PORN STARS... More Than Just Moans

by Joseph, Fabiola;L. Ramsey, Matthew

  “Shit, I’ll find someone up in that bitch to hook me up. Thanks again.”

  I just smiled and got all of my stuff together while he took a quick shower. After we were ready to go I printed out the directions to the rehab center. During the ride there I thought he needed another fix so I pulled over in a shopping center and parked so he could get his last high before checking himself in.

  “Why are we stopping?”

  “I saw that you were shaking again. Are you getting sick? Don’t you need to handle your business?”

  He laughed out loud before he replied.

  “No, I’m shaking because I’m scared and nervous. I don’t know what to expect, and I’m scared I’ll fail. Plus, I’m scared I’ll let you down, but most importantly let myself down.”

  “OH!”

  I felt stupid and embarrassed for assuming I knew the symptoms already, especially when he never did say what drugs he was hooked on.

  “Besides I only got a little bit left and I hid it in my clothes for emergency purposes only, if they don’t find it.”

  I smiled as I shook my head and continued to drive. When we finally arrived, he seemed excited because he was smiling and cheering himself on.

  “Okay, I can do this. It’s only thirty days, and I’ll get a bed and food every day. It’ll be a walk in the park.”

  I didn’t have the heart to tell him it was sixty days, he’d find out in due time. We were greeted with smiles and handshakes. We were informed that eight specialists worked there and at least three of them were there at all times. Domingo filled out some paperwork while I handed the nice white lady my credit card. Once it was finally time for us to say our goodbyes I didn’t want to leave him. I was actually worried about him. The doctor could see it written all over my face.

  “Don’t worry; he’s in good hands now.”

  I gave him a hug and whispered, “Be strong, I know you can do this.”

  He squeezed tighter and said, “See you soon.”

  I got out of there and was proud of myself as I finally headed home. All I had to do now was figure out the lies I was going to tell Tyree about his missing check card.

  Chapter 33

  Paul Huffington

  “CUT.”

  Two days later I was on the set of Roommates, I had gotten the part after all. I got the call three hours after Lanell sped off. The casting director was waiting for me to scream and yell with joy but that didn’t happen. I didn’t even smile about it until the morning of shooting.

  “That was really good Jezebel, fucking fantastic. You timing is so right on, you got this girl,” my TV boyfriend said as he patted me on the back.

  “You keep this up; old Marvin will fuck around and make you a regular.”

  I smiled and thanked him. My dream was coming true; I was on a real Hollywood set, really acting. Not just moaning and fucking. But the moment wasn’t all that it could be. I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I had called him nonstop but he still hadn’t picked up. I just wanted to hear his voice, even if he were to pick up and tell me to fuck off. I just need to hear something, anything from him. And after a twelve hour day on the set, I was still calling. I called as I walked to my car, I called once I was in my car, and I called him all the way home when he didn’t pick up, I sent him another text. Please Lanell, just pick up and talk to me, or at least text me back. Just let me explain. If you ever loved me, give me that chance. I need to talk to you, I need to see you, I need to be with you, and I need you to forgive me and love me. Don’t you love me still, don’t you want to give me a chance to at least try and fix things?

  I sat in front of Breeze’s place and waited for a response that never came. I felt numb and vacant inside. I tried to feel the pain that was there when I spoke to his wife but that was gone, I tried to feel joy from my time on the set and couldn’t feel that either. I couldn’t feel anything, I was empty. So as I sat there, in my car, erasing all of the calls and texts to Lanell out of my outgoing call list, I tried to get used to the feeling, thinking that this was how I was going to feel for the rest of my life. After a short while, I mustered up the strength to get out of my car and head inside.

  “SURPRISE!”

  I looked around the room and saw familiar faces. They were all from work, some friends and some foes.

  “We got her, look at her face,” Breeze said as he headed my way.

  “This is to congratulate you on your first year in the business, and for your first day working on Roommates. How did it go, did you have fun baby?”

  He wrapped his arms around me and planted a big kiss on my lips. I looked around the room, really looking for a way out, but I knew that getting out wasn’t going to happen.

  “It was great, had a blast, thank you,” I said as he handed me a drink. I looked around and saw Jamar; he was giving me the “Sorry, I didn’t tell you about this” look. If only he knew how I felt at that moment. If only he know what had gone down with Lanell in the last few days. Maybe he could have told Breeze to postpone his little party. Right next to Jamar was DeeDee. My heart skipped a beat when I thought of the last time I saw her, but she was all smiles, she didn’t seem mad at all. There were so many people there. It had to be about fifty to seventy-five, at the very least.

  “Hey, Jazz, just wanted to stop by and show some love, Breeze said I should come.”

  It took me a while to realize that it was Ebony that was talking to me. She looked so different, like money. Guess Mr. Cappello and DeeDee were treating her right.

  “Thanks,” I said as I kept it moving. I gave Jamar the “what the fuck” look as I headed toward him.

  “What in the hell is she doing here?” I asked before noticing Tyree. I still couldn’t stand the sight of him but offered a hello anyway.

  “Nice place you got here Jazzy.”

  “It’s not my place, just stopping through.”

