Angel Without

by Rhiannon Ayers

  She shivered, wrapping both hands around the refrigerator’s door handle. Yes, Maddox terrified her. Not just because he was a Dom. Because she knew that if he ever commanded her, she would obey. No matter what he asked, she would do it—and hate herself for it afterward. She didn’t want to be in this position, didn’t want to feel this vulnerable. And she hated herself for that, too. Hated herself for being this afraid, hated herself for needing the very thing she hated most about herself. Hated herself for wanting a man who scared her in the first place.

  And then there was Riley. God, when she’d seen that walking mountain of a man come barreling through her front door, with that deep scowl on his handsome face, she’d been prepared for yet another wash of overwhelming fear. Yet the only feeling that coursed through her body was lust—followed by immediate speculation.

  Riley was enormous. Though shorter than both Tatum and Maddox, he was much, much heavier than both of them, with a deep, barrel chest and arms the size of tree trunks. But for all that bulk, he moved like a panther, all feline grace and deadly precision, making her wonder if he had a military background. His haircut was certainly army-neat, and his body was nothing but solid muscle. He had a square-cut jaw with a slightly clefted chin, a short, straight nose, and a plump lower lip she wanted to nip and suck just to hear him groan. His eyes were blue, though not any shade she’d ever seen before—where hers were pale, almost washed-out, Riley’s were more aqua, almost teal, and shining with so much intelligence and charisma it took her breath away. The way he carried himself screamed Alpha, and not just any Alpha. He was military leadership material, used to giving orders. It was clear as clear that this man was used to being in charge, used to having other people come to him for help.

  He should have terrified her. But he didn’t. Because even though Riley was an obvious Alpha male, he wasn’t a Dom. In fact, she got the same vibe off him as she did from her brother.

  Which meant Riley was a sub, just like her.

  It was a rare combination, to be sure. So rare, in fact, most people assumed it was a myth, a state of being created for romance novels. But it did happen, and Riley was living proof of it. In everyday life, he was the one in charge, the one in control, the one others went to for guidance and protection. But in the bedroom…

  Amber groaned as lust pooled in her lower belly. Fantasy after fantasy had run riot through her mind the moment she laid eyes on Riley. She could picture the big man on his knees, sucking Maddox off, while Amber watched. She could picture him sandwiched between the two of them, being fucked from both sides, losing himself in the pleasure they brought him together. And the more detailed her fantasies became, the more she wanted to march over to Riley’s townhouse, drag the man outside, and march him to Maddox’s front door.

  It was perfect, especially if Maddox really was gay, and especially if Riley was bi, as she suspected. Then Riley could be the buffer, the safe zone between her and Maddox. Because while she was still terrified of Maddox, she knew that Riley would never threaten her. Maddox could take his aggressive Dom nature out on the huge man and never come close to harming him, and Amber could have the benefit of a Dom’s control without fearing him wanting to use it directly on her. And the moment she realized that, Amber’s fear melted into a puddle of pure, unadulterated lust. And she still didn’t know what to do about it.

  The doorbell rang, making her jump two feet straight up. Cursing, she pressed a hand to her racing heart and headed for the door. She was too short to see out the peephole, so she peeked out the side window, hoping against hope it was just her brother, come to bring her some food. She didn’t know if she’d be able to handle any other visitors tonight.

  But it wasn’t Allen. Maddox stood on the bottom step, hands shoved in his pockets, his dark-brown hair wind-ruffled and so fucking sexy she wanted to run her fingers through it. Cursing herself and her wayward libido, Amber pulled the door open—and froze, as fear tried to drown her.

  God, he was overwhelming. He wasn’t even close to her, not close enough to touch, anyway, but she could feel his presence like a pillow trying to smother her to death. Only the fact that he didn’t move, didn’t come up the stairs, kept her from slamming the door in his face. Still, she couldn’t find her voice, could only stand there and stare as equal parts fear and lust tried to tear her heart in two.

