Savory Deceits

by Heart, Skye

  I held his pillow tight, wishing he were sleeping here with me and not on his ship tonight. He loved me unconditionally, and he showed me that every day. I missed him dearly. Tears filled my eyes, as I silently prayed for this baby to be his. It had to be. God please, it just had to be.

  10

  ~CHRIS~

  “Nena? Wow, this is a surprise. Come on in.” I said, stepping aside.

  “Is this a bad time?” She asked, walking past me.

  “For you, never,” I said. Like a kid on Christmas morning, I was beyond excited to see her.

  “Please, have a seat.” I motioned for her to sit.

  “Oh, no thanks, I will not be long. Is Naima here?” She asked, glancing at my closed bedroom door.

  “Uh no. Why would she be?” I asked confused. Then she noticed the packed duffel bag, sitting on the floor, near the door.

  “Going somewhere?” She asked me.

  “No. That is some of Nai’s things. I’m going to drop them off at her hotel on my way to work tomorrow.” I explained.

  “Oh.” It was all she said, before looking up at me again.

  “So what's up? How you been? Nai told me what happened. Are you okay?” I asked, making conversation. I still did not know why she just showed up unannounced; not that I was not happy to see her, but I had a feeling that this was not just a social visit.

  “Yeah I'm okay. Thanks.” She replied, staring at the tiles on the ground. Brows rose, I leaned my shoulder against the wall, and crossed my arms.

  “She also told me that you had a panic attack. May I ask how, and why did that happen?” I questioned.

  “Why do you think?” She asked, locking eyes with me. I detected an attitude from her, which immediately irritated me.

  “I don't know, you tell me. I mean, I never see you anymore. What am I supposed to think?” I said in the exact same tone she just used with me. For whatever reason, she seemed upset with me. Go figure. Women! Then, she turned to set her purse on my kitchen counter, and with her hands on her hips, she turned back to face me. Hmm, this should be good, I thought.

  “What is your problem?” She demanded, and I got defensive.

  “Problem? What makes you think I have a problem?” I asked confused. I have not seen her in months, then she rolls up in here with an attitude, and suddenly, I am the one with the problem? What the hell?

  “Then what's with the attitude towards me?” She shot back. Now, I was terribly confused.

  “Look, if you're sensing an attitude, it's probably yours not mine.” I retorted. She seemed flustered, but why?

  “You know what? I am sorry I came here. I’ll show myself out!” She barked.

  “All right then. Bye!” I said, not giving a damn. She went to grab her purse, but knocked it over instead, spilling most of her things onto the floor. She sighed, obviously frustrated, and got down to retrieve her things. Then, I crouched down as well.

  “Let me help you. I'm sor…” I stopped mid-sentence.

  “You’re what?” She asked angrily, with her head still down. Oblivious to my discovery, she continued stuffing her purse.

  “What's this?” I asked.

  “What are you talking about,” she began to say, but stopped, when she saw what I held in my hand.

  “I'm talking about these.” I said, holding up a large bottle of pills. Suddenly speechless, Nena blankly stared at me.

  “Give me those!” She snapped, trying to grab them. I pulled away from her, and stood up, with the bottle still in hand. After reading the label, I looked up at her.

  “Prenatal vitamins? What are you doing with these?” I questioned. Then, she grabbed her purse off the floor, and stood up as well, snatching the bottle out of my hands.

  “That's none of your business!” She snapped again.

  “The hell it isn’t!” I snapped back. Promptly, she stuffed the bottle back into her purse, and headed for the door. I quickly reached out, and grabbed her arm, forcing her to face me. Then, I studied her for a moment.

  “Are you pregnant?” I finally asked, and she looked away. “Well?” I persisted. She then looked me in the eyes and said, “Yes. I am.” Stunned, I released her arm, and took a step back to look at her still flat belly.

  “How far along are you anyway?” I asked, and she hesitated before answering.

  “Two months.” She finally said, and that sparked my interest.

  “What? Exactly two months?” I asked surprised.

