by S. K. Lessly
“Lexie...”
I closed my eyes, shaking my head and trying to get myself together. But when I opened them and saw the emotion in Ethan's now soft, moss-colored eyes, I couldn’t hold it together anymore. The despair and pain that I had buried deep inside me took over my body and I started to collapse to the floor, but I never made it. Strong arms encircled my body, bringing me close to warmth and protection.
“She’s gone…” I sobbed on a hiccup before all hell broke loose. “Oh, Ethan. She’s gone...” My heart crumbled and I finally let go in Ethan's arms. “Please...”
“I know, baby, I know. Fuck, I’m so sorry.”
Ethan held me close to his chest, rubbing my back, squeezing me close to him. God, it felt good being in his arms, feeling his strength, knowing someone other than me had me. And that was what he kept telling me over and over again as I cried in his arms.
“I got you, sweetheart. I got you.”
The sound of his soothing voice was like a warm blanket over the gripping pain in my chest. Grief was destroying me from the inside, but I knew Ethan would be the only one to put me back together. All I had to do was let him. And God I wanted to. Desperately. I needed him to.
We stayed glued to each other for a long time before he picked me up and carried me inside my bedroom. I felt him settle on my bed and at the same time reposition me to straddle his lap. He trapped my face between his hands and caressed the pad of his thumb along my cheek.
“Alexis, believe me when I say I know exactly how you feel. And I’m not going to lie and say it'll get better because I know it never will. But I promise you it will get easier.”
“How do you know?” I asked on a sniffle.
“Because I’ve lost some important people in my life. Not a parent that meant the same to you as your mom, but the loss still hurt. And I know it feels like you’re alone in this, but you’re not. I promise you you're not. You definitely have your dad. He’ll need you just as much as you need him.” He lightly brushed my cheek with the backs if his fingers. “And you have me. I’m sorry it took me so long to get here, but I’m here and I swear, I got you.”
I focused my red eyes on him, taking in his words, reading the expression on his face. He seemed sincere, honest, and I felt it in my gut that he meant every word he said.
He ran his hands down my arms, rubbing them. His touch was tender and sweet, the look on his face humble with a bit of sadness in them. I had the sudden urge to chase his sadness away. To touch him. But I knew I couldn’t. I had to remember that Ethan was just a friend. Nothing more.
With that thought filling my mind, I shifted off Ethan’s lap and sat next to him, my back against the headboard. I felt my eyes tearing up for a different reason altogether. I closed them, bent my legs, and wrapped my arms around me. I rested my forehead against my knees and let out a painstaking breath.
Fuck my life!
“Hey, listen.” I shifted my face to his, resting my cheek on my knee, but kept my eyes closed. I felt his fingers shift my hair back, still giving me his comfort. “There’s something I want to show you. Come with me.”
I shook my head, still unable to look at him. “Ethan, no. I don’t feel like—”
“Oh no, you don’t. I’m not taking no for an answer.” I felt him stand and I opened my eyes to look up at him. “Look, I just want to show you this one thing, then I’ll bring you right back. It won’t take long, I promise.”
I looked in his hopeful eyes feeling myself relenting. I hated to admit this, but he was weakening my defenses. I had hardened my heart so I could deal and in a matter of seconds, he broke me down. I hated the fact that after all these years, he still had an effect on me.
Ethan continued to study me, determined eyes breaking me down but also giving me strength. No matter how hard I fought it, right now, the way I felt, I’d do anything he'd ask of me. I knew this and I was sure he knew it too.
Conceding, I sighed. “I look a mess,” I said finally, touching the wild fro I was sporting.
He shook his head, took my hands in his and pulled me up. “That’s not true. You look beautiful.”
I laughed sarcastically. “Yeah right!”
“I’m serious. You do. Now come on. Quit stalling.”
I groaned as he started pulling me out of my bedroom. Looking down at what I had on, I stopped and tried to pull my hand out from his. “Wait!” He stopped and looked at me. “I need to change or something.”