  Maddox stood in silence for a long time, his gray eyes turned silver in the moonlight. The sun had set fully just a little while ago, so there was still a band of deep purple in the western sky. The city was too bright around them for many stars to be out, but there was a full moon, casting a shining light over the tiny parking lot. Standing there in the dim light, with his dark hair and olive-toned skin limned in silver, he looked like a dark angel come to earth.

  Finally, after an interminable silence, Maddox cleared his throat. “Sidri called me,” he said, his deep voice stroking her body from head to toe. “She said they forgot to get you groceries. I brought you pizza.” He looked toward her feet.

  Amber followed his look and found a pizza box on her stoop, sitting on her welcome mat. When she looked up, bemused, he gave her one of those knee-melting smiles. “It’s still hot. Just ordered it. We’ll get you some food tomorrow. Tonight, just sit back and relax, okay? Riley and I are taking turns watching over you.” His silver eyes flashed, his voice going deep and growly. “No one is going to get you through us, Amber. I promise.”

  Throat dry, she could only nod. When she didn’t immediately retrieve the pie, Maddox heaved a sigh, ran one hand through his hair, and started backing up. “I’ll leave you alone. Just wanted to bring you that. Sleep well tonight.” And he turned to go.

  “Wait,” Amber whispered hoarsely, surprised at herself. She should have kept quiet, should have let him walk away so she could breathe normally again. But she didn’t want to be alone right now, even if it meant being with a man who embodied everything she’d ever feared about men.

  She was tired of being afraid of herself.

  “Wait,” she said louder, though her voice squeaked on the last letter. Maddox froze, then slowly turned to face her. When he didn’t come back, when he just stood there in the darkness waiting for her to speak, Amber cleared her throat roughly and blurted, “Come eat with me. I don’t like to eat alone.”

  Maddox pivoted, slowly made his way back toward her stoop. The closer he got, the harder she gripped the door handle, but she forced herself to stand firm, to not back away. He kept those silver eyes pinned on hers as he bent at the waist and picked up the pizza box with one hand. The tiny stoop only had three steps, so with her standing at the top and him standing on the sidewalk below, they were almost equal in height. And standing there, looking into his quicksilver eyes the same way she’d done earlier today, Amber’s heart rate began to slow, her breathing to even out. As long as she concentrated on him, Maddox, and not the Dom she knew him to be, she could ignore the fear.

  Of course, without the fear, lust washed through her instantly. Hiding a shiver, Amber gestured for Maddox to enter the house, using the door as a shield between them. Maddox complied, walking slowly inside. The heat radiating from his body as he passed by was like a heat lamp turned on high, burning her skin even though there was a good three feet between them.

  He paused a few steps into her foyer and spoke over his shoulder.

  “Look, I don’t have to be here. You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. You set the boundaries, angel. Your decision, no matter what.”

  Amber shuddered, hearing the sincerity in his deep, masculine voice. Gulping, she pushed the door closed and pressed her back to it, waiting until he turned to face her before speaking. His eyes were like silver ingots in the reflected light from the living room lamp, twin pools of mercury she could swim in forever—even though it might kill her.

  “I don’t want to be afraid of you,” she whispered. His eyes softened, and she had to swallow past the sudden lump in her throat. “Allen says I can trust you. So do Sidri an
d Riley. I want to trust them. And I want to trust you. Please, don’t pay attention to me and my stupid fears. It’s not you, I promise.”

  Maddox’s hand twitched, as if he fought the urge to reach out, to touch her. “You’re the second person who’s said that to me today,” he said with a little chuckle. At her raised eyebrow, he flashed a heart-stopping grin. “Riley said the same thing. And I’ll tell you the same thing I told him. I always pay attention to the people who matter to me.” He paused, those silver eyes suddenly burning hot. “Always.”

  Amber licked her lips. “You don’t even know me. How can I matter to you?”

  Maddox sighed and took a few steps back, gesturing toward the kitchen. “Come on, let’s eat. We can talk while we get some food in you.”

