were little sponges during those years, and Katie wanted to be one of the people who helped foster that love of learning.

  “That’s amazing, sis.” Cassidy reached across the table to hug her. “I’m so proud of you.”

  It had been a long time since Katie had done anything to make her family proud. Seeing that glow on her big sister’s face meant more to Katie than Cassidy could imagine. “Thanks.”

  “How have you financed it? I mean, you said Lee doesn’t know, right?”

  “No, he doesn’t. I’ve been picking up hours as a virtual assistant, just enough to cover my tuition and books. I figured it might help, you know, if I ever decide to start my own business.”

  “Is that what you plan to do when you get your degree?” Cassidy asked.

  “I don’t know…” Katie watched their daughters playing, so innocent, so full of life and wonder. Seeing them intensified her desire to be surrounded by dozens of children their age.

  “You’re dying to dive right in there and start this business. It’s written all over your face.”

  If it was so easy for her sister to see that, she wondered how Lee could have missed it. Of course, it had been a long time since he’d given her more than a cursory glance. “I am. There’s this location just down the street from here that would be so perfect.”

  “So why don’t you go for it?” Cassidy sounded more excited than Katie would ever have dared to be. With hope came disappointment, and she wasn’t brave enough to step out on that ledge.

  “I can’t just start a business,” Katie said, laughing breathlessly. “Financing school was hard enough. I haven’t been able to set aside enough money for a business.”

  “So I’ll lend you the money.”

  “No!” Katie realized how harsh that must have sounded, but Cassidy had been bailing Katie out of one mess after another all their lives. She wanted to find a way to make it work on her own. “I’m sorry, I just need to figure this out without your help, or mom’s, or Lee’s, or Drake’s. I love you guys so much, but I need to prove to myself that I can build something from the ground up.”

  “The financial backing has to come from somewhere,” Cassidy said. “With the economy being what it is, it’ll be tough to get it from a bank. Maybe an angel investor?”

  Katie laughed at the absurdity of that suggestion. “I’d have to figure out how to write a business plan first.” The more she thought about it, the more she realized she was thinking too far ahead. As perfect as that space would be, she had to focus on finishing school first. Maybe then she would be able to save enough to finance the venture. That shouldn’t take more than five or six years…

  Chapter Two

  When Lee asked Chris to pass by his house to tell Katie he’d be late coming home, Chris tried to find an alternative. He suggested his friend just text her, but apparently Katie lost her phone and had to get a replacement the following day. When Lee said he didn’t want to risk calling and waking Hannah, Chris knew he was out of options, so he’d agreed to deliver the message.

  Katie always chastised Chris when he knocked, so he went around the back and walked into the kitchen, hoping he’d find her tucked away in her office. He tapped lightly on the doorframe when he spotted her at the kitchen table. When she looked up and he saw her red-rimmed eyes, his heart sank.

  “Hey,” he said softly as he entered. “What’s wrong?”

  She wiped her eyes with a crumpled-up tissue. “My sister and niece just left and…” She sniffled, shaking her head.

  “Did y’all get into it?” Chris knew about their history, but according to Lee, the sisters were closer than ever.

  “No, nothing like that.” Katie pulled out the chair beside her, inviting him to sit down.

  He knew he should stand to avoid getting too close to her, especially when she was so vulnerable. But if a woman had ever needed a shoulder, Katie was that woman. “You wanna tell me what happened?”

  “I started talking to her about something I’d been thinking about for a while, and saying it aloud made me realize how impossible it is.”

  “Nothing is impossible if you want it badly enough.” That wasn’t true. Some things were impossible, no matter how badly you wanted them. He should know. He was staring into the eyes of someone he wanted but could never have.

  “This is.”

  He gripped her shoulder when she started sobbing. He shouldn’t touch her at all, but her heartache was killing him. “Does that have something to do with Lee?”

  “No, why would you ask that?”

  Nice going, big mouth. “I just thought you guys might have…never mind. Why don’t you tell me what’s going on? It might help to talk about it.”

  Katie looked at him for what seemed like an eternity. He listened to the seconds tick by on an antique wall clock. “If I tell you something, can you promise you won’t tell Lee?”

  Chris knew getting between his best friend and his wife and sharing their secrets, especially when his feelings were in the mix, was a huge mistake. “Okay, as long as this isn’t something that could hurt Lee. You have to understand, I’ve been the guy on the other end when my wife told me she was leaving me for someone else. It hurt like hell. If that’s the kind of secret we’re talking about—”

  Katie held up her hand, her tears evaporating with a smile. “No, it’s nothing like that. I can’t believe you would even think I’d cheat on Lee.”

  Of course she wouldn’t. But if anyone had asked him whether his wife would have been capable of cheating on him, he would have said, hell no! “Okay, let’s hear it. What’s got you so upset?”

  “I’ve been working on my degree in early childhood education for the past couple of years.”

