(Complete Rock Stars, Surf and Second Chances #1-5)

by Michelle Mankin

  Was it the bruise on my jaw?

  He seemed fixated on it even though I had insisted it didn’t hurt very much.

  Or had he heard the lyrics Ash and I had worked on together?

  Had I given away too much of what I was feeling too soon?

  Was he having regrets already?

  “Babe.” He covered my hand with his own. The look of concern in his clear blue eyes and the sizzle of instant awareness from the touch of his warm fingers pulled me from the mental quagmire I had fallen into. “What’s going on with you? You seem a million miles away.”

  “What do you mean?” I asked carefully after taking a sip from my glass of water to moisten my throat.

  “I’ve been thinking about us.” His expression turned stony. “Since that’s at the forefront of my mind I figured it might be on yours, too.”

  “I don’t know, Linc,” I said honestly my chest burning as I opened myself up to the very real possibility of a rejection. His eyes narrowed but I forged bravely on. No more deflecting, Simone. Delaying wasn’t going to make things any easier. “I want to be with you but after last night I don’t know if that’s the best thing. I don’t want to be a burden to you.”

  “You’re not a burden. You’re a prize. God, Simone.” His eyes flared as he rose from his side of the table and pulled me up into his arms. I closed my eyes for a moment enjoying his warmth, his strength, the sheer pleasure of being within his embrace again. “I want you with me. All the time.” He smoothed a strand of my hair behind my ear. “I’m so sorry about what happened with your father and every time I see that bruise on your pretty face I get angry all over again. It’s going to be tough no doubt but I won’t let your old man ruin us. Ok?”

  “Ok,” I agreed dropping my forehead to his chest. “But…”

  “Let’s just take it a day at a time right now.” He lifted my chin with a curled finger, looked intently into my eyes and then pressed a soft kiss to my lips. It felt so good, the affection so welcome from him that I sighed.

  I think he felt the same. He groaned his pleasure into my mouth.

  My lids fluttered closed and my hands drifted up the strong hard planes of his back, inviting him closer. I was surprised when he pulled back. I opened my eyes to find his gaze heated, hungry and possessive but he hooked his head over his shoulder and then I heard his aunt and his uncle talking as they came through the front door.

  “Later,” he whispered touching my nose lightly with the tip of his finger.

  • • •

  Linc

  The later I had promised never came. Not that day or the next.

  With her at Karen’s and her father out of the picture I thought us being together would be easier but it got harder instead.

  I had too little time to prepare for Fiji and therefore even less time to spend alone with her. At home my aunt and uncle seemed ever-present watching us with caution in their eyes. And though Karen’s parents insisted Simone could stay with them for as long as she needed to, they were as restrictive with her curfew as they were with their own daughter’s.

  I knew Simone needed my support in the present and I did the best I could but I needed to be out on the ocean securing our future.

  We had settled into a routine the past several days. I woke up before sunrise and stayed out on my board most of the day while she hung out with the guys. Then we ate dinner together at Ash’s but by that time I was so spent that I usually crashed on her as we watched television on the couch. Last night she hadn’t even bothered to wake me to walk her back to Karen’s. Ash had taken her.

  She was quietly disappointed and I was finding myself increasingly jealous of Ash. The stress of it all was creating strain between us.

  Vowing to work harder so I could spend extra time with her tonight, I jogged out into the chaotic surf, tossed my board on it and paddled out. The waves were massive today. A low pressure system was stirring them up. Many were topping the top of the thirty foot tall pilings. Even as early as I had come I had tons of company. Everyone who surfed was eager to get out and attempt the waves.

  I was the most accomplished surfer and had the priority so I got my choice of waves and I took them over and over again until no one was left besides me. It was thrilling to take on the ocean when it was angry and more of an opponent than an ally but it was extra exhausting, too.

