Meant to Be Me

by Wendy Hudson

  “I am beside myself. With anger. I need you to sit down so we can attempt to talk about it rationally before I blow my lid.”

  Anja’s eyes widened, and Darcy understood why. She couldn’t think of a single occasion when she had raised her voice at her friend or spoken with any hint of rage, which was why she was trying her best to maintain a calm approach.

  Anja sat as instructed, and Darcy shifted to look at her. “Why didn’t you tell me about Eilidh?”

  “Eilidh?” Anja looked confused. “That girl you met on the bridge?”

  “Yes, Anja. That girl I met on the bridge.” She spoke through gritted teeth. “The girl who saved my life.”

  Anja breathed out a resigned sigh. “She messaged you.”

  “And a good job she did.” Darcy felt her voice rise in pitch. It seemed Anja knew exactly what she’d done.

  “I can explain, sweetheart.” Anja reached for her hand, but Darcy pulled away.

  “You bloody better.”

  She stood then and moved towards the window, running a hand through her hair. It was an action Darcy had seen a number of times when she was annoyed or irritable and needed a moment to compose herself.

  She finally turned but kept her distance. “Please believe me when I say I did it for you.”

  “How am I to believe you when you’ve been lying to me this whole time?”

  “It was for your own good, Darcy, because I know you.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean? Why do I feel as if you’re in the wrong but I’m the one about to be attacked?”

  Anja came back to her side then. “You’re not. I promise. I’ve been sick all week keeping this to myself, but you need to trust me, Darcy. I didn’t do it lightly. I thought if you knew about Eilidh, you would get all worked up and worried. About whether she was okay and how you’d ever repay her. You’d shift the focus from yourself and getting better to her. I didn’t think that’d be good for you. I didn’t want you worrying. All I wanted was for you to rest and concentrate on yourself.”

  Tears leaked free, and Darcy hated seeing them stain a trail down her friend’s lovely face, hated being the cause of them. But Anja’s explanation wasn’t good enough. She was holding back. Darcy wasn’t getting the whole story.

  Still, she couldn’t help but reach out and offer Anja her hand. Anja gripped it tightly and sank on to the edge of the bed close to her. “Do you understand? Do you see why I didn’t tell you?”

  “To a point. You’re right, I would’ve worried. But it’s not good enough, Anja. She saved my life. Like actually pulled me from a burning car saved my life. That’s huge. Were you ever going to tell me?”

  “You think I don’t know that? And of course, I would have told you eventually.”

  “You’re still not telling me everything. I can tell. No more lies, Anja. What else are you keeping from me?”

  Anja hung her head and brushed tears from her cheeks. When she met Darcy’s gaze again her face was the picture of sorrow. “When I first saw you lying in this bed, Darcy, I was terrified. I thought I was going to lose you and from that moment, all I wanted was to protect you from everyone and everything. To keep you safe because I’d failed you once already and I wasn’t going to do it again.”

  “Failed me?” Darcy felt herself soften towards her friend. She seemed so fragile and raw, Anja hadn’t opened up this way throughout the Jason saga. “You didn’t fail me. You didn’t cause the accident.”

  “I should have been there to stop you getting in that car. If I hadn’t been so wrapped up in myself, I wouldn’t have left you that night, and you’d have had me to protect you.”

  Darcy shook her head and squeezed Anja’s hand tighter, pulled her closer. The remaining rage had dwindled to mild annoyance. It hadn’t occurred to her that her friend might be carrying some guilt over that night. “How can you think that? This whole thing is the result of a long chain of decisions outside both of our control, and we don’t even know the whole story. Why I got in that car? Who else was there on the road? This is bigger than you leaving the cabin that night.”

  Anja smiled through the tears and pressed her forehead to Darcy’s. “It’s good to hear you say that, but it might be a while before I believe it. I keep thinking, what if?”

  Darcy brushed a thumb under both Anja’s eyes. “Believe it. It’s the truth. This isn’t on you, An. To have you here in my corner is what’s getting me through this. But I need you to be honest with me. If I’m ever going to find out what happened, you can’t hide things from me, okay? I won’t fall to pieces.”

