Back To Good

by Laura Benson

  “Just your dad, he wants you to call him immediately. Andrew called too, but he didn’t leave a message.”

  “Thank you, Debbi and I’m sorry if I was short earlier. I’m just under some stress. I’ll call my dad. Let me know when Matthew finally arrives?” She handed me the one message, that I promptly crumpled into my hand. Talking to Dad was another conversation I didn’t want to have and I had no reason why Andrew was calling me.

  I opened the door to my office and immediately sat down to start up my computer. I was drumming my fingers as the familiar jingle blared from the speakers. First thing I did was go over the flight information. I’d have to check out of the hotel early and wanted to make sure everything was squared up with them.

  I picked up the phone, intending to call my Dad, but instead dialed Joey’s mobile. It rang for a while before it connected to a groggy voice. Thankfully, it was a man’s voice.

  “Joey?” I breathed.

  “Yeah, Charlie?” he cleared his throat a few times before I continued on.

  “Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine, Charlie. Went on a bender. You know, typical rockstar arrogance. Not sure how I got to the record store, but Clara told me I have you to thank for this not getting out to the press.”

  I pinched the bridge of my nose. “It was all her, really. She kept you in the back. Thankfully the store wasn’t that busy then and she was there. I think she handled you better than I ever could.”

  He cleared his throat again. “I’m still sorry you had to see that.”

  “I know, Joey. I do know.”

  “So you and Matthew? Wonder how I didn’t see that happening.” I wasn’t sure what he was doing, but he was moving around and making some noise.

  “Do you really want to discuss this, Joe?”

  He barked a sad laugh, “Yeah, no. Don’t want to know the dirty details. Although I remember what you were like in bed. I guess I’m just trying to wrap my head around it.”

  “Joey,” I uttered sadly, “We never meant to hurt you. I never expected anything like this to happen. Jesus, I really didn’t want to have this talk over the damn phone,” I mumbled.

  “Yeah, well, you called. What other conversation would we have? You’ve fallen for the guy that you swore when you got older you’d never be in the same ‘fucking room with him’ so imagine my surprise when I find out he’s fucking the best thing to ever happen to me,” he growled into the phone.

  I closed my eyes trying to keep the tears at bay. I knocked my head against the headrest several times trying not let him know how he was affecting me.

  “Joey,” I said softly, “you know I love you, but I’m no longer in love with you.”

  “Yeah, you’ve said that before,” he said sadly.

  “Clara has been there for you, no?” I lead.

  “Yes, Charlie, she’s been there.” He didn’t continue on about her and I didn’t want to come across as nosey, either. “So are you sticking around to help the new label?”

  I was about to tell him my plans, but realized I really needed to tell Matthew first. “I haven’t decided,” I lied.

  “It wouldn’t bother me if you stayed on. I mean, it’d be uncomfortable at first, but I could do my best to live with this.”

  “Well, that’s quite magnanimous of you,” I joked. “But I need to do some things first. Are you sure you’re going to be okay?”

  I could hear him sigh into the phone. “Yes, Charlotte, I’ll be fine.”

  I smiled. I knew he couldn’t see it, but it made me feel better. I was really hoping he’d stick with Matthew and not let this break up a long-time friendship and partnership between the two.

  “Thank you, Joey. Really, thank you.”

  “No problem. I’ll talk to you later.” We ended the call. I went to the break room for some water and coffee. My head was suddenly pounding.

  It was midafternoon and Debbi still hadn’t let me know that Matthew had arrived. I wasn’t sure what was going on and decided to stretch my legs and walk out the main foyer where she sat.

  “Still nothing?” I asked

  She shook her head, “Nothing. I haven’t heard from him at all.”

  I just nodded my head and walked back to my office. I really wasn’t sure what the hell was going on him. At about four-thirty, Debbi called to let me know that Matthew was finally in the building and heading to his office.

  I cut him off midstride. “Where the hell have you been?” I whisper shouted.

