Dear Tori

by Renee Fowler

  “She’s what? The love of your life?” Trevor sneers.

  I give him a sharp look that hopefully gets the message across—Shut the fuck up.

  “Speaking of the love of my life, I think that might be her right over there by the pool table,” Trevor says.

  I glance towards the back corner of the bar and grimace when my eyes fall on Sandy, Stacey, or something that starts with an S. She’s leaned over the table, lining up a shot, and thanks to her low cut top, half her tits are hanging out. I quickly avert my gaze and try to hunker down on my bar stool, but it doesn’t work. A few minutes later she sashays over to tap on my shoulder. “Long time no see, stranger.”

  “Uh, yeah. Hey, how’ve you been?”

  “I tried to call you, Noah.” She gives me an exaggerated pout. “But the number you gave me didn’t work.”

  “Really? That’s… weird.” It wasn’t weird at all. I rarely gave out my real number to women. “Well, I’ve been pretty busy.”

  It’s too bad I can’t just throw it out there—I’m with someone. I wish like hell I could claim Tori as mine. Four weeks and six charms later, I still don’t know what we are. Even when we’re not recreating old memories, we’ve been hanging out. Plenty of evenings I swing out towards her place. I’m helping her get that old house fixed up, and I usually stick around for dinner with Tori and the rest of her family after. The mornings she drops her brother off at school, Tori swings by the garage with coffee and donuts for Buck and me.

  I told her I was okay with being a friend if that’s what she needs right now, and I meant it, but damn if that wasn’t getting harder and harder to do as time went on.

  “You’ve been too busy for me?” Sandy, Stacey, or something that starts with an S asks, batting her eyelashes.

  I can’t believe I thought she looked a bit like Tori the first and last time I laid eyes on her. She doesn’t hold a candle to the girl who’s been on my mind constantly. “Uh, I’ve been helping out an old friend.”

  Trevor sighs loudly beside me. “Doll, this old friend of his has him by the heart strings, or the balls, I’m not sure which yet, but he’s just too much of a gentleman to come right out and say it.”

  She sighs loudly, and turns on her heel to stomp away.

  “You’re an asshole, you know that?” I say.

  “Me? You’re the asshole that’s banged every halfway decent looking broad in this whole godforsaken town. Believe it or not, I’m not really interested in your sloppy seconds, Noah.”

  “You’re the one who decided to settle in this godforsaken town in the first place.”

  Trevor shrugs and gives me a crooked grin. “I wasn’t plannin’ on it, but I spotted a void that needed filling.”

  Shaking my head, I down the rest of my beer and get up to go. Trevor is family, but he’s also into some shady shit, just like the rest of my family from my dad’s side. When he first rolled into town, he gave me the impression it was to get a start fresh, to try and earn an honest living for once, but my cousin quickly laid that idea to rest.

  “You leavin’ already?” Trevor asks.

  “Yeah. I gotta be up early.”

  “Sit down, Noah. I invited you here to talk business.”

  I start to shake my head.

  “It’s nothin’ bad. Not too bad anyway, and I’ll make it worth your while.”

  “Hell, no.”

  Last year, when work was slow at the garage and I needed some cash, I did a few jobs for Trevor. Mostly just got in some junkie’s faces, along with a few small time dealers, threatened them a bit, and made it clear they better pay up or else. A couple times I ran shit from one location to another. I’m lucky as hell I never got pulled over.

  Back then it seemed worth the risk. I didn’t really have much to lose. Now that Tori is back in my life, it’s not a chance I’m willing to take.

  “This girl really does have you by the balls, huh?” Trevor asks, trying to goad me.

  “Maybe,” I admit. “Or maybe I’m just not interested in doing time, especially when I don’t really need the money.”

  “You can never have too much money, and it ain’t even about that. This is about helping family.”

  I can barely suppress a sigh. “If you ever need work on your truck, or a spare kidney, hit me up, but I don’t help out like that anymore.”

