Envious

by Cheryl Douglas

  “Let me ask you something.” Lee laced his hands over his flat stomach. “Did you know as soon as you met Cassidy that she was special, or did your feelings for her evolve over time?”

  Drake chuckled. “As soon as I saw her up on that stage, I could barely catch my breath. I didn’t know what the hell it was about her, but I had to have her. I thought it was just about the sex, that once I had her in my bed, I’d be able to work her out of my system.” He rolled his eyes. “We both know that’s who I was back then. I’m not proud to admit it, but the thought of falling in love with her didn’t even enter my head.”

  “When did you know you were in love with her?” Lee and Drake hadn’t been close enough to share confidences then, and the years since had been about rebuilding their own relationship. Lee had never thought to ask how Drake felt when he first met Cassidy or how he knew she was the one.

  “When I wanted to spend every minute with her, waking and sleeping.” He laughed. “I didn’t care about seeing other women anymore. Women I used to think were hotter than hell would text me about a hook up, and I wouldn’t even respond. I had Cassidy, and she was more than enough woman to make me happy.”

  Lee still felt a pang of guilt whenever he saw his brother and sister-in-law together. They were so in love, and he had almost torn them apart. “I hate like hell that I almost destroyed you guys. I know I’ve said it before, but I’m sorrier than you’ll ever know about what happened.” Taking advantage of Cassidy the way he did, just because he’d wanted to stick it to his brother, was the lowest point in Lee’s life. That was when he knew he had to get help. He hated the person he’d become, and living that way for another day was no longer an option.

  “It’s water under the bridge. I hated you for the longest time, but I came to realize you’re human.” Drake smirked. “I won’t deny you’ve made a hell of a lot more mistakes than most people, but you’re not that guy anymore. I’m proud of the man you are today.”

  Lee didn’t know what to say. Praise from Drake was hard to come by, and he’d never expected it on the heels of his big announcement about leaving his family. “Thanks, that means a lot.” Ever since their parents died, Lee had been trying to live up to his brother’s expectations and falling short. When he realized the only standard he had to live up to was the one he set, he finally earned Drake’s respect.

  “If you feel that leaving Katie is the right thing to do, I won’t question your decision. I know you’ll do the right thing. You’ll continue to take care of her and your little girl, right?”

  “Of course I will.” Even if he had to live in a bachelor apartment near the studio, he would make sure Katie and Hannah continued to live in the house they loved.

  “When are you going to tell her you’re leaving?”

  “Tonight.”

  “Sounds like your mind’s made up. Don’t let me keep you.”

  “Right.” Lee stood, running his damp palms down his jeans. He knew it would be the hardest thing he’d ever done, but he wouldn’t run away from his problems anymore. “I’ll see you at the studio in the morning.” He was halfway to the door when Drake’s words stopped him in his tracks.

  “For the record, I think you’re making the right call,” Drake said quietly.

  Lee couldn’t turn around. If he did, Drake would be able to tell he’d said exactly what Lee needed to hear by the shimmer of tears in his eyes. “Thanks.”

  Chapter Three

  Katie was sitting at the kitchen table making notes on her laptop when Lee walked in. She wanted to have an action plan before she met the landlord. If Chris was going to trust her with his money, she was determined not to let him down.

  “What are you working on?” Lee asked, reaching into the refrigerator for a bottle of water.

  Katie knew her news would only highlight how far apart she and her husband were, but she couldn’t start a new business without telling him about it. “I’m, uh, just working on a plan.”

  “For what?” He leaned against the granite countertop behind him.

  She inhaled a shaky breath, hoping he couldn’t hear how nervous she was. “There’s something you need to know.”

  “Okay, let’s hear it.”

  If she didn’t know better, she’d think Lee was nervous too. But nothing seemed to faze him. Except for that one time when Hannah got croup cough. Even though the doctors had assured them it could easily be treated with medication, Lee was scared out of his mind when his baby woke up in the middle of the night making that dreadful sound. “I’ve been, uh, taking some classes online.”

  “What kind of classes?” he asked before taking a long swig from his water bottle.

  “Early childhood education. You know I’ve always talked about becoming a pre-school teacher when Hannah started school full time. Well, I started out thinking I’d try one course just to see what it was like.”

  “And?”

  “I liked it. A lot.”

  “Good.”

  “So I took another and another, and well, I almost have enough credits to complete the program.”

  “Seriously?” He looked stunned. “How long have you been doing this?”

  “A few years.” He didn’t just look surprised; he looked hurt. Not that she could blame him. He was her husband, and she’d cut him out of a big part of her life. She would have felt the same way if their situations were reversed. “I would have told you sooner, but I was afraid I wouldn’t have what it takes to complete the program. I didn’t want to disappoint you.”

  “I don’t understand.” He set his water bottle down on the counter. “You’ve been taking courses behind my back for three years? How? They must have been expensive, and you haven’t been withdrawing that kind of money from our joint account. If you had, I would have noticed.”

  “I wanted to do it on my own.” She sat up straighter. She couldn’t cower in fear, or he would know she felt guilty. “I picked up some freelance jobs as a personal assistant to pay my tuition.”