He shook his head. “No, you don’t. Just bring a light jacket or a sweater and sunglasses.”
Reluctantly, I did what he asked and grabbed a sweater from my closet and my glasses and keys from off the dresser. Once I was ready, he took my hand again, which I didn’t want to admit felt good, and guided me out of the room and out of the quiet, depressing house.
We made it to the porch, and I had to squint to take in my surroundings. It didn’t feel as hot as it had in my room, but it was still humid and sticky. I put my glasses on to shield my eyes from the brightness of the sun as well as the brightness of life. Ethan reached for the keys in my hand and locked the front door. I held out my hand for the keys once he was done but he merely placed them in his shorts pocket and proceeded past me to his car. I forced back a growl and sent hot daggers at his back.
I heard him chuckle, which only irritated me more.
“Come on, sunshine. It’ll be fun, trust me,” he called over his shoulder.
I mouthed his words back to him, mocking him, before I found myself heading toward his car.
Ethan opened my door for me and waited until I was situated before he closed it and headed for his side of the car. When he slid in and started the monster engine, he looked over at me. “Top up or down?”
I looked over at him and tried not to smile. I failed. “Down.”
He grinned and backed out of the driveway as the top of the car retracted.
I leaned back in my seat and welcomed the warm breeze caressing my face and arms. I closed my eyes and allowed my body to relax.
I had no clue what Ethan was going to show me in Dover that I hadn’t already seen. There wasn’t much to see here unless you went to the speedway or the casino, and I knew that wasn’t going to happen. Ethan didn’t seem like the gambling type and there wasn’t anything going on at the Speedway.
Despite knowing those facts, here I was, in his car, letting him take me away from my pain even if it was for just a little while. I was grateful for that, grateful for him. I decided right then and there that wherever we were going, I would be thankful. I mean, anything was better than the four walls of despair I called my current bedroom, right?
I breathe out a contented sigh, closed my eyes, and enjoyed the beautiful weather.
***
I must’ve drifted off to sleep because when I opened my eyes, the scenery looked different, open. And I smelled the ocean.
I turned to Ethan. “Where are we?”
Before he could answer, I noticed a sign that said Rehoboth Beach Ten Miles. I looked back at him. “We’re going to the beach? What on earth do you need to show me there?”
Ethan glanced over at me briefly before returning his eyes to the road. “Stop being so impatient. I’ll show you when we get there.”
I pushed my glasses down so I could give him a skeptical look. He caught the doubt in my face and leaned in to me, his eyes still on the road. “Do you trust me?”
I studied him closely before I answered, my voice softer than I intended. “Yes, I trust you.”
“Good!” He gave me a quick glance before his eyes returned to the highway. “Just sit back and enjoy the ride.”
I did as I was asked and took in the sights around us.
Twenty minutes later, Ethan pulled into a public parking lot for the beach. He pushed the button next to the rearview mirror and the top started to close. Once the top was secured and locked, we got out of the car. Ethan walked around to where I stood, took my hand, and led me to the boardwalk on Rehoboth Beach.
<
br /> We walked along the beach in silence for a while, weaving through the beach crowd until we got to this place called Joey’s Bar and Grill. We walked in and took in the scene.
Joey’s Bar and Grill was your usual bar and grill spot by the beach. There was a huge bar along the left wall, which took up most of the space inside. The décor was typical as well, wooden planks on the walls and floor, sea-themed pictures, and objects mounted on the walls. I liked what I saw and loved the smell of good food even more. Unfortunately, there weren’t any open places to sit. There were booths and a few tables that occupied the right side of the bar and the front of the place, all occupied.