  Nodding, Amber waited for him to lead the way. He crossed her living room like he owned the place, making for the spacious kitchen. There were three barstools around the center island, and he made for the closest, leaving her to choose whether she wanted to sit across from him—or next to him. Not feeling quite brave enough to sit so close, she chose the far chair, with her back to the sliding glass doors that led to the communal backyard. It normally made her uncomfortable, sitting with her back to a door or window. But somehow, with Maddox there, she felt like she could relax, just a little. He was watching out for her.

  Of course, what was inside with her might be much, much worse than anything that could threaten her from outside.

  Maddox set the pizza box between them and popped the lid, revealing an extra-large pie covered with nothing but meat and cheese. Pepperoni, sausage, bacon, ham, ground beef—the works. When she looked up at him, he winked.

  “Carnivore. Can’t help it.”

  A giggle escaped before she could catch it, and Amber ducked her head to hide a sudden blush. Damn it, she hated when she did stuff like that. She was already tiny, already mistaken for much younger than she actually was. She hated it when she giggled because it made her sound like a little girl, like some airheaded twit without a thought in her brain. Cursing herself, she slid off her barstool and retrieved a roll of paper towels, both to use as napkins and to use as plates, since neither were currently part of her kitchen accoutrements. She tore off a generous wad and placed it in front of Maddox, carefully avoiding touching him while she did it. He watched her the whole time, his mouth drawn down in a little frown. When she reseated herself, he picked a slice and handed it to her.

  “Why do you hate laughing?” he asked, his voice mild despite the demand in his tone. He was asking for information—and demanding she answer him honestly.

  Amber looked up at him in surprise. “What?”

  He cocked his head to one side. “You blush whenever you laugh. People blush when they’re embarrassed by something. Why are you embarrassed when you laugh? I like the sound of it.”

  Great. Now her ears were turning red, the flush spreading across her cheeks and down her neck. She swallowed, started picking at the toppings on her pizza. “I don’t know,” she answered finally. “I’ve just always hated how…young I sound. Like some giggly little girl.”

  “You don’t sound like a little girl to me, Amber,” he rumbled seriously. She looked up into gray eyes that had turned to quicksilver once again, felt her heart do a woozy backflip up into her throat. “You sound like a woman having a good time. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about that.”

  For a moment, she couldn’t look away, started drowning in those beautiful silver eyes. With a gasp, she yanked her gaze away and focused on her food. Desperately, she searched for a subject, any subject, that would take them away from talking about her, or her laugh, or anything else that might make him compliment her again.

  “Allen said you designed their lake house,” she said in a rush, keeping her eyes on the pizza as she picked out pieces of sausage. “Have you always been an architect?”

  “Not always. I started out as a grunt.”

  Hearing the amusement in his tone, she looked up with a raised eyebrow. “A grunt?”

  He flashed a smile, took a huge bite of his pizza, and swallowed before speaking again. “Means the lowest of the low in a construction crew. The one who gets to lift the heaviest stuff, the one who has to bust ass the most. I joined a crew when I was seventeen, much to my mother’s disgust. Been in construction ever since.”

  Making sure there was no sausage left on her piece, Amber took a tiny bite. “How did you come to work for Sidri?”

  Maddox wiped his fingers on his napkin, gray eyes distant as he thought. “Conglomeration of things. My mom went to work for Sidri a couple of years before we met, so I’d known who she and Tatum were by proxy. But we never got introduced in person until we ran into each other in a club.” He paused, met her gaze as she gasped unintentionally. “Yes, that kind of club. She and Tatum were both there. We met, shared an evening together, and have been friends ever since. Sidri discovered my love of architecture and encouraged me to take some classes. Their lake house was my first professional design.”

  Amber hid a shiver, tried to push all thoughts of clubs and what kind of ‘evening’ Maddox could have shared with Sidri and Tatum out of her mind. “It’s beautiful,” she told him sincerely. “I was only there the once, but I loved it. You’re an amazing architect.”

