Shooting a look between Leo and the trainer who told us to take it outside, I brushed past them both and headed out to the gym’s entry foyer. When we were in the wide, empty space I turned to him, watching for any sign he was going to try and hit me again.
“I didn’t know she was pregnant Leo, I swear.” I told him.
“She told me she’d intended telling you.”
“Well she didn’t. I always use a damn condom too but…ok when I was sick…a couple of times…” I trailed off.
Leo frowned at my words. “That’s not right. She’s further along than that. She was already pregnant when she came to your house while you were sick. You were sick a couple of months ago, right?” I nodded. “She’s much further along than just a couple of months.”
“Well I don’t know when she got pregnant. We used condoms the night she stayed at my place and the day I came to see her, and you walked in on us.” I fell silent as memories of that day flashed through my head. “Fuck, the condom half came off. I remember I-“ I stopped abruptly. Jesus was that it? Did she fall pregnant as a result of that? The condom had started coming off because I’d lost my hard on after he burst into her room and then wouldn’t leave for ages. If that was the case then Leo was responsible for what happened although I could hardly tell him that.
“Why were you fucking her again anyway?” Leo snapped angrily, seemingly oblivious to my rising agitation. “You never fuck a woman more than once. Why my sister? Was she some sort of game to you? A toy to play with?”
“Fuck man. No. Hell no. She’s not a fucking toy to me.” I cried. “She’s my fucking addiction.” I shouted the words at him and winced, realising I’d revealed too much. “It doesn’t matter though. I’m no good for her. She’s seen me. How fucked up I am. She’d only end up hating me.” I felt my throat tighten and I coughed to try and clear it. “She was never a toy to me. For a little while she made me feel like-“ I stopped abruptly. Shit, I was saying too much. “It doesn’t matter. I’m no good for her.”
Leo’s anger seemed to dissipate. “So in all this fucked up mess you’re telling me you care about my sister?”
I nodded reluctantly. “I do, but I’m no good for her. I’m no good for anyone. I’m sorry.” I swallowed, feeling the familiar pain through my body when I thought of Lyla. “How far along is she?”
“She’s about five and a half months. She’s definitely showing. She has the bump. I knew she was pregnant about a month ago. My sister’s always been skinny and no stomach, then suddenly she’s getting one? She’s been so damn tight lipped though. Refusing to reveal who daddy is for months but she told her friends and Karen told me. She betrayed her friend but she felt I had a right to know and that someone needed to tell you.”
“I can go and see her.” I suggested but Leo shook his head.
“If you don’t intend doing the right thing by her, and I don’t mean marriage, then the kindest thing you can do is to stay away. I don’t want you going near her if you’re going to keep hurting her. I hate seeing her so sad all the time. Hell Jeff might not have made her happy in bed but at least he loved her. Steering her onto you was the biggest fucking mistake I made.” Leo’s words hit me harder than I would have expected.
I nodded in response but I had no intention of doing what he said. I had to go and see Lyla. I didn’t know what I was going to say once I saw her. She was carrying my baby and I needed to know what the fuck we were going to do now.
Chapter Twenty One
Lyla
“You know what I really feel like?” I asked my assistant Sharon. It was a quiet day. Business was slow and I was bored, restless and feeing another craving coming on. This pregnancy so far had me wanting all sorts of things. Some of them weird and wonderful. Although my brother, assistant and my friends weren’t always seeing the wonderful in some of my cravings if their facial expressions were any indication.
Sharon rolled her eyes at me. “Well, based on some of your other cravings, I’m going to prepare for the worst on this one and maybe you’ll shock me and I’ll be pleasantly surprised. Seriously, anything has to be better than the beetroot with ice cream. Beetroot…with…ice cream.” She repeated the words, spacing them out as if that would somehow make me see the error of my ways. “Beetroot and mayonnaise I could understand, but ice cream?” She shot me one of those what was I thinking looks. “Have you any idea how traumatized I was seeing that beetroot juice mixing with the ice cream? It turned it pink and that was no fucking strawberry ice cream in the end, oh hell no it wasn’t.”
