No Going Back (Club Aegis Book 6)

by Christie Adams

  “Everything okay?”

  Maddie took a moment to compose her thoughts. “Green, Sire. Everything’s green.”

  “I understand.”

  He held her hand while he unlocked the door, then ushered her in. After two steps, she froze, her head swimming. Skeletal fingers clawed at her, dragging her down into the past, burying her in a toxic pit of memory and sensation from the last time he’d brought her here.

  I can’t do this.

  “Madeleine?”

  The deep, solicitous voice broke the stranglehold of their shared history, effectively locking that skeleton back in the cupboard where it belonged. She couldn’t tell him—she could never tell him. Instead, she made a mental grab for the instructions she’d been given and so far had failed to obey. “I’m sorry, Sire.”

  With trembling hands she unbuttoned her top, folded it, and set it down on the chair a couple of feet away. The rest of her clothes followed—not that there was much—and under Guy’s watchful gaze, she sank to her knees as gracefully as she could manage. With her hands on her parted thighs, she took a deep, calming breath, and centred herself for whatever her Master had in store.

  “Good girl.” His hand on her head, along with his deep, rich voice, isolated her from the world outside, reduced everything to just the two of them. “When I bought this apartment, I bought it for more reasons than being close to the office. The views across the river, for one thing, but more importantly, it’s not overlooked.”

  Maddie remembered. She remembered every one of her visits to this apartment, and the ensuing pain of knowing she’d never be here again when he’d disappeared from her life. She’d needed that mission to Moscow, not to mention the challenge of staying alive once she got there, to take her focus away from that pain. She’d never expected to return, so now that she was here, tears stung her eyes and threatened to flow freely.

  “Come with me.”

  She took the offered hand and stood. Guy led her through the apartment to the master bedroom, where he told her to wait.

  With her eyes lowered, all Maddie could do was guess what he was doing with the bags he’d carried up from the car. The rustle of clothing hinted at the removal of his jacket, maybe his tie, too. Only Guy would turn up on a day off dressed for the office. He’d never truly embraced the concept of casual wear. She’d teased him about it in the past, and wondered if, second time around, she’d have a better chance of introducing him to the concept of wearing jeans. More than a decade on, he still had a butt that would make denim look magnificent.

  “And what, I wonder, is the reason for that devious little smile?”

  His tone indicated the expectation of a response. It’d have to be an honest one, too—anything else, and she’d be storing up trouble for her own butt. “I wondered if you were removing your jacket, which led me to other thoughts.”

  “I see. And what precisely is the nature of those other thoughts?”

  He’d never been one to let her off the hook easily. Even when she’d thought she’d got away with something, he had an unerring knack for uncovering the truth. Sometimes he uncovered it in ways that made her body sing. “I was debating whether I’d ever persuade you to wear a pair of jeans.”

  “Never.”

  Maddie’s lips twitched again. She could almost hear the theatrical shudder of revulsion encapsulated in the heartfelt vow. “Never say never, Sire.”

  “In this case, kitten, you can take my decision as final. Now, given that we had lunch and were late leaving, what do you propose we should do to fill the time until dinner?”

  A multitude of images crossed Maddie’s mind, but there could be only one answer. “Whatever my Master desires.”

  “Hmm, let me see. I think a nap would be a good idea. Then we can get ready for dinner and the theatre.”

  “Dinner and the theatre?”

  “Yes, dinner and the theatre. I believe that’s what I mentioned on Monday.”

  He had, she couldn’t deny it, but she was bordering on delirious after four days of monumental amounts of arousal and no orgasms. So this was what sexual starvation felt like.

  “Dinner and the theatre will be lovely.”

  “I’m glad you think so. I made a reservation at your favourite restaurant, and we have a box at the Garrick for that musical extravaganza you told me about.”

  Which he’d said he’d hate, but he’d booked tickets anyway. That was so like the Master she remembered. “You’re spoiling me.”