  My answer to him came out a little colder then I intended it to. I turned my attention to DeeDee hoping to camouflage the heat in the air.

  “Hey girl, I been meaning to call you. I am so sorry---,” she cut me off with the wave of a hand.

  “I ain’t stuntin’ that shit. Plus, I should say sorry too. I should have waited before running my mouth; I’m trying to get off that judging shit anyway.”

  We made small talk before Breeze walked over and joined us. As we stood there, he couldn’t keep his hands off of me. He wanted everyone to know that I was the new bitch who occupied his heart. It was all for show, he wanted them and needed them all to know that he had won me after all. I played along and gave the crowd and Breeze what they wanted to see.

  An hour later the party was in full swing. Breeze and I were making our rounds, the music was pumping out of the speaker, and the food and alcohol were flowing. Although most smiled in my face, I knew that most of the females there wanted my spot. They wanted to be Breeze’s number one, thinking that this was the ultimate prize. Well, maybe for them it was, for me, it was just a stepping stone.

  “OKAY, OKAY, EVERYONE, please simmer down.”

  Breeze waited for the room to get a little quieter before speaking. “Now you all know that Jazzy has been a top biller for Fantasy Pictures for some time now. She came into this business and stole that top spot from a lot of you who are still mad about that shit.”

  He waited for the room to laugh at his joke before continuing, and they all did.

  “You walked into my place of business and not only took over the world of porn, but you took over my heart.”

  The fake aww’s fell right where they were supposed to.

  “You are dancing at the Black Oasis in Vegas every two weeks and from what I hear, you’re shutting it down. Now you’re taking Hollywood by storm.”

  The bit about taking Hollywood over was a bit much but I wanted to see where he was going with his little speech.

  “You are a star Jazzy; you should have the best and buy the best. That means that you should also drive the best. So if everyone wou
ld please follow me.”

  They almost killed themselves to get to the front door. I looked on and laughed to myself as they acted as if they were giving out free money in the front yard. Once we were standing outside. Breeze pulled a car cover off a new Maserati. I was impressed. Breeze was really pulling out the big guns. But those guns still weren’t enough to shoot me down and keep me in L.A. with him.

  “Thank you so much Breeze, this is really nice, but you know that my car is almost brand new right, about a year old?”

  He laughed as if I didn’t know what I was talking about.

  “This is why I love her, people. She’s really not after my riches. Jazzy, please. You drive a Lexus. That’s okay for your average Joe, but you’re a star. It doesn’t suit you, you need luxury.”

  I thanked him and plastered a smile on my face that was so fake that my cheeks were staring to hurt.

  “Damn girl, most people would kill for their man to give them a car like that. Can you teach me some of your tricks, you must be killing the fuck game to get a car like this,” Jamar said teasingly.

  “It is nice, huh?” I asked as I looked the car over. Everyone had gone back inside including Breeze. I don’t even think that he noticed that I wasn’t there. If there was one thing Breeze loved to do, that was entertain. He was in his element, he was the focus of everyone’s attention, and he was in heaven.

  “Hell yeah it is. Are you going to keep it?” DeeDee asked.

  “I don’t know yet. I’m thinking no right now, but that may change once I get in it and drive it, may not be able to turn it down.”

  They both laugh and shook their head YES in agreement.

  “So how have you been feeling lately? You didn’t look so happy when you first walked in.”

  “Well I don’t like surprises, I can’t believe you didn’t tell me about this shit the other night,” I said to Jamar as I gave him a little push.

  “He swore me to secrecy. He even threatened me and said that he would kick my ass if I told you.”

  I pretended to beat Jamar up some more as DeeDee stood with her hands on her hips.

  “So you’re really not going to give up the juice?”

  I gave her the confused face as she faked an attitude.

  “What are you talking about, the show?”

  “BITCH, PLEASE,” DeeDee said, with the wave of her hand.

  “I’m talking about Lanell, did he hit you up?”

  My mouth dropped open. How did she find out about the crap that went down with him?

  “How do you know, did he tell you?” I asked, moving in closer to her. My heart was racing as the thought of everyone knowing what a big mistake I had made. Was he going around bashing me all over town?

  “I saw him at the warehouse. He stopped there looking for you. He told me that he saw Tanya at the gas station and she told him what went down. He said that she told him to look for you at work. Did he stop by?”

  It felt like I had stopped breathing. So it was that bitch? She told him about me moving in with Breeze? I promised myself right then and there to fuck her up on sight.

  “Jazzy, did you hear me, did he call you?”

  “NO, HE FUCKING SHOWED UP HERE,” I yelled with tears in my eyes. Both of them looked as confused as I did the day Lanell showed up on my doorstep.

  “What? Wait, he came here, to Breeze’s house?”

  “How did he know you were here?”

  Jamar’s question followed DeeDee’s.

  “That fucking bitch must have told him that I was here. Her little clan of followers must be giving her updates on what’s going on at work.”

  I was trying so hard to keep it together. I was feeling so many things at once but none of them was as prevalent as the hate and anger I was feeling toward Tanya.

  “Oh, my god, Jazzy, what did he say? What did you do when you saw him?” Jamar asked as he put his arm around me. I wondered if he was trying to stop me from trembling.

