Longing

by Chelsea Dorsette

  After calculating what was owed, they told her there would still be an inheritance for her, but that she would have to be very careful with her money if she wanted it to last. For the next year that followed, Addison spent much of her time in bars and spent money carelessly hand over fist. She was so used to getting everything she wanted growing up that she had never learned how to budget or deny herself. She had found an apartment in Nashua, the same town where her former home used to be and made no attempts to get a job. As each month went by, she drained her inheritance more and more. Trying to recapture the same excitement from college and needing to satisfy her lust for attention, she became a regular at most of the bars in the area, going to a different one each night. Most nights she would go home with a man, but she usually never liked them enough to see them again. One summer night in early July, however, she met a man whom she found extremely handsome and interesting at one of the more upscale bars that she visited. She didn’t go home with him that night because he wasn’t that kind of guy. But she was excited when he did ask her out a few days later and they dated for about a month. She was thrilled with this new found friendship and enjoyed spending time with him. But after only a few weeks together, he chose to discontinue their relationship. After that disappointing let down from what she thought had a promising future, she ended up back at the bar scene. Angry and depressed, she started getting sloppy with her birth control and was sporadic in requiring condom use from her partners.

  It wasn’t long after her careless misuse of birth control that she woke up feeling sick to her stomach. Racing to the bathroom, she sat on the floor and proceeded to throw up. After a week of the same thing happening, she went to the drugstore and got a pregnancy test. The results were positive. Feeling desperate because she was almost broke and jobless with a baby on the way, she knew she would have to figure out who the father was so she could extract money from him to take care of the child. She figured her best shot was to wait the nine months until the baby was born, so she’d have better luck getting what she wanted. Although she had no idea who the father was, she would take the next nine months to plot a strategy as to whom she was going to name as her baby daddy.

  Chapter Nine - Doug

  Doug couldn’t believe how his life had soared sky-high since meeting Tracy in August. What started as a fun texting and Skyping flirtation had led quickly to a marriage proposal and a future with the most beautiful and wonderful woman he had ever met. He had been so nervous sitting with her in the hot tub on Christmas Eve when he proposed. He was so sure she was the only woman for him and he knew he would be crushed and devastated if she said no. When she looked up at him with tears in her eyes and said that there was no other man on Earth she would rather marry, he pulled her into his arms and cried with her. It was a moment they would both remember forever and instantly they became bonded as one. Because they both knew they had only known each other for a short time, they decided on a long engagement, and made plans to marry the following August. Although it was now just the first of the new year, they didn’t mind waiting the eight months because they wanted time to make the perfect plans and they wanted to marry in the same month they had met. The more they got used to the two hour distance between them, the less it became an issue because they knew it wouldn’t be long until that gap closed. There were still many details to work out not only about the wedding, but also regarding a job change for one of them and a new living arrangement. They both knew this was going to take time and they didn’t want to hurry through these important decisions.

  The months seemed to fly by and the next thing they knew it was July, just one month before the wedding they planned for August 18th. Tracy had been able to get a transfer to one of the TV stations her company owned in Laconia, New Hampshire. As luck would have it, the current sales manager at the Laconia station was retiring in September and the company was thrilled that Tracy would be available to take over the position. Being that the station was an hour away from Woodstock where Doug lived, they agreed to find a home in Plymouth, which was exactly half way between both of their jobs. They had found a beautiful New England-style Cape Cod home that sat overlooking Squam Lake, which they both loved. They had an offer in to purchase it and were waiting to see if the offer would be accepted. They had sent out invitations to a small circle of friends and family to join them on August 18th for an outdoor wedding in Tracy’s backyard garden. Tracy knew that her garden would be at its peak of beauty in August and she wanted her wedding memories to be in the home she would soon be leaving. They had a catering company hired to do the reception at her house so their guests could enjoy the garden and the view overlooking Casco Bay and the minister they asked to marry them had eagerly agreed.

  In addition to the wedding plans being secured, their honeymoon was all booked and she was completely thrilled to be going to Lake Tahoe for a full week. Both of them had hired realtors and “For Sale” signs were erected in their front yards. Everything had all fallen into place and Tracy couldn’t wait until their wedding day.

  Tracy and Doug had just spent the Fourth of July weekend at his house and as usual, they had fun talking about their plans and researching on-line all of the things they’d like to see and do on their honeymoon. But finally 3 o’clock on Sunday rolled around and it was time for Tracy to head home back to Maine. Standing next to her by her car, he held her in a tight embrace and whispered, “I don’t ever want to let you go.” Smiling as her heart swelled with love, she whispered back, “It won’t be long until you don’t have to.” Releasing her just enough to look down into her eyes he breathed softly, “I love you so much Tracy. You are the most important thing in my life and I don’t ever want to live this life without you.” Tearing up just a bit, she held him tighter and replied softly, “I hope you will never have to.” Wrapping her arms around his neck they kissed deeply, feeling all of the emotions that were welled up inside of them. Finally releasing their lips from each other, they said goodbye and with one last wave, Tracy pulled out of the driveway and headed for home.

