Love Is Crazy (Love Is… #1)

by Abby Brooks

“It’s true.” Dominic leans his head back against the headrest and sighs. “I just didn’t think it would happen so fast.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  Dominic had most of his luggage shipped right to the resort in Vegas so he only has one massive backpack and his camera gear with him right now. It doesn’t take him long to find it when we land, given how distinctive it is. While I wait to find mine on the luggage carousel, he walks several feet away and makes a few phone calls. There’s this feeling of panic strumming along inside me as it takes longer and longer to find my bag. I’m impatient and keyed up, all hopped up on adventure and the reality of the fact that I just landed in Arizona. But finally it comes trundling along. No need to worry after all. I grab it just as Dominic comes back to stand at my side.

  “Well,” he says and makes a strange face. “Are you sure you want to head to the North Rim? I could call around and see if there’s a hotel available. You know, something with a ceiling.”

  I don’t even hesitate. “Let’s camp.” I’m way more excited about this than I should be.

  “Have you ever been camping before?”

  I shake my head. “That’s why I want to do it. This is all about experience. Adventure. Going a little crazy. Where’s the crazy in renting a hotel room other than the fact that I really shouldn’t be spending any more money?”

  “I fully planned on camping. I just don’t want to force you into it.” Dominic adjusts his backpack and this giddy feeling washes over me.

  “Bring on the experience, baby. First the Mile High Club, now camping out in the wilderness.”

  Dominic leads me out of the airport with that one hand placed firmly on my lower back. “I wouldn’t call this the wilderness, sweet stuff. It’s a campground. There will be people around.”

  “Hey. Are we sleeping outside?”

  “Well, we’ll be in a tent so that’s technically not quite outside.”

  I roll my eyes. “You know what I mean. Are there walls? Is there indoor plumbing? A front door?”

  “There’s definitely a door. It zips—”

  I slap Dominic in the arm and he laughs. “This is as wilderness as I’ve ever been before, smart ass,” I say. “So how about you just let me be excited, okay?”

  We step out of the airport into a heat I thought I was prepared for but clearly wasn’t. I don’t think there’s any way to prepare someone for the kind of hot that is Arizona in August. Dominic hails a cab and we speed off, my eyes glued to the landscape on the other side of the window. It might as well be a different world out there, all red and brown and flat instead of green and hilly.

  “It’s amazing.” I turn to Dominic. “Have you been here before?”

  “A couple times. I never get tired of shooting the canyon.”

  “I must look like a complete child to you. Or a country bumpkin. All wide eyed and excited about getting out into the world.” I make a face.

  “Not at all. You’re adorable. I love it. I want to take you with me everywhere. Share this planet and all its experiences with you.”

  Part of me is afraid he’s serious and the other half is afraid he’s joking. I want that. I want that so much and it shouldn’t really be a surprise because I’ve always wanted to travel. The surprise comes in the shape of how much I want that with him. When I think about seeing the world now, Dominic is definitely there and he sure didn’t use to be. Not even just a few days ago. And you know what? We haven’t known each other long enough for my bucket list to include him in any way shape or form.

  And if he’s feeling it, too? If he really means what he just said, well, at least we’re in the same boat, but maybe, just maybe I should take a page out of my sisters’ Great Big Book of Advice and get to know the guy a little better. Right now we’re operating on lust alone and while that is certainly quite decadent, it’s time to start understanding all the things that make Dominic Kane tick.

  The cabbie deposits us at the campground and I immediately understand why Dominic wasn’t really ready to call this part of our adventure the wilderness. Yes, we’ll be sleeping in a tent, but we’re surrounded by other people in their own tents and RV’s. I try not to look disappointed, but I kind of am. I had this image of us completely roughing it, sleeping out under the stars, the only people for miles.

  “I tried to warn you,” says Dominic, leading me through the crowded site with that strong hand on my back again.

  “Am I that obvious?”

