Cut Too Deep

by Marissa Farrar

  His eyes widened. “Oh shit. Mikey.” He frowned. “Are you sure it wasn’t Mikey, sleepwalking or something?”

  “No! It was a man. A fully grown man.”

  He stared at her, and she felt he was studying her face for how serious she was. His lips thinned, his jaw tightening. “I’d better go check on my brother.”

  “I’m coming with you.”

  They ran, light footed, out into the hallway. They’d left the light on, so at least they were able to see the way. Ryker quickly crossed to Mikey’s room. The bedroom door was shut. He lifted a hand to tell Jenna to stay still and then quietly eased open the door. He peered into the room, Jenna right behind his shoulder.

  Desperate to see what was happening, Jenna leaned forward. She bumped against Ryker’s back, and placed a hand on his shoulder to steady herself. Mikey lay in his bed, gently snoring.

  Ryker jumped at her touch, and almost swung the bat around at her. “Jesus Christ, Jenna. Don’t do that!”

  “Sorry,” she whispered. “But it wasn’t Mikey, was it? Someone else was in the house.”

  “I’ll check. But are you sure you didn’t just have a bad dream?”

  She kept her voice low. “I didn’t, Ryker, I swear!”

  He exhaled air through his nostrils and nodded. “Let’s keep looking then.” Quickly, he checked the other bedroom and the bathroom, and then they headed downstairs. They took the stairs on tiptoes, breath held and ears straining for any other sounds.

  None came.

  Brandishing the bat, Ryker checked the living room, Jenna following close behind. The room was empty. They performed the same routine with the kitchen, and then the downstairs bathroom. Only the laundry room remained.

  Ryker shoved open the door and jumped in, the weapon held in both hands at his shoulder as if he was about to hit a home run.

  Jenna followed. The room was empty.

  He breathed a sigh, letting the bat drop to his side, and ran a hand through his hair. “No one is here, Jenna. You must have dreamed it.”

  She wanted to cry. “I didn’t. I swear I didn’t. I was as awake as I am now.”

  She went to the back door, and tried the handle. The door swung open. “Look! The back door is unlocked. He might have just left out the back.” She stood, staring into the yard, almost hoping to see someone run across it, or a figure vanishing over the back fence.

  “Jenna, we went up to bed a little preoccupied. I just forgot to lock the door, that’s all.”

  She spun to face him, suddenly angry. “Well, you shouldn’t have forgotten! After everything that’s happened, security should be taking more of a priority than sex!”

  “Arlington is a quiet town. There’s hardly any crime rate. People often forget to lock their doors. It’s no big deal.”

  She flew at him, smacking his chest. “No big deal! How can you say that? After everything I’ve told you, and the thing with the birds?”

  He grabbed her wrists. “Hey, Jenna, baby. Calm down.”

  “No! Don’t tell me to calm down. Someone was in the room with us and I’m sure it was Garrett. I could smell him on the air. And who else could it be?”

  “Like I said, maybe you were dreaming.”

  “No. I woke up and saw him. Then I woke you up right away. There’s no way I dreamed it. I know when I’m awake or asleep.”

  He pulled her against him, but every muscle in her body was tensed and she put up her arms as a barrier, so he crushed her forearms between his chest and her breasts.

  “I’m sorry I forgot to lock the door,” he said. “I’ll lock it now, so no one else is getting in, okay?”

  She nodded. “You believe me, though, don’t you? You believe me when I say someone was there.”

  She sensed him nod. “Yeah, sure, I believe you.”

  But somehow she couldn’t quite bring herself to believe him.

  Chapter Eighteen

  After the night’s disturbances, Jenna woke late again. Automatically, she reached out to Ryker’s side of the bed, but the space was empty, though still warm.

  She sat up and stretched, wondering where he’d gone—the bathroom, or perhaps to make breakfast? But then she heard the muffled tones of two voices and she froze, her ears straining. The voices sounded hushed, but urgent, and both definitely male. Was Ryker fighting with Mikey again? But no, the other voice was not that of a teenage boy, but the deeper, gruffer timbre of a grown man.