  Trevor huffs loudly, but when I try to fling down a bill for my drink, he waves his hand and grins. “I got it, ya pussy whipped sonofabitch.”

  “At least I can get pussy.”

  Trevor presses a hand to his chest like I’ve wounded his feelings, then his eyes shift back towards the solitary pool table near the back of the bar. “What’s she like?”

  “Hell, I don’t know. I barely remember her. I only followed her home that once.”

  “What’s her name?”

  I shrug.

  Trevor starts to crack up. “Does this girl you’re trying to win back know what a manwhore you are?”

  “Were,” I emphasis. “I’m done with that shit too.”

  I would’ve never looked twice at another woman if Tori had stuck around. In fact, I didn’t so much as brush up against another girl for years after that accident erased me from her mind.

  Laughing, Trevor holds his hands up like he doesn’t have another thing to say about it, which is good because I’m kind of fucking finished listening to his opinion at the moment.

  Just as I’m walking out of the bar, my phone goes off. It’s a photo message from Tori. She’s got a few swipes of paint up on the freshly hung drywall, and she wants my input on which color to choose. I climb on my bike, but don’t start it up right away. Instead I shoot Tori a text.

  Me: I’m surprised you’re still up

  Tori: I can’t sleep for some reason

  Me: You’re gonna be hating life when the rooster crows tomorrow morning

  Tori: Nah. So which color do you like?

  Me: I think I might have to see it in person to decide

  Tori: I’ll probably be up for a while if you want to check it out

  Me: Cya in a few

  Just as I’m getting ready to pull away, I spot Trevor heading out with Sandy, Stacey, or something that starts with an S, on his arm. Hell, that didn’t take him long. I give them both a little wave as I pull away.

  The gravel drive that leads from the road to the carriage house is rutted and washed out in a few spots. Yellow light spills out from the open windows on the second story. As I climb off my bike, and start to mount the steps that lead to what will soon be Tori’s new home, I hear her humming along to the radio from inside.

  “I thought I told you I was gonna help you do that,” I say, as I walk in to see her with a paint roller in hand.

  “I’m just laying down primer,” she explains, then nods her head toward the front wall. There are a few shades of blue and green laid out in orderly squares. “What do you think?”

  Leaning back, I cross my arms across my chest, and squint at the choices. “They all look okay. You’re the one who’s gonna be stuck staring at it day in and day out, but I like this one,” I say, pointing to a light green in the middle, the one closest to the color of her eyes.

  Tori smiles at me. “I like that one too. How’s your cousin?”

  “Still rotten.” I dump my phone and keys on the nearby table, and pick up the spare paint roller to help.

  “It must run in the family,” she teases.

  I grin at her but don’t deny the accusation.

  “Do you remember Abby Woods?” Tori asks.

  “I don’t think so.”

  “I guess she went to school with us.”

  “We never really hung out with the same people.”

  “We didn’t?”

  I shake my head.

  “She said we were in french club together.”

  “Yeah, I definitely wouldn’t have known her then. That wasn’t really my scene.”

  Tori nods. “She’s bringing her daughter over to play
with Brandon tomorrow. I still feel kind of funny about it though, since I can’t remember her.”

  She’s remembered a few little things about our past together, but nothing of consequence so far. “You still don’t remember me much, and that’s turned out okay so far,” I say.

  “So far anyways.” Tori quirks her eyebrows at me and smiles. She’s reaching over to swipe her roller through the pan of primer when my phone goes off. Her face darkens as she spots the name that pops up.

  “I haven’t talked to her since you showed up at my place,” I say, declining the call from Natalie, again. She’s called me a few times in the past few days, but I haven’t picked up.

  “It’s not my business who you talk to,” Tori says stiffly.

  “Because we’re just friends?”

  “Exactly,” she spits out.

  “Bullshit. You think I can’t tell when you’re jealous?”