  His hearty laugh in response wasn’t what she expected. “Oh, my darling kitten—you have no idea what I have in store for you.”

  >>><<<

  When he’d said they’d nap, he was only partly right. He’d fitted cuffs to her wrists, clipped them together, and put her in chastity again. The last seemed to be his new favourite thing. He’d then curved his naked body around hers, which was where the op deviated from the plan. He slept all right—for her, it was a different story. While his low, rhythmic breath caressed her nape, she’d battled a shit ton of frustration at having him so close and not having him inside her.

  And she needed him inside her.

  She’d thought she’d got off lightly too, when he hadn’t banned her from wearing underwear. Tricky bastard. The dress he’d bought for her as a surprise hadn’t been designed to accommodate a bra, but she could deal with that. He hadn’t said a word on the way to the theatre, lulling her into a false sense of security. No, the trap had been sprung during the first piece of loud music.

  The note was short and explicit in its instruction. Removing her thong without attracting attention had required a fair amount of yogic wriggling, but she’d managed it. Her sole item of underwear had then taken up residence in his jacket pocket, where it remained for the rest of the evening.

  In a private box at the theatre, Guy was a silent weapon of mass destruction in human form. After the performance, on the way back to his apartment, Maddie’s legs still quivered with the effort of fending off multiple orgasms. Her fiend of a Master had driven her almost insane and still never given her permission to come. She was beginning to think he’d never let her climax again.

  Guy assisted her out of the car when they arrived back at his apartment. After he dismissed the driver, they rode up to the penthouse in silence. Maddie didn’t need words, not when her hand was enclosed in Guy’s, held so tight, it felt as if he’d never let her go.

  At that image, another thought reared its ugly head. No—she wasn’t going to let that ruin this evening, or this weekend. They had time for this, perhaps their last special occasion together. Yana was still safe, and even if those black SUVs Maddie had seen did belong to Kuznetsov, he hadn’t tracked her down yet. If he had, she’d know it—his boss, Srenko, wouldn’t tolerate anything less than immediate action.

  Guy ushered her into his apartment. Remembering her instructions, Maddie slipped out of her shoes and removed her jewellery. Finally, with the utmost care, she divested herself of the elegant gown. As she knelt with her thighs parted and her hands clasped at the base of her spine, a sweeping sense of contentment overcame her. Her heart had finally come home.

  “You’re looking pleased with yourself.”

  “Not at all, Sire. I was just thinking about this evening, and how much I enjoyed it.”

  “All of it?”

  Maddie pressed her lips together. An innocuous enough question, but lurking beneath was the real question. “All of it,” she confirmed. “I knew you wouldn’t put me in an embarrassing position. Make my heart race, yes, but not embarrass me, even if it didn’t quite seem like that at the time.”

  “It didn’t?”

  “Someone could have come into the box at any time.”

  “Unlikely.”

  “That’s what I told myself. And even if they did, I knew you’d protect me.”

  “Always.” He offered her his hand. “Let’s have a nightcap, then we can head for bed.”

  Curled up on Guy’s lap, Maddie immersed herself i
n the sheer peace of being with him, her only thought to please him. There was an intimacy beyond price about the way he held the glass of cognac to her lips, and then drank from the same place himself. She laid her hand on the solid, muscular pane of his chest, his skin separated from hers by the crisp white linen of his tailored shirt. The rise and fall of his breathing soothed her as much as the shield of his arm around her did.

  “I could get used to this,” Guy murmured into her hair, brushing her temple with the lightest of kisses. “Dinner, the theatre—”

  “A nightcap before bed?”

  “And a beautiful woman in my arms. Life is meant for moments like this.”

  Her sadist was mellowing? A decade could do that to a man, especially when he carried the kind of burdens Guy did. “I don’t think I’ll ever forget this one,” she whispered.

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  According to what Guy had told her, in common with many clubs, Friday and Saturday were the most popular nights at Aegis. Although the doors opened at 8 p.m. on those evenings, most members arrived over the following couple of hours.

