Counting Goodbyes

by Whitney Cannavina

  Bobby just shakes her head and laughs at what, I don’t know but she is not helping me in the slightest with my tirade.

  “Bobby, you’re supposed to be on my side. It’s not funny. Austin is a jerk,” I whine.

  “You’re hilarious. Austin likes you.” She responds.

  “You’re crazy.”

  “I’m serious. He is totally into you and you are so clueless it’s sad. He was not angry at the fact you and Beau weren’t together, he wanted confirmation that you weren’t together, so he could make his move.” Bobby conveys with conviction.

  “Oh yea? Well if he wanted to make his move, then why hadn’t he done it already? He had an opening when I said Beau and I were just friends.”

  “Maybe because you literally were just on a date with his best friend and he needs to make sure you calm down enough, so he can make his move without you biting his head off?” Amusement laces her words.

  “You’re delusional.” Bobby has no idea what she is talking about. I think she just secretly hopes that what she is saying is true. There is no way Austin likes me as more than a friend, if that’s what you want to call this hot and cold relationship we have, a friendship.

  Looking around the group of kids hanging out, talking and having fun, I find Austin in the distance. I can spot him anywhere. His large build, reserved demeanor, and heated stare draw me to him every time. He’s like a magnet pulling me in but I resist. If I fell into his trap, I know I’ll never escape fully intact. I can’t let him draw me in. No matter how much I want to be caught in his web.

  Hanging all over him is Evangeline. Her hand glides over his chest, while the other wraps around his arm staking her claim. They are beautiful together even if she’s got the personality of a snake underneath that beautiful face. He’s the star quarterback while she is the captain of the cheerleading squad. It may sound cliché but it’s true. It’s as if no matter which state, which city, or which school you go to, the star of the football team and the captain of the cheerleading squad always managed to find each other. It’s inevitable and proves that Austin doesn’t belong with me and is better suited for Evangeline.

  “You ready to head home?” Beau asks as he wraps an arm around my shoulder. Checking the time, I hadn’t realized it was so late, but I’m grateful Beau was paying attention.

  “Yeah.” We walk to his truck, before he stops suddenly.

  “Hang on, I forgot something.”

  Shrugging, “Sure. I’ll just meet you at your truck.”

  “I’ll be right back.” Beau sprints away while I make my way to his truck parked haphazardly behind a bunch of other student’s cars. Just before I jump in to the unlocked passenger side, Evangeline stops me with an arm blocking me from sliding in.

  “I saw you.”

  “Okay?” I saw her too, but I won’t point that out.

  “Austin wants you like a child with a new toy. Eventually he will get bored with playing with you and move on, so I wouldn’t get too attached if I were you.”

  “For your information, Austin and I are not ‘playing’ as you are suggesting,” I say while using air quotes. “We are just friends. If you want him so badly, go get him. You two deserve each other.”

  “Well,” Evangeline flips her hair, “I’m glad we are on the same page then. Stay away from him and we won’t have any more issues.”

  “Whatever.” Shoving her arm out of the way, I slide into the seat and shut the door on a scowling Evangeline. Beau makes it to the truck seeing her standing by my door, and scowls in return. I can’t hear what he asks her, but he doesn’t seem happy to see her here. Beau opens the driver side door and I hear only the end of their conversation.

  “…Austin. He’s looking for you.”

  “I knew he’d come looking for me.” Her high-pitched gloat irritates me and apparently Beau too, as he slams the door closed with a huff.

  “I have no idea why Austin keeps her around. She irritates the crap out of me.” I huff out a laugh, and Beau joins in.

  “I know what you mean.” I agree.

  “Let’s get you home before your dad murders me.” The drive back was less nerve wrecking than the beginning of our date as we get into an easy conversation about our weekend plans. Before I know it, we’re back at my house sitting in the gravel drive.

  “Well, have fun.” Waving to Beau, I step out of the truck and just before I shut the door, he retorts.