  To her surprise, he blushed, his olive skin darkening noticeably. “Thanks.” Obviously uncomfortable now that the tables had turned, he cleared his throat and asked, “So what do you do?”

  Amber winced, taking another bite of her pizza as she admitted, “Not much, I’m afraid.” At his inquiring look, she heaved a sigh. “I haven’t really…figured out what I want to do with myself yet. I know, that’s terrible, considering I’m twenty-four. I have a bachelor’s degree in English Lit and a minor in Business Administration, but I’ve never known what to do with my degrees. And, I admit, having grown up in a rich house, I never had much ambition. It’s only been in the last couple of years that I started to realize I couldn’t depend on my father’s money for the rest of my life.”

  “Okay. So what do you want to do?”

  Amber shook her head, met his curious look with a small smile. “I don’t know. Honestly.”

  “No dreams? No ambitions? No girlhood ‘when I grow up’ stories?”

  Amber wrinkled her nose at him, thought while she took a few more bites. “Well…when I was younger, I wanted to be a part of my father’s ministry. But I lost interest in that after…” She looked up at him under her lashes. “Do you know what happened to Allen? Did he tell you?”

  Maddox wiped his chin with a napkin, expression solemn. “No details, but I know he ran away.”

  Amber nodded. “Yeah, I know that now. But when we were kids, my father told us he was kidnapped. And then that he was murdered by the drug cartels in Columbia.”

  Maddox cursed. “Jesus, that’s awful. So you thought he was dead all this time? How did you find out he was still alive?”

  Briefly, she told him about her father’s temper tantrum, about finding Allen and Tatum’s wedding announcement. She dropped the remains of her uneaten pizza on her napkin, wrapped her arms around herself. “I didn’t know my father knew he was alive. I wonder how he knew? I never did ask him.”

  Maddox grimaced. “Difficult conversation to have, I’m sure. So, what does all that have to do with your interest in your father’s ministry?”

  Amber chewed her lower lip for a moment. “After Allen disappeared, I had this vague idea that I wanted to help other kids. Not victims of kidnapping—the families, the siblings of people who lost a family member unexpectedly. I asked my father to let me start a children’s ministry that would focus on kids with emotional problems. He shot me down. Didn’t want any of the focus taken off him or his agenda.” Her expression turned sour as she remembered the disgust on her father’s face when she asked him.

  “I gave up on being part of his church after that. But I still wanted to help people. When I went to college, I took some psychology classe
s, wanted to major in child psychology or family counseling. My father nixed that idea, too. Said I would end up working for some state agency, or Child Services. Said it would be worthless for me to waste my time in public service.”

  A rumble like a lion’s purr came from Maddox. She blinked at him, noting the slight scowl as his fingers tightened on the edge of the counter. “I see,” he said in a tight, low voice. “So you went for English Lit and business instead?”

  Why was he mad? Amber cleared her throat. “Yes. But I didn’t want to be a teacher, or go into business. My father wants me to take over the business office for his church, but I can’t stand being in that building, much less deal with the other people who work there. So, for a long time, I didn’t do very much at all. After a while, though, it got boring, and I realized I needed to do something with myself, with our without my father’s approval.

  “I took a job as a receptionist with a doctor’s office recently. They treat drug addicts and help young mothers who have babies who are born addicted. But I haven’t been there long, just a couple of months.” She paused, swallowed hard. “I might not even have a job anymore, honestly. I had to take a few days off while I was trying to deal with…all this. For all I know, I’ve been fired already.”

  “Hey,” Maddox said, bringing her eyes back to his, “stop worrying about it, okay? Even if that is true, you have Allen, Sidri, and Tatum on your side, not to mention me and Riley. Between the five of us, I’m sure we can find you another job. Cross that bridge when you come to it. No use letting it stress you out now, when you can’t do anything about it. You’re doing what you need to do to survive. That takes precedence over everything else, understand me?”