True Confessions

by P. J. Trebelhorn

  After a while, Karen called Sarah to tell her not to bother coming by. When she hung up, she glanced at her watch and groaned. “I’m so happy I don’t have to get up in the morning.” She smiled at them as she stood up. “Jess, you should come stay with us for a few days. I’d feel better, and I know Sarah would too.”

  “No, this is my house, and I’m not leaving.” She appreciated Karen’s concern, but it was time she stopped letting Wayne dictate how she lived her life.

  “I’ll be here with her,” Lynn said.

  “I don’t want you here if you think I need you to protect me.”

  “I know you can take care of yourself.” Lynn’s look convinced Jessie she was telling the truth. “I want to be close, because I know this can’t be easy. You might want to talk or something.”

  Or something is right. Jessie nodded her consent before walking Karen to the door.

  “Thank you for being here.”

  “Don’t hesitate to call if you need me,” Karen said. Jessie hugged her before ushering her out. “And don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

  When she shut the door and turned around, Lynn was propped up against the entryway to the kitchen. Jessie walked to her without a word and threaded her arms around Lynn’s waist.

  “I can’t believe how safe you make me feel,” she murmured while Lynn held her close. She could feel the rapid beating of Lynn’s heart where she rested her head against her shoulder. “If I wasn’t so exhausted, I’d try to seduce you.”

  Lynn laughed and tightened her hold. “I’m pretty beat too. We should get some sleep. I believe you mentioned a spare bedroom the other night?” Lynn pulled back so she could look at Jessie’s face.

  “You don’t have to sleep alone.” Jessie caressed Lynn’s cheek. Lynn closed her eyes and nestled into the touch.

  “I should. We both need the rest, and I’ll still be here tomorrow.”

  Jessie let out a frustrated sigh, which caused Lynn to chuckle, though she stopped abruptly when Jessie stared at her.

  “I’m glad you think this is funny, Lynn Patrick. You can sleep in the spare room tonight, but this arrangement won’t last long.”

  She smiled when Lynn’s pupils dilated again, her desire transparent. Satisfied with herself, Jessie headed up the stairs to bed.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Lynn got up before Jessie the next morning and decided to make breakfast. She used the last of the eggs and the bread, and made a mental note to stop at the grocery store later in the day. When the omelets and toast were ready, Jessie still wasn’t awake, so Lynn headed upstairs to rouse her.

  Her breath caught when she opened the door and saw Jessie lying on the bed, sound asleep, wearing a long T-shirt hiked up to her waist, revealing her bright pink panties. Lynn quietly watched Jessie’s serene face. Propping herself against the doorjamb, she continued to stare at her while she thought about how much her perspective on life had changed in the past two weeks.

  She’d never made breakfast for anyone—had never wanted to, really—but she wanted to do it for Jessie for the next fifty years. More, if they were lucky enough to live longer. If she was lucky enough to have Jessie’s love at all.

  It infuriated her that anyone, much less Jessie’s own husband, could do what Wayne had done. In a perfect world, he’d accept the divorce and walk away, but very little in life was perfect. The chances that he would simply disappear were slim. Jessie would have a hard time moving on with her own life as long as Wayne was still around. Lynn sighed quietly. She’d managed to touch down in the middle of a storm, and the forecast wasn’t pleasant. As she silently watched Jessie sleep, she realized this was where she wanted to be, even with the uncertainty surrounding everything.

  The telephone shrilled, and she pushed away from the wall. She had taken two steps toward the bed before Jessie groped for the receiver on the nightstand, her eyes still closed.

  “Don’t.” Lynn spoke quickly, just as Jessie was about to grab it. Jessie hesitated and turned to her with sleepy eyes. “It might be Wayne.”

  Jessie looked at the phone until it stopped ringing. The answering machine picked up, and Lynn held her breath.

  “Jessie, I want to apologize for last night.” It was Wayne, and Lynn stood still, almost as if she expected him to be able to see her through the phone lines. Jessie sat up quickly and pulled the covers up to her waist. She stared at Lynn, obviously frightened. “Baby, please answer. You know I didn’t mean the things I said. You and Amber mean the world to me, and I’d do anything to make you happy.”