  She slipped her legs out of bed. She still wore the t-shirt and sweat pants she’d put on during the night, as she hadn’t felt secure enough to sleep naked again. She snuck out of the bedroom and out onto the landing, stopping at the top of the stairs. From here, she could see the front door was ajar, with Ryker’s body blocking the majority of it. She felt bad for eavesdropping, but something about their tone told her it was a conversation she needed to hear.

  The other man’s voice came, “I don’t care, Ryker. You haven’t been in to work for days now, and I turn up this morning and you’re still not in.”

  Ryker’s tone was curt. “I’m allowed to have a few days off. It was the weekend, after all.”

  “Your father wouldn’t have wanted you to let the business go to ruin just because of some girl you’ve picked up.”

  Ryker scoffed. “It’s hardly going to go to ruin because I take a few days off. Some people do have vacations, you know.”

  “Not you. I’ve never known you take a single day off since your dad died.”

  Jenna realized who the other male voice belonged to. Though she’d only heard him speak a handful of times, the things he was saying pointed toward the other man being Sam, the guy who worked for Ryker at the garage.

  Ryker spoke again. “Yeah, well, maybe this is a good thing. He wouldn’t have wanted me to spend my life working away in a dark garage. He’d have wanted me to have something to care about.”

  “Maybe, but he also would have wanted you to put your brother first. If you’re not in work, you’re not earning, and you have Mikey to look after as well. Plus there are jobs waiting for you. Those parts you ordered for the girl’s car came in on Friday, and since it didn’t look like you were planning on using them any time soon, I installed them for you. The car’s been sitting there ready and waiting to go all weekend while you’ve been here playing happy families.”

  Jenna’s heart leaped in her chest. Her mind swam, unsure if she’d misunderstood. The parts had come in already? Days ago, in fact? Could he be talking about someone else’s car?

  But the way Ryker dropped the level of his voice even further and stepped out of the doorway to pull the door shut behind him a little more, she knew with absolute certainty that what Sam had said was the truth. Ryker had been lying to her all along. She sank down onto the top stair, trembling. He was a liar, and she’d trusted him. What else had he lied about? Had he been the one to go through her things? Would he even have gone as far as trying to frighten her to get her to stay?

  “Well, I’m heading back to work now,” said Sam, his voice muffled. “I hope I’ll see you there, sooner rather than later.”

  She covered her face with her hands and tried to stifle the sob that wanted to burst from her mouth. She didn’t want to believe it, but though her mind argued with her that it might have been another girl’s car that needed parts, she knew it wasn’t. Every time she’d asked him about the car being ready, he’d not been able to meet her eye and had quickly changed the subject. He’d been feeling guilty then, but she’d been too blind to figure it out.

  Well, if her car was ready, she had no reason to stay. Especially not now. She’d told herself she would need to leave as soon as she had the means to, and now she did. She couldn’t stay here with someone capable of lying to her and manipulating her. She’d known in her heart that staying was impossible anyway. At least now she had even more of a reason to leave.

  Jenna pressed her lips together and squared her jaw, forcing herself to harden her heart. She couldn’t be with a man who lied to
her, not after Garrett. She needed to be with someone she could trust.

  No, a little voice spoke up inside her head. You don’t need to be with anyone at all. You need to look after yourself and forget about everyone else. No one can be trusted.

  She didn’t need to hear any more of the conversation. She got to her feet and headed back into the bedroom to grab her things. At least by traveling light, packing wouldn’t take her long. In a way, she was almost relieved at having this decision made for her. At least now she wouldn’t need to worry about her choices possibly getting innocent people hurt. She’d be back on the road again, and there was a certain sense of freedom in that, though at the moment the idea of that freedom left her feeling untethered and slightly agoraphobic.

  She stuffed her belongings into her hold-all, forgoing the normally obsessive layering of her clothing, and went into the bathroom to get her toiletries. Her hands shook, and she knocked her toothbrush into the sink, the item clattering against the porcelain.

