Back To Good

by Laura Benson

  I blinked a few times. “I really think we should hold off until we have some concrete news, Matthew.”

  He pulled up a website, not a very reputable one, but one that shouted loudly that Joey Carino had died in a fiery car accident.

  “Jesus Christ, Matthew. How could anyone print that?”

  “Leeches, scum, shall I go on?”

  “No, I hear you loud and clear. I need to clean up. I’m not exactly dressed for a presser.”

  Matthew bent and kissed my forehead, tangling a stray piece of hair that fell out of my ponytail. Probably from all the times I ran my hands through it.

  “You look gorgeous as always, Charlie. Just give a brief statement. I’ll be right beside you okay?”

  I sniffed, “Sure, yeah.” He grabbed onto my hand, cradling our fingers together. I could feel the zing that I first felt when he touched me. Even with everything that happened today, my feelings for him hadn’t changed. Yes, I was angry with him, but I was hopelessly in love with him, as well.

  I washed up in the bathroom and tried to smooth my hair back, but there was nothing to do about the red eyes or the purple bags under them. Security had moved the press to a location so they weren’t affecting normal business and it took us a while to walk to the area. Matthew kept a strong hand on me.

  As soon as I stood in front of them, the flash from the cameras became blinding.

  I took a deep breath, continued to hold onto Matthew for support.

  “As you know, Joey Carino and Clara Walsh were brought in around eleven p.m tonight. They were hit by an alleged drunk driver. Clara sustained some minor injuries and is resting comfortable. They are only keeping her for observation.

  Joey Carino was more seriously injured and has been in surgery for nearly seven hours. We have heard nothing, and as soon as we do, we will inform you. Please do not create fake news in response to this horrible accident. Like I said, Joey is currently in surgery and we’ve heard nothing.”

  As soon as I stepped away from the bank of mics, the noise started up, questions were coming fast and furiously. I turned to Matthew asking him if I could answer. With a quick shake of his head, we both made our way back to the hospital.

  I think we were all going crazy with no news from the doctors. The wait was endless, and I’d finally managed to get a couple of cots brought into the conference room for the Carinos to try to rest. I went back to Clara’s room once I knew they were settled. Matthew went in search for decent coffee.

  Clara was sitting up drinking water when I made it in. “Still nothing?”

  I shrugged my shoulders, “No news is good news, right?”

  “I’m not so sure, Charlie, you didn’t see him. He looked lifeless when they finally got us out of the car.” She started crying all over again.

  “Shh, Clara, everything will be okay.” I said it but I really didn’t mean it. This surgery was taking forever. I stayed with her for about half hour until she fell back to sleep.

  As I made my way back to the conference room, I saw Matthew running toward me. “What’s going on,” I cried? The look on his face stopped me cold.

  “The doctors are heading to the conference room. There is a dozen of them.”

  Grabbing my hand, we ran toward the room and skidded to a stop just as we heard a keening wail. Matthew and I burst into the conference room to see Claudia inconsolable in her husband’s arms. I turned to the doctors and there was indeed twelve of them.

  “Mr. Carino succumbed to his injuries at nine-twenty-three a.m. I’m truly sorry for your loss.”

  I staggered against Matthew as the doctor told us that Joey was gone. The both of us fell into a heap onto the floor, our grief getting the best of us.

  Three months later

  After the funeral Matthew and I went our separate ways. Sticking around in L.A. was unbearable. Although, he did come to the funeral in Phoenix, he left quickly after, and we didn’t even have a chance to talk. I missed talking to him, and I missed loving him. But with everything that happened, I just couldn’t deal with it.

  I talked to Clara regularly. She was having a hard time with Joey’s death. I knew she had been developing feelings for him that would never be realized and that made me sad for her. She was still being hounded by the press, and I’d been able to get someone to represent her from a local public relations company in L.A. She originally wanted me, but honestly, I was done with L.A.