  He sounded so sincere, Lynn might have believed him if she didn’t know the truth about him. She finally managed to break her paralysis and went to the bed, where she sat with her back against the headboard. Jessie immediately moved into her arms. She stroked Jessie’s hair but felt helpless to stop her soft sobs. In that moment, Lynn understood, to some extent, why women stayed with their abusers. Clearly Jessie wanted to believe what he was saying, if for no other reason than so her daughter would have her father in her life.

  “Where the fuck are you at nine o’clock in the morning? Oh, wait, it’s December.” He laughed, and Jessie gripped Lynn tighter. Lynn knew what was coming and wished she had enough time to get to the machine and turn it off. Instead, she held Jessie and rocked gently back and forth. “Are you with your dyke girlfriend? If I find out you and her…shit, do you see what happens to me? You make me crazy, Jessie. I won’t sign these papers. I’ll be contesting the divorce, so expect to hear from your lawyer. And you damn well better be keeping all those dykes away from my little girl.”

  He hung up, and neither of them moved for a few minutes until Jessie pulled away from Lynn. She sat up, wiping the tears from her cheeks.

  “Some Prince Charming, huh?” Jessie forced a laugh that turned into a strangled sob when Lynn placed a hand on her back.

  “He’s a real gem.”

  “Thank you for not letting me answer it.”

  “Does his demeanor always change so quickly from sweet to menacing?”

  “It’s all an act with him. He pretends to be all sweet hoping I’ll pick up, but then he goes right into the tirades.” Jessie took a deep breath. “How long were you standing there watching me sleep?”

  “I’m sorry, I—”

  “Don’t be sorry. I’m sorry that our morning had to start like that.” She sniffed at the air and sighed happily. “Do I smell bacon and coffee?”

  “I made you breakfast. I was coming up to wake you.”

  “Give me ten minutes to make myself presentable, and I’ll be right down.”

  *

  “Where’s Lynn?” Karen asked when Jessie arrived at her house that evening.

  “I invited her, but she said she needed to go back to her parents’ house and let her mom know what’s going on.” Jessie had been disappointed but said, “She’ll be back at my place before I get home, so don’t worry about it.”

  “Worry? Why would we worry?” Sarah came out of the kitchen with a wineglass, which she handed to Jessie before giving Karen a quick kiss on the lips. “Just because we love you and really don’t want to see any harm come to you?”

  “I love you guys too.” She sat down then told them about Wayne’s phone call that morning.

  “And Lynn was there to hear it?” Karen asked.

  “All of it.” Jessie would have done anything to erase the look of anger on Lynn’s face. But then, when Lynn had come to the bed to hold her, she was so happy. She felt truly loved for the first time in her life. “Things were a bit awkward between us afterward.”

  “How so?” Sarah asked.

  “Last night, I made it clear to her that I wanted to sleep with her,” Jessie said, surprised that she wasn’t embarrassed to admit that. “But after the phone call this morning, I was pretty distant. I think I’ve been giving her mixed signals.”

  “Did you sleep with her?” Karen asked.

  “No. We were both dead tired, and she stayed in the spare bedroom
.”

  “Jess, she has to realize that he knows exactly what to say in order to push your buttons,” Karen told her. “I’m sure she understands why you reacted the way you did.”

  “Why would she? I’m not sure I understand it myself.” Jessie placed her glass on the coffee table and sighed in exasperation. “Why do I continue to let him get to me? He’s almost a thousand miles away, and I’m still allowing him to determine how I live my life. I wouldn’t be surprised if she gave up on me. I wouldn’t blame her.”

  “That’s not going to happen,” Sarah said with a chuckle. When Karen and Jessie both looked at her, she shrugged. “I’ve seen the way she looks at you, Jessie. I was with her for six months, and she never looked at me that way.”

