The Days of Redemption

by Shelley Shepard Gray

  He talked, too, of the many poor communities who were struggling with fresh water and proper sanitation.

  Both Viola and his father looked like they were hanging on every word. He couldn’t tell if they were truly interested or whether they were waiting for him to tell them his decision.

  He told them about the mission house, and the plans to make a more substantial compound. He told them about the heat and the flowers the women had given him with tears in their eyes, knowing that CAMA was determined to help their plight.

  “Edward, it sounds like quite a trip,” his father said when he finished.

  “Yes. Yes, it was.”

  “Do you know when you’re going back? Do you have a date?”

  “Nee.”

  “Mr. Cross didn’t give you a date? I must say I’m surprised.”

  “It’s not that. I didn’t tell him that my mind was made up.”

  His father scowled. “But, Edward, we talked. I don’t want you staying here for me.”

  Looking at Viola, he murmured, “Daed, I love you. But this time I wasn’t thinking about you.”

  Looking from Ed to Viola, his father slowly smiled. “I see. Well, then. It seems to me that the two of you have some talking to do.”

  “When do you get off work?” Ed asked, unable to look away.

  “At noon.”

  “Can I come see you then? Maybe we could go somewhere and talk?”

  “Yes . . . that sounds gut.” She smiled, then with a mumble about other work to do, she scampered out of the room.

  From the corner, Mr. Showalter chuckled. “I swear, Edward, watching you is better than any soap opera I’ve ever seen on television. You’ve got more going on than a band of neighborhood housewives.”

  He laughed at the description. “It feels like it, for sure.”

  “Do you know what you want to do, Ed?” his father asked.

  “I want to make Viola happy,” he said slowly, letting his heart speak for him instead of overthinking it all. “Until right this minute, I thought that there was only Belize for me. But that isn’t true. Before I came home, I couldn’t imagine serving anywhere besides Nicaragua. Now God has shown me the error of that thought. If Viola isn’t ready for me to leave, then I’ll tell Mr. Cross no and wait for the next opportunity.”

  “That sounds like a wise choice.”

  “No,” Mr. Showalter said with a wry grin. “It sounds like your boy is in love. With our favorite girl! Now who would of thought this would happen?”

  His daed stretched and a self-satisfied smile, much like a Cheshire cat, lit his face. “Maybe one of us thought this might happen.”

  Crossing one foot over the opposite knee, Ed leaned back and grinned at his father. “Want to play cards?”

  “I do. Are you prepared to lose?”

  “I’m prepared for anything.”

  chapter twenty-five

  In a panic, Viola practically ran to the staff lounge’s phone. The moment her aunt picked up, she heaved a sigh of relief. “Thank goodness.”

  “Viola? Are you all right?”

  “I think so.”

  “You think?”

  There was nothing to do but blurt her news. “Aunt Lorene, Edward came back and he hasn’t made a decision about his trip. I need your advice.”

  “You sure it’s my advice that you need?” Her voice sounded amused. And a bit concerned, too.

  “Of course. Aunt Lorene, what should I do? Should I tell him to go to Belize without me? Should I tell him that I want him to stay? Should I tell him that it’s over between us, or that I simply need more time?”

  “I can’t tell you what to do, of course.”

  “But you must have an opinion.”

  “I truly don’t, Viola. It’s not for me to decide what Edward should do. Just as it isn’t for me to tell you what you should do with him.”

  “But I’m going to see him at noon. I need to know something!”

  “You need to stop trying to figure it all out ahead of time,” she said quietly. “God will let you know what to do.”

  “But what about all the problems at home? What about Grandma? And Daed? And Elsie?” Panicked, she said, “If I don’t look after Elsie, who will?”

  “Viola, they are our family. We all love them, and they love us. But you can’t live your life on the fringes of everyone else’s. You have to accept that we each have our own path to follow.”

  “So you think I should go with him?”