  Right now, though, the place was empty and silent. Maddie took Guy’s offered hand and accompanied him through the various rooms, ending in the office upstairs.

  “What do you think, kitten?”

  Tuned into him as she was, she caught the genuine concern in his voice—it appeared her opinion was important to him. “It’s amazing. Nothing like that club we went to, Sire.”

  “I remember. That dump was the reason why I bought Aegis when I heard the previous owner was putting it on the market. I wanted to take something good and make it better, make it everything that club wasn’t.”

  “I think it’s safe to say you succeeded.”

  Guy wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to him. “I’m glad you think so. I want to play tonight, and I want to show you off. Are you still all right with the attention we’re likely to attract?”

  Her initial reaction had been one of apprehension, but that had faded with reassurance from her Master. “It’ll be fine. You aren’t worried, are you?”

  He stroked her cheek with the back of his fingers. “Only about you.”

  “You don’t need to worry about me. I’ll be proud to stand by your side this evening—or kneel at your feet.”

  “That’s not what I mean. I’m talking about the things you aren’t telling me, the thoughts that put that haunted look in your eyes when you think my attention’s elsewhere.”

  Her stomach flipped a somersault. “I don’t know what you mean.”

  “Am I going to have to spank the truth out of you?” He pressed on. “Whatever it is, you can trust me. I won’t walk away, Maddie—not this time. Not ever, unless it’s what you want.”

  She wasn’t prepared for the unexpected turn in the conversation. One silent second became two became three, as Maddie tried to navigate her way through a whole shitstorm of conflict. “I wish I could tell you.”

  Where the hell had that come from? She couldn’t tell him, what was she thinking?

  “Then there is something. Don’t carry this on your own—don’t even try. I’m here for you, and I’m not going anywhere. Let me fix this.”

  Maddie stiffened. She tried to pull away from him, but he wouldn’t let her.

  “You don’t want me to fix it?”

  “You can’t.” The bleak statement echoed the hollow ache inside her.

  “And how do you know that?”

  “Because believe it or not, you can’t fix everything. You can’t fix this.”

  “Why don’t you tell me what ‘this’ is, and let me be the judge?”

  She sighed. “Please… I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want it to spoil this evening.”

  “You won’t spoil this evening, whether you trust me with your secret or not.”

  That stung. Secret. How she hated that word. It reminded her of everything that had gone wrong between them before, as well as everything that stood between them now, invisible and insurmountable.

  The irresistible, inexorable pressure of his palms framing her face brought her gaze level with his.

  “Don’t be afraid, kitten. Whatever’s preventing you from telling me, let it go.”

  “I can’t.”

  Though she’d barely whispered the words, there was no doubting Guy had heard them. The disappointment in his sigh was almost tangible, but it didn’t stop him taking her in his arms and holding her close. “Then we’ll leave it for now, but you will tell me, sooner or later. Are you ready to go down?”

  “As I’ll ever be.” Maddie took the hand he offered and stood. Time to let her submissive nature take over.

  “There is one thing before we go.”

  She gave him a questioning look, watched him as he went around the desk and opened one of the drawers. Her breath hitched at what he took out—a collar, fashioned in soft, supple white leather. Before he could say another word, she knelt, eyes lowered, hands clasped at the base of her spine, her actions demonstrating her consent before he could even ask the question.

  “Thank you.” He fastened the collar around her neck.

  The deft movements of his fingers as he ensured the fit was right stirred memories of what they’d shared before their relationship had gone so horribly wrong. It also stoked the blaze of emotions that had survived in spite of everything that had kept them apart. She’d worn his collar for play back then, both in private and when they’d visited that dive of a club, but he’d never actually collared her. In the years since, she’d alternated between wishing he had and being glad he hadn’t. She couldn’t help but wonder if that was going through his mind, too.