  “Just about,” she repeated, with her head down. My eyes went from her face, to her stomach, and then back to her face again. Then, I finally asked, “Is it mines?”

  “No.” She quickly answered.

  “No?” I questioned.

  “I don't know. It could be.” She admitted.

  “Wow. I can imagine how Tony must feel. He’s always wanted a child.” I said, feigning remorsefulness.

  “No one knows except you and me.” She affirmed.

  “Do you plan on telling him?” I asked her.

  “Right,” she began facetiously, “and what exactly do you propose I tell him, huh? ‘Gee Tony, guess what? I'm pregnant, and your best friend might be the father. So, what do you want for dinner?’” She finished, rolling her eyes at me.

  “Well, I'm glad you find all this amusing.” I said with a frown.

  “Amusing? I am scared to death over this! How dare you accuse me of taking pleasure in any of this! It’s tearing me up inside!” She screamed with tears in her eyes. She was no doubt, highly emotional. In the twenty minutes that she has been here, she was sad, then nervous, angry, and now crying. Damn. She was a mess. Her tears started falling now, and she began to tremble. Then, I moved forward, and reached out to her. She readily walked into my arms, and I held her close, as she drew in a deep breath and cried.

  “It’s okay Nena. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you.” I soothed. After wiping away her tears, she pushed away from me, and began to pace.

  “I don't know what to do,” she began, eyes filling with fresh tears again. “I have to tell Tony, because sooner or later, I'm going to start showing. But, I'm so scared, because I love him. What if this baby’s not his?” She asked to no one in particular. “How can I tell him that I betrayed him in the worst possible way ever? I can't Chris. I just can't.” She sniffed. I went to grab a tissue box on one of my end tables near the couch, and then walked back over to her.

  “Nena, you need to calm down, because this isn't good for you, or the baby. Look at you. You're shaking. Sit down. I'm going to get you some water.” I said, heading for the kitchen. She took a seat on my couch, and within seconds, I was by her side again with a glass of water. “Here, drink this.” I said. She took the glass from me, and sipped slowly.

  “Thanks.” She said, putting the glass down. I waited to see if she was calm before speaking.

  “Look Nena. I can't imagine what you must be going through, and I feel somewhat responsible for your pain.” Then, she shook her head, and turned to me.

  “No. Please do not blame yourself. It is not entirely your fault. It takes two.” She said.

  “So I've heard.” I joked with a smirk. Finally, she smiled, and even giggled a little.

  “See. I knew that somewhere behind those tears, there was a smile waiting to come out. And it did.” I said gently pinching her chin. She smiled again and met my eyes. Silence filled the room, and we sat there staring at each other, not speaking. I could not deny my feelings for her, and by the look in her eyes, as she stared back at me; I knew that the feeling was mutual.

  “Chris I…” she started to say, but stopped. I was disappointed. I wanted her to say what I was undoubtedly feeling for her.

  “You what?” I asked her.

  “I…uh…I have to go.” She replied, standing up.

  “What?” I stood up to face her, blocking her exit.

  “I'm sorry. I shouldn't be here.” She said, walking around me.

  “The hell you shouldn't!” I yelled after her. “That
could me my baby you’re carrying!” I shouted. Then, she stopped, and turned around. Now, I am the one who was angry.

  “Chris, please don't,” she begged.

  “No, fuck that! I’m sorry Nena, but if this baby’s mine, I'll do whatever it takes to be in my child's life. I won't let you shut me out.” I declared.

  “Is that what you think?” She asked moving towards me.

  “That I want to shut you out? I would never do that to you, or this baby, regardless of what happens! You should know me better than that.” She said, insulted by my assumption, I presumed. After all, she was right. I did know her, more than she even realized. I knew she would never knowingly keep my child from me. I just hoped she felt the same about her heart.

  “I'm sorry. For a minute there, I thought that is what you came here to tell me. You know I would do just about anything for you Nena, but that is where I draw the line. I cannot turn my back on my baby. I will never do that, not even for you. No matter what happens, I will always be here for you.” Then, she crossed the room, and hugged me.

