Blame It on the Shame (Blame It on the Shame: Lou-Lou and Ricardo's Story #1)

by Ashley Jade

Little does she know she only made the fire inside me burn brighter.

  I attack her with everything I have. Punches, kicks, hell I even headbutt her.

  She takes a step back before falling down completely.

  I don't waste the opportunity to finish her off. I climb right on top of her and unleash hell.

  I have so much anger and resentment brewing inside, it feels good to have an outlet for it.

  The crowd's cheers are insane and I'm relishing every single second of it.

  Until I feel someone yanking me off of her.

  I start kicking and twisting myself trying to get out of whatever pair of arms I'm currently in.

  “Damn, girl. You really put a hurtin' on her. You one of us now?” someone says in a southern twang.

  Since I have one eye out of commission, things are a little hazy. I tilt my head and realize it's Tyrone holding me back.

  However, the fights not drained out of me yet.

  “Christ,” Jackson mutters before helping Scarlet up.

  There's blood dripping down her face, staining her uniform, and collecting in a pool at her feet.

  She looks at me and I give her a big ol' 'fuck you' smile.

  She tries to take a step toward me but Jackson holds her back.

  “Let her go, Jackson,” I say.

  She tries again to get out of Jackson's grasp and I start twisting and contorting myself out of Tyrone's.

  I have so much anger pulsing through me Tyrone's hold on me is slipping.

  The bitch bares her teeth again. “Just wait til I get my hands back on you, midget whore.”

  I fucking lose it. “Yeah? Well, come at me, Opie!”

  One arm breaks free from Tyrone's hold and I start swinging in her direction with it.

  Jackson pulls her back even further and the mob doctor enters the cage.

  I notice Ricardo walking out right behind him.

  And he looks pissed.

  “Your little whore stole millions of dollars worth of jewelry from my bambina, Ricardo. And she gave her a goddamn black eye,” DeLuca's voice sneers over the loudspeaker.

  “It's not Scarlet's fault,” Ricardo snaps. “Black eye? You should see what your bambina did to her! Scarlet was attacked. You know, just like she attacked your poor maid that day. Her jealousy over you is out of control.” He pauses. “And it's your girlfriend's own fault that her jewelry is gone. She was throwing punches and kicks like a lunatic. It most likely fell off during the fight. You don't know for sure that it was Scarlet who stole it. It could have been anyone.”

  I make to stand because I want to punch Ricardo in the face but Luke clamps down on my shoulder and I have no choice but to stay in my seat.

  I settle for crossing my arms and glaring at him out of my good eye.

  “I know it was her!” DeLuca screams.

  “How?” Ricardo counters.

  “It doesn't matter how. But she will be taken care of.”

  “Whoa, Babbo. Hold up. That's not going to happen. This is club business. I have a say in what happens to any and all employees. We made a deal.”

  He mumbles something under his breath before saying, “Fine. But first, I want to know what my bambina wants. It is her birthday after all. How do you want me to handle this, Lucianna?”

  Ricardo rolls his eyes and I flip him the bird.

  Wow, you really think you know someone. I can't believe I ever thought I could trust him.

  As usual, Bruno is the only one in my corner protecting me.

  “I want the bitch fired!” I yell. “She stole my beautiful jewelry.”

  I almost choke getting those words out but whatever, fuck Ricardo.

  “I already told you what I overheard her saying to her friend on the phone. She was trying to use you, mio amore. I had every right to kick her ass. Unlike some people...I protect what I love, always.”

  For a moment, I swear I see Ricardo's jaw flex and his nostrils flare.

  “Well, it's not her decision,” Ricardo says. “We need to vote on it. You, me, and Luke—seeing as he's the ring girl supervisor. Majority rules regarding Scarlet getting fired or not.”

  “Fine,” DeLuca agrees. “I vote for her to be gone.”

  Ricardo stares at me. “I vote for her to stay.”

  It would hurt less if he kicked me in the heart.