  “It was awful. I opened the door and wanted to die, or at least be invisible. He looked at me with so much disgust, as if he never ever loved me at all. As if he would never love me again. I broke him, I could tell. He was done with me, finished as soon as I opened that door.”

  I went on and gave them the play by play details.

  “So you really think Tanya told him that shit?”

  “Who else would tell him? Did he speak to anyone at Fantasy Pictures?”

  “I don’t think so. He walked up to me asking if you were at work, I told him I didn’t know hoping to stall his ass. I told him I was going to go change and would come back out and let him know if I saw you in the locker room. I called you over and over but you never picked up.”

  “I had my audition that day, my phone was off.”

  Now all I wanted to do was go back in time and turn my phone on, even put it on silence. At least I would have seen the missed calls.

  “What happened when you came back out of the locker room, what did you tell him?”

  “I didn’t see him where I had left him standing so I asked Ebony who was headed my way if she had seen him. She told me that she saw a tall guy with dreads walking out of the side entrance. I ran and tried to catch him before he drove off but I was too late.”

  I couldn’t believe my ears. If only one thing had changed, everything would have been different. FUCK! But I didn’t have much more time to talk to my friends or think about all of the new information DeeDee was giving me. Breeze came out and told me that I was being rude to my guest. I wanted to ask him if he thought that the people in his house were really MY guest but said fuck it. Why not continue to play my part?

  *****

  By the next week, I was wrapping up my shoot on the Roommates show. I did end up having a ball. The people were nice and the special treatment I received while at the studio was crazy. I got anything I wanted, when I wanted it, all I had to do was ask. We worked long days but it was better than being at Fantasy Pictures or being at home with Breeze. I spent the week working hard and turning down advances from the male actors, one D-L female actor, and even the director, but I turned them all down. They were all kind to me but also so full of themselves. I watched as they barked orders at their assistants. I saw them throw hissy-fits when their sodas were too cold or too warm.

  It was crazy how they could go from a laughing and joking scene to being total asshole once “CUT” was yelled. But even in the haze of the tantrums the over privileged and over paid actors threw, there was one who stood out. He was British posing as an American. Even I had caught some episodes of the show and would have never guessed that under his southern drawl lived a deep home grown British ascent. We spoke between takes and I watched him closely when we all were just standing around. He was the only one who seemed human, the only one who seemed to remember that before stardom he lived like everyone else. He spoke to everyone with respect and I could tell that he demanded the same.

  He was smart, worldly, almost as if he had been everywhere, knew everything about anything. He was funny, had swagger for days. He was sure of himself, but not in an asshole kind of way. And on top of all of that…he was FINE. Tall and ripped, his body looked illegal, not an ounce of fat on him. I wanted to stare at him for hours. I was so tempted to ask him how someone so tall and thin could have such a body. He wasn’t too thin, just not overly built. And it didn’t matter if you were looking at him from the back or front, both sides had something that made me wet. From his curly blonde hair, his small pink lips, his strong jaw line, and down to his chest and stomach, his looks were made for TV. And when he turned around, I just wanted to walk up to him and feel his back. It looked so strong, well defined, like a man’s back should look.

  “So what are you doing after we wrap?” he asked as he leaned into me and bumped my arm with his. We were taking another five minute break so that the female stars could have her make-up touched up. All the while, she was yelling about the make-up artists not doing her job right.

  “Noth
ing much, maybe stop for a drink or two.”

  “Who are you going with?” he asked while giving me his full attention.

  “With myself, why?”

  Boy, did I want him to invite himself.

  “You mean to tell me that none if these guys wanted to celebrate with you? This is your first time doing a show right?”

  He was smiling and I was melting. His blue eyes had me stuck, damn he was fine.

  “Sure they did, even a female,” I joke.

  He laughed.

  “Shane up to her old tricks again, huh?”

  I didn’t confirm or deny his question.

  “Well that’s bollocks, you can’t party alone.”

  “Sure I can,” I said teasingly.

  “Don’t be daft. I’m coming with you and that’s it.”

  And that was the end of my fight. And although I intended for him to win that one, I let him think otherwise. Plus, it gave me pleasure to watch him leave with more pep in his step. He was feeling like he had just done what the other couldn’t, and that was cute.

  *****

  I followed Paul Huffington to the ultra-plush, ultra exclusive club Elite. They only let in the rich or famous. You had to know someone or be someone just to get in. I imagined that’s how Studio 54 must have been in the seventies. I followed him into valet parking and got out of my car. He came over to me and took my hand.

  “Ever been here? It's super private and kind of a members only place,” he said in that sexy accent.

  “Members only, how do you join?” I asked joking and flirting all at once.

  “Be good looking, rich, and known. Good thing we both have all three covered.”

  He was a slick dude, seemed as if he always had the right words at the tip of his tongue.

  “Welcome back Mr. Huffington. Jezebel, right? I’m a big fan,” the beefy security guy said as he moved the ropes and let us through. I was flattered and embarrassed all at the same time. Did he really have to use my porn name?

  “See what I mean, good looking, rich, and known, you’re all of those things and more.”