  He walked around me and continued on to his office. He unlocked the door and ushered me in.

  “I was thinking, Charlie. I was thinking how I laid out my feelings for you last night, and you practically ran out on me. I was thinking that maybe you don’t feel the same way that I feel for you.”

  “Are you drunk?” I barked.

  “No, Charlie, you haven’t quite caused me to start drinking, yet.”

  “What the hell is going on with you?

  “How about we back up a step, okay?” I nodded my head. He wrapped his hands around his head. “Did you have something you wanted to tell me?

  “I’m not sure what you mean? I talked to Joey…”

  His eyebrow shot up at me. “No darling, I know you talked to Joey, because I talked to Joey, as well.”

  I bit my lip. I wasn’t sure where he was going with this. “I’m sorry, I’m not sure...”

  “Dammit, Charlie,” he yelled loudly. He turned his back toward me starting out the window. “Did you have your father book a flight for you to go home tomorrow?”

  I gasped in shock, “How did you know?”

  “Because, Charlie, I talked to your dad about bringing you on here. I talked to him about buying you out of your contract with him and bringing you here long term!” He pounded on the window.

  I opened my mouth, but shut it immediately. He finally turned around to look at me.

  “Imagine his surprise when I told him that I’d fallen in love with his daughter and I wanted to bring her on to the label full time. But then he shocked the shit out of me when he informed me that you were booked on the first flight out of goddamn LAX tomorrow fucking morning!”

  I could see the spittle flying from his mouth. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so angry before. His eyes were livid and his body was a tight coil of nerves.

  “The woman I told I loved didn’t even have the courtesy to tell me that she was leaving.”

  I looked down at my folded hands on my lap. “I was waiting for the best time,” I mentioned softly.

  “There is no good time, Charlie! I’m trying to keep Joey off the goddamn ledge, and I’m trying to keep you beside me.”

  “I just haven’t come to a decision, yet, Matthew. You haven’t really given me any time to decide what I want. What is best for me,” I pounded my opened hand on my chest as I stood up. “You automatically thought because we slept together that I would uproot my life and do what you wanted? Misogynistic much? I have a life. Did you even know that I have a dog at home? A condo that I pay for? A car I have payments on. Friends that I’ve abandoned for the time I’ve been here. Do you have any sense of what my life is like away from you?”

  “Of course not, Charlie! I knew that you’d have to care of things back home. But the courtesy would’ve been reciprocated had you at least told me you were leaving! I would’ve given you time to make a decision. Jesus, I’d give you the fucking world if you allowed me.”

  I just shook my head at his words. “Well, I don’t need the world, Matthew. I need to not feel like the afterthought of this arrangement you and Joey have. I need to know that I’m not going to be considered a whore because I used to date Joey and I fell in love with you!”

  This time his mouth opened and shut several times. “Who in their right mind would think that, Charlie? Why would you even think that?”

  “Because it’s how I feel. I stomped on his heart coming here, and then the two of us, it’s just all wrong.” I slumped back down into my chair. Matt
hew took the steps toward me and kneeled down in front of me.

  “He cheated on you, Charlie, repeatedly. Why do you think sent you those emails! I was trying to protect your heart because I was so flipping in love with you back then.”

  The tears started pooling in my eyes as I watched him. But wait a minute, back up. I looked down at him with a furious slash to my mouth.

  “What do you mean you sent me the emails?” He suddenly stood up and pushed away.

  He raked a hand through his hair. “The ones of him constantly cheating on you, Charlie. That was me. You needed to know what was going while you were at school.”

  I stood up suddenly forcing the chair fall over backwards. One hand cupped my mouth as my sobs that were threatening to spill over. I was in shock. I couldn’t believe the man standing in front of me is the person who sent me those terrible emails all those years ago.

  “I… I…” I couldn’t seem to get the words out, I just looked at him, turned around and ran out of the room. The tears were no longer held at bay, they were streaming full and hot down my face. I could barely see my way to my office. I could hear Matthew yelling for me as I finally made it to my office. Slamming the door shut, I slid down and got lost in my tears.