  Ricardo gestures to Luke. “What's your vote?”

  I turn in my seat to face him. I never thought I'd be in the position to have to beg him to do something for me. “Please,” I whisper. “I want her gone.”

  Luke gives me a smirk. “Okay. I'll do you a solid.” He looks at Ricardo. “Scarlet's fired.”

  Ricardo makes a face. “This is bullshit.”

  “Bullshit?” I scream. I'm about to remind him that the girl he's defending was only using him and that I pummeled the crap out of her for him, but DeLuca clears his throat. “Don't worry, Lucianna. She'll get her payback.”

  “No!” Ricardo yells. “The girl has suffered enough. She has a broken nose, 3 broken ribs, and a concussion.” He rubs the back of his neck. “Look, you know I really can't stand your girlfriend, Babbo.”

  I open my mouth in shock. He's like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

  I can't believe I ever thought we had some kind of connection.

  I can't believe I thought I was falling for him.

  I can't believe I almost slept with him the other morning.

  Shit, he was probably turning the tables on me. Trying to seduce me to report back to DeLuca that I slept with him.

  I'm so ashamed I was stupid enough to almost fall for it.

  Ricardo runs a hand through his hair. “You asked me to be nicer to your girlfriend the other day, remember?”

  “Yes,” DeLuca hisses.

  Ricardo looks like he's swallowing a brick. “Well, I'll try and be nicer to her. I'll really make an effort. All I ask, is that you don't attack Scarlet.” He pinches the bridge of his nose. “She was only doing what tons of other girls before her have done. She's a gold-digger, you can't blame her for wanting to sink her hooks into you. I'm asking you as a personal favor to me, don't kill her. Just let it go.”

  It's not so much that I mind Ricardo asking for her life to be spared, because although I hate the bitch, I don't think she should die.

  Hell, I was planning on asking Bruno not to kill her myself.

  The thing that really hurts is the way Ricardo's defending her.

  Like he's supposed to be defending me.

  “Fine, son. But be nice to my Lucianna.”

  “Will do.”

  That's when I spring up from my chair. “Don't do me any favors, asshole!”

  “Calm down, Bambina,” DeLuca barks. “I'll see you both in a few weeks. Try and get along until then. Enjoy the rest of your birthday.”

  My eyes become glassy and I stare at Ricardo. “Yeah, what a great birthday it's been.”

  He sucks in a breath and looks like he wants to say something but I grab my purse and leave.

  Chapter 20 (Ricardo)

  “Please, just open the door, Lou-Lou,” I plead for what must be the hundredth time in the last hour.

  “Leave me alone!” she screams. “Go knock on Scarlet's door, prick.”

  I watch as Tyrone and Jackson walk out of their apartment, they both shoot me a look of sympathy before heading out to the bar.

  Normally, I would go with them, but there's no way in hell I'm going out while she's feeling like I betrayed her.

  It only took 3 days of avoiding one another and a single visit from DeLuca to destroy what wasn't even built between us.

  I mistakenly thought she had more trust in me than she did.

  I thought she knew I was purposely being mean to her the other day in the hallway.

  And while I didn't expect her to know that I set her up to get into a fight with Scarlet in order to get rid of her jewelry....I thought she would know that I was only trying to throw DeLuca off the scent when I took Scarlet's side in the
office.

  Turns out Momma was right about Scarlet after all. Not that I didn't have that figured out already.

  However, a personal check from me and a promise of a few million dollars worth of jewelry that she could hock in for cash were all it took to make her a distant memory.

  I didn't expect for Lou-Lou to get so carried away and kick her ass the way she did.

  But then again, I really have no idea what the hell Scarlet said to provoke her.

  The only thing I told her to do was pretend to be talking on the phone about wanting to be DeLuca's new girl and mention that she wanted to use him for his money.

  “Please, Lou-Lou,” I scream while banging on the door again.

  Finally, I hear the door click. I take a step forward but she stops me.