  “I’m not jealous.”

  “Good, because you’ve got no reason to be, but just so you know, if you took up with some other guy right now, I wouldn’t just be jealous. I’d probably go kick his ass.”

  “I wouldn’t do that.”

  “Why?”

  “Because… You know why,” she whispers.

  I lay the paint roller back down, and turn to address her. “I’ve been waiting on you to come back for years. I’m not going to lie and say I didn’t waste time with a few girls while I waited, but I think a part of me always knew we’d end up together again.”

  She was still faced away, refusing to meet my eyes. “I’m not the person I was back then, Noah.”

  “No shit. That was eight years ago. Neither one of us are the same people.”

  “That’s not what I mean, and you know it.”

  “Tori, I haven’t been hanging around because I was hoping you could do my taxes for me.”

  She laughs quietly.

  “What are we waiting for?” I ask, turning her towards me gently. “Maybe those memories aren’t going to come back, not all the way.”

  “I guess I’m waiting on you to realize I’m not the person you wrote those letters to.”

  “You are exactly who I wrote to. Tori, you are who I’ve been waiting on this whole time.” I might as well show her. She’s caught glimpses of my tattoos, but I don’t think she’s taken them all in yet.

  I peel my shirt off over my head, and toss it in the direction of the only piece of furniture remaining in the room, a rickety kitchen table. Tori freezes and studies me from the corner of her eye.

  She drops the paint roller in the pan. Her fingers trace over those shapes and symbols, many of which correspond to the charms I sent her over the years.

  “I know you can’t remember everything, but I remembered for both of us,” I explain.

  “Noah, I don’t know what to say.”

  “I don’t need you to say anything, but I wanted you to know that there is no one else. You’re it for me. You always were.”

  Her eyes search my face like she’s trying to figure out if I’m full of shit or not. This is the thing about Tori that is different than I remember. She’s so guarded now. It makes me wonder what the hell happened to her between when she left this place, and when she came back, or is this just another side effect of that brain injury too?

  “You’re the last person I would hurt, Tori,” I promise.

  I swore to myself I would let her make the first move this next time, but I’m too far gone for that. Dipping my head, I claim her mouth in a hard kiss, and groan at the perfect feel of her lips against mine.

  Being so close to her for weeks now has been maddening, coupled with all the years before when I missed her so damn much. I’m not quite in my right mind as I start tearing at her clothes. I think Tori feels it too, because her fingers are fumbling at the waistband of my jeans in the span of a breath.

  This isn’t the way I wanted to do things our first time together again. There’s not even a bed left in this place. Almost all of the old furniture has been hauled away, but it’s too late to back down. This heat that has been building between us for weeks ignites into flames.

  I tug the purple top she’s wearing up her body. Tori lifts hers arms so I can remove it completely. Her skin is as flawless and pale as I remember. There’s that little birthmark right above her belly button that somehow I’d forgotten all about. I lift her up onto the edge of the table, and kiss the flat, tawny stain, then run my tongue up the center of her body. My fingers are shaking as I clumsily unfasten her bra and strip it off of her. She grabs my face, and pulls my mouth back to hers.

  After so many years I’d almost convinced myself that she didn’t feel this perfect against me. Surely I’d imagined some of that. My mind was playing tricks, filling in the gaps with wish and fantasy, but it was all real.

  She’s really here, and I’m really stripping those frayed jean shorts down her legs. She’s really arching her back as I taste up the inside of her thigh. I knew I wanted and needed Tori, but I don’t think I really knew until now.

  “We have done this before, haven’t we?” she asks in a quiet, panting breath.

  “Mmhmm.” She already wet, and just as sweet as I remember.

  She gasps. “Right here. We were here before.”

  I don’t bother lifting my mouth to answer her outloud. This house sat empty for a long time. Tori would sneak out of her place, and wait for me here, so many hot, humid nights just like this one. I’m not sure how much she’s remembering as her fingers twist in my hair and her legs shake.