  The driver of the car pled no contest and got a few years in prison, but he’ll always live with the knowledge that he killed superstar, Joey Carino. I really did try my best not to think of him. He was a nobody to me. That he took Joey’s life was a one-off mistake.

  Mom and Dad were great with helping me deal with my grief. Mom was a good friend of Claudia’s so she was suffering just as much as I was. Dad was concerned for his daughter. Thankfully, Paco was his ever-loving self and gave me tons of wet drools and sloppy kisses. I’d missed him terribly while I was gone. It was so good to be back home. Some of my friends came over with wine and vodka to help me deal with my ongoing depression, and I loved them so hard for that.

  Work was boring. I wasn’t really doing much P.R. as I was putting out fires for stupid low-level companies and their employees. Nothing that required travel, but it kept my thoughts from thinking back to Matthew.

  I think everyone knew I was miserable without him. Even if my dad refused to admit that I’d fallen in love with that ‘asshole Johns’ as he referred to him.

  Another weekend had gone by, and I was rushing into the office building on Monday morning. I was late, tired, and cranky. As soon as I made my way into my office, my dad was there waiting for me.

  “Yes,” I sighed.

  “I need you to come into my office in thirty minutes, we have a few things to discuss.” He didn’t say anything just turned on his heel and left. I went down to the break room to make my coffee and get some toast. Andrew was sitting at the table in there reading the morning paper.

  “Hey, Andrew,” I offered.

  “Hi, chicky,” he smiled at me.

  “Dad wants me to meet with him in a half hour. Any idea what this about?” Andrew looked around the room, folded the paper, and set it down.

  “Can’t say that I do. But you’re his daughter so he could have a million and one reasons for calling you in.”

  I blew on my hot coffee and buttered my toast. I sat down heavily. “I’m just not sure if I’m capable of doing this job anymore, and I have a feeling he senses that. Maybe I should just give him my resignation and move on.”

  “Sweetie, I really don’t think it’s quite that serious. You’ve had a rough few months, and your work has been top-notch. You cannot keep blaming yourself for Joey’s death. Blame that on the driver who was driving well above the legal alcohol limit.”

  “I miss him every day,” I tried to continue, but the tears pooled in my eyes and threatened to spill over.

  “Of course you do, Charlie. He was your first real boyfriend. You loved him. No one is saying that you don’t miss him. We all know grief all too well, and it’s a sucker-punch in the gut.”

  I tried to smile through the tears, but couldn’t. Andrew pulled out a handkerchief and handed it to me. “I didn’t think people actually carried these anymore.”

  “I’m British, of course I carry these bloody things. How do you think I meet women?” he chuckled.

  “Really?” I tried not to snort, but failed miserable. We both started laughing. I’d forgotten how nice it was to laugh. “Well it’s time to slay the giant, and don’t even think of telling Dad I said that, Andrew!” He made a zip my lips sign and waved me away.

  I stopped back into my office to grab my iPad and pen and paper. I knocked on his door and didn’t wait for him to answer, just barged in. “I’m sorry I’m early…” I trailed off as I saw who was sitting in one of the club chairs across from my father. Matthew.

  “What’s going on?” I looked between the two men. Matthew was wearing a suit. One
that I hadn’t seen before. It was definitely a bespoke blue pinstriped Armani or Tom Ford. He definitely liked his name brands when it came to his suits.

  “Charlie, have a seat,” my father said, indicating the empty club chair.

  I sat down quietly waiting for someone to start talking. I turned to Matthew and noticed he was staring at me. I felt uncomfortable with the amount of heat I saw in his eyes. I guess it was good that he still had some feelings for me.

  “Well,” my dad started, “as introductions are not necessary why don’t we get down to business. Matthew, why don’t you continue.”

  Matthew took a deep breath and physically turned his body toward me, effectively shutting my dad out of the conversation. He raked his eyes down my body before starting.