  That's when I notice that her eyes are red and puffy...both of them.

  She looks absolutely devastated and it breaks my heart.

  “I want you to leave me alone,” she says.

  I try and reach for her hand but she pulls it back. “I mean it, Ricardo. I can't—I don't trust you anymore.”

  “It was all an act, Lou-Lou,” I say. “How can you not see that? I was only doing it to protect—”

  “I don't care and it doesn't matter.” She draws in a shaky breath. “What exactly do you think can ever happen between us anyway?”

  I open my mouth to answer that I'm not sure but I'll pretty much take anything she has to offer but she lifts her chin and glares daggers at me. “I belong to your father and I love him.”

  “You don't mean that,” I argue.

  She curls her arms around herself. “I do. At least he always has my back and I know exactly what to expect from him. Bottom line—me and you have no future together.” Her voice cracks. “We never did.”

  She goes to close the door but I block it with my foot. “I know you're upset. I know you hate me right now and I know our future together is pretty much fucked...but there's still a few hours left of your birthday and something tells me you haven't had a lot of good ones. And I really want to —”

  A tear trickles down her cheek. “No. I'm not hanging out with you.”

  I open my mouth to argue again but she cuts me off. “If you want to make the last few hours of my birthday enjoyable then do what I asked and leave me alone.”

  I remove my foot and she slams the door in my face.

  I'm a few steps down the hallway when I realize that I left my heart on the other side of the door with her.

  “Come on, motherfucker,” I sneer before unleashing another punch.

  His head bobs back and forth and I strike him again.

  When that's not enough I slam his head against the concrete wall and hear a crunching sound.

  And when that's not enough I kick him in the groin and he falls to the floor.

  I pick him up by his hair and bash him against the wall again. “Get back up and fight me.”

  “He can't,” Emilio says from the back of the warehouse. “I think you killed him.”

  “What?”

  I look down and sure enough, the bastard's pupils are fixed and dilated. The pool of blood surrounding him growing bigger and stretching out over the concrete floor.

  I feel for the fuckers pulse and there isn't one.

  “Shit,” Emilio mutters. “What do you want me to do?”

  The fact that I just killed someone should be causing me greater distress.

  But knowing there's one less rapist in the world causes the opposite effect.

  I've never gotten carried away to the point of murdering them before, but I have to say...I really don't regret it one bit.

  I wasn't a coward and I took care of this piece of shit.

  I look up to the ceiling and hope my mother's looking down on me.

  See, Ma? I killed him for you. I did something good. I'm not him.

  I pull off my gloves and shrug. “Call a cleanup crew. Get it taken care of.”

  Emilio gives me a strange look before replying, “Okay. I'm on it.”

  I turn toward the door. “I gotta go.”

  “Wait,” he calls out. “Is this gonna be a regular occurrence now?” He lights a cigarette. “Listen, I'm all for you beating them to a bloody pulp and giving them what they deserve. But the reason I started going behind your father's back and helping you out is because you're one of the good guys, Ricardo. You always have been, ever since you were a boy.”

  He wipes the sweat off his forehead. “However, this is the first time you killed someone and you didn't even bat a goddamned eye.”

  He’s wrong.

  “He's a rapist,” I argue. “He didn't care about how his victim felt...why the fuck should I care about him?”

  “That's not what I'm saying, kid,” he says. “It's not about him...it's about you.”

  I try not to roll my eyes at his use of the term kid and throw a fresh t-shirt over my head.

  I glance at my watch and curse. There's only a little over an hour left of Lou-Lou's birthday and I have to find a way to make this right.

  “I'm fine.”

  “That's what I'm worried about,” Emilio says right before I leave.

  I sprint up the steps and head straight to her apartment.

  I bang on the door but I pause because I hear her crying.

  The sound completely guts me.

  I slide down the door and press my forehead against it. “I'm sorry I hurt you. I never meant to do that. I was only trying...I was just trying to make everything work.”