  “You just scowled at that kid so hard he ran back to find his mom.” Dominic’s laughing, but there’s definitely a kid cowering behind his mother. I take a deep breath and bring out the smile. I mean, come on! I’m in Arizona. Camping. With Dominic Kane. This is the first step in living the kind of life I’ve always wanted. Am I really so shallow that I’m going to pout because there are people here? I think not.

  We find out which campsite we’ve been assigned and make the trek back through the crowded campgrounds. Trying to avoid wearing my Accidental Grumpy Face again, I keep counting the positives and realize just how many there are. Even though there are lots of people here, the campgrounds do manage to feel really spacious. And even though we’re not the only souls for miles, we are wandering through tall trees and I keep getting glimpses of the canyon itself, which is stunning even from here. I can’t even begin to imagine what it’s going to look like when we get right up on it.

  Which, apparently, is going to happen sooner rather than later because our campsite is pretty much right on the rim. We have an unobstructed view of the canyon. I drop my bag and stare. Mouth open. Arms slack at my sides. This sense of immensity rushes through me, like I’m on the verge of realizing something so powerful and important and in the face of such vastness I feel so small. I hear the rustling of Dominic’s pack as he slides it off his shoulders. The wind in the trees. The light sound of conversation a few campsites over.

  Dominic slides an arm around me and pulls me close. I don’t want him to talk. I just want to keep feeling vast and small in the same instant. He kisses the side of my head, then leans into me and we stand there for I don’t know how long until I finally break the silence between us.

  “Holy shit. I have no words.”

  “That’s why I take pictures.” Dominic kisses me and I wrap my arms around him, breathing in his scent, loving the way it mixes with the pine and the fresh air and the faintest trace of hot dogs being cooked on a fire. “I wish I had my camera out when you first saw it. You’ve never looked so beautiful.”

  “I’ve never felt so inconsequential…” I pause and struggle for words. “But at the same time, it makes me feel like I’m part of something bigger than myself.” I wave my hands dismissively. “Pay no attention to me. The jet lag has me all goofy.”

  “You’re not being goofy. I know that feeling. It’s a massive one.”

  We work together to get the campsite set up. It doesn’t take long and it feels good to be busy after so many hours sitting on the plane. I know I should be feeling my early morning, but I must be running on pure adrenaline right now because I’m not even close to tired.

  “So now what?” I ask, not sure which view is more spectacular, the view of the canyon, or the view of Dominic being all rustic, setting up camp. “Do you want to go for a hike? Take some pictures?”

  He smiles at me and takes my hand. “Tomorrow. We’ll do all that tomorrow. The best light is at dawn, which is one way that having our internal clocks set to Eastern time is going to help us. We’ll be up in time to see it without really having to set an alarm. Right now? I say we go grab some stuff for dinner at the general store and then set up camp and enjoy the view.”

  In all honesty, a pre-dawn wakeup call sounds tragic right about now, as does grocery shopping and then being forced to sit still, but I don’t tell him that. I just go right along with his plan. He is, after all, the one with all the experience. We settle on hot dogs and I’m honestly fine with that. Dominic does some more of that sexy macho stuff and gets us a fire started
. I chose a seat that allows me to see both him and the view of the Canyon without having to turn my head and I might as well be in heaven. What is it about watching him pitch a tent and start a fire that has me so hot? Is it just him? I mean, this is the guy that had me bent over in an airplane bathroom earlier today…

  Wow. Was that today? It feels like a lifetime ago.

  I’m in the process of deciding if it’s just Dominic that’s hot or if he gets bonus points for being able to do manly stuff around the campsite when he brings me a plate filled with a hot dog, some coleslaw, and potato chips and then hands me a beer. My stomach gurgles in appreciation and I find myself stifling a yawn.

  “Still want to go on that hike?” Dominic sits beside me and starts in on his hot dog like he hasn’t eaten in days.

  “Nope. I’m fine to sit here and relax. You were right, oh wise wanderer.”

  “I could get used to hearing that.”

  “Hearing what?” I crack open my beer and take a long drink.