I ignored her smartass comments and tilted my head back, running a finger across my bottom lip. This time she was wrong. My craving although unusual for me, was not something freaky or gross. “A banana split. All I want is a nice banana split.” I told her.
Sharon laughed. “You hate bananas Lyla. You know that.”
I grinned. “I know, but right now I just want all that mushy yellow goodness with some nuts. Forget the other fruit. Oh and lashings of yummy chocolate sauce. I’m talking enough chocolate sauce that you can barely see the bananas in it. I want those bananas to look like small islands sticking out of the ocean of chocolate sauce or perhaps icebergs. Yeah, icebergs, because what you see on top is literally just the tip of the iceberg.”
Again I tilted my head back, eyes closed, imagining the delicious meal, moaning at the thought of all that melted chocolate dripping down my chin.
“Lyla snap out of it.” Sharon hissed, her voice sounding tense and the sudden change in her demeanour brought my head forward and my eyes shot open to frown at her. There was a strained look in her eyes and her lips had thinned out but I noticed straight away that she wasn’t looking at me. Her eyes were focused on a point beyond my shoulder. With a frown on my face to match hers, I turned to see what she was looking at and I’m sure my heart did a perfect swan dive into my stomach when I saw who it was: Shay.
I’d seen it written in books all the time about someone feeling the colour drain from their face and I always believed that it wasn’t true; that no one could actually feel that happening. Well, I now knew for a fact that it was true, because at that precise moment, it happened to me.
It wasn’t just a case of the colour leaving my face though. I could feel my hands becoming all damp and clammy and I hastily wiped them down my clothes, out of sight of him of course. Staring into his face, I realised nothing could prepare me for the shock of seeing him again. The surreal feeling of finding him standing in my shop.
It made my head spin, and for a brief moment I thought I might pass out. Why? Why was he here? I couldn’t have him here, not now. I couldn’t risk him learning the truth and he would if I wasn’t careful. Glancing down, I was thankful at least that the shop counter was high enough to hide my expanding belly.
If I was lucky I could get through whatever reason brought him here and get him out again, without having to step out from behind the counter and therefore reveal the fact I was pregnant.
Once upon a time I wanted him to know about our baby but that was before that day, that horrible day when he tore my heart from my chest and crushed it under his feet with an endless flow of words that had rained down on me like razors that cut at me, opening me up and leaving me bloodied and wounded.
He had rejected me. Rejected my love. There was no point in him learning about our baby because he’d only reject him or her too. Ironically, as if aware of Shay’s presence, I felt the familiar flutter inside as my baby moved and I had to consciously stop myself from patting my stomach like I normally did.
I fought to hide my reaction to Shay as he approached. Why couldn’t he just leave? Why did he come here? What did he want? I didn’t want him in my shop. I didn’t want him anywhere near me for that matter.
When he drew closer, I gasped, shocked by the appearance of his face. He looked like it had been the replacement for the punching bag at the gym. One eye was black, slightly swollen and around it, the bruising fanned out to various shades of grey and y
ellow. His lip was split and there was more bruising around his jaw. He was a mess. He shouldn’t look good but damn him, he did. Painfully, achingly so.
I put off looking into his eyes for as long as possible because I was so scared I’d crumble if I did. I couldn’t weaken with this man. I needed to get him out of here as quickly as possible and given my hormones were like being on a wild amusement ride, I didn’t trust myself not to burst into tears.
Straightening my shoulders and almost forgetting to breathe for a moment, I let my eyes drift over him. Nothing too obvious. No lengthy perusal. Little more than a fleeting sweep of my gaze.
He was leaner in the face, I noticed that, but his body was more muscled. Not bulky, but bigger than I remembered it. He clearly was putting in more time at the gym. Probably all part of the upkeep so the ladies still wanted him, I thought bitterly.