  “I don’t believe this.” Lee dropped his head into his hands. He was silent for a moment before looking at her. “Why the hell didn’t you just tell me what you were doing? You didn’t think I’d support you?”

  “It wasn’t that.” She was almost ashamed to admit the truth. He deserved to know what she’d been thinking and feeling when she cut him out of the decision-making process. “You know me. I’ve never been one to finish the things I start. I was afraid this would just be another failure to add to the list.” But it wasn’t. It was different, and knowing she was finally going to complete something she could be proud of made her feel different.

  “Girl, why can’t you see what the rest of the world sees when they look at you?” He looked at her for a long time, his gaze softening. “You’re gorgeous, and sweet and smart and compassionate. Our little girl is lucky to have you.”

  It felt like forever since Lee had paid her a real compliment. She didn’t know how to react. “Thanks. She’s lucky to have you, too.”

  He smiled. “I think it’s great that you’ve been doing this. I just wish you’d told me about it. I would have helped you. I hope you know that.”

  “I do.” Lee wasn’t the kind of man to stand in the way of her dreams. She knew she’d never have gotten off drugs without him. In the early days, he had been the only one she had to turn to. They celebrated each and every hour without a drink or the urge to shoot up or pop pills. Those hours turned into days, then weeks, then months, and finally years. They tried to relegate those dark days to their memories and focus on the blessings in their lives.

  “The fact that you didn’t feel you could come to me with this…” His expression looked pained. “That says a lot about where we are in this relationship, don’t you think?”

  Katie couldn’t say why, but her heart pounded harder, nearly deafening her. “I don’t know what you mean.”

  “Yes, you do.” He bent down on one knee in front of her. “You once felt like the only friend I had in the worl
d. When we came together, we were scared and alone and desperate. We felt like the world had abandoned us, and all we had was each other.”

  He was right. She didn’t think she would have gotten through her darkest days without him. “I remember.”

  “I’ll never forget what you did for me, how you helped me put my life back together and believe in myself again.”

  Katie felt the walls of their newly renovated kitchen closing in on her. “Why does this sound like a good-bye?” When he didn’t respond, she let out an anguished cry. She knew they hadn’t been connecting on an intimate level. Lee spent more nights on the sofa than in their bed, but she assumed they were just going through a phase. She’d never considered the possibility he might walk away from her and their daughter.

  “Please don’t cry,” he said, holding her hands. “I don’t want to hold you back, honey. That’s what this marriage is doing. It’s preventing both of us from having the life we really want.”

  “Hannah…” What would his decision do to her daughter? She adored her daddy. How could they tell her mommy and daddy weren’t going to live together anymore?

  “I don’t believe staying together for her benefit is the best thing for her in the long run. She deserves to see her parents happy and thriving. I don’t believe we can find that kind of happiness in this marriage.”

  She looked at their hands, at the narrow gold bands they’d exchanged when they took their vows in a civil ceremony at the courthouse. A reminder of yet another failure. They hadn’t invited friends or family because the people they loved weren’t speaking to them. They were fresh out of rehab when they made the promise to always be there for each other. After five years of marriage, he was telling her their time was up. It wasn’t fair. She wasn’t ready to let him go. She didn’t know if she was strong enough to do this on her own.

  “I knew things weren’t great,” she said, trying to hold back the tears. “But I didn’t know they’d gotten this bad. How long have you been thinking about ending our marriage?”

  “A while,” he said, lifting a shoulder. “I kept waiting, hoping, praying that things would get better, but they haven’t. I can’t go on living this way. I don’t think you should have to either.”

  “So you’re thinking about me?” She didn’t want to sound bitter, but she did.

  “I’m thinking about what’s best for all three of us.” Her eyes drifted to the computer screen, mainly because looking into his eyes was too painful. He frowned at the screen. “What are you working on?”

  She might as well tell him the whole truth. She had nothing left to lose. “I’ll be finishing up my last two courses in the next few weeks. If I can pass my final exams, I’ll be able to start working.”

  “It doesn’t look like you’re looking for a job,” he said, getting to his feet. “It looks like you’re starting a business. I thought we’d agreed you’d stay home until Hannah started school in the fall?”

  She got angry. He’d just told her he was leaving her, and he thought he still had the right to dictate if and when she started working? “The plan is to start a pre-school for three- and four-year-olds. Hannah could still be with me all the time.”

  “So you’re starting a business? Have you thought about how you’re going to fund it? No offense, but I seriously doubt a bank will give you the money.”

  Katie saved her document and snapped her laptop closed. She’d lost her enthusiasm for the project anyway. “Chris offered me the money for an equity stake in the business.”

  “He did? When?”

  “He stopped by earlier to let me know you had to pass by Drake’s on the way home. I told him about the courses I’d been taking. We talked a little more, and I mentioned the space for lease up the street. He said he thought I should go for it.” Unlike her husband, or soon-to-be ex, Chris had made her feel as though it wasn’t just a silly fantasy.

  “Did he now?” Lee walked toward the back door.

  “Where are you going?”

  “I’m going to have a talk with my buddy about this little business venture of yours. Don’t wait up. I’ll probably just crash there tonight.”