  As Doug watched her pull out of the driveway, he felt a combination of sexual tension from their long kiss and a bit of frustration having to see her leave again. He figured the best way he would relieve both tensions was to spend a good hour chopping wood and getting it neatly piled up. When his house sold, the new homeowners would appreciate having a pile of wood already chopped and it would also help tidy up his yard since it was on the market. For an hour, Doug worked hard and built up quite a sweat chopping up piece after piece and stacking them one by one. Just as he was ready to finish up for the day, he heard and unexpected noise and saw a car pull into his driveway. He knew it couldn’t be Tracy because she had been gone an hour now and she certainly wouldn’t have turned back. Turning around to face the driveway, he saw a vaguely familiar white Saturn pull in but he was standing too far away at the moment to see who it was. As he threw down his axe, he walked slowly toward the car suspicious of who it was and why they were parking in his driveway. When he saw the driver get out and face him, his heart stopped and he froze in his tracks. It had been a year since he had seen or heard from Addison and his internal alarm system starting ringing warnings in his head. Why was she here? And what does she want? He felt deep down to his very core that this was not going to be a pleasant visit and he wished he had not been outside when she pulled up. Walking toward her car slowly, he saw her open the back door, bend down for a few minutes and when she stood up and turned around, he could see she was holding something wrapped in a blanket. Suddenly his nervous system went on overload and his heart started racing.

  Daring not to say a thing, Doug just stood there as Addison came toward him and stopped directly in front of him. “Hello Doug, “she said softly. “It’s been a while hasn’t it?”

  Looking down at the bundle in her arms he saw very clearly that it was a newborn baby. Still confused as to why she’d be at his front door almost a year after being together and holding a newborn he replied, “Y
es Addison. It has been quite a long time. I don’t mean to be rude, but why are you here?”

  Swaying gently with the sleeping infant in her arms, she smiled and explained, “Doug, meet Emma. She was born two months ago on May third. This is your daughter.” Doug was speechless. All he could hear was ringing in his ears as he stared at the tiny form wrapped protectively in the blanket. As thoughts raced through his head, he quickly calculated how that could even be possible. Remembering that they had finished their relationship in late July right before he started up with Tracy in August, he clicked off the months in his head and a shiver ran through his body as he realized there was a possibility that what she was saying was true.

  Looking at Addison he challenged in a stern tone, “This isn’t possible. We used protection and were very careful. She can’t possibly be mine, Addison.”

  Shaking her head with a feigned sad look on her face, Addison continued the charade and replied in a sympathetic tone, “I understand this is quite a surprise, Doug. I’ve had 11 months to get adjusted to this and I understand what a shock this must be for you.” Continuing to lie to his face, she went on in a dramatic way, “I just don’t know what happened! They say birth control is 99% effective, but perhaps something went wrong. You were the only man I was intimate with during that time.” It was hard for Addison to keep a straight face as she said that because the truth was, she had been with so many men after being dumped by Doug that she had absolutely no clue who the father was. But of all the guys she had slept with, she chose to make Doug Emma’s dad because he was financially successful and she knew that because he was such a decent and honorable man, he’d do the right thing and support them both financially. The icing on the cake for Addison was also sweet revenge. She had been pissed off when he broke up with her and this was a golden opportunity to pay him back for that!

  Not totally convinced yet, Doug said, “If you’ve known you were pregnant all along, then why didn’t you tell me sooner? Why are you showing up at my door now telling me I have child after it’s been born?” Addison knew he would ask that question and she was ready to answer it with another well thought out lie.

  “I would have told you if I could have. At first, I wanted to wait until the three month mark passed to make sure I didn’t lose the baby in the first trimester. Although the first three months went by as well as can be expected, the remainder of the pregnancy was very difficult. I was in and out of both the hospital and doctor’s office with all sorts of complications. Not only was I not allowed to travel, I was bedridden most of the pregnancy. I had lost your phone number and when I dialed information to find it, the recording said it was unlisted. Because I couldn’t travel, I couldn’t come find you and in the time we were together, you never gave me your email address, so I couldn’t track you down.” Much to his utter dismay, he realized what she was saying was true. His phone number was unlisted and if she had lost it like she said, she wouldn’t have been able to get it. And when they dated for those few weeks, there was something about her that held him back from giving her his email address, which in the end he was thankful for. But right now he was wondering if that was a mistake. He had heard that some women go through terrible pregnancies that keep them mostly bedridden and considering she was such a petite woman, he wouldn’t be surprised if she had been one of them. Too much of what she was saying was making sense and he was growing more nervous by the minute. As he just stared at her and the baby, he didn’t know what to do or say. He had never gotten a woman pregnant before but he knew he had to do the right thing. Everything Addison said made sense in terms of the timeline and if something did go wrong with the birth control, it wasn’t her fault. He knew there was no way around this and he was going to have to step up and take responsibility for his child.