  White water all around me, the waves were so powerful now and setting up so fast that I barely had time to take on one before another one was upon me. I saw Ash on the pier but ignored him. He looked worried and I could tell that he thought I should come in. My girl was by his side looking just as concerned wearing a hoodie and a beach towel that whipped around her shapely form in the gale force winds.

  Seeing her spurred me to press on. Time was running out to prepare for an event I was determined to win. Coming in early would feel like an admission of defeat. When I competed the waves might be small or they might be big like today. I had to be ready to put together a perfect ride whatever the conditions. Speed, power and flow. Commitment, innovation and variety. The judges would need to see all of that from me. That’s why I had to keep pressing.

  Feeling frustrated by my rides thus far, I chose a wave that maybe I shouldn’t have. It turned into a monster rising faster and steeper than I had anticipated. I went straight up and over the top of it free falling through the air on the other side my board flying away from me. I felt the cord attached to my ankle snapping tight before I crashed into the ocean. Water surged all around me as I sank beneath it. I clawed to the surface but another wave slammed over me. I tried not to panic even though my lungs were burning for air.

  I felt the tug on my ankle from my leash and was grateful it had stayed attached. I used it to follow my board to the surface. I threw my arms around it when I got there and ducked my head into the next wave that crashed over me. That was when I felt the sharp burn in my lower leg and realized one of my fins must have sliced me. I pulled my leg out of the water and lifted it to take a look. What I saw made my veins turn as cold as the water. There was a deep gash in my wet suit and blood was pouring from it.

  I immediately turned the nose of my board to the shore and used the power of the waves to take me toward it praying Ash had seen what had happened and would be there. I didn’t know if I would be able to stand on my own once I got there.

  • • •

  Simone kept a stoic face until they closed the door to the ambulance and it was just us and the EMT who was on the radio giving the hospital my status. Only one could ride with me to Hillcrest and Ash had insisted that it be her.

  Her lips started to quiver and she turned her head to the side but I saw the tears that rolled down her cheeks.

  “I’m ok,” I told her mumbling a bit. My tongue felt thick and fuzzy after the shot of morphine they had given me. “I’m not going to die.” I hoped my attempt at levity might distract her.

  “Oh, Linc.” She threw her body over me and wrapped her arms around me. She shook and I could feel her hot tears on my cool skin. They had cut away my wetsuit before strapping me to the stretcher and sliding me into the ambulance. “I was so scared. When you came out of the water and there was all that blood.” She lifted her head to look at me. Her golden eyes were watery and her face was tear splotched but she had never seemed more beautiful to me. All that emotion for me. I couldn’t remember anyone ever crying for me. “You’re so good at surfing. I never realized how dangerous it could be. You could have drowned today. You went down for so long I thought you had.” She dropped her head again and hugged me even tighter than before.

  I stroked her hair with my non-IV hand.

  “I’m going to be scared every time you get back on that board,” she whispered.

  So was I. If I got back on it. But it wasn’t the psychological aspect of it that worried me. Lots of guys got sliced by their board. I’d even seen one get knocked unconscious when his board conked him in the head. They usually returned to surf again. But I had seen the l
ook that had passed between the paramedics. I heard the one with us give his report to the hospital. My fin had cut through some serious muscle. They were going to take me to the operating room as soon as we arrived. That wasn’t the type of injury that would allow me to go back out to the beach the next day.

  Fiji was out of the question. Taking care of her, too. Everything was up in the air now.

  Those thoughts made me panic worse than when I’d had an ocean’s worth of water crushing me. I ground my teeth together so hard my eyes watered. “If it’s gonna scare you, maybe you shouldn’t watch,” I chastened.

  “What do you mean?” She lifted her head looking uncertain in response to the harshness in my tone.

  “It’s a dangerous sport, Simone.” I forced my arms to drop to my sides letting go of her and tightening my fingers into fists as if I could recapture what I felt slipping away from me. “But it’s part of who I am. You can’t expect me to quit just because of one injury.”

  “I don’t.” Her eyes grew wide. “I just wanted you to know how frightened I was.”

