“First, do not ever walk away from me like that again. Ever. I get that there is a lot I don’t know or understand about the relationship with your brother, but that gives you no right to take it out on me. Relationships are about being there for the other person. Friendships, marriages, that’s all they are. What kind of relationship is this if at every turn you are shutting me out?”
I pause, gauging his reaction which remains unreadable.
“Second, you don’t get to decide for me. If I choose to be with you, and I accept the risks that choice entails, then who are you to tell me otherwise? You decide for you, not me. If you don’t want this...” I gesture between the two of us. “If you don’t want me, then at least have the courage to say that and not try to play some martyr who is sacrificing himself for the girl.”
“Look, I knew what I was getting into when I met you,” I continue. “You never lied to me about what this is, or about what I should expect from this. And I haven’t pushed you for more. You told me what you were capable of, and I accepted that knowing it probably wouldn’t last. But now...” Emotion clogs my throat. “Now things have changed.” I take a deep inhale and let it out slowly. “I no longer accept the original terms. I want more, Decklan, so much more. And if you tell me right now that you don’t, at least I can walk away knowing I put myself out there and fought for what I wanted. But not saying anything at all would leave me with a life overflowing with regret, and I can’t live that way. I know this is unfair, and I shouldn’t demand things from you that you aren’t capable of giving me, but that doesn’t make me want them any less.”
“Kimber.” My name is weak on his lips.
“Please let me finish. I need to get this out before I lose my nerve.” I stop him, meeting his deep gray gaze.
He gives me a brief nod, making no attempt to say more.
“I’ve never met anyone like you before. You’re challenging, stubborn, and infuriating but also the most incredible person I have ever known. You have these moments where I swear you let me see you, really see you, for the man you are and not the man you let everyone believe you to be. I know you carry around a lot of pain and guilt. I may not know why, but it’s clear to anyone who actually takes the time to pay attention that it’s there. And I know that it’s eating you alive, and if you don’t find a way to deal with whatever it is, it will eventually consume you and then that man, the man I have come love, will surely disappear.”
I see the surprise on his face, the way his eyes narrow in on mine at my words.
“I’m in love with you, Decklan. I don’t how it happened or when, but I can’t fight it. I love you, and I want to be with you. And not just a casual hookup, I want us to be together; really together. I want to help you with whatever it is you’re fighting. I want you to know you’re not alone and that you have someone on your side.” I take a hesitant step towards him and then another, closing the gap between us to just a couple of feet.
“I’m sorry if this is not what you want to hear. And I’m sorry to just show up and lay all this on you at once. But I love you, Decklan, and I won’t apologize for that. But I also understand if you don’t feel the same, and if that’s the case I will walk away and never bother you again. You have my word.” I fight back the thickness that forms at the base of my throat at the thought. “I want you, Decklan. I choose you. Baggage and all.”
“And what do I get?” His features remain tight as he finally speaks, but there is a hint of playfulness to his tone.
“Me,” I get out weakly on a shrug.
I don’t have time to say more before Decklan is stalking towards me, his lips crashing down on mine silencing what I planned to say next. Those words, along with all other coherent thoughts, simply float into nothingness as Decklan’s mouth works skillfully against mine, kissing me so deeply and with so much hunger that it takes everything I have not to cower under his clear need for me.
“I’m sorry.” He breathes against my lips, letting his towel fall away as he backs me towards the large circular support beam that stands in the center of the room.
“I don’t deserve you.” He pulls back to slide my shirt over my head, his eyes heatedly taking in my bare torso. “Fuck me.” He dips his face, his lips finding the sensitive flesh just below my ear as his hands work effortlessly to free me of my pants.
Only moments pass before I feel the cool stone of the beam against my back as Decklan lifts me, pinning me between it and him.
“I want to feel you bare.” He groans, sucking my bottom lip into his mouth.
“Then do it,” I challenge, pulling back to meet his heated gaze.
I’ve never had sex without a condom before and the thought of feeling Decklan inside of me with no barrier is too much for me to resist. I’ve been on birth control since I was seventeen so I know we’ll be okay, even if I was put on it for regulating my periods rather than to prevent pregnancy.
“What?” He hits me with surprised eyes.
“I’m on birth control.” I place my hands on both sides of his face and pull his lips back to mine, feeling him smile against my mouth.
“Tell me again.” He groans as he slides deeply inside of me, my legs locking tightly around his waist as he does.
“Tell you what?” I pant, my body suddenly so overcome by the thought and feeling of him inside me with nothing between us.
“That you love me.” He pants, working into a slow steady rhythm.
My hands still at the back of his head, forcing his face up to meet mine.
“I love you.” My words are breathy, the pleasure now coursing through every inch of my body nearly impossible to contain. “I love you, Decklan.” I lean down, panting the words against his lips as he slowly increases his speed.
“Fuck. You feel so good around me.” He groans out, taking my mouth on a hard heated kiss as his once controlled movements become more frantic and rapid, our bodies clashing together with so much force it takes everything I have to hold my grip around him.