  Matthew started pounding on the door, but I was ignoring him. I need time to think and I couldn’t deal with him right now. I could imagine what Joey would think if he ever found. After five minutes of pounding and calling my name he finally stopped and I could hear his heavy footfalls move away from the door.

  I called down to Debbi and asked her to give me the all-clear when it was safe to go.

  Debbi gave me the all-clear about forty-five minutes after Matthew left my door. I was able to get a cab quickly and hightailed it back to the hotel to finish packing. Tonight, I would ignore everything around me and just take care of the barest minimum I needed to do.

  I was completely exhausted from the day from hell, and, I swear as soon as my head hit the pillow I was out like a light. It wasn’t until I’d been asleep for at least six hours that the ringing of the hotel phone wake me up. It didn’t even have a normal ring it was more like an alarm going off.

  “Hello?” I answered sleepily.

  “Ms. Brown, this is the front desk. I have an emergency call, and they’ve asked to be transferred up to you. Is that okay?”

  I rubbed my eyes wondering who the hell would be calling me. I looked over at the time, four am.

  “Yeah, sure. Do you know who it is?”

  “No, ma’am, they were very insistent that I send the call up to you. I’m going to transfer it now.”

  Before I even had a chance to say thank you, I could hear crackling on the other end.

  “Hello?”

  “Charlie?” The voice was breaking up. I could barely hear every other word.

  “Yes, who is this?” I leaned over and turned the light on.

  “…Hospital… I’m not sure… now!” It was Matthew.

  “Matthew? Matthew, I can barely hear you?” I knew yelling into the phone wasn’t making me hear him. “You said hospital. That’s all I got.”

  “Charlie, get your ass to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center now!” The call was disconnected, and I wasn’t sure what the hell was going on.

  “What the fuck!” I threw on a sports bra, tie-dyed t-shirt and a pair of yoga pants. I called back down to the front to desk to see if there were any taxis for me to take. Figures that there wasn’t and they’d call one for me

  The wait for the elevator was interminable. I was bouncing up and down and wasn’t sure what I would be walking into. When I finally made it to the lobby, the doorman was right there telling my cab was outside waiting. The ride to the hospital took about twenty minutes and for twenty minutes my heart was racing a mile a minute. I was sure that by the time I made it to the hospital, it would’ve felt like I’d run a marathon.

  The cab driver brought me to the emergency exit. I’m not even sure how much cash I threw at him, but he took it and drove away. I jogged threw the electric doors going to the first open window I saw. There was a bell so I rang it.

  “Hello? Hello? Anyone here?”

  The emergency room was eerily quiet. Finally, a nurse came out.

  “Can I help you?”

  “I was called to come down as soon as possible. I’m not sure why?” I huffed out.

  “Um, do you have a name?”

  “Matthew Johns called.” She typed into the computer for a few seconds. Frowning.

  “I’m sorry but we don’t have a Matthew Johns listed as a patient.”

  “Jesus Christ, he wouldn’t just call me out of a sound sleep and tell me to get down here if there wasn’t a reason.” I was tapping my hand on the desk, clearly getting more agitated.

  “I understand, miss. But there’s nothing…” The bell of the elevator rang, and Matthew took long strides out of the elevator. I walked away from the nurse without saying anything.

  Matthew’s eyes were rimmed in red and he had growth on his chin and his hollowed-out cheeks. I rushed up to him.

  “What is going on?” I seethed.

  Matthew pulled me away from the elevator bank and moved us to a more secluded section of the emergency room. “There was a car accident. Clara and Joey.”

  I clumsily sat down on the chairs that were there. “Omigod, Matthew, please tell me they’re both okay?”

  As he sat down heavily beside me, he grabbed my hand. “Clara is okay. Broken arm and collar bone. They were thankfully both wearing seatbelts.” I nodded in relief saying a silent prayer for Clara. “Joey was more seriously injured. He’s in surgery now. They couldn’t tell me much, but he’s lost a lot a lot of blood, and they weren’t sure what the internal damage was. He was crushed by the steering wheel.”