  Anja pressed a tender kiss to Darcy’s injured cheek. “Okay. Although it wasn’t only you I wanted to keep it from.”

  Darcy sat back and shuffled over a little, inviting Anja to sit back with her on the bed. “What do you mean? Who else?”

  Anja slipped off her shoes and jacket and climbed up on the bed beside Darcy. After tucking a pillow behind her, she wheeled the tray of food towards them. “The police, Darcy. She was the only other witness that we’re aware of. I couldn’t be sure what she’d say, and I thought if she told them you were driving too fast, or erratic, or…that there was no other car out there… Well, I was afraid it might not help your case. It’s too late now though; as you know they already talked to her the night of the accident.”

  Darcy pondered that a moment as she pulled the lid from a container of tempura prawns. “I know that, and I plan on talking to her myself. She might have remembered more since then about what happened. Something about the other car or driver? Any little detail could help.”

  Anja shifted beside her and cleared her throat. It was an awkward tic she had when she knew Darcy wasn’t going to be happy with what she had to say. It normally occurred at work when Anja actually had to act like a boss and make Darcy work late or do something tedious. “I’m going to throw this out there, and you’re not going to hate me for it or get annoyed. All right?”

  “All right.” Darcy dunked a dumpling in sweet-chilli sauce and popped it in her mouth.

  “What if…what if Eilidh was the driver of the other car?”

  Darcy choked a little on the dumpling and gratefully accepted the napkin Anja offered. “What? Are you serious?”

  “Very.” Anja nodded. “I mean, who goes running at that time of night along a dark lane in the middle of nowhere? Who goes running in the snow at six o’clock in the morning on a Saturday? When you just so happened to first meet her.”

  “Someone who enjoys running when it’s quiet? Or has a job to go to afterwards?”

  “Maybe. Or maybe Eilidh came to the cabin and you caught her there? Maybe she was the other driver and was chasing you, trying to stop you from telling anyone. Then when you crashed she conveniently became your heroine?”

  “Anja, that’s pretty farfetched.”

  Anja shrugged. “It’s possible. We know nothing about this stalker of yours, Darcy. For all we know—”

  “If she was the driver, what did she do with her car?”

  “What?”

  “The police said Eilidh came to the hospital with me that night?”

  Anja nodded, her face scrunched in deep thought.

  “Then where was her car when the police arrived at the scene? They said the road was deserted and only the wreckage of mine was left there.”

  “Okay.” Anja nodded. “Fair point. I hadn’t considered that, but what if she was in the car with you?” Anja shrugged as if it was feasible. “You were driving somewhere and that’s when you realised who she was?”

  Darcy sighed. “So, you and I were at my house, eating, drinking, chatting. You decide to go and see Jason when the cheating prick won’t leave you alone, and Eilidh turns up?” She shook her head. “She doesn’t know where I live.”

  “Your stalker does.”

  “If Eilidh were my stalker and turned up at my house ra
ndomly—without invitation—do you seriously think I’d get in my car with her? While I was drunk? In my dressing gown?”

  “Maybe. If she forced you. If she had a weapon or a plausible enough reason. Perhaps you thought crashing was your only way out of it.”

  “I don’t know, Anja.” Darcy shook her head as she went over the myriad of possibilities. “As far as I know, she wasn’t injured. If Eilidh had been in the car with me, then it’s a miracle she got out.”

  None of the various theories made complete sense and came with a host of other questions, but they were enough to give Darcy pause. She had to consider every eventuality, no matter how unsavoury.

  “She did take a few knocks. I saw her, remember? I know it all sounds outrageous, but then nothing about this has been normal, has it?”

  “You’re right and I’m hearing what you’re saying. I guess everyone really is a suspect. She’s coming to visit tomorrow.”

  Anja blew out an exasperated breath but didn’t protest. “Just keep in mind what I’ve said. Okay? Keep your eyes open and your wits about you.”

  It was sound advice. Apart from keeping Eilidh from her, Anja had been amazing since the accident, and even that deception seemed only to have been done out of love and protectiveness. She couldn’t stay mad at her for it.