“Decklan,” I cry out, feeling the familiar warmth spread through my lower belly as he pounds relentlessly into me.
“Let it go, baby. Let me feel you.” His words send my climbing pleasure over the edge, the waves cascading through my entire body as I tremble uncontrollably around him.
“That’s it. Oh Fuck,” he grinds out just seconds before I feel his release spill inside of me. The warmth of it spreads, the feeling unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before.
I drop my head onto Decklan’s shoulder, unable to contain the smile on my face. I know there are risks with having unprotected sex, but I trust Decklan, as naive as that sounds, and I can’t imagine another person I would want to share this experience with.
“Did I hurt you?” He stills inside of me, his face dropping into the crook of my neck.
“No,” I get out weakly, still trying to catch my breath.
“You’re incredible, you know that?” He pulls back, hitting me with a wide smile.
“So is that a yes?” I ask, leaning forward to lay a brief kiss to his lips.
“To more?” he questions, his gaze softening.
“To more,” I confirm.
“I can’t promise you that things will turn out the way you want, Kimber,” he starts, my stomach knotting tightly at his words. “But I promise you there is nothing I want more in this world than you.” His smile widens when he sees the relief that must be clearly written all over my face.
“Does this mean I get to call you my boyfriend?” I say jokingly, laughing when he curls his nose up playfully.
“If I get to have you like this anytime I want.” He grinds against me, his erection still firmly inside of me. “Then you can call me anything you want.” He smiles, pressing his lips once again to mine.
****
“So you have no siblings?” Decklan runs his fingers gently through my hair as I lay with my head propped on his firm chest.
The sound of his heart thumps loudly against my ear and is pro
bably one of the most incredible sounds in the world.
“None,” I confirm. “I don’t think my parents’ ever really wanted children. I’m pretty sure I’m the one and only mistake they ever made.”
“Anyone who views you as a mistake is seriously fucking damaged.” He laughs, his chest vibrating lightly beneath my cheek.
“I guess.” I sigh. “I think having a child was just something to make them seem more wholesome. My father is in politics. He was the Mayor of the town I grew up in for years before running for State Senate. Mom is his doting perfect wife with her perfect little friends who sit around drinking tea and organizing fundraisers, criticizing the way other people live. It’s pathetic.”
“Do I sense some hostility?”
“You sense more than just hostility.” I let out an exasperated laugh. “I love my parents’, don’t get me wrong, I just wish they trusted me enough to support my choices. They can’t accept things that don’t fit into their perfect idea of life. I don’t even know why they’re still together. My father clearly only keeps my mom around because she plays the role so well. I feel sorry for them honestly.”
“Don’t,” Decklan whispers, dropping a kiss on the top of my head. “Don’t even give them that. They don’t deserve it. I understand you not wanting to cut them out of your life completely, but I think you’re right to keep them at a distance until they come around. You shouldn’t have to feel guilty about pursuing your dreams instead of someone else’s.”
“Thank you,” I manage to get out, his comment meaning more to me than he probably realizes. “So what about your parents?” I ask, desperate to change the depressing topic that is my family life.
“Well you’ve met my mom,” he says, my mind immediately going back to the second time I ever saw Decklan, when he joined his mom and brother for lunch at the diner I work at.
“I didn’t really know my father very well,” he continues. “He skipped out on my mom when I was eight, and I haven’t seen or spoken to him since.”
“That’s awful.” I’ve never understood how someone could just leave their children like that, and the thought breaks my heart a little for Decklan.
“It was probably for the best.” I feel him shrug beneath me. “Besides, my mom seemed happier without him.”
“Tell me about your mom, what’s she like?” I push for more, not sure if he will comply or not.
“Well, she’s stubborn and bullheaded.” He laughs.
“The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree,” I interject, laughing when he playfully squeezes my side.
“She also has a heart five times the size of a normal person. She cares very deeply for people in general, and she loves fiercely, especially her family.” His voice trails off.
“Are you two close?”
“We used to be.”
“What happened?” I can’t help but ask.
“We just... I don’t know, things just happened and I ended up moving out my senior year of high school.”
“Is that when you stayed at the Porters?” I don’t balk at the vague answer he gives me, clearly able to see it’s not something he wants to talk about right now.
“Yes,” he confirms. “Rosie and Tim always treated me like their second son. Hell, before I officially lived with them I practically lived with them already. They did more for me than I think any of them ever realized.” He falls silent for a long moment.
“It must be nice, having a friend like Gavin.” I finally speak again.
“It is,” he agrees. “Though sometimes I’d like to run him over with my motorcycle.” He laughs.
“I wish I had friends like that.”
“Well, first you’d have to buy a motorcycle.” He jokes prompting me to lay a swift smack to the top of his thigh.
“Shut up.” I laugh.
“Surely you had friends you were close to growing up.” He falls serious again.
“Not really, no. I was too busy with my advanced classes, student council, piano and cello lessons, to really have time to devote to friends. I mean I had friends, just not the kind that stayed in touch after I moved to Oregon.” I shrug.
“What about your roommate; you two seem close?”