  “I didn’t say that. Stop and take a deep breath. Stop and let your wishes and the Lord’s wishes shine through.”

  Viola closed her eyes in frustration. Why was every person in her life not giving her what she wanted?

  “But, Lorene, I don’t want to make the wrong decision.”

  “Take it from someone who did make a wrong decision many years ago. Even if you are wrong, things can change. Put down the phone, take a deep breath, and imagine your future. Imagine your life the way you want it. Then, Viola, close your eyes and find out who you see.”

  Moments later, Viola put down the phone and slowly walked back to the storage room, where she was supposed to unpack new boxes of supplies and organize files.

  And in the silence of the room, she did what her aunt advised. She emptied her mind of all the issues and problems that she thought she’d had to shoulder. And instead, she let her heart guide her. “Got, what do you see? What should I see?” she whispered.

  Closing her eyes tight, she waited for a picture to appear.

  But nothing happened.

  “God, I’m right here, waiting. If you could, please let me know your decision.” Closing her eyes, she tried again. But yet again, nothing.

  Frustrated, she felt her heartbeat quicken as frustration overtook her. Then, not knowing what else to do, she tore open a cardboard box and started unpacking a supply of paper goods. Feeling like a puppet on a string, she dug into the box and mechanically started lining up the boxes of tissue and rolls of toilet paper.

  It was hard to believe she was doing such mundane things while trying to determine her future.

  But then, as she was taking hold of a box of bandages and placing them in a cabinet, she felt the gentle nudging of the Lord’s will. Suddenly, she was gripped by a picture of her future, and she knew without a doubt that the vision she was seeing was everything right and true.

  All she’d had to do was have faith.

  “Viola, it’s sunny out,” Ed announced. “A perfect day for a walk.”

  She turned his way and smiled. While the temperature was only in the thirties, it was an above-average day for winter in Ohio. The sky was a bright blue. Vibrant and breathtaking.

  He continued, “I thought I might go home, get Gretta, and bring her back here. Would you like to walk with me?”

  She nodded as she looked at him. He seemed to be holding himself a bit awkward and stiff, as if he was afraid of saying the wrong thing. She almost laughed, she knew the feeling so well.

  As they walked along the sidewalk toward his home, Ed looked like he wanted to start several conversations, but was stopping himself. After a bit, he seemed to give up. Looking miserable, he bit his lip.

  Viola didn’t want to rush him or put words into his mouth. All her life, she’d been a bit too impulsive, a bit too outspoken. Today the Lord had shown her that she’d been wrong to push others and herself so much. So she was determined to hold her tongue.

  When they got to his house, little Gretta greeted him exuberantly. Before he’d left, Ed had asked a few of the neighbors if one of them would mind looking out for his new pet. To his surprise, they’d all wanted to help care for the dog. His next-door neighbors had even volunteered to drop her off at the house about an hour ago.

  Racing in a circle around him, the dog wagged her tail and barked happily. Kneeling on the wood floor, Edward looked just as pleased to see her.

  Watching the two of them together, Viola felt the last bit of her worries fall away. Edward Swartz
was a loving man, a giving man. A good man.

  After a moment, Ed sat on the floor. Stretching his legs out in front of him, he looked up at her. “Viola, I feel so torn up inside, I’ve been really struggling with what to do.”

  Glad he was at last sharing his thoughts, she knelt down beside him. “I’ve felt much the same way.”

  “I love my life. I love this little dog. I want to be close to my father. But I want other things, too. What’s more, I feel certain that the Lord wants to use me for mission work.”

  “I understand.” Finally, she really did.

  His eyes popped open, the blue of his irises making her breath catch. “Do you?” Before she could reassure him again, he rushed forward. “I suppose you think I’m the biggest jerk in the world, talking about missing the dog and not mentioning you.”

  “I don’t think you’re a jerk. But, what are you thinking?”