  A rush of warmth ran through Jessie’s body. When Sarah walked into the kitchen to get some appetizers, Karen asked Jessie, “Are you in love with her?”

  “I think I am.” She nodded, but then thought about Wayne. “Of course, I thought I was in love with Wayne too.”

  “How do you feel when you’re with her?”

  “Safe. Loved. Happy. Like I could accomplish anything with her by my side.”

  “Did Wayne ever make you feel any of those things?”

  Jessie thought about it, then looked at Karen and simply shook her head.

  “Jessie, if Wayne is the only reason you haven’t slept with Lynn, you need to reassess the situation. I’m not trying to talk you into doing something you don’t want to. But if you do, you need to consider why you haven’t. The night you and Lynn had a fight, and the days after, you were more upset than I’ve ever seen you. No matter what you ultimately decide, just know that Sarah and I are here for you.”

  “Oh, my God, I just had a brilliant idea!” Sarah exclaimed as she walked back into the living room. She waited until she had their attention before springing it on them. She pointed at Jessie. “You’re going to win Lynn in the auction tomorrow night.”

  Jessie laughed. “I don’t have that kind of money.”

  “I’ll help with the money. It’s for a good cause, and you’ll end up with the girl. It’s brilliant, admit it.” Jessie and Karen both laughed at Sarah’s self-satisfied smirk.

  “You’re brilliant, honey.”

  “I really don’t want to take your money. How much do you think she’ll go for?” Jessie was already calculating how much she’d be able to spend on her own. The more she thought about it, the better the idea sounded.

  “I’ve been to a few of these before, and the most I’ve ever seen someone bring was about a thousand. But that was in Frisco. I’ve never seen anybody go for anywhere near that here.” Sarah sat down next to Karen and kissed her cheek. “How much do you love me right now?”

  “I’ll withhold my answer to that until after you tell us who went for that much, and who bought her.”

  “That’s how I met Lynn, but what’s the big deal?”

  “You spent a thousand dollars for a date with Lynn Patrick?” Karen asked.

  “That’s only a drop in the bucket compared to what I’d be willing to spend to go out with you, sweetie.” Sarah tilted her head and batted her eyes, causing Jessie and Karen to laugh.

  “Nice answer,” Jessie said between fits of giggling. If the bidding got any higher than five hundred dollars, she wouldn’t be able to win on her own, but she was sure going to try. She didn’t want to take money from Sarah, but she wasn’t above it. “I told her this morning I wasn’t going to the auction. Maybe I’ll surprise her by showing up after all.”

  Chapter Sixteen

  When Jessie walked into the bar around six Friday night, a huge crowd of women was already present. She strode to Sarah’s office, briefly knocked, then handed Sarah a piece of paper.

  Lynn had been asleep by the time Jessie arrived home from Karen’s the night before, and while she seriously considered crawling into the spare bed with her, she decided she could wait another day or two. Of course if she didn’t win the auction, she might end up waiting longer than that.

  “This is the most you can spend?” Sarah asked after looking it over.

  “I might be able to go another fifty, but then you and Karen would have to forgo your Christmas present this year.” Jessie smiled innocently, knowing exactly what Sarah’s response would be.

  “I don’t think Karen would ever forgive me if I made that deal.” She opened the top drawer of her desk and pulled out an envelope containing a small stack of twenties. “I can give you another two hundred, which gives you an even seven hundred to work with. Are you sure you want to do it this way? You don’t want her to know you’re bidding?”

  “I want it to be a surprise.”

  “What if you don’t win?”

  “I’d be very pissed, because I sure don’t want to be sitting at home while she’s out on a date doing God knows what with some other woman.”

  “And what exactly will you do with her if you win?”

  “The date is for dinner, right? Whatever happens after that—” Jessie shrugged. Over her shoulder, she said, “God only knows.”

  Sarah’s laughter rang as she pulled the door shut behind her. She hadn’t gone more than two steps before she ran right into Lynn. Jessie took a step back and let her gaze travel slowly over Lynn’s body. She looked outstanding in a tuxedo, but all Jessie could think about was getting her out of it. Her face warmed as she forced herself to meet Lynn’s eyes.