  “Thanks.” She whispered, and then left.

  11

  ~NENA~

  I anxiously waited for Tony to come home. I checked my watch several times, hoping it would show that more than just a minute had gone by this time. He was getting off work later than usual today, so there was a good possibility he was stuck in the rush hour traffic. Good, I thought. That bought me some time to pull myself together. My palms were sweaty, and my heart was pounding so hard that I thought it would jump out of my chest. I had to tell him about my pregnancy, before another month went by. Going on four months now, it was only a matter of time, before I really started showing. It was amazing that I were even able to hide my pregnancy from him for so long. Thank God he has been on this twelve-hour rotating shift thing on base, due to a heighten measure of security. I was so deep in thought, that I did not hear the key in the door, before it swung open.

  “Hey babe,” Tony said, closing the door behind him.

  “Damn it's good to be home. Traffic was a mess.” He said, walking over to give me a kiss. “So, how was your day?” He asked with a smile.

  “Um, it was okay.” I replied. It was now or never.

  “Babe, there's something I really need to talk to you about.” I began apprehensively. His smile faded when he looked at me, and I knew I had his full attention.

  “All right, is everything okay though? You look upset.” He said, searching my eyes.

  “No, it's just that…I know I haven't really been myself lately - and I'm so sorry for not coming to you sooner with this - I just needed some time to myself you know - to think things through,” I rambled.

  “Okay. Okay. Slow down. What is it?” He asked, placing his hands on my waist. I slowly eased away from him, and took a deep breath before continuing.

  “Okay. Well, you remember when I went to the hospital a couple months ago?” I asked him.

  “Yeah, you had a panic attack due to stress. What? Is there something else wrong?” He asked alarmed.

  “Well, I found out something that I should have told you about at the time, but I didn’t. I couldn't really process the whole thing, because it all seemed so unreal to me, and I know that was no excuse for me to keep you in the dark about it,” I paused, because I was rambling again. Tony seemed confused, but waited quietly, to hear what I had to say. Forcing back tears, I took another deep breath and continued, “I'm pregnant.” I said. There it was. There was no other way to say it, than to just come out with it. Tony blinked several times.

  “You're what?” He asked stunned.

  “Pregnant.” I repeated feeling a bit relieved. He shook his head, and took a step back to look at me.

  “Wait, wait, wait, wait,” He moved away from me, and then started to pace. “And you knew this for how long?” He asked, stopping in front of me.

  “About three months or so,” I replied, in a hoarse whisper.

  “’Or so?’” He mocked incredulously. “And you’re just now telling me this? Why didn't you tell me this… three months ago?” He questioned.

  “I don't know. At first, I did not know I was pregnant, until I went to the hospital that day I fainted. That is when I found out. I’m sorry I did not tell you then. I guess I was scared.” I explained, feeling bad about keeping this from him.

  “Scared?” He asked confused. “Scared of what? Nena, I am not some stranger you met at a bar, and had a one-night stand with; I am your husband. So why in the world would you be scared to tell me that you're carrying my child, especially after we agreed to start trying for a baby?” He questioned. Because I am not sure this baby is yours, I thought. How could I bring myself to say those words to him? I was already an emotional basket case as it was.

  “I'm sorry.” I apologized, wanting to cry again.

  “No baby, I'm sorry. I did not mean to yell. It's just that, three months? I cannot believe you waited so long to tell me we are having a baby. C'mere.” He took me in his arms, and held me. “You should know by now that you can tell me anything. I just do not understand why you did not tell me sooner. You couldn’t have been afraid of how I’d react to this, were you?” He asked, tilting his head to look at me.

  “In a way, yeah, I was.” I mumbled against his shoulder.

  “Why? I mean, you are my wife. It's not like I was going to leave you.” He joked, stroking my hair. “That’s what couples do, Nena, they have babies. You know how much I want to be a dad. I just don't see why you would be afraid to tell me something like this.” He said, rubbing my back. You have to tell him, I thought to myself. You have to tell him now! My conscience screamed at me. “Unless,” Tony started to say, taking a step back to look at me.