  “I was talking to your father about a lack of will that Joey left,” he cleared his throat, I didn’t realize he was this nervous talking to me especially in my dad’s presence. “Because there was no will the company we were starting up reverts automatically to me, but I can’t do it on my own. So I came to your father for some help.” He twisted his head to my dad who just told him to continue on. Matthew nodded his head. “We discussed bringing you on as head of A&R.”

  I’m not sure what I’d just heard, but my mouth was wide open, and I stared daggers at my dad. “I know nothing about that! I wouldn’t even know what to do!”

  “That’s not entirely true. Joey took you to listen to some new bands and you had quite a few interesting things to say. The one thing Joey did leave was a notebook of ideas and things that you said in particular. He thought you looked at this with fresh eyes.”

  “It wouldn’t work. I can’t go back to L.A.”

  “No, sweetheart, you wouldn’t have to. I’m coming back to Phoenix. We can create the company here. Most artists record around the world. It doesn’t matter where HQ is.”

  I turned back to my dad. “You’re okay with this?”

  “Well, I obviously don’t want to lose a valuable employee, but I think and you realize that you haven’t been happy here since you came back.” I went to open my mouth, but Dad interrupted. “Charlie, this is your decision, and no one is telling you what to do. But I think it’s a decision you shouldn’t take lightly.”

  I sucked in a deep breath and faced Matthew. “Are you giving me time to think about this?”

  “Absolutely, of course.” I could tell he wanted to plead his case, and I wasn’t sure if I wanted him to. “It’s going to take time getting the paperwork for the corporation set up. I have my lawyers working on it. But I wanted you to be on the board once we get that set up.”

  “Why didn’t you ask Clara, she’s a record store manager and probably hears more than I do?”

  “Clara would be fine in the position, but she’s not you.”

  I quickly stood up. “Can I talk to Matthew privately?” I asked my dad.

  He waved his hand toward the door. Matthew got up and followed me to my office. I cleared off the single chair I had and offered him to sit.

  I leaned against my desk with my arms crossed against my chest.

  “Why?” I asked simply.

  Matthew shrugged his shoulders. “Why not?”

  “That’s not an answer, Matthew, and you know it.” I raised my eyebrow at him.

  “I miss you, Charlie,” he said quietly.

  “Not good enough, Matthew. I know nothing about the music industry! Clara would’ve been a better choice.”

  “I don’t think so. I think you’re the one person for this job. I looked at hundreds of people for this position, and it was actually Joey who considered you as A&R material.”

  I huffed. “That’s bullshit. Joey just listened to me go on about a few decent bands.”

  Matthew opened his hands in supplication. “I have the notebook downstairs if you insist on seeing it.”

  I waved him off. “Of course not!”

  “I know that you’re the best person for this job, and I can see this company going places in a few years. I’m tired of listening to the same old shit on the radio. I want to find something magical, and I think you’re the piece that is missing.”

  “You’ve gone absolutely batshit crazy, you know that?” I moved away from my desk. I couldn’t stand being so close to him and not touch him. The electricity in the room was ridiculously off the charts. Why’d he have to look so damn good in a fucking suit?

  “Perhaps. I probably went batshit crazy when I told your father I was also desperately in love with his daughter.”

  I could only stare at him again with my mouth open. I could hear my mom telling me I’d catch flies if I didn’t shut it.

  Matthew stood suddenly and stalked predatorily towards me. Before I had a chance to move away, he cradled his hands against my cheeks. “I’ve missed you so much, Charlie. It’s been hell without you, and I needed to make a grand gesture to make you realize how sorry I am for compromising your trust in me and pushing you in a direction you weren’t sure of.”

  His eyes were engulfing me, and my body was annoyingly trying to pull closer to his. It felt like two magnets trying to stay together, but fighting a losing battle.

  “Matthew, I’m not sure if we can get back to that good we had before.” I closed my eyes because staring at him was torture. His fingers slowly caressed my cheeks, moving down to my lips that hadn’t been kissed in forever.

  “We can get there, Charlie. Just let me in.”

  “I can’t,” I stepped closer to him.

  “You can,” he pulled me minutely closer, his breath ghosting my lips.