  “Goodnight, Makayla. Dream dirty thoughts of me.”

  Shaking my head, smiling from ear to ear happy that I’ve managed to keep Beau and his flirty attitude as a friend. I make my way into the house with the truck illuminating my way before disappearing as Beau turns and drives off.

  “Makayla.” Levi calls me from the kitchen. I follow the voice to see him cleaning his shotgun at the kitchen table.

  “Really dad? Did you plan to frighten Beau more by this display?” Gesturing to the tools and guns laying out on the table, I wonder just how many guns one man needs. I make my way to the cupboard grabbing a glass cup and open the fridge searching for something to drink.

  “Is he here?” Chuckling, I pour myself a glass of juice from out of the fridge before taking a seat across from Levi.

  “No, dad. He left to go back to the party.”

  “Too bad. I was hoping we could talk some more.”

  “About what? You plan to hunt him in the forest out back?”

  “Every man should know how to hunt. I’ll just show him from the barrel of the gun.

  “You’re crazy.” I sip my juice and imagine just how Beau would have reacted to seeing this and my dad’s threats. I have no doubt he would have run for the hills. There is no way he would continue to date me, although we already decided to just be friends.

  “Did you have fun?” Levi pauses to look at me to gauge my sincerity when I answer.

  “Yeah. His parents own a restaurant in town and they have really great food. It’s the Mom and Pop Diner. Have you been there?”

  “They definitely know how to make a mean chicken and steak.” I nod but I wouldn’t know. I had a bacon burger with sweet potato fries that were to die for.

  “The game was interesting. I mean, I don’t actually know what was happening on the field, but it seemed like the whole town showed up in support of our team playing. We won by the way.”

  “Good. They are a great team.” Once again, I have no idea if he’s right but since I’m sure he knows more about football than me, I’m just going to have to take his word for it.

  “We went to an after party.”

  “I figured. You had mentioned it before. You didn’t do anything unsavory like kissing any boys or flirting?”

  “Dad.” I say groaning. I hardly ever call Levi dad, still feeling strange about it, but it seemed like an appropriate time to use it.

  “Kayla.” He mimics.

  “No, I didn’t kiss any boys or flirt. Although, that isn’t unsavory like you seem to think.” Levi just shrugs and goes back to cleaning his guns.

  “I didn’t drink or do drugs either.” The sigh of relief is almost imperceptible, but I notice. “After how mom died, I just don’t think I could go there. It’s too much of a reminder of what can go wrong.” Levi stops cleaning a piece of his gun, looking closely at me before setting everything to the side and scoots his chair close to mine. “I’ve drunk before; nothing too crazy. Just a mix drink and I never got wasted. Why do people do it? I just don’t understand the appeal.”

  Levi enfolds me into his arms and sooths my breaking heart. I hadn’t even realized I was crying until my tears form a wet spot on his shirt.

  “Why is life so unfair? Why did they have to take mom away from me?”

  “I don’t know, Makayla. I just don’t know. Life isn’t fair, but I promise you, we are all here for you. Let it all out and if you ever need a shoulder to cry on, or someone to listen, come to us. Come to me.” The tears that were quiet before turn into long drawn out sobs that rack my entire body as my dad
tries to calm me down, and sooth away the ache in my chest. I have no idea how long we sit there with my dad’s arms wrapped around me like a cocoon while I cry, but as my tears begin to ebb, fatigue quickly takes over. It’s been a while since I’ve cried for my mom, but I think I needed it tonight. I’ve had so much happen to me this week and I couldn’t even tell my mom, who was my best friend. It’s just hard to get used to not having her right here with me to talk about things like we used to.

  “Sorry, dad. I didn’t mean to soak your shirt.” I pat the wet spot feeling slightly embarrassed.