  He looked at her, worry and concern bright in his gaze. Then, as if he couldn’t take it anymore, he spoke. “If you want to know the truth, the reason I haven’t been thinking about missing you is because I want you to come with me. I want you beside me, Viola. No matter what country I’m in. I feel called to be more than myself, and I feel like I can be that person. But only if you are there with me.”

  “Do you really think I can help that much?”

  “I know you can help me. Viola, I know I’m asking a lot. Maybe even too much. But do you ever see a future where you could put me before the rest of your family? Where you could put an uncertain future of living in crazy conditions ahead of security and everything you’ve ever known?”

  Just recently, she’d told him she couldn’t. She’d been afraid to imagine a world where she wasn’t sure of her place in it.

  But now she understood she’d been selfish. Even though she’d thought she’d been putting the other members of her family first, she’d actually been only thinking about herself. She had a vague sense that even her worries about Elsie’s care had stemmed from her own need to look after her sister. Never had Elsie asked to be taken care of.

  “Edward, I do think I can imagine a future like the one you’re describing.”

  “You can?”

  Oh, but there was such hope in his blue eyes! And because of that hope, she felt like she could admit what was in her heart. “Yes, because I’ve fallen in love with you.”

  “I love you, too,” he said in a rush. “I want us to marry and for you to join me in Belize.” He paused. “I mean, as soon as you are ready.”

  His excitement made her excited, too. But she still wanted to take things a bit more slowly.

  “I have an idea. How about we plan for me to go with you, but in six months’ time? We could write and call in the meantime. And I could even go out to visit you. But this way, I’d also have time to come to terms with all the changes that are happening. Then you could come here and we could get married, and then go out together.”

  “You’d be willing to do that?”

  “I’d be willing to do just about anything, Edward. Except give you up.”

  Before she could brace herself, he’d wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. Their awkward embrace caused them both to lose their balance. They toppled over in a jumble of arms and legs and laughter. Obviously confused, Gretta barked at them.

  But Viola didn’t care. Because Ed was holding her and laughing and kissing her and it felt right.

  It felt right to be so free and open and loved. In fact, little had felt better.

  “Bishop Coblentz gave me a name of a treatment facility,” Peter told Marie with only the slightest tremor in his voice. “The bishop even called them while I was in his office. They have space available, so I’m going to go there this afternoon.”

  Marie reached out a hand. When he took it, feeling the fine bones under her soft, cool skin, he almost cried like a child. How could he have come so close to jeopardizing everything they had?

  “Would you like me to accompany you?”

  He would’ve loved that. He would’ve loved to depend on her for a little while longer.

  But it was time that he stood on his own.

  “Nee, Marie. It’s a program where you live there for a few weeks. I won’t be coming home right away.”

  Her eyes widened. “Peter, truly?”

  “There’s more wrong than just drinking, Marie. Though I feel weak for admitting it, I’ve been having quite a time dealing with some things. I need to discover why that is. And more importantly, I need to get better, and once again become the man you can depend on. The man you married. Because, you know, we have so much that is right.”

  Slowly she nodded. “What can I help you with?”

  She’d already helped him with so much. She’d seen him at his worst, and still stayed by his side. Now she was supporting him even though he was going to have to leave her for several weeks.

  Asking her for one more thing seemed like too much to ask, so he kept it simple. “Could you make me a sandwich? I need to go pack.”

  “Jah,” she replied, her voice wobbly. “Jah, I can do that.”

  Later, he talked to Roman and the girls. It was hard, admitting his faults, but he figured they’d already witnessed him at his neediest. “I need you all to help with the extra chores out in the barn. Ask your uncle Sam or even John Miller if you need anything. They’d both be glad to help, so don’t be shy if you’re needing extra hands.”

  “I’ll take care of things, Daed,” Roman said solemnly. “Don’t worry.”

  Looking into his son’s eyes, Peter realized that his boy was all grown up. “Danke, Roman.”