  “Wait, Noah… I can’t… Oh, god.”

  She twists beneath my mouth, away from me, towards me. She can’t make up her mind, and she always did this right at the edge. It was too intense, she’d explained. Too much. But I remember that exact way to curl my tongue against her clit. The perfect pressure against her most sensitive spot to push her right past.

  Her nails dig in behind my neck. She squeaks and whimpers, trying to hold it in like she always did. I lap up her honey as she falls apart, and I don’t stop until I’ve wrung every last quiet, shuddering moan out of her.

  Standing back up, I look down at her, pink and sweaty. Her perfect little tits are still heaving. After a moment to recover, she leans up on her elbows to watch me nudge my jeans down my hips. Her eyes widen, and she bites her bottom lip as her eyes fall on me, hard and ready.

  Her fingers wrap around me, and I groan. “Were you my first?” she asks.

  I shake my head.

  Her face falls, like she was hoping I’d said yes. “Who was?”

  “Can we not talk about another guy while you’re touching my dick?”

  “Oh, god. I’m sorry, Noah. I’m so sorry.”

  “It’s okay.” There’s not much she could say or do right now to turn me off, and I know she’s just trying to figure it all out. Her past. How I fit in with her history.

  I pull her up to sitting so I can kiss her again. Her mouth goes slack against mine, and I know she’s not thinking of another soul as I ease myself into her.

  God, this really is like the old days. Playing with fire. I never do this with anyone else, but I know I’m safe, so I don’t stop to put on a condom like I probably should. I’ll pull out, I tell myself.

  She feels so good, I don’t want to stop, and judging by her legs wrapped around my waist, and the way her hips are dancing against mine, she doesn’t want me to stop either.

  Really what’s the worst that could happen?

  The thought of shooting off inside her, and her belly getting big and round with my baby has me about ready to come already. Only Tori. She’s the only one who ever made me think dumb shit like this.

  My hand closes down around her hip, and I hold her steady so I can control the pace. My other hand reaches between us, right above where we are joined, to give her that little extra nudge she needs.

  I need her to come again. I want to feel it this time.

  “Noah,” she gasps. “I can’t again.”

&nb
sp; “Yes you can.”

  “No, really, I can’t… Not twice... I never…”

  My palm presses up the center of her spine, holding her still as I adjust the angle between us. A crease forms between her eyebrows, and the expression on her face is vaguely reminiscent of pain, but I know better.

  I remember exactly how to push her buttons. Every way to make her whimper, and moan, and beg me to wait because it’s too much.

  Catching her earlobe between my teeth, I rasp close to her ear. “You wanna feel me cum inside you? Want me to put a baby in your belly, Tori?”

  She doesn’t say yes, but she doesn’t say no. Her eyes go wide, and she makes a strangled sound close to my mouth as her pussy clamps down around me like a vice.

  I don’t remember how the hell all that started, if it was her or me that said it first. We were young and playing pretend. Or maybe it was just practice for the day she finished school. We were going to get married, and have babies for real.

  And now we can.

  But not yet.

  I know better than to take what just happened as consent. Whispering in her ear about how I was going to knock her up always got Tori hot.

  I pull out at the last possible second. My hand is at the base of my cock, and my cum splashes across her stomach. Resting my forehead against hers, I attempt to catch my breath.

  Tori giggles nervously. “Uh. I guess we have done that a few times before.”

  “A few,” I agree, laughing. More times than I can count. We used to fuck like rabbits.

  She shakes her head slowly. “We really did love each other, didn’t we?”

  Did? I’m not sure what’s going through her mind right now, or what she’s remembering. “Babe, I never stopped.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  Tori

  The next morning I wake up tired after not enough sleep, and a little sore and achy from my encounter with Noah last night. I have never experienced anything like that before. Well, I guess I have, but I never remember sex that good.