  “Noted. I’ll be careful. So long as you promise me there’s nothing else you’re keeping from me.”

  Anja slung and arm across Darcy’s shoulders and squeezed her close. “Promise.”

  Chapter 35

  A tentative knock came at the door, and Darcy called for the person to come in. No one else ever knocked, and she was right in thinking it was Eilidh.

  “Hey.” Eilidh took a few steps inside and closed the door.

  Darcy smiled. “Hey.” She was surprised to see Eilidh in a hospital uniform: navy pressed chinos, fancy-looking trainers, and a pale blue polo shirt with “Physiotherapist” embroidered across the breast. A bandage was wrapped around her forearm, and Darcy wondered if she had suffered any other injuries from that night.

  She was taller than Darcy remembered, and her thick dark hair was no longer hidden under a hat but instead pulled in to a tidy ponytail. The beetroot hue Darcy had witnessed on the bridge was gone, but her cheeks still held a tinge of pink.

  Eilidh’s gaze flitted around the room before it fell back on Darcy. “Is it me or does this feel a little weird?”

  “It’s not just you.” Darcy shifted in the bed, trying to prop herself higher.

  “Here. Let me help you with that.” Eilidh moved to her bedside and adjusted the pillows behind her, giving Darcy a moment to study her face up close. A small white scar split her left eyebrow, and a smattering of freckles crossed her nose and forehead.

  “How’s that?”

  She stepped back, and Darcy nodded. “Great. Thank you.”

  Eilidh smiled and took a seat. “I imagine you have a lot of questions.”

  Darcy tore her gaze from Eilidh’s lips and met her eyes. The sight of her, the proximity, had momentarily stunned her. After all their failed attempts to meet again, she was finally here, and Darcy choked on all the words she wanted to say.

  Instead, she cried. Great, wracking sobs tore through her body, and there was nothing she could do to stop them. Every injury ached with each shudder, but she didn’t care: something about Eilidh’s presence had undone her.

  Arms wrapped around her and the mattress dipped as Eilidh, still a stranger in so many ways, held her close and whispered words of comfort. Darcy wasn’t sure how long they sat that way or how long she cried. Every fibre of her being felt drained of energy as the last tears dried and Eilidh offered her another tissue.

  When the moment had passed, neither seemed to know what to say. Eilidh returned to the chair and sat quietly, giving her time to find some measure of composure.

  “Thank you,” Darcy whispered.

  Eilidh reached and took her hand again. “Any time.”

  “Seems I’m the idiot this time.” Darcy smirked.

  “Eh, not so fast. That’s a title I’m wielding with pride right now. There’s no way you’ve earned it yet.”

  Darcy couldn’t help but laugh. She kept her gaze fixed on Eilidh, searched her face while she tried to find the words. How did you thank someone for saving your life? How did you repay them?

  “I’m not sure about the protocol for when someone has saved your life.”

  Eilidh’s head ducked a little then, and she broke the stare. “Well, you know, my friend Sam suggested a parade, but…I’ll settle for a thank you.”

  “A parade, huh? I mean, I could make some calls, see if my balloon guy is free.”

  Eilidh relaxed back in to the chair and laughed with her. “Aye, okay, today you’re the idiot.”

  Darcy gestured to the uniform. “You work here?”

  “For my sins. Going on twelve years now.”

  “Wow. So all this time you’ve been here and I didn’t know.”

  “Aye, and I’d be lying if I said it hasn’t been difficult not to come and see you. Did Anja tell you why she didn’t say anything to you about me?”

  “She did. I guess she knows me too well and knew I’d worry about you. Stress myself over how to repay you when she wanted me to focus on getting better.”

  Eilidh’s eyebrows knitted in a frown. “Darcy, you’ve nothing to repay. And I’m fine. Look.” She stood and spun around on the spot. “Practically good as new.” She lightly touched her bandaged arm. “There’ll be barely a trace left of this, and even the sunburn’s already faded.”

  “Sunburn?”