  Next, he walked to the dawdi haus and told his mother and father his plans. Their expressions were solemn, but surprisingly, they only added their support.

  Then all too soon, the English driver arrived and he hugged Marie goodbye.

  “Will you call soon?” she asked as she raised her arms around his neck and pressed her face into his shoulder. Just the way she’d hugged him the first time.

  Just like she had for over twenty years.

  “I’ll call when I can. But if you don’t hear from me, don’t assume the worst. I’ll have to follow their rules for a time, and the bishop said that the treatment center can be fairly strict.”

  “I’ll be praying for you, Peter.”

  He knew she would. And knowing that both she and the Lord were on his side? Well, that meant the world to him.

  “That is what I need the most, Marie,” he said sincerely.

  She hugged him again and was still standing there, watching him leave when the car turned and sped up onto Highway 35. He was finally doing something right.

  And after far too many weeks of feeling like he was doing too much wrong, it felt good indeed.

  chapter twenty-six

  “I still canna believe it, Lovina,” Aaron said, his voice heavy with disappointment. “I can’t believe Peter left the farm to go get help from some recovery clinic down near Columbus. I never thought I’d see the day.”

  “I never thought I would, either,” Lovina murmured. But privately she was proud of her son.

  What he was doing wasn’t easy. Change never was.

  Instead of dwelling on Peter, she looked out the window. It was still dark outside, but if she squinted, she could see the first rays of the sun glimmer over the horizon.

  Just like the night before, her husband’s voice sounded aggrieved. “I’m going to go to the barn to see if Roman needs any help. He probably doesn’t, but I figure he’s feeling a bit at a loss, now that his daed is off helping himself.”

  He’d paused expectantly. Obviously hoping for her to heap on the criticism. For most of their married lives, that had been their way.

  But she was tired of that pattern.

  So instead, she concentrated on the positive. It was easier, she thought. And besides, the sun was about to come up. “I think that’s a gut idea, Aaron. Roman will appreciate your help for sure.”

  She
felt him pause at the door, obviously waiting for her to turn around, but she didn’t feel up to facing him. The emotions churning inside her were too strong. Too tumultuous.

  “Lovina, did you hear about Viola? She said yes to that Edward Swartz.”

  “Jah, I heard.” Still looking out the window, she smiled. That granddaughter of hers was certainly determined to follow her own path!

  “Before we know it, she’ll be leaving us. Marie said they’re going to let her go to Belize when she’s married. Aren’t you surprised she didn’t put her foot down?”

  She wasn’t. But she thought Marie was far smarter than Lovina had ever been. After all, all putting her foot down had done was create a chasm between her and Lorene and postpone the inevitable. “It is God’s will, I think,” she said faintly.

  “I’m not so sure I believe that.”

  “It’s not like we have a choice. Viola is a grown woman.”

  Ah, there was the sun, illuminating the fields in the distance, just as if the first lights from heaven were reaching out to her in their wondrous glory.

  With a grunt of exasperation, her husband walked away. She heard his boots pound along the wood floor she’d so carefully mopped yesterday. Never had he learned to take off his boots when he entered the house. Never in forty years.

  She wondered why.

  When the kitchen door closed and she was alone, she slowly rested her forehead on the cool pane of glass. The icy glass eased her worries, bypassing the mixed-up feelings of anger and betrayal she’d clung to for years.

  Years!

  Instead, with the cool glass against her skin and the growing light of the new morning shining in the distance, she felt acceptance.

  Sometime between Peter finding her picture and Viola announcing that she was engaged to Edward Swartz and intended to go to Belize with him in six months time, Lovina knew she’d changed.

  At sixty-four years of age, she’d finally decided to turn over a new leaf. She’d reawakened.

  When she’d been sure she’d lost everything, she cast off her worries and stopped living in fear of failure. Instead, she’d dared to accept herself, and more than that, accept her imperfections.