  The slam of the front door sounded from downstairs, and she hurried, dreading the confrontation with Ryker. It would be better if she could just make herself disappear. She didn’t want to hear his excuses or reasoning.

  She just wanted to go.

  Jenna turned to leave to find Ryker standing in the bedroom doorway, staring at her. His hair was messy from sleep, and he wore only a pair of jeans, his chest and feet bare. His brows drew together as he assessed her fully dressed and holding her bags.

  “Somewhere you needed to be?”

  Her mouth ran dry. She didn’t want to fight with him. After everything she’d been through, she hated confrontation. But she had no choice.

  “I overheard your conversation with Sam. You lied about my car not being ready.”

  Understanding dawned on his face. He stepped toward her, his hands out held. “Jenna, baby, I only lied because I wanted you to stay. I knew the moment you got that damn car back you would leave Arlington, and me, far behind.”

  “You didn’t know that. We could have swapped numbers. I could have visited.”

  He shook his head, his mouth twisted in sadness. “No, you wouldn’t have. We were barely acquaintances back then. You’d have continued this crazy journey of yours and have been gone and never looked back. You would have barely given me a second thought.”

  Yes, she would have left with no attachment, and without her heart in pieces. Hadn’t that been the idea all along? Keep moving so she never had to experience the pain of having someone she loved hurt her again. No, it had been Garrett she’d been running from, hadn’t it? Only Garrett, not all men.

  That voice in her head piped up, Are you sure about that? Are you sure you didn’t just keep moving so you’d never give anyone the chance of breaking your heart again?

  “You still lied to me, Ryker,” she said. “My life is in danger and you lied about the one thing that could get me to safety.”

  “Jenna, not a single thing has happened that has put your life in danger! You saw a dead bird, you heard a bit of banging, your clothes weren’t in the right order, and you thought you saw someone. Not a single one of those things means anything except for in your head.”

  She gasped as if he had slapped her. “Are you saying you don’t believe me? That Garrett isn’t out to get me? What about the call about Stephen Francis being dead? Am I imagining that, too?”

  “No, but at the same time you don’t know for sure Garrett was responsible for his death. Nothing that has happened has been directly linked to him.”

  “That’s how he works! He’s sneaky! He would want everyone to think I’m crazy and that he’s nowhere near. He’s been playing with me this whole time and you’re the one who’s falling for it.”

  “Jenna,” he said, his voice measured. “You’re obviously frightened and your mind is turning otherwise normal situations into threatening ones. I’m not saying that you’re lying—I think you believe in what you think is happening completely—I’m just saying that there might not be anything to be frightened of.”

  Tears filled her eyes. “I can’t believe you don’t think this is all real! I trusted you!”

  She pushed past him and headed for the stairs.

  He gave a tired sigh. “Where are you going now?”

  She turned to glance back at him. “Where do you think? I’m going to collect the car that’s been ready for the last three days.”

  She ran down the stairs. He followed her and grabbed his keys from the hall console. “Wait, I’ll take you.”

  “No, you won’t. Sam said he’ll be there. I’ll get a cab.”

  “Jenna, please.” He reached out and grabbed her arm.

  She wrenched away. “Get the fuck off of me, Ryker. Just leave me alone, I mean it. I’ve had enough of men lying to me and manipulating me to get what they want. Stay the hell away from me.”

  Jenna ran from the house, down to the street, and headed toward town. She kept her head low, fighting the urge to turn around and see if he was following her. Though she was horribly hurt, it was the idea of breaking up with Ryker that hurt the most.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Though Jenna trudged down the main route into town, barely a single car drove past her and none of them were cabs. The hour was late enough for everyone who was going to work to be in already, and the school run had ended an hour ago. She kept her eyes peeled for any sign of a cab office, but in this suburban area, she was lucky to pass so much as a convenience store.