  “Be careful with that,” Dominic says, gesturing towards my beer, not at all answering my question.

  I pull the bottle from my mouth and eye it like it might be dangerous. “With this?” I ask after I’ve ascertained that it’s nothing more than an ordinary beer.

  “Yep. We’re at a much higher altitude than you’re used to. You might get a lot more drunk off a lot less. Add in the jet lag and you could be in for a doozy of a headache. You’re gonna want to drink a lot more water and just go slow with that thing.”

  I nod and thank him, eyeing my beer because apparently it suddenly is dangerous. “Anyway,” I say as I twist a lid off a water bottle I grabbed from the little cooler we picked up at the store. “Could get used to hearing what?”

  “That I’m right. Oh. And I think you called me wise, too. You can go ahead and do that whenever you feel like it.”

  “You are wise,” I say and take a sip of beer. “You know more about the world than anyone I’ve ever met. Did I know I needed to be careful with alcohol? Nope. But you did. Did I know the best way to have sex in an airplane? Nope. But you did. I bet there are a ton of things you know that normal people don’t.” I trail off, waiting for him to respond.

  “I didn’t tell you to stop.” He makes a circular motion with his finger. “You can just keep the compliments coming.”

  We finish eating in a comfortable mix of silence and conversation. I settle back into my chair, content with the view and the company. For the first time in my whole life, there’s this silence in my soul. Like there was this buzzing in my head that I never noticed until it was gone. And now that it’s gone I can fully relax into myself. I consider trying to explain it to Dominic, but I don’t know that I can make sense of it out loud. At least not without sounding a little insane.

  He hands me another beer and cracks open a second of his own. He was right, the altitude is definitely affecting me; I’m already feeling the first one a little. I’ll go slow with this second and call it quits.

  Dominic catches my hand as I take the beer and runs his thumb across the tattoo on my wrist. “I’ve loved this since I first saw it,” he says, releasing me. “What’s it mean?”

  I stare at the tattoo and run my own thumb of the three little birds taking flight. “It doesn’t really have a meaning. I just like birds.”

  Dominic sips his beer and settles back in his chair. “It must have some significance, even if you didn’t realize it at the time.” He stares out at the canyon, the setting sun lighting the sky on fire.

  I lose myself in the immensity and take a drink. “I always loved birds,” I say. “They get this awesome super power of flight. They break the rules, defy the law of gravity that the rest of us have to live by. We can only move in one …” I swallow and turn to him, scrunching up my nose as I search for the right word. “Linear? Does that make sense? We can move in as many directions as we want, but they’re all basically flat. Two dimensional if you will.”

  Dominic nods. “I think I’m following you.”

  “Birds aren’t like that. They can just take to the sky. One minute they’re here. The next? Gone.” I raise my hand in a swooping motion, pointing towards the sky. “I always wanted to do that.” Sadness settles into the silence in my soul and I take a long drink.

  “Why?”

  I lean my head back against my chair and turn to look at him. Does he know he’s asking hard questions? Does he know he’s getting into the parts of me that not many people get to see? I consider a nonchalant shrug and non-committal answer, but that sure would be hypocritical of me, considering I was just talking about wanting to get to the heart what makes him tick.

  “I feel trapped as all hell in Townsbury,” I say before I have a chance to get scared about having my insides out for inspection. “Everyone’s busy trying to be the same. Like they all had a meeting and decided that there was one good way to live life and anyone who doesn’t follow that path is wrong.” I take another drink and stare at the half-empty bottle. Blink a few times to bring it all back into focus. “You know. Fall in love. Get married. Buy a big house and an expensive car. Have kids and a dog. Keep your lawn tidy and fuss with the landscaping. It’s just not me.”

  “You don’t want those things?” Dominic is staring at me intently and I can’t read his expression.

  “I mean, some of it sounds nice. I want someone to love. Someone who loves me. But how can I know what that looks like yet? How can I know if that means he wants a big house and a big car and a big family when I haven’t even met him yet?”