  In that moment, Doug’s entire future changed. All of the plans he had made with Tracy and his future happiness were instantly erased. What was he going to tell her? How was she going to react? This would be a huge blow and he couldn’t see how his future with her could proceed. He was completely torn between this innocent little child of his who would need her father and the woman he loved. As rapid-fire thoughts shot through his head he then wondered about Addison. What was his responsibility to her? He had broken up with her because he found her to be a self-entitled, spoiled, lazy rich girl. Now it looked like they were going to be involved for the rest of their lives. At some point when Emma got a bit older, he would have to do the honorable thing and marry Addison. He didn’t want his daughter growing up without her dad and he couldn’t just walk away from his parental responsibility regardless of how devastating the circumstances seemed at the moment. Looking across his yard, his eyes rested on the “For Sale” sign erected by his mailbox. Feeling crushed and heartbroken, he knew that sign along with many other things, were about to come tumbling down.

  Chapter Ten - Tracy

  Tracy was on cloud nine the next day at work. She was so excited about the upcoming wedding and honeymoon that it was hard to stay concentrated on her job. Everyone at work was happy for her and she had received many congratulation cards and well wishes. Her work associates were sad to see her go but they were thrilled for her and glad she was still going to be working for the same broadcast group. It had been an especially hectic Monday and as she packed up her briefcase at 5 o’clock, she was grateful to be going home. To reward herself for smoothly handling a couple of tense client situations and for successfully putting out a number of fires that day, she was going to enjoy a nice glass of wine and a fresh lobster salad. Tracy had learned the trick to enjoying lobster without going broke: her neighborhood Hannaford grocery store always had cooked lobster tails in their seafood department, so instead of buying a whole lobster, she would pick up just a lobster tail, crack it open and cut up the delicious meat inside. It was the perfect amount to dress up a salad or put in a roll. The only time she really ever splurged on buying a whole lobster was when friends from out of state came to visit during the summer. She would then either buy them from a lobster pound or they’d go out to a local seafood restaurant.

  As she pulled into her driveway thinking about the delicious dinner and glass of Chardonnay that awaited her, she suddenly became extremely alarmed as she looked up at her front porch and saw Doug sitting there. Becoming a bit frantic as she turned off the engine she wondered, what is he doing here unexpectedly on a Monday night? A million thoughts raced through her head. Perhaps he just missed her and wanted to surprise her. As much as that thought sounded good, the grim expression on his face told her something else was going on. Getting out of the car she nervously approached the porch and with a hesitant smile and nurturing tone she said, “Hey baby. You don’t look good. What’s going on? Are you all right?” Sitting down next to him she kept her eyes focused on his face and reached out to gently take one of his hands in hers. She couldn’t imagine what could have gone so wrong to have him drive two hours to see her on a Monday night. Everything seemed so perfect when she left him yesterday afternoon! She wondered if something terrible had happened at work today. Or did he get some kind of health scare? As different scenarios raced through her head, she remained quiet waiting for him to speak. The silence was unbearable and she became more frantic by the second. Finally Doug took a deep breath, shifted so he was facing her and began.

  As he slowly and carefully told her the story from the beginning, all she could think about was that it had to be some kind of joke. None of what he was saying could possibly be real. The more she listened to the details of how he had met Addison and gotten her pregnant, the more shock took over. This couldn’t be happening, yet the expression on his face indicated quite clearly that this wasn’t a joke. Her head was buzzing and she could instantly feel her heart break in two. In less than ten minutes her whole world came crashing down and the beautiful future that had laid before her was smashed to bits. She didn’t know whether to cry or slap him for doing this to them. As the reality of what he was telling her sunk in, her shock turne
d to anger. Releasing his hand from hers and pushing it away she stood up and knew she needed to get away from him as quickly as possible before her rage took over entirely. Doug could see her change in expression and he had to admit that she looked like she wanted to run him over with her car. But sadly, he didn’t blame her. He realized in that very moment that the fallout was going to be catastrophic. He had never seen her so upset before. Standing up to try to wrap her in his arms, Tracy put both of her hands on his chest and pushed him away.