  “I need…” I couldn’t finish as Matthew started leaving small, wet kissed along my jaw line.

  “Yes,” he whispered softly.

  “We shouldn’t,” I raised my arms to cradle the back of his neck.

  “Well, it’s not ideal with your dad a few feet away,” he joked.

  “I’m still mad at you,” I pouted.

  “Better make up sex, then. Abuse me as you will.” He trailed his fingers down my neck to the top of my chest. I was wearing a sheer shell under my suit jacket.

  “I love you, Charlie. So fucking much,” he finally slanted his mouth to mine and kissed me with more passion and urgency than I was ready for. My mouth was firmly closed, but his tongue was doing things to my lips, so I opened them to allow him inside. I’m not sure how long we kissed for, but I could feel everything I felt for him coming back and realized that I didn’t and couldn’t live without him.

  Breathless, I pulled back to look at him. Both of us were highly aroused. I bit my lip. “I already have a man in my life, Matthew.”

  The look in his eyes was murderous until I pointed to the picture on my desk. Me and Paco at the dog park. The immediate notion that I was talking about a dog set him at ease.

  “Nice one. I thought I was going to have to fight for you. Because, Charlie, I would fight to the death for you. I absolutely mean that.”

  I just nodded my head.

  “So where do we go from here?” I asked.

  “Say yes, Charlie. Take the position and say yes to me, too.”

  Biting my thumbnail, I looked at him. I was torn, at a crossroads, I didn’t know what to do or say. “Please, Charlie.” He pulled me close again. His scent was amazing. Wood, paper, and him. All him.

  “Can I ask you a simple question first?”

  “Baby, you can ask me anything you want.”

  Taking a deep breath and exhaling as slowly as possible I posed the question:

  “Will you make love to me?”

  His smile lit up the room. “In a heartbeat, babe.”

  I stood on my toes and kissed his lips. “Then I think my answer is yes, Matthew. I’ve missed you too much, and I can’t live this way without you.”

  “You think your father would know if you left work early?”

  I laughed. “Yeah, but it’s okay. As long as you don’t mind meeting Paco?”

  “I’d love to meet Paco, Charlie.”

&n
bsp; “Good, because if you’re going to be around long term, he needs to get used to you.”

  “Am I going to be around long term?” he asked with bated breath.

  “Oh, definitely.” I winked at him. A chuckle burst from his lips as he kissed me again. “I love you, Matthew. So fucking much.” I said repeating his words.

  THE END

  As they say it takes a village to write and I have a small village I need to thank. First of all, I need to thank Ana Zaun. Who hated the first part of this book. She made me cry. I knew she was tough and well, yeah, she is. Second is Megan Hand who really helped with development of this story in the early days. I was originally going to release this under a pseudonym but decided against it.

  I had so many champions to get me to finish this book. My husband and stepson who would ask – in Stewie’s voice from FAMILY GUY, “How’s that novel coming, Laura?” It became annoying. But finish I finally did! It only took three years! Again here are the names of the people who encouraged me and read drafts: Lori Scaman, Livia Jamerlan, Lucia Franco, Helena Rizzuto, Angel Follansbee, Tabitha Willbanks,

  I need to thank Karen Kincy for the kick-ass cover! She put it up on her page and I loved it so I snatched it first! She helped so much and once I’m ready for paperback, she’ll be there to help!

  I need to really thank Chelsea Kuhel, at Madison Seidler Editing, for taking me and my neurosis on, because she helped a lot. You never realize how many times you use the same words or cliché phrases and having someone point that out is a huge thing!

  I need to definitely thank my husband, Bill; my youngest daughter, Lily; my oldest daughter, Rebecca; her daughter, Cambrey; and husband, Corey. They’ve always known I wanted to write. Hubby wants me to sell millions, but, yeah, don’t see that happening!

  Thank you to everyone who’s read this and reviewed it. I really appreciate your support.

  Copyright © 2016 by Laura Benson

  All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.