  For the second time today I couldn’t control the tears that poured down my face. Matthew grabbed me to him and held me tightly. “Can we at least see Clara?”

  “She was in X-ray before I came down. They were going to keep her overnight to make sure she doesn’t have a concussion.” I nodded again. It was smart to keep her. She was probably in a lot of pain anyway.

  “How did this happen, Matthew?” I asked more into his chest than to him.

  A dry, humorless chuckle came out of his mouth. “Drunk driver ran a red light. Clara said they didn’t have any alcohol, just coffee. They’d met up when she got off of work.”

  I was having a hard time believing things, but it all changed with the next words Matthew uttered.

  “…doesn’t look good,” he said grimly.

  “What do you mean it’s not looking good, Matthew? Are you saying that he may not survive this?”

  Matthew robotically nodded his head. “The doctor that did speak to me said that they were concerned about internal bleeding.”

  More tears leaked out. “Have,” I hiccupped, “have his parents been called?”

  “I called them before I called you. We’re arranging to get them here. I’ve pulled a few strings with some people. They’re sending a private jet to pick them up. They should be here shortly.”

  I grabbed Matthew tighter. “We can’t lose him, Matthew. He doesn’t deserve this ending.”

  “I know, sweetheart. I know,” he repeated over and over while massaging the bottom of my scalp.

  We were finally notified that Clara was back in her room and both Matthew and I sat with her. She was a mess and couldn’t stop crying. “The driver just came at us so fast we both didn’t even have time to react.” I kept handing her tissues. We’d heard the driver had minor injuries, he was looked over by the doctors then taken directly to the police station, hopefully to be booked. I sat on the bed with Clara holding her close to me.

  “Joey is strong, and he’ll come out of this, I know it. I can feel it in my bones.”

  She tried to nod, but the medicine they’d given her to sleep was starting to kick in. She needed to sleep. “Please don’t leave. Stay and let me know what happens with Joey, please.”
She held on to my hand tightly.

  “We’ll stay,” I mentioned as I looked over at Matthew who dipped his head automatically, not really listening to us. He was in his own world trying to keep his emotions at bay. Every so often I’d see him wipe his eyes surreptitiously.

  It didn’t take long for Joey’s parents to arrive at the hospital, and once they did, we put them in a conference room so the doctors could speak to them privately. I’d noticed from my news feed on Facebook and Twitter that people were starting to hear about the car accident. TMZ and other outlets from MTV News were outside waiting on news. I just didn’t have the wherewithal to make a statement.

  I’d finally called my dad around six a.m. to tell him what was going on. Even though it was Saturday morning, he’d go into the office to head off the multitude of calls he was expecting. My head was throbbing, and we’d still heard nothing from the doctors. I checked in on Clara a few times. She was still sleeping, but didn’t look peaceful.

  Matthew was a zombie. His phone wouldn’t stop buzzing. He’d look at the caller and ignore the call. I really wanted him to silent it, but this seemed to keep him sane. There were moments when I knew he wanted to hit something or someone. I tried to keep everyone informed and filled with coffee, but even that was getting annoying.

  After forty-five minutes of just sitting around an oblong conference table, a nurse came in. We all jumped up for information, scaring her.

  “I’m sorry there’s still no news, but I wanted you to know that the cafeteria is open if you wanted breakfast. They have a decent oatmeal bar if any of you are hungry.” I just looked at her as Joey’s parents sat back down sorrowfully.

  I rubbed my tired eyes, “Thank you.”

  Claudia and Jim Carino kept their heads close together. We spoke a few times, but I gathered they were praying for any help possible.

  Matthew tapped my shoulder and indicated with his head to go outside the room. I was grateful for it. The sorrow was too palpable and I need to stretch my legs.

  “I think you should speak to the press,” his arms were crossed around his chest.