Ethan squeezed my hand to get my attention and pointed to a sign that said “stairs” at the back of the restaurant. I nodded and he led us through the bar to a set of stairs at the back. Once we made it to the second level, I breathed out a sigh of relief. This floor was set up somewhat similar to downstairs when it came to décor. There was a small bar to the right of the room, against the wall. However, the rest of the floor was filled with a bunch of tables and booths. Plus, there was a patio that housed a few small tables. I would have loved to sit out there and watch the waves crash into the beach.
I turned to ask if he wanted to brave the seagulls and eat outside but he must have read my mind. He took my hand in his and led us to an open table on the patio and we took our seats.
“Is this what you wanted to show me?” I asked him, spreading my arms, indicating where we were.
“Not quite but don’t worry, I’ll let you know. Just sit back and enjoy the scenery.”
A waitress came and took our order. He looked over at me to order but I shook my head. I wasn’t very hungry. Ethan gave me a strange look then ordered a steak, two orders of fries, and two Heinekens. When the beers came, he handed me one.
“I don’t know if I need to drink that,” I said, frowning.
“You’re right.” He got up and headed to the bar. When he returned, he had two glasses filled with brown liquor that could probably burn a hole in my stomach. It smelled like it too.
I frowned. “What’s that?”
“Something you need to drink.” He sat down and placed one glass in front of me. He turned and faced me with his glass in his hand. “Come on, raise it up.”
I did.
He said, “Here’s to Miriam Elise Morgan Stone. She was a wonderful mother, wife and human being. She’ll be missed.”
We clinked glasses and I threw the drink back. I tried not to make a face as this harsh stuff went down, no burned down my throat, searing my esophagus in the process. But I failed miserably. Ethan watched me, smirking as I began to cough and sputter.
He laughed. “Smooth, right?”
I laughed in spite of myself. “Uh, if you say so. What was that?”
He shook his head. “You don’t want to know but let’s have another one.”
He made eye contact with the bartender and a few minutes later, we had two more shots of something Ethan labeled “smooth.”
When the food arrived, he gave me one of the order of fries and some of his steak. We ate in silence and drank our beers as families, couples, and lone individuals enjoyed the beautiful summer day by the beach.
We stayed there for a long time, well after our food had settled, drinking beers and watching people walk by. Our conversation was minuscule. We talked about some of the time he spent in the army, what it was like going to school in Detroit, and the many fights he found himself starting.
I shook my head at him when he told me about the fights.
“I swear you left and changed into a fighting machine.”
Ethan shrugged. “Detroit is way different than Dover. It was either protect yourself or get taken apart.”
“And you never found anyone special to spend eternity with there?” I asked him, hoping I could lead into why I hadn’t heard from him.
But Ethan wasn’t playing fair. He looked at me for a long moment before he stood. “Hey, let’s take a walk along the beach.”
Before I could protest or say I was good sitting here, he took my hand in his and pulled me up to my feet. He dropped a few twenties on the table then practically dragged me out of the restaurant.
We walked in silence until we came to the small amusement park that sat on an extension of the boardwalk that jetted out to sea.
Ethan looked over at me with a devilish smile on his face. “I feel like winning some stuffed animals. What do you say?”
He started rubbing his hands together mischievously and I laughed.
“Let’s do it,” I charged and we both made our way down the boardwalk to one of the many games the park had to offer.
I had to say, watching Ethan try to win me teddy bears was quite funny. And he didn’t want to win a little bear either. No, he wanted a big one. The man was relentless. He finally found a game with the type of bear he wanted and actually managed to knock a few bottles down to win me a huge bear.
He handed the bear to me with pride on his handsome face. I tried to hide my smile. The amount of money he spent trying to win me the bear, he could have paid for two bears with cash. But it was the thought that counted, and I felt honored that he wanted to impress me with his ball throwing skills.
I held the monstrosity for a little bit, but we ended up giving the bear to a little girl walking with her dad. Her eyes lit up when she saw me carrying it, and I couldn’t resist the way her face beamed with excitement. That right there really made my day.