  “I’ve got enough pressure on me. I don’t need more to worry about.” It was the truth but I felt wretched for saying it. She flinched but I knew she needed to get me. “When I get back on my board.” I refused to accept the if that kept popping back into my mind. “I don’t want you on the beach. I have to focus. Understand?”

  Chapter Forty-Five

  * * *

  Linc

  “She’s still out there in the waiting room, Linc.”

  “Tell her to go back to Karen’s.”

  “No, Linc. I won’t. You need to see her. I don’t get what’s up with you.”

  “This is what’s up with me,” I gestured at my heavily bandaged leg. “What’s the point, Ash? What do I have to offer her now that I’m like this?”

  I squeezed my eyes tightly shut as if that would make the events of the past couple of days go away. We had both lost. Everything. All my hopes and dreams gone because of my stubbornness. If only I had gotten her home in time. If only I’d shown some sense out there in the surf.

  “Things are hopeless for us now.” My throat closed but I powered through it. “She needs to realize that so she can go on with her life.” Even as I said the words I knew I could never go on without her.

  Ash gave me a pitying look but I couldn’t summon the anger to rebuke him. “Talk to her for me.” I turned away and looked out a window that had no view.

  He put his hand on my shoulder and my eyes burned with the emotion swirling around inside of me. “You tell her that yourself if that’s really what you believe. But I think she deserves to see for herself that you’re ok.”

  “But I’m not ok.” I spit the bitter words out. “I’m never going to be ok, Ash. You know how it is. You’re just like me. Surfing is in our blood. And now I don’t have that anymore.” I crushed the crisp white hospital sheets between my clenched fists. “You talk to her. I can’t. Not right now.” It would weaken in my resolve to do the right thing by her if I looked at her pretty face. “Tell her whatever you have to. Just make her go away. Tell her I reached too high. Tell her she’s too good for me. Just make her go away.”

  “No, Linc. I’m not telling her any of that.” Ash moved toward the door but turned back to look at me and his eyes narrowed. “I’ll tell her you need some more time. That you’ll talk to her soon as soon as you’re feeling like yourself again.”

  • • •

  Simone

  Feeling eerily numb I sat on the park bench by the ocean, listening to the roar of the surf and the piercing cry of the seagulls as they passed overhead. But the sun didn’t warm my chilled skin and the sparkling surface of the Pacific didn’t brighten my dark thoughts as I had hoped.

  He’s ok,” I repeated to myself the lie Ash had told me after Linc came out of surgery. I knew the positive words about Linc’s prognosis were meant to placate me but I’d seen the terrible truth in the starkness of Ash’s expression. The doctors weren’t giving any assurances and there weren’t any between Linc and me, either. Not really.

  “Why, Ash?” I had pressed a few moments ago in the doorway of his home. “Why won’t he talk to me?”

  “Give him time to process. Maybe by tomorrow, Simone.” He looked more bleary eyed and tired today than he had the day before. I tried to peer past him into the house desperate to catch even a glimpse of Linc.

  Tears sprang into my eyes as I voiced the horrible thought that had been rambling through my brain ever since the accident. “Does he blame me for what happened?”

  “What?” Ash’s gaze sharpened. “What on earth gave you that idea?”

  I’ve got enough pressure on me.

  “I don’t know.” I wrapped a strand of hair around my finger. “Maybe because he was tired. Maybe he was working too hard and staying too long for my sake.”

  “That’s crazy, Simone.”

  “If it’s crazy then why won’t he talk to me?”

  “Because he’s had a traumatic injury. Because he’s still recuperating and coming to terms with it.”

  “Are you sure that’s all? I feel like there’s something you’re not telling me. I told you how I feel about him. Has he changed his mind about me?”

  “No, baby.” Ash had pulled me into his strong arms and I had wrapped mine around his trim waist clinging desperately to him, not wanting to acknowledge how hollow his denial rang.