  “Don’t worry about it.” Pulling back, Levi lifts my face, so I am looking at him with red, puffy eyes. “I love you, Makayla. When you’re ready, talk to me. I know it hurts that you lost your mom. I promise it will get easier. Why don’t you head to bed and get some rest? Tomorrow we can go out and do something as a family.” I nod my head, still sniffling but feeling the exhaustion as it takes over me.

  “I’ll see you in the morning…dad.” Seeing the pride in my calling him dad, I make a promise to myself and to him to try and say it more often.

  “Goodnight.”

  “Night.”

  Chapter 12

  I wish my life had background

  music so I could

  understand what the hell

  is going on

  -word porn-

  “Did I hear right? You beat up Evangeline?”

  “What?” I laugh at what Bobby said thinking maybe I heard wrong.

  “Someone said you beat up Evangeline. Is it true? Did you take down the ice queen because if so, why didn’t you call me for backup? I would have loved to see you knock that brat to the ground.”

  “How do people even come up with these stories?”

  “So? Did you do it?” Bobby’s excitement over the prospect of someone getting their butt kicked is a little unnerving. Why would anyone want to see that? Then again, Evangeline probably deserves it.

  “No, I did not kick Evangeline’s butt. We had words. That’s it. And the words were mostly hers, but nonetheless, there was no butt kicking, no face slapping, no throw down.”

  “Well that’s boring. What did you say to her then?” She sighs in disappointment.

  “Nothing really. Just that her and Austin deserve each other.” Shrugging, I know it’s the truth even if Bobby thinks that Austin and I should be together.

  “Why would you say that?” Bobby questions.

  “Because she ambushed me. She was basically informing me that under no explicit terms, to stay away from Austin because I’m not good enough and he belongs with her or something to that effect. She didn’t say it like that but that was what she implied.”

  “That bit…” I cut her off.

  “Hey! She’s right, ok? It’s like all those stupid cheesy movies where the perfect couples are the two most beautiful and popular people in the school. That is Evangeline and Austin.”

  “You must have missed the memo then because all those romantic movies that I watch, the girl who is understatedly beautiful gets the guy in the end. The most popular and gorgeous guy realizes he wants a girl who is real and not into all that superficial farce and falls for the girl who makes him be himself and has the looks to boot.” Rolling my eyes, of course she is thinking Disney and not real life.

  “Which is not me. I tend to irritate Austin more than anything.”

  “Really? Because in class you guys get along great, unlike my damn partner who can’t seem to figure out the difference between they’re, their, and there.” Snorting, I nearly drop my phone. Searching through my closet for an outfit to wear on our day out as a family, I make a mental note to call Levi dad as much as possible. I still haven’t gotten used to all the changes, but I’m trying, and they seem to be making an effort to make me as comfortable as possible.

  “Looks can be deceiving. We actually bicker quite a bit. He always wants to tell me how to do something or have me sit back while he does the work. He is so infuriating.” Finding a pair of light blue shorts and a black dahlia t-shirt, I find a pair of sandals to match and lay out my outfit for the day.

  “Really? But you guys are always smiling?” Bobby observes.

  “Are you sure that smile you see isn’t me grinning and bearing his infuriating behavior? Or maybe it’s the smirk that hides my plot to take him out?”

  “Nope. I think it’s the grins of complete and utter happiness.” She almost swoons in response like this is some sort of fairytale.

  “You’re crazy.”

  “I’ve seen the way he stares at you when you’re not paying attention. That boy is smitten with you. No doubt about it.” She states.

  “Whatever. Hey, let me call you later because I have to get ready to go out with the fambam.”

  “Fambam?” Bobby laughs at my term before I explain it to her.

  “Family.”

  “Oh. Ok. Have fun.” We hang up and I can’t help but feel a thrill at the words she said. What if she’s right and Austin is playing some sort of game like hard to get? I hate games but maybe this is like what he did when it came to me dating Beau. He just wants to make sure I’m not a flake or something.

  Nah. Bobby is crazy.