  “Wow.”

  “I could say the same about you.” Lynn grinned and took in Jessie’s curves, causing Jessie’s face to flame. Lynn gently took hold of her arm and led her out of the path of customers. “I thought you said you weren’t coming tonight.”

  “I changed my mind. I decided I didn’t want to miss it.”

  “Great, like I’m not nervous enough without you here to witness this.” Lynn took a deep breath and looked around at the people crowding the bar, raking her fingers quickly through her hair. The resulting mess was the sexiest thing Jessie had ever seen.

  “Why would I make you nervous?”

  “I didn’t want to do this, Jess. You talked me into it.”

  “Okay, what does that have to do with anything?”

  Lynn shifted her weight and glanced around quickly. She shook her head when she turned back to Jessie.

  “I’ve been involved with these things before. Some women think if they spend money to go out with you, they deserve to get something more than dinner in return.”

  “So you’re telling me you’re going to have sex with whoever wins you in the auction tonight?”

  Jessie let her concern show when Lynn looked as if she might faint. She took Lynn’s hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

  “Are you all right?”

  “I’m fine,” Lynn said after a moment.

  “Answer the question.”

  “No, that’s not what I was saying. I said some women, not all women. But even if the woman who wins me is one of them, I do know how to say no.” Lynn moved closer, and Jessie breathed faster. She stroked Lynn’s cheek.

  “Maybe I need to make something clear, Jess. I want you. I want to make love to you. I don’t even want to go on a date with anyone else, because it’ll take away from the time I could be spending with you. Even if I can’t ever have you.”

  Jessie was afraid her knees might give out, and she put her arms around Lynn’s neck, pulling her closer. Lynn pressed her against the wall as their lips met in a hungry kiss. Jessie moaned into her mouth when Lynn shifted her hips against her, but then an arm between them pushed Lynn away. Jessie shivered at the loss of contact and glared at Karen, who was trying her best to look stern.

  “No testing the merchandise. If we let you, then we have to let everyone.” Karen looked back and forth between them as she spoke. “Besides, if these women think you two are together, we’ll be lucky to get fifty dollars for Lynn, and that would likely come out of my own pocket. Understand?”

  Jessie nodded, but she never took her eyes off Lynn. Lynn
shot a dirty look in Karen’s direction before turning a much softer expression Jessie’s way.

  “I’ll see you later.”

  When she was gone, Jessie rounded on Karen. “You better hope to God she doesn’t go for more than seven hundred. If someone else wins this thing, I’ll never speak to you again.”

  “Hey, this was Sarah’s idea!”

  “And since Sarah’s your partner, I’ll never speak to either one of you again.” Jessie took a deep breath before she turned and walked away.

  *

  Lynn stood on the stage trying to calm her breathing, but not having much success. Why the hell did she ever agree to this? She tried desperately to find Jessie in the sea of darkness that engulfed all but the first couple rows of women but couldn’t see anything. She glanced over at Sarah, who stood a few feet away from her, running the auction.

  “All right, ladies, we have a famous author here who grew up in this area, but is now living in San Francisco. She’s only in town for a few days, so the date with her will have to take place in the next week.” Sarah had a piece of paper in her hand that she hadn’t been holding when she was auctioning the other women off. Lynn rubbed her sweaty palms on her trousers and tried to look like she was having the time of her life. “I have instructions here from an anonymous bidder, so you won’t only be bidding against one another. We’re going to start at fifty dollars. Do I hear fifty?”

  “Fifty!”

  Lynn tuned everything out when Sarah told the crowd that the anonymous bidder was going to seventy-five, at which point the bids came in so fast Lynn couldn’t keep up. What seemed to her like hours must have been only a few minutes, and Karen brought her attention back when she spoke briefly in Sarah’s ear.

  “Okay ladies, our anonymous bidder has just upped the ante. Our last bid was seven hundred and fifty dollars. Our anonymous bidder has gone to eight hundred. Do I hear eight fifty?”