  Her crying doesn't let up and I know I have to try harder. “I know you think you can't trust me but I swear, you can. Now, open the door so I can see you. I need to see you. I don't—I don't want to lose you, Lou-Lou. Just let me in.”

  She doesn't say a word.

  I stand up and hit the door in defeat but then I hear the doorknob turn.

  We stare at one another for a moment before I open my arms just in time to catch her.

  She wraps her legs around my waist and I hold her tighter than I've ever held anything in my life.

  She cries even harder and I don't know what else I can do to make this right but I swear to god, I'll go to the ends of the earth and back just to ensure she never cries like this again.

  “You want a truth?” she whispers. When I nod my head she says, “I felt like I lost my best friend.”

  I bury my face in her neck and inhale her. “Well, here's a truth for you. You didn't lose me, babe. I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere.”

  I start walking with her in my arms and she lifts her head. “Where are we going?”

  “It's a surprise.”

  Chapter 21 (Lou-Lou)

  I step out of his car when we arrive and have a look around.

  All I see is an abandoned field which appears to be located by an airport.

  He walks over to me and I can't help but notice the way his black t-shirt stretches over his broad shoulders and strong arms. The way his jeans hang perfectly on his hips, covering those muscular thighs and god only knows what else.

  Jesus, even his tattoo's manage to add to his sex appeal.

  I step back and give him a coy smile. “I don't know about this, Ricky.” When he lifts an eyebrow in question I say. “You are the son of a notorious mob boss. For all I know, you could be plotting my murder and planning on burying my body in this field.”

  He gives me a lopsided smile before he bites his lip and peruses my entire body with a sultry stare. I feel my cheeks heat and I'm happy it's dark out because I know I'm blushing.

  He backs me into the car and I fight for air.

  I don't know how I can go from hating him one second,to wanting him to tear my clothes off and ravage me the next...but I do. Sometimes all in one singular moment.

  “Trust me,” he says low and gruff. “There are a lot of things I want to do to your body. But murder isn't one of them.”

  My god, he has no idea just how much I want to experience each and every single thing he wan
ts to do to me.

  But I can't. I can't give into this urge and the recent events have only made it that much clearer for me.

  I'm going back to DeLuca in a few weeks.

  And if I give myself fully to Ricardo...I won't survive it this time.

  He takes my hand and we begin walking. I see a large blanket spread out on the horizon and my heart stops beating entirely when I see what else is there.

  Surrounding the outskirts of the blanket are around 25 beautiful glass vases.

  Each and every vase is filled with dandelion's...dandelions that have all gone to seed.

  He leans down and kisses my cheek. “I gathered as many as I could for you. All you have to do is make a wish.”

  He remembered.

  Tears threaten my eyes again but I stuff them down for good.

  I can't allow myself to fall apart and cry ever again. I have to be strong like I was in order to get through what will be awaiting me when I go back to DeLuca.

  But that doesn't mean I can't still treasure these moments with him.

  These moments where I feel like I'm a princess and I dare to believe again.

  These moments where for the first time in my life—I know my wish will be for more than just freedom.

  He stuffs his hands in the pockets of his jeans. “I know it's not millions of dollars worth of jewelry or anything—”

  I put my finger to his lips silencing him. “It's the best present I've ever received in my whole entire life.”

  And I mean it...he has no idea what this means to me.

  I've always hated jewelry...ever since my father handed me my first Tiffany's box as a way of bribing me for my silence.

  The thought of wearing jewelry makes me want to peel off my skin and clean it with bleach.

  Fucked up thing is...DeLuca knows my reasoning for not wearing jewelry...and yet he still insists on buying it for me.

  I lie down on the blanket and look up at him. “This is amazing.”

  He gives me a smile and lies down next to me. He holds my hand but stays silent, letting me take in my surroundings.

  I look up at the night sky and breathe in the warm end of July air.

  Normally it's muggy and humid this time of year, but tonight there's a breeze that makes everything that much more perfect.