  “Unless what?” I asked, feeling a sudden chill go up my spine. Then, I hugged my body, and looked away.

  “Unless there's something else you want to tell me. Is there?” He probed. Trying to figure out what to say next, and how to say it, I suddenly wished I were anywhere but here. This was an open window for me to tell him what happened with Chris. As I willed myself to tell my husband the truth, an inner voice inside me voted against it. After all, who has to say that the baby I was carrying was not his? The more I pondered that possibility, the more my heart began to fill with hope.

  “Honey, Is there?” He asked me.

  “Oh. No babe, there's not.” I lied. “I was just worried about whether or not we were financially ready to have a baby.” I told him. How could I tell him something that I was not even sure were true myself, I reasoned. Until I knew for sure, there was nothing for me to worry about. Then, Tony took me in his arms again, and held me.

  “I love you babe. You just don't know how much. I'd do anything for you.” He whispered. I prayed that those words were true, because I could not picture my life without him. I just could not.

  12

  “You bitch!” I jerked my head up at my sister's statement.

  “Excuse me?” I said, insulted.

  “You heard me,” Naima said scrutinizing me. I held my breath, and felt my heart drop at her glare. When I opened my mouth, ready to explain, she spoke again. “How dare you not tell me first that you're pregnant?”

  “What?” I said confused. “Oh.” I said again, relieved.

  We were at our favorite patio table at Café Mocha, and I tilted my head to look past the umbrella, and up at the gray clouds hovering above. “It looks like it's going to rain.” I said.

  “Ha ha, very funny. Do not try to change the subject. I am still mad at you. Why didn't you tell me? I am your sister for god sakes! I should have been the first to know!” Naima said with a pout, crossing her arms. Then, I brought my attention back to her.

  “Look Nai, I'm sorry I didn’t tell you first. I needed some time to process it myself, before I told anyone. I hope you understand.” I explained. Naima sat back in her chair staring at me, the way she always did, when she were suspicious about something.

  “Something about you
seems a little off.” She said. Once again, avoiding her gaze, I looked at the people at the table next to us.

  “What do you mean?” I asked, now staring at the waiter who brought those same people their order of fries and Panini sandwiches.

  “Now see. That is what I am talking about, right there. The way you have been lately, especially towards me. I cannot help but wonder how long I have been noticing this. Ever since that day you passed out over here, you have been different. Actually, now that I think about it, you have been acting weird even before that. What's up?” She asked, studying me. Naima was very observant, and I hated that. Truth of the matter is, ever since I left the hospital, I have been avoiding her. The guilt that I felt by sleeping with Chris, and now this surprised pregnancy, made it hard for me to face her. In any case, I knew it would not be long, before she caught on to my elusive behavior. She was a detective at heart. Hell, she could work for the CIA.

  “Nai, I,” I began to say, but stopped. I did not know what to say. After all, what could I say?

  “Well? You what? What's going on with you, Nena?” She scowled at me.

  “I, I'm sorry. I have to go.” I said, pushing back my chair to stand up. Then, Naima jumped up, and quickly grabbed my arm.

  “Oh, no you don't! You're not getting out of this one.” She admonished. Before she could say anymore, her phone went off. “Ugh! You stay right there. Don't go anywhere!” She ordered, before answering her phone. “Hello?” She said in annoyance. I sat back down, and desperately wanted to disappear. I did not know how long I was going to be able to keep this up. It was literally making me sick. I cannot keep doing this to my baby or myself. As the doctor said, I had to stay stress free. After clicking her phone off, Naima looked at me with a frown. “Look, I have to go to work, but this is not over. We are going to finish this. Are you going to be okay here by yourself?” She asked me. I nodded, thankful for yet another distraction.

  “Yes, I'll be fine. Go ahead.” I told her. Then, Naima stared at me for a moment.