  “Seriously? That’s great. Why wouldn’t you want your husband to know that?” They must be living separate lives if Lee lived in the same house as his wife without realizing she’d been pursuing a degree.

  “Honestly, I didn’t know if I could get through it. I didn’t want anyone to know until it was a done deal.” She looked at the table as she shred the tissue in her hands. “I’m a good starter, not a good finisher. It’s always been that way for me.”

  Chris hated to see the doubt and self-recrimination in Katie’s eyes. She had no idea how amazing she was. If she were his woman, he’d tell her every day how incredible she was. “But this time is different, right?”

  “Yeah, I’m finishing up my last couple of courses. If the final exams go well, I should have enough credits to earn my degree.”

  “Congratulations.” His smile was so wide his cheeks hurt. He couldn’t have been more proud of her, but of course saying that would be inappropriate. If he did, she would know how much he cared.

  “Thanks.”

  “So what’s the problem?”

  “I want to start a pre-school.” She closed her eyes as she sank back in her chair. “I saw this little spot down the road that would be the perfect place to start. You know the one for lease right between the hair salon and the women’s fitness center?”

  “Yeah, I know the spot. So what’s the problem?”

  “I don’t know anything about business, that’s the problem.” She sighed. “I’ve been working as a virtual assistant to pay for my tuition. I thought that would help me learn what I needed to know, but I was just kidding myself. I’ll never know enough to get a bank to look at me.”

  Chris wasn’t going to lie and tell her it would be easy to get money from a
bank. The few times he and his father had borrowed money in the early days of their company, it had been nearly impossible. The banks were tripping over themselves to hold on to their company’s business anymore. A few million bucks was just about enough to earn a banker’s respect.

  “Maybe you don’t need a bank.” Chris couldn’t seem to help himself. The voice inside his head told him to back away slowly, but he ran straight into the fire.

  “Please don’t suggest I ask my family for help. Cassidy’s been bailing me out my whole life, and I can’t ask Lee to take that kind of risk. He makes a good living, but if I invested a ton of money in a business… Well, we couldn’t afford to take that kind of hit.”

  Chris leaned back, folding his arms. Not many people could afford to gamble with the fifty thousand dollars he estimated it would take to get Katie’s business off the ground. But he wasn’t most people. He could afford to take a loss, not that he thought it would come to that. Katie’s tenacity was one of the many things he admired about her. He knew if she accepted a loan from him, she would work day and night to pay it back. “You could take the money from an investor though. Say, fifty thousand for a forty percent equity share in the business.” That would make them partners. The idea appealed to him more than it should have.

  “Where would I find someone—” She stared at him as though she was trying to gauge his sincerity. “No, you can’t be serious.”

  “I wouldn’t joke about something like that.”

  “But how do you know I could make it work?”

  “I have faith in you.” For a minute, he feared she may cry again.

  “Why?”

  “Because I know you. I know how strong and determined you are. If you set your mind to something, you don’t quit. I think the fact that you beat your addiction proves that.”

  “Do you really think a parent in their right mind would trust a recovering addict with her kid?” she whispered.

  “I trust you with Bianca.” Katie had watched Bianca for him a few times when he had to run to the office unexpectedly. His baby girl loved her time with Kakie, as she called her before she could pronounce her name.

  “Thank you for saying that.” Katie reached for his hand. “It means a lot.”

  Chris swallowed as his eyes landed on their hands. He’d been so careful not to touch her or do or say anything that could be misconstrued. He couldn’t deny her gentle touch impacted him in a way he’d never expected. He wanted to hold her, to promise her that whatever it took, he would make all of her dreams come true. That’s how much he… Damn it, what was he thinking? He turned his hand over, giving her the opportunity to shake it. “What do you say? Are we partners?”

  Katie took it hesitantly. “Are you sure you won’t regret this?”

  “Positive.”

  She grinned as she let his large, calloused hand envelop hers. “You never did say…why’d you stop by? I thought you went to Jimmy’s with Lee.”

  He released her hand. “I did, but Drake called and asked him to swing by on his way home. He needed to talk to him about something.”

  “Why didn’t he just call?”

  “He was worried the phone might wake Hannah.”

  Katie smiled. “He was probably right.” She leaned forward on her elbows. “I’m really glad you stopped by tonight.”

  “Yeah, me too.”

  ***

  Lee was half-listening to his brother, but he couldn’t get his mind off his conversation with Chris. Lee had gone to Jimmy’s on a fishing expedition. He’d sensed for a while that his best friend had feelings for Katie, and part of him had hoped Chris would admit it. Then he wouldn’t feel so guilty about what he had to do when he got home.

  “Have you heard a word I’ve said?” Drake asked, scowling at him.

  “I’m sorry, man. My mind’s somewhere else tonight. Can we pick this up at the studio in the morning?”