  Changing into my outfit, I look myself over twisting, turning, and seeing what about me is appealing. I’ve never been that sort of overtly confident and stunning girl that men trip over. I’m averagely beautiful I guess you could say. With only a light coat of foundation and mascara to lengthen my lashes, my look is fresh faced and simple. There are no extra bells and whistles to make me stand out. My legs don’t go on for miles and instead are short but lean. My butt doesn’t protrude so far that it looks like there is another planet back there, instead being small and plump enough to grab onto but not enough to knock over the table just by turning around. Flat stomach, thin arms with no fat, pale skin even though I lived in sunny California where everyone is tan, and boobs that are barely noticeable at a size B. Even my hair is plain. Its wavy brown length is desirable if it were shiny and luxurious. To me however, it looks flat and dull while also looking as if it doesn’t belong on me; like a wig that isn’t attached to my skull.

  “We’re ready to head out.” Sarah lightly knocks on my partially cracked door before informing me to basically hurry up. Knowing there is nothing left to do to myself, I shrug and accept that I will never be as stunning and flawless as Evangeline and decide to just be happy with how I look. There’s no reason to work so hard for guys affection. If they can’t see past your outer beauty to your inner strength, they aren’t worth your time. I guess what my mom always instilled into me when it came to men is the perfect advice for me. I would rather be adored for my personality than by looks alone.

  Walking around the mall in the nearest town is completely different than walking around the mall by my old house. It’s weird seeing the differences in how people treat each other and do things compared to the uptight and snobby California socialites. Like anyplace you go, there are always the rude shoppers that are in a rush to get somewhere pushing their way through the crowds as if we are a nuisance, but being here, I’ve realized many people slow down and just enjoy life. There are the usual teenagers and preteens that hang around the mall hoping to see their crush and shop for cute clothes but it’s more relaxed.

  “Are all the malls in Texas like this with everyone so…I don’t know.” I pause trying to think of the right words to explain what I mean.

  “Relaxed? Chill, as kids are calling it these days.” Dad suggests.

  “Yeah. That.”

  “For the most part. Of course, anywhere you go I’m sure there are similarities to people in California.”

  “I guess. I seem to be asking a lot of comparing questions lately. Everything is different and yet the same as back home. It’s weird.”

  “Are you adjusting ok?” Sarah’s concern warms me, and I would hate to disappoint her. Am I adjusting ok? I think so, but how would I really know? I’m still getting used to the idea o
f everything being new and different and I am just trying to make the most of it. But it’s not horrible being here.

  “Yeah. I think I am anyways. There’s still thing’s I am getting used to like the fact we have to basically drive nearly an hour away just to go to the nearest city and the weather doesn’t feel as humid here. The people are more relaxed it seems. There’s just a lot to take in.”

  Sarah and Levi nod their heads in understanding before Sarah pipes in.

  “I think we better head to the theater. Our movie starts in about twenty minutes and I want to get snacks and a decent seat.”

  “Yay! Movie time.” Jayden shouts with a fist pump to Jackson.

  “Can I have sour patch kids, soda, popcorn, pickles, chocolate covered raisins…”? Jackson tries to go on, but dad stops him with a hand to the shoulder.

  “We will see once we get to the concession stand. We can each get a box of candy and a drink, but we share the popcorn. I’ll think about getting a second box of candy for after the movie.”

  “Awe.” The boys say in unison. We continue toward the movie theater that connects to the food court and hand the valet our tickets before standing in line to get our snacks and finding a seat.

  We spend the next hour and a half watching a family movie about a monster in a truck and for the first time, I actually feel like we are a family. I feel like I’m more than the outsider whose circumstances brought her into this family and more like the sister and daughter I was destined to become.

  Once we make it back to town, we stop in at the diner dad and I ate at when he showed me around town a few months back. The waitress seats us at a booth in the corner with a window that looks out onto the main road where we can see the town’s people walking around the shops. I turn back to the diner and look around the patrons chatting and having a lazy Saturday early lunch and feel at ease. This tiny town is starting to grow on me.