  With the collar in place, he stroked her shoulders with his fingertips. A delightful pulse of pleasure glided down her spine at the contact. Like this, she could forget everything but him—including the skeleton in the cupboard that could bring this world crashing down around her head.

  “It’s time, pet.”

  Guy helped her to stand. The catsuit he’d chosen for her was a departure from the club’s dress rules for submissives. The stretchy fabric was like a second skin, revealing her shape but nothing more. Without making a song and dance about it, he’d ensured her scars would remain their secret. He’d offered her the option of heels or bare feet in the club, so she’d opted for safety rather than fashion. When he drew her to him to tuck her hand in the crook of his arm, she felt ridiculously petite, even dainty, next to him.

  “I’ve reserved a private room for us,” Guy said. “You’ll need a reward for putting up with the attention heading our way.”

  Excitement crashed through her. The possibilities for play in a club like Aegis were endless. Which one of the themed rooms had he chosen for their scene? The anticipation was in danger of killing her. “Thank you, Sire.”

  He turned to her, a resigned smile on his harshly handsome face. “I’d much rather go straight to our room and play for the rest of the evening, but duty calls. Once more unto the breach, dear friend—”

  “Once more.”

  He kissed her hair. “Once more.”

  >>><<<

  “I’ve been waiting for this all evening.”

  Maddie tried not to be amused by her Master’s heartfelt expression of relief as they made their way down the short corridor, their destination one of the playrooms.

  “If I might comment, Sire?”

  “Of course. You’re not on protocol now.”

  His last act before they emerged from the private area of the club, and it had come out of the blue. Her heart had raced in a moment of panic as she struggled to recall the intricacies of what he demanded.

  It was worth it, though. The strictness of his control had proved exhilarating. Even now she still felt the glow from taking her place on a cushion at his feet while he’d talked to other members of the club.

  Not all the faces were unknown to her—Ros and Simon were there to show their support for Guy on what he’d told Maddie was his
first visit since coming out as the owner. After the initial surprise, a sudden sense of belonging had tempted Maddie with dreams of a future that encompassed not just Guy but his family and friends, too. Then her treacherous thoughts had snatched those dreams from her, with a sharp reminder of the part of her past she couldn’t share with the man she loved.

  What she could do, though, was give him her assessment of how the evening had gone.

  “I overheard quite a few different conversations, and every one of them approved of what you’ve done with the club. They all seemed very happy.”

  “They did, didn’t they? That’s all I ever wanted for them. We’re in here.”

  The private playrooms were secured like hotel rooms. Guy slipped the key card into the slot, then held the door open for her to pass in front of him.

  This room had been set up in a similar way to the playroom at Stonehaven, right down to the towel-covered table. Maddie barely had time to take in the shelves and racks of all manner of toys and implements before Guy ordered her to strip. He took the catsuit from her, then laid his hands on her waist and lifted her onto the table. He parted her thighs and stood between them, tempting her to risk wrapping her legs around his hips and bring their bodies into closer, even more intimate contact. She had no doubt she’d earn herself a spanking if she tried.

  “Tell me your safewords, Madeleine.”

  He definitely wasn’t wasting any time—Maddie approved. “Red to stop, yellow to slow down and discuss, green for affirmation.”

  “Good girl.” He framed her face with his hands and held her in position for a deep, almost punishing kiss. “Now lie down for me. On your back, hands over your head, legs apart.”

  Heart racing, Maddie obeyed, settling with a little wriggle to ensure she was in exactly the right position. Strong, masculine hands buckled cuffs around her wrists, the action followed by a metallic clink as he clipped the cuffs to chains connected to the corners of the table. He did the same with her ankles, and then, without warning, he pinched her nipple hard and pulled on it. At the first twist, Maddie, already aroused by what she’d witnessed in the club, was instantly aware of the wet trickle between the cheeks of her bottom. At the bite of the clamp, she moaned and twisted, but she couldn’t get away from him.