  “What’s going on with you?” Drake pushed away from the mahogany desk that dominated the wood-paneled study. Lee watched his brother pour a single glass of vodka. A few years ago, the stress Lee was under would have sent him looking for anything to ease the pain, but those days were behind him. “You want a water or anything?”

  “No, I’m good. Thanks.” Lee sank down on the leather sofa. He hated the thought of disappointing his twin, but he had to do what he thought would make him happy. That meant letting Katie go.

  “So tell me what’s going on with you. I know something is.” Drake claimed the seat across from Lee, holding his glass steady on the arm of the club chair. “I’ve sensed it at the studio too. You’re usually so focused.”

  Lee couldn’t afford to drop the ball at work. He’d nearly killed himself working and going to school full time so he could build a solid reputation as a sound engineer. He’d proved his worth to the musicians and their teams, but he couldn’t afford to let personal problems affect his performance.

  “Problems at home,” he muttered, wishing he’d prepared a speech on the drive over. There was no easy way to tell Drake he intended to move out of his home, leaving his wife and baby daughter behind.

  “What kind of problems?” Drake set his glass down on the coffee table between them and leaned forward. “If you need more money—”

  “It’s nothing like that.” Lee shook his head. Drake had been more than fair compensating him for his freelance work. The old Lee would have jumped on that offer, taking whatever he could get from his wealthy brother, because he felt the world owed him something. He’d learned that other people had suffered tragedies greater than his and didn’t use it as an excuse to mess up their lives. “It’s me and Katie. It’s just not working anymore.”

  Drake narrowed his eyes. “What about Hannah?”

  “Don’t talk to me about Hannah. Believe me, I would have done this a long time ago if not for her.” Lee would tolerate a lot from his brother, but he wouldn’t tolerate anyone questioning how much his daughter meant to him. Hannah was the reason he hauled his butt out of bed when he’d rather hit the snooze button. She was the reason he stayed clean and worked sun-up to sun-down when he needed to. He wanted to be a dad she could be proud of.

  “Done what?” Drake asked, curling his fist around the arm of the chair.

  He was clearly angry, but that didn’t mean Lee would back down. It wasn’t just his happiness at stake. It was Katie’s too. He knew she would go on living with the status quo rather than rocking the boat just to save their daughter the turmoil of living apart from one of her parents. “Moved out.”

  Drake swore softly. “That’s a big step. What the hell happened?”

  “I fell out of love with her.” Lee didn’t know that he’d ever loved Katie the way he should have. She was a shoulder to cry on, a partner in the fight for sobriety, the mother of his child. He loved how strong, fierce, smart, and determined she was, but he wasn’t in love with her. Not the way he suspected Chris was.

  He’d been watching them together for a long time. In the year since Chris’s wife left him, Lee saw the way he looked at Katie when he thought no one was watching. He made her laugh like no one else could. She hugged him just a fraction of a second too long, as though she couldn’t bear to let him go.

  Lee knew he may be the only one willing to acknowledge that his wife and best friend were in love. They weren’t the type of people who would ever act on it. They were honest, decent people who wouldn’t want to hurt him. They’d rather suffer in silence, wanting what they believed they couldn’t have because Lee stood in their way. He didn’t want to stand between them anymore. While he wouldn’t suggest they start dating—that was their business—at least he wouldn’t make Katie believe she could have no other. All he was to her anymore was a warm body on the other side of the bed.

  “When did you realize that?” Drake asked.

  At least his voice held no hint of recrimination anymore. Maybe he was willing to listen without passing judgement, just once. “Maybe even before Hannah was born. I’ve tried
to hold it together for her sake.”

  “I wish I could say I’m surprised,” Drake said, planting his hands on his knees. “But to be honest, I’ve sensed this coming for a long time. I know you, and I know Katie. Anyone can see you guys are just going through the motions.”

  “I want what you and Cassidy have,” Lee said, looking his brother in the eye. His whole life had been about playing catch up. Drake was the smart one, the talented one, the rich one. He’d been his grandparents’ and teachers’ favorite. He was the responsible one. Lee was the screw up. When he went into rehab for the last time, Lee realized he had to stop coveting Drake’s life. When he saw how much his brother and sister-in-law loved each other, it was difficult not to feel a twinge of envy.

  “It didn’t come easily,” Drake reminded him. He and Cassidy had spent time apart after their first broken engagement. “We had to work hard to rebuild our lives after our breakup, heal our past hurts, and come back to each other better and stronger than before. Only then were we finally ready to get married and start a family.”

  “I know.” Lee and Drake had been estranged during that time in their lives, but given the nature of their breakup and his role in it, Lee couldn’t imagine it was easy to bounce back after that kind of betrayal. He supposed that was the reason he could be so open about his best friend and wife finding happiness together, if that’s the path they chose. If his brother could find it in his heart to forgive him for sleeping with the woman he loved, there was no grievance that couldn’t be forgiven.

  “But that doesn’t mean you can’t have what we have if you’re willing to work at it. Are you sure you can’t find that with Katie?”