  I twisted my hands together in my lap so they wouldn’t shake. Every time I closed my eyes memories of Lincoln flashed through my mind. On the beach. On his board. In his room. On the boat. My heart ached, a happy ending for us becoming more improbable with each passing day. I wished I had a rope to tie my scattered thoughts together so I could make sense of them or a sudden epiphany that would show the way forward.

  I couldn’t stay with Karen forever. I needed her advice but she seemed so happy with Dominic. I didn’t want to wreck that by confessing how bad things had gotten between Linc and me.

  I was tired of everyone walking on eggshells around me as if they all knew something terrible I didn’t.

  I pulled in an unsteady breath. I couldn’t just sit around and keep waiting. It was time to stop thinking and start doing. Linc had worked so hard to try to secure our future. I needed to have the same mindset. I would take that open position at Schooner’s. One good thing about all those years of working at Napoli’s, I certainly had the qualifications.

  Thanks, Dad, I thought with bitter sarcasm. I tried not to think about my mother and the fact she hadn’t even tried to contact me.

  Chapter Forty-Six

  * * *

  Linc

  “That’s the last time I’m making excuses and sending her away for you. You’ve been sitting back here in this room avoiding her, avoiding the guys and avoiding going on with your life.” The mattress springs on his bed squeaked as he flopped onto it and dropped his head into his hands. “It’s bad. I get that. But it’s not the end of everything.” He dropped his hands and lifted his gaze. “You’re already walking pretty good. In a couple of months if you continue rehab you could be right back on your board. You have the injury exemption for a year. You could try to qualify again next season.”

  “No.” My voice was gravelly from lack of use but my denial was firm. “You and I both know how competitive the circuit is. If I’m out that long the odds against me qualifying again are astronomical.” My expression was as bleak as my words.

  “Ok,” he admitted his voice low. “You’re probably right. But competitive surfing is not the entire world, even though you’ve lived your life to this point as if it is.” He hit me with a look. “I know why. I understand. Each time my dad brought you back here after your old man laid into you, you made excuses for him. Eye swelled shut. You said you ran into a door. Ribs bruised. You said you fell down the stairs. Until that last time. Do you remember?”

  I nodded wishing I could forget. I had been thirteen but I’d hit my growth spurt early. Thank Go
d since that time he’d come at me wielding a broken beer bottle.

  “You had a competition that weekend. We were all there to see you win it. But there you were. Even after all he did to you. Even after all of the horrible untrue things he said. Up on that podium scanning the crowd looking for him. Still hoping for his approval.

  I looked away. Ash was right. He didn’t miss anything.

  “No matter what you do or don’t do, he’s not going to change, Linc. My family and I, we’re always going to be here for you. You know that right?”

  Eyes burning I looked back at him, swallowing hard and nodded.

  “Right.” His voice sounded thick as if he had a bunch of emotional stuff stuck in his throat, too. “So we just need to rethink things.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I want to give this Morris thing a go. I talked to the guys already. They’re all on board.”

  “What?” I rubbed a hand over my eyes. The pain meds made my thoughts a little foggy. “I’m not following.”

  “Mom and Dad have come around, too.” He leaned forward. “I think in large part because of you. Dad’s going to lend us the van. We’ll have to cover our own expenses. Gas. Food. Lodging. But we’ll split it four ways. It won’t be that bad.” His eyes glittered with excitement. “Why don’t you give it a try? We’re really good together, the four of us. A few weeks of road trippin’ might be just the tonic you need. It’ll get your mind off things and we might have more than just Morris offering us a deal by the end. C’mon, it’ll be an adventure.” He reached across the space that separated our beds and grasped my shoulder. “Hell, it might even turn out to be something big.”

  • • •

  Simone

  Sweeping the floor beneath the last table at the end of my shift, I saw him pass by the plate glass windows facing the street. I ducked my chin and spun away my heart thumping hard inside my chest despite the arrow of bittersweet longing that had pierced it all the way through.