“Harlee?” I question. “I mean, yeah I guess. I’m certainly closer to her than I ever was any of my friends back home. I got so lucky when I landed her as my roommate. Not many people could live with me.”
“I don’t know. I think I could.” He laughs, shifting his body causing me to roll onto my back. Within moments he’s on top of me, settling between my thighs.
“I wonder why.” I reach between us, my fingers closing down around his already hard erection. “That’s what I thought.” I smile knowingly, tightening my grip.
“That’s not the only reason.” He smiles down at me. “You also make one hell of a sleeping partner.” He grinds into my hand.
“I do?” I question playfully, confused by his statement.
“You really do,” he confirms. “You barely move or make any sound at all. I had to check your breathing twice last night out of fear that I somehow fucked you to death.”
“As if that is possible.” I can’t contain the laughter that bursts from my throat.
“If it were I think we would have accomplished it by now,” he agrees, a wide smile on his impossibly handsome face.
“We could always try harder.” I give him a heated look as I position the tip of his erection at my entrance.
“Challenge accepted.” He groans, sliding deeply inside of me.
Chapter Nineteen
Decklan
“Good morning.” I drop a kiss on Kimber’s forehead when she opens her eyes and peers up at me sleepily.
“Morning.” She smiles. “What time is it?”
“Just after nine.” I push her wild hair away from her face.
“That early?” she questions. “I feel like I could sleep for at least ten more hours.” She groans, rolling onto her side away from me, bunching the blanket up around her head.
“We could do that.” I pull her backside flush with my body, dropping my face into the crook of her neck. “Or we could go get something to eat.” I kiss her soft skin, loving the way goosebumps spread across her flesh when I do.
“Oh my God, food.” She groans. “I feel like I haven’t eaten in days.”
“Well considering we’ve been holed up here for two days with nothing to eat but snack food, you kind of haven’t.” I laugh, kissing the bottom of her jaw. “What do you say we take a shower and then I take you to breakfast?”
“I say that sounds amazing.” She smiles, turning in my arms as she pulls my face down to hers, her soft lips brushing gently against mine.
****
“What time do you guys open?” Kimber glances around as we make our way through the empty bar.
“Depends on the day.” I clasp my hand around hers, pulling her through the front door behind me before turning to lock it. “Usually, through the week, we open at five. It really doesn’t pay for us to keep it open through the day.”
“That makes sense,” she agrees, taking my hand again when I offer it. “So where we are we going?” she asks, snuggling into my side, the morning temperature cool and crisp.
“Well considering it’s too cold to throw you on my bike, how about we just head over there for coffee and bagels?” I nod my head towards the coffee shop/bakery across the street.
“Oh my God, coffee sounds so good right now.” She shakes her head excitedly, pulling a huge smile on my face.
My God, this fucking girl is too fucking beautiful for her own good. The way the light bounces off her blonde hair gives her a glow as she stands in the bright morning sun.
Fucking breathtaking.
Wrapping my arm around her shoulder, I kiss her temple before quickly leading her across the street. Holding the door open the moment we reach the front entrance, I usher her inside.
I hear Gavin’s voice boom through the small space within seconds of
the door latching closed behind us, pulling my attention to the only occupied table in the far corner of the room.
“He’s alive.” He laughs, grabbing the attention of Kimber as well.
It takes me a moment to realize he’s not alone and even longer to recognize the guy sitting across from him.
“Paxton?” I don’t try to hide the surprise in my voice. “What the hell, dude, I didn’t know you were in town,” I say, making my way towards their table, dragging Kimber along with me.
“It’s good to see you, Deck.” He stands, giving me a one-armed hug. “I actually got in yesterday. You didn’t answer your phone so I had to stay with this asshat.” He laughs, gesturing behind him to Gavin.
“Fuck you, dude,” Gavin jokingly objects.
“And who is this beautiful creature,” he asks, turning his attention to Kimber.
“That’s the girl I was telling you about,” Gavin interjects before I can answer, smiling widely at Kimber who sinks slightly beneath the gaze of all three of us.
“When Gavin told me a woman had finally reeled this one in, I didn’t believe it,” he says, smacking my shoulder. “I gotta say I see why now.” He gives her a warm smile and extends his hand to her. “Paxton Stewart.”
“Kimber James,” she responds, reaching out to shake his hand.
“Well, it is very nice to meet you, Kimber James.” He flicks his gaze towards me for a split second before focusing back on Kimber.
“You, too.” She smiles, nervously tucking her hair behind her ear.
“Paxton is one of our friends from high school. He moved to California a couple of years ago,” I explain to Kimber before turning back to Paxton. “How long are in town for?”
“Indefinitely.” He smiles, running a hand through his dark hair.
Out of all of us, Paxton has always been the diva of the group, always making sure his facial hair is well trimmed, his hair perfectly styled, and he never fails to sport the latest ‘in’ look. It’s good to see that some things never change.
“You’re coming back?” I ask surprised, considering he hasn’t mentioned anything about moving back over the last few times I’ve spoken to him.
Crazy Stupid Love (Crazy Love #1) Page 15