  Eilidh chuckled. “That’s what I called the scorching my face got when the car blew.”

  “Oh.” It dawned on Darcy then, how much more Eilidh knew about that night than her, how many questions she might be able to answer.

  As if reading her mind, Eilidh took her hand again. “I know you have questions and I’m here to answer them all. But first…” She moved to the door and opened it, disappearing for a moment before entering the room again pushing a wheelchair. “I’m going to get you out of here for a while.”

  Darcy couldn’t hide her surprise. “Are you serious? Am I allowed? Where are we going?”

  Eilidh secured the chair next to the bed. “Yes, I’m serious. Yes, you’re allowed, for a short time at least. We’re going to get that food and coffee I promised.”

  Darcy couldn’t get the blankets off herself quick enough. After more than a week of the same four walls, she was desperate for a change. Under Eilidh’s instruction and with her help, Darcy manoeuvred safely into the wheelchair. She winced as Eilidh elevated her leg and wrapped a blanket over her knees.

  “Obviously I won’t be your official physio, but if you’ll let me, I can be your unofficial one?”

  “If it gets me out of this room, you can be whatever you want.”

  Eilidh laughed. “Careful. I could interpret that in so many ways.”

  Darcy raised her face to the low winter sun and thanked the weather gods it wasn’t raining or snowing. After a couple of suspect sandwiches, they’d taken coffees to go, and Eilidh had pushed her slowly through the hospital gardens. Clear of the main building and the groups of staff and patients wrapped up to enjoy an unseasonal lunch outside, they had found a low wall for Eilidh to perch on while Darcy stayed in the chair.

  “Why on earth were you even out there running at that time of night? That’s what I keep asking myself.”

  Eilidh shrugged. “All sorts of reasons. Running is my refuge and escape all at the same time. I hadn’t slept properly for days, I’d had a shitty downer of an afternoon, topped off when you had to cancel our date. So, I did what I always do. I ran.”

  Anja’s accusations ran through her mind, and as much as she didn’t want to believe them, she had promised caution. Despite how genuine Eilid
h seemed, Darcy needed more if she were to put her mind at ease.

  “And happened to be right where I crashed?” She knew her scepticism was thinly veiled and Eilidh clearly picked up on it.

  “Why do I feel like I’m being accused of something here? Yes, it was unusual for me to head out that far from the city. Yes, I happened to be in the right place at the right time, and yes, it’s a huge fucking coincidence that it was you in that car. But I’ve done nothing wrong, Darcy.”

  The emotion in her voice threatened to send Darcy over the edge again, and she was immediately sorry to have suspected Eilidh. Darcy reached for her hand and squeezed it in apology. “I know. I’m sorry. There’s a lot more going on here, and I shouldn’t be taking it out on you.”

  “Like what? You’re making me feel like the accident was somehow my fault.”

  Darcy took a deep breath and wondered where to start. “I’m struggling to piece it all together. To figure out why I was even in the car or where I was going? Who was in the other car?”

  “You remember the other car, then?”

  Darcy’s attention was piqued at that. “No. I told you, I remember nothing. The police said there was another set of skid marks, and a witness who’d seen another car and spoken to the driver. Which I now know is you.”

  Eilidh nodded.

  “They wondered if someone else had happened upon the accident and freaked out, or if maybe I was being chased. Can you tell me what you saw?”

  “I’m afraid I haven’t remembered anything else since that night, but I can tell you what I told the police.”

  “Please, if that’s okay? I’d really like to hear it from you.”

  “Okay, well, it was dark, so I couldn’t make out the model or the person inside the car. I remember hearing the screech as it stopped, but I was already running away from the road towards your car and didn’t pay much attention to it. I know it was a woman driver. She called out to me while I was seeing to you, and I figured she’d seen what had happened and stopped to help. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to get you out of the car. You were upside down and held in place by the seatbelt. I thought between the two of us, we’d stand a better chance. So, anyway, I yelled up at her to call for help and then get her arse down there. I was still struggling with the seatbelt when she told me she’d called an ambulance, then I heard an engine rev as she drove away.”