When I finally looked into his eyes, intending for it to be nothing more than a fleeting glimpse, I felt my heart bottom out again. The usual bright silvery blue had faded to a dull, washed out kind of grey and blue. They were flat, expressionless or so I thought at first, until I looked closer and noticed the fatigue and tension in them.
Schooling my features so no real emotion would be showing on my face I let me eyes settle on a point just beyond his shoulder.
“Shay, can I help you?” I asked, keeping my tone light and friendly, greeting him much the same way I would a customer who entered my shop.
“I need to talk to you.” He said, shooting a glance over to Sharon. “Alone.”
My heart skipped a beat and I felt my forced smile falter slightly. “I don’t see what we could possibly have to say to one another.” I shot him a smile, although I had a feeling it would appear more like a grimace.
His eyes spoke volumes to me when they locked on mine for a moment before dropping to the counter and back again. “Oh I think we do.” There was a hard edge to his voice and for a few horrible seconds I thought I was going to be sick. He knew. Oh god, he knew I was pregnant.
“I…I…” I cleared my throat when my first attempt to speak came out as little more than a hoarse croak. Turning to my assistant, trying desperately to appear anything but the trembling, quaking mess I was inside, I smiled at her. “Sharon, would you mind going and picking up something for lunch and perhaps hunt down that thing I told you I really wanted – please.”
Her eyes moved from me to Shay and back again. “Sure.” She finally replied, and a part of me wasn’t sure if I should be relieved she hadn’t argued the point or frustrated that she was happy to leave me alone with him.
How Sharon missed the tension in the room I don’t know. The air positively crackled with it as Shay and I waited for her to gather up her bag and money from the till before finally walking out the door, leaving us alone.
Once she was gone, I turned on him. “What the hell happened to you? Did you walk into someone’s fist?”
“Yeah, your brother’s.”
I gaped at him. “Leo did that to you? Why?”
“He turned up at the gym. Tore me a new asshole and beat the crap out of me. Seems he was pissed I’d abandoned you during your time of need.” He emphasised the last word as his eyes lowered to my stomach again. I knew he couldn’t see anything since the counter blocked his view. “Trouble was, I didn’t know. Why didn’t you tell me you were pregnant?”
His righteous indignation immediately got my back up. “I was going to tell you when I came to your house that day. Trouble was you were passed out on the floor and sick, and there was never the right time. Then before I could tell you, you proved to me that you’re nothing more than a complete asshole and threw me out of your house. Which had me regretting that I made any effort to help you get better. What I should have done was dropped something on your head while you were out cold on your kitchen floor, walked out and done myself one hell of a favour. This baby doesn’t need someone like you around it and I sure as hell don’t need you around to help raise it. I don’t see why it bothers you so much. You didn’t want me so it’s a natural assumption you won’t want the baby. I’m fine with that. The only thing I need from you is to stay right the hell away from me.” I snapped, my breaths coming in short harsh gusts.
Something flashed in his eyes before it was gone again. “So why have it at all Lyla? You don’t have to have it. That’s what abortions are for. Why would you bother keeping the child of an asshole?” His silvery eyes bored into mine. “I didn’t get a say in this. You just made up your mind without telling me. I don’t want a baby. I don’t want to be a father.”
“You forfeited the right to have any say in what I do the day you kicked me from your house Shay.” I shot the words angrily at him. “I’m having it because I want it. My body, my choice. I don’t know why the hell you’re even here. Just because my brother tried to rearrange your face doesn’t mean you’re under any obligation to come and see me. Like I said, I can raise this baby alone.” My voice cracked. “If things had been different…” I trailed off. “I get it, really I do. You’re the Sex God. You don’t do relationships or babies. Run along now and forget we ever met.” I flicked my wrist at him in a dismissive gesture.
Shay didn’t say anything other than to frown, his eyes lowering from mine. I sagged slightly now he wasn’t studying me so intently. I just wanted him to go. I needed him to leave me alone before cracks started showing in my façade.
Despite everything. Despite the way he’d treated me, I still wanted him. I still loved him. I was a damn fool. I knew that but I couldn’t help how I felt. Stupidly I’d thought I was over him but looking at him now, I knew that wasn’t true.