  The sun beat down on her head. Her bags grew heavier with every step, and pulled down on her shoulders, the straps digging into her skin. Her stomach ached with a sickening, hollow sensation. She’d not eaten anything yet that day, but what she felt was more than just hunger. She felt as if her insides had been torn out and she was little more than a shell. Ryker lying to her was a betrayal of her trust, and more than anything she’d wanted to trust him. Plus she was hurt that he hadn’t believed how serious this thing was with Garrett. It was as if he’d thought she was some hysterical woman over-exaggerating. Ryker not taking her seriously hurt as much as him lying to her. He’d taken her choices away from her and manipulated her to get what he wanted, yet still her heart ached for him. Was this really it? Was she about to walk away from him forever?

  She felt so torn. Going back to him would be like telling him what he did was okay. After the quite literal car crash of her last relationship, she needed for the man in her life to know she wouldn’t be pushed around.

  Then there was Garrett. Even if Ryker thought she was exaggerating, she knew her ex-boyfriend was near. Ryker could explain away everything with coincidences, or jealous wanna-be girlfriends, or angry little brothers, but in her heart, she knew Garrett was close.

  What else could she do but leave?

  Though she’d walked a good mile now, still she saw no sign of any cabs. Jenna gave a sigh and came to the decision that she’d reach the garage herself before she happened upon one, so she gave up and decided to walk the couple of miles.

  Her t-shirt clung to her skin with sweat. She did her best to hold back her emotions, but the occasional tear escaped her eye and slipped down her cheek. The day was too hot for her to be walking any distance. Her thighs chafed on the inside of her pants, and the underwire in her bra started to rub. Her throat felt like a huge painful ball had lodged inside it, and her tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth.

  Another couple of blocks on, she finally passed a convenience store, and her dry mouth and empty stomach forced her to stop. She pushed open the door and entered the air-conditioned shop, grateful to be out of the heat. She selected a bottle of water from the chiller cabinet and a breakfast sandwich, which she nuked in the microwave. She was tempted to eat and drink while standing in the air-conditioned store, but decided that would look weird, so she took her items back into the sunshine and walked a little farther before finding a bench to sit on. A park was opposite, where a couple of mothers chatted while their small children chased each other around the
slides and climbing frames. The scene made Jenna sad. Would she ever have that? A family of her own. It was all she’d ever wanted from life, just a man who loved her and a couple of children. A simple existence. Her life was so complicated.

  She cracked open the water and gulped down half the bottle, before unwrapping her sandwich and demolishing it in several bites. She wished she was one of those people who found themselves unable to eat when they were upset, but she went the other way. The food comforted her, made her feel warm and loved, and she considered going back inside for one of the cherry cake donuts with chocolate frosting that had been in the cooler.

  No, she didn’t need a donut. It would only delay her getting to the garage, and she’d already been walking for ages. Jenna hauled herself back to her feet and lifted her bags. At least now she was hydrated and had something in her stomach, physically she felt a little better. She started her walk again.

  Why hasn’t he followed me?

  She kept hoping Ryker would come after her, and every car that drove by made her heart leap, praying it was him. All the walking left her with plenty of time to think, and she found herself fighting herself in her head.

  She imagined him telling her there had been a huge mistake and he’d misunderstood about her car being ready, so it hadn’t been a deliberate lie after all. But as she grew closer and closer to the location of the garage, she had to admit to herself that he wasn’t going to follow her.

  How can he not come? He said he loved me, and he knows exactly where I’m going.

  She couldn’t quite bring herself to believe he would allow her to collect her car and drive out of his life forever. They’d had the sort of connection that only happened once in a lifetime. Surely he’d want to fight for her?

  Maybe he’s had enough of fighting? She hadn’t exactly been the easiest person to get to know. She’d plunged his life into uncertainty, even if he hadn’t bought how dangerous Garrett could be. Maybe he’d come to his senses and decided Mikey was more important than she was, which was exactly the right thing he should think, even though Jenna felt horrible and selfish for hoping he’d think of her too. Maybe she didn’t deserve to be loved if that was the type of person she was? Mikey deserved as much stability as possible, and her being in the picture did the exact opposite.