  Katie couldn’t tell if he was angry that his friend had offered her the money. It didn’t matter anymore. If she was going to be a single parent, she definitely couldn’t consider starting a business. Taking on too many life changes at once could compromise her recovery, and that wasn’t a risk she was willing to take.

  ***

  Chris was watching re-runs of the Big Bang Theory and questioning his sanity when someone tapped on the door. Frowning, he saw Lee standing on the other side of the door. Lee usually just walked in. Perhaps he’d locked the door. Anything was possible in his state of mind.

  “Hey, what’s up?” Chris asked, opening the door and standing back so Lee could enter.

  “I was just about to ask you the same question. What the hell, man? Don’t you think you should have talked to me before you offered to finance my wife’s new business?”

  Chris couldn’t defend his actions. Lee was right; he should have talked to him before he made the commitment. Seeing how hopeless Katie had looked made him want to do whatever it took to put a smile back on her beautiful face. Which told him he was already in way too deep. “I’m sorry, you’re right. It just kinda happened. I didn’t really think about the consequences. If you want me to back out…” He didn’t know if he could. He’d rather walk over hot coals than break a promise to Katie.

  “No, I don’t want that.” Lee paced over the newly re-finished hardwood floors in Chris’s historic home. “In fact, a diversion may be exactly what Katie needs right now.”

  “A diversion from what?” Chris reached for the remote to turn off the TV. Whatever Lee was about to tell him, he sensed it would warrant his undivided attention.

  “I told her our marriage is over, that I want out.”

  “Shit,” Chris whispered, sinking down on the arm of the couch as he tried to get a handle on his emotions. Katie and Lee had supported him through his divorce, and of course he would do the same for them. But it wouldn’t be easy to keep his feelings for Katie in check, especially if they were working together on a new project. He and Lee had been close since middle school, with the only breakdown in their friendship occurring during the years Lee surrendered to drugs and alcohol. Chris’s first thought should be how his friend was coping, not his friend’s wife. “How is she handling this?”

  “She’ll be okay once she gets over the shock,” Lee said, sounding confident. “The first few months were the worst for you, right?” Chris couldn’t respond, so he merely nodded. “That’s why I want Katie to have a healthy distraction. Something that will allow her to think about building a new life that doesn’t include me.”

  Chris couldn’t believe his friend was saying those things. Didn’t he realize he was a fool to give up on Katie? Did he dare tell him and give him reason to question his decision? His loyalty to Lee out-muscled his desire to get the girl. “Are you sure this is what you want? Katie’s an incredible girl. Maybe y’all just need a little time apart. Could be you’ll miss each other and decide you want to give it another shot.”

  Lee smiled. “You’re a good friend, you know that?”

  Chris didn’t feel like a good friend. He felt like a fraud. “Whatever you say.”

  “Katie’s probably gonna want to back out of this business now. You can’t let her do that.”

  “It’s not like I can force her to do something she’s not ready to do.” Backing out didn’t seem like a bad idea. Divorce could be hell on the heart. Katie would need time to heal before she could think about moving on with her life.

  “Listen to me,” Lee said, stopping in his tracks as he planted his hands on his hips. “You don’t know what it’s like to be a recovering addict. When you feel like all hope is lost, that’s when you’re at risk of falling back into old habits.”

  Chris hadn’t known Katie during that time in her life, and he was happy he hadn�
��t. It would have killed him to see her poisoning her body with that garbage. “So what can I do to help her?”

  “Give her something positive to focus on.”

  “Like this business?”

  “Yeah. Let her know that just because one chapter of her life is ending doesn’t mean she can’t start a new one… with you.”

  Chris frowned at Lee’s choice of words. He knew they were just talking about their business plans, but if he didn’t know better, he would think Lee was trying to send him another message. “I’ll do what I can.”

  “You need to do better than that.” Lee sighed. “I know Katie. When she’s scared or overwhelmed, she runs for cover. You can’t let her do that. You have to make her believe this business can be a new beginning for her. I know it can be. I can’t tell you all the times she’s talked to me about starting a business like this. I’m so damn proud she’s finally taking the steps to make it happen.”

  “Yeah, me too.” Chris looked at his friend, debating whether he should say what he was thinking. “It sounds like you still care about her a lot.”

  “I do. She’s the mother of my child. She helped me through the darkest time in my life. That’s why I want her to find the happiness she deserves.”

  Chris was skeptical. He’d taken half a year to let go of his resentment toward his ex and wish her well. The fact that Lee already seemed ready to do so told Chris that Lee was either lying to himself or he’d never really loved Katie at all. How could he have been married to a woman like Katie for five years without being head over heels in love with her? “You wanna crash here tonight? The painter’s finally finished working on the guest bedrooms.”

  Chris had bought the historic home seven years ago, the year he and Courtney got married. The plan had always been to restore it, but every time he wanted to hire the contractors, she’d said she didn’t want to think about living through a renovation. To keep the peace, he’d kept putting it off. When she moved out, he got started right away. After ten months, the large Victorian was finished, and Chris could imagine living there forever.