Ethan suggested we walk along the shore. I was down, of course, and we found a place to sit so we could remove our shoes. He then guided us onto the beach, and we started making our way back toward the parking lot. The sand felt great between my toes. I hadn’t been to the beach in a very long time. The closest beach to Philly was Atlantic City, but there was no way I was going there. Nothing against the beach; it just wasn’t my favorite. But Rehoboth Beach, there was just something about this place. It was all about family here. And the people were nice, the area clean, and the beach itself wasn't half bad. It wasn’t paradise but it would do.
Ethan and I walked close together in companionable silence, the waves crashing against my feet. It was nice. Just being here with him was amazing and something I didn’t think would ever happen.
Ethan was just…goodness. He was amazing, and handsome, and thoughtful and beautiful. And crap, he smelled divine. I didn’t want to admit this to him or myself but…I was glad he talked me into coming out today. I felt better than I had in a while. My heart still hurt, but Ethan just made it a little easier to breathe.
I looked over at him and studied his profile. He looked to be deep in thought. His eyes were hard, focused and determined. His chin was locked and his body was tense. Whatever was going through his mind, it couldn’t be good. I decided to bring him back to the present.
“So, uh…when are you going to show me whatever it was you were going to uh… show me?” I looked over at him.
He stayed silent for a bit before he asked, “Say again?”
“The thing you were… Ethan, you said you were going to show me something and you haven’t done it yet.”
“Hadn’t I?” He looked over at me. “I thought I showed you a pretty good time. You don’t think so?”
I answered him by growling and splashing him with water using my foot.
“Hey!” he yelped, stepping back.
I laughed and did it again, getting more water on his shirt before I cut out running.
I looked back to find him right on my heels. Before I could shift my trajectory, to throw him off me, he had me up by my waist and was heading to the ocean.
“No, no, don’t you dare put me…no Ethan… put me down. Put me down!”
Well, like the jerk he was, he put me down...right in the freaking cold ass water. I tried to pull him in with me, but he was stealthy and evasive. However, he wasn’t evasive enough. Just as he backed up, I tripped him and he went down just as a huge wave came on shore.
>
We both laughed at each other as we crawled away from the waves. I fell on the sand, once we were clear of the unforgiving ocean, giggling. Ethan was beside me, propped up on his side and resting on his elbow. The corners of his mouth quirked up as he stared deeply into my eyes.
Then suddenly, things changed. The air around us seemed to electrify, to charge. My smile faded, the humor from my eyes gone and replaced with curiosity, bewilderment, and hunger.
I watched in fascination as Ethan’s eyes grew darker, smoldering. Heat radiated from him, setting my body on fire.
Holy shit, is that craving I see in his eyes?
My heart started to pick up its pace. I wasn’t sure what to do. Ethan’s eyes roamed all over my face. Searching. Assessing. When his eyes dropped to my lips, god I knew. I knew what he wanted and oh, I wanted to give it to him. But just as I was about to reach for him, to pull him to me, the look in his eyes changed again. He no longer looked at me as if he wanted to devour me. It was more like guilt or regret. God, I was pathetic to think someone like him wanted someone like me. And now things were beginning to get awkward.
“I can’t believe you just did that,” I said in an effort to make things not so weird. A nervous laugh fell from my lips as I sat up, creating much needed space between us. I smiled at him, hoping he’d get the hint and join me. We were having such a great time before I went and looked all dreamily at him.
Gah!
Ethan eventually followed my lead and sat up. He ran his hand through his wet hair and gave me a side glance. “Yeah, well you started it.” He grinned at me, his eyes sparkling with mirth. And just like that, everything was right as rain.
Ethan sighed and stood up. He bent over and reached for my hand to help me up. “I’ll tell you one thing though,” he went on. “You are not getting in my car all wet with sand stuck to your body.”
I looked at my body then up at him. “What about you? You’re just as wet as I am.”
“I have a bag in the trunk. I can change into dry clothes. I don’t have anything for you. Come on, let’s get you something to put on for the ride back.”