  Except maybe I have met him. Maybe he’s right beside me.

  I pause, just a little too drunk to process that thought. Have we gotten there already? A week, a sunset, and a camping trip and I’m ready to profess my undying love? Maybe I need to put down the beer.

  “But doesn’t it matter what you want?” asks Dominic. “Why do you have to meet him to know what you want?”

  “I guess that’s the thing. I guess I do know what I want. And maybe, when I meet the guy he’ll be cut from the same cloth as me. And maybe, instead of the house and car and the lawn, we just … wander.”

  I meet Dominic’s eyes, my heart pounding. Blood roaring in my veins. The silent spot filled up with the buzz of worry. I intentionally used some of his words there and that might have been a terrible, jet-lagged, drunken mistake or it might be the greatest idea of my life. It all depends on what comes out of Dominic’s mouth next.

  And wouldn’t you know, he just smiles at me—kindness softening his dark eyes—and sits back in his chair and stares out at the sunset.

  Chapter Nineteen

  The silence between us isn’t awkward, but it sure isn’t answering any of the questions flying around my head. I dropped a great big hint for him to pick up and throw my way. A great big ‘hey, I think you’re pretty awesome what do you think about me?’ and the fact that he’s just letting it hang there between us is killing me. I sit quietly for as long as I can, reminding myself of all the reasons I should just be quiet and enjoy the time without pushing him to have a conversation he might not want to have.

  But I’m not very patient under the best of circumstances. Add in some jet-lag and some beer that went straight to my head and I’m a walking bad decision.

  “What about you?” I ask while I internally scream at myself to shut up. “Do you see yourself falling in love and working in the yard?” Oh God. What am I doing? “I mean, not like you have a yard now. So that’s kind of a stupid question. You don’t even have a home. You just wander. But in a good way.”

  Holy shit, shut UP, Dakota.

  I clamp my mouth shut and take a long breath in through my nose. “Sorry,” I say and instantly bite my lip against any other stupidity that might make its way through.

  Dominic studies me. Looks at me like he can see right past the goofy grin I’m trying to hide behind and find the frightened little numbskull inside. “That’s a great big question mark,” he says. In the dying light of the eve
ning sun, his eyes go hard. “You give someone your heart and you give them the ability to rip it right out of you.” He squints out into the sunset. “Leave you hollow.” He tilts his beer back and finishes it.

  It’s clear I’m treading on the edges of some deep dark truths of his. But I just let him tread on one of mine. And I’m supposed to be trying to get to know him better to help figure out if he’s truly worthy of the little flames of whatever that feeling is that’s warm and wonderful budding in my belly.

  “That’s true,” I say, following his gaze out to the sky. “But isn’t a happily ever after worth the risk?”

  “We’re not all entitled to a happily ever after, Dakota.” Normally, I like the way he says my name. Not now. There’s an edge to it that makes my stomach drop.

  I pull out my one-thousand-watt smile. The one that is fun and positive and happy. The one I reserve for tense situations that need a little nudge in the right direction. “I guess that’s true. But with the right person?” I lift my eyebrows and sigh dreamily, trying to feed him the same line the people of Townsbury have swallowed. The same line I’m not even sure I believe. I just want him to look at me and smile.

  He does look at me. He doesn’t smile. He sighs deeply and shakes his head. “My parents loved each other very much. Thought they had found the right person. Hell, back then, they probably had found the right person. But as they grew older, they grew apart. Cultivated separate interests. Separate friends. Separate dreams. Now they share a home and get mad when the other gets in the way.” He runs a hand over his mouth and chin. “I don’t want that.”

  “But don’t you think that when you find the right person, you are already both pointed in the same direction? That you cultivate the same interests because you are both on the same path? That it’s a choice to grow together instead of apart?” I realize that maybe I’m coming on a little too strong so I sit back and take another drink of my beer. Which was probably a mistake, given my already shoddy conversation decisions. Water is the best bet from this point forward.