Before I could find the right words to make him leave me alone he stepped closer. “Let me see you. Stop hiding behind the counter. I want to see how you look swollen with my child.”
I didn’t want to do as he asked. I wanted to keep hiding behind my counter, shielding our child from him as if that would somehow protect us both.
“Why would you even care?” I asked but he didn’t answer me. He moved as if he was going to come around the counter to where I stood and I panicked. “No…stop. Fine. I’ll do it.” I fired the words at him, my heart pounding so hard I could hear the thundering beats in my head.
I closed my eyes briefly, taking a deep, fortifying breath of air before slowly and reluctantly stepping out from behind the counter, revealing my body to Shay.
Shay
I don’t know much about babies. Ok, I don’t know anything about babies. Same as I don’t know anything about pregnant women. The only thing I do know is some say women get a ‘glow’ about them when they’re pregnant.
Looking at Lyla, I knew that it was true. She was glowing. She looked radiant. Her silvery blonde hair hung like a smooth waterfall of silky, shining strands nearly to her waist. Her skin was perfection, not a single mark or blemish anywhere that I could see and her body, oh…my…fucking…god…her body. She was still slim, still stunning, still the sexiest, most beautiful woman I’d ever laid eyes on, but she had a belly. It was like she had swallowed a smaller than normal soccer ball. Her stomach was such a smooth, perfectly round looking shape.
It wasn’t huge but then Leo had said she was only a little over halfway along. I stared at her, unable to look away. It was Lyla. Beautiful, sweet, kind Lyla. The woman I’d treated so horribly last time I’d seen her.
This moment didn’t feel real and I felt a strange compulsion to pinch myself to see if she would disappear and I’d wake to find I was alone, tormented by memories of the woman who had ruined me for all others.
Maybe I stared at her too long or maybe there was something going on with her because she blushed, a hand going to the curve of her stomach. She spread her fingers out and began to rub softly in a gesture I suspected she used a lot.
She didn’t stop doing it though. In fact, she did it for so long I began to wonder if it was normal or was she perhaps in pain? Was something wrong?
“Are you alright? Is something
wrong?” I asked, my eyes watching her hand.
She didn’t answer and when I reluctantly tore my eyes from her stomach she was looking at me in confusion.
“Wrong? I don’t understand? Nothing’s wrong. Why would you ask?”
I gestured to her stomach. “You’re rubbing your…the…your stomach.” I finished awkwardly.
“It’s perfectly natural Shay. I talk to our baby too and he or she moves sometimes and I can feel it. He or she is moving now.”
“Really?” I stared at her stomach. I wasn’t sure what I expected to see but I didn’t notice anything. It’s not like it was bouncing around or something.
A ghost of a smile touched her lips which widened when her eyes dropped back down to her stomach. When she raised them to me, the smile vanished and I felt a tightness in my chest. It was obvious my presence was making her uncomfortable, but I guess I couldn’t blame her for feeling that way. I watched as her eyes lowered from mine again and she went back to rubbing her stomach.
“It’s amazing. It’s nothing more than a fluttery feel. Kind of like having a tummy full of butterflies. I have a small person growing in me. Can you believe that?” Her head shot up again, the smile back and this time directed at me, before the light in her eyes died and took her smile with it, leaving her looking tense and unsure again.
I walked towards her, drawn to her like a moth to the flame. As I approached I saw wariness in her beautiful eyes that pierced at my heart. I hated to see her looking at me like that. As if she didn’t trust me, but then I’d given her no reason to trust me.
When I was a few feet from her, I stopped.
“Can I feel? Please?” I asked softly.
Surprise flared in her eyes and I knew that wasn’t what she’d expected me to say.
“Why? You don’t want me or this baby Shay. It’s not necessary to pretend you care. I told you I will raise it alone.”
“I’m sorry.” I whispered, feeling the unexpected sting of tears at the backs of my eyes. “Please.”
Sex God Page 26
