Meant to Be Me

by Wendy Hudson

  “You’re sure it was a woman?”

  “Definitely. I didn’t get a look at her, but her voice was high and shaky. As I said, I was focused on getting you out of there and she was up above the verge, a fair bit away.”

  “I can’t believe she left you there alone and didn’t even try to help.”

  Eilidh shrugged as if it didn’t surprise her. “You’ll be surprised what people will stand by and let happen. When fear kicks in, most take the flight option. We all react differently in a crisis and not always how we like to imagine we would.”

  “Aye. I guess. Lucky me that you aren’t most people.”

  “Yip, you got the idiot.” Eilidh smiled wryly, and then a thought seemed to occur to her. “Wait a minute, why would the police think you were being chased?”

  Darcy blew out a long breath. Should she tell Eilidh? Perhaps if she were blunt and up front, Eilidh’s reaction would tell her something. If she had something to hide, it might show. “I have a stalker.”

  “A stalker? Bloody hell, I didn’t expect that.”

  Eilidh seemed genuinely surprised, but then maybe she had preempted that Darcy would tell her about the stalker and was prepared to react accordingly. Anyone hiding that kind of secret would have to be a good actress. Darcy studied her a moment: her face was etched with concern and a worry in her eyes that Darcy thought impossible to fake. She heard Anja’s voice in her head, advising caution.

  Was she really questioning the woman who had saved her life? All Anja’s crazy theories had riled and twisted her into a distrustful mess. Darcy decided to give her the benefit of the doubt. She wouldn’t dismiss the theory completely, but the possibility of more answers was too tempting to risk. Despite the misgivings Anja had voiced, Darcy’s gut told her Eilidh was an innocent part of the puzzle. “Me neither.”

  “I imagine not. Is that why you got in the car? Why you were driving so fast? Did something happen? Were you trying to get away from them?”

  Darcy threw up her hands in frustration. “Those are exactly the questions that are torturing me. Things have been escalating lately. They’ve left gifts at my house as well as work, getting braver, as the police would say. I think maybe they were at my house; it’s the only thing that makes sense to me. I can’t think of any other plausible reason why I would get in the car drunk.”

  “So you were drunk. I wondered whether that was true.”

  Darcy was sure she looked remorseful. She certainly felt it. “Unfortunately, yes. Which I’ll have to answer for and why I know I’d never have gotten in that car of my own accord. I had to have been afraid or in danger, or both. I had to be.”

  If she said it enough times, maybe it would be true, because the thought of getting in the car in that state, for no good reason, was truly unimaginable to her. To be that stupid… Although the alternative was hardly palatable, at least it didn’t call into question her own character and judgement.

  “Shit.”

  “Exactly. Now you see why it’s so important to find that other car.”

  “Aye, I’m so sorry I can’t remember more.” Eilidh knelt down at her side. “I’ll do all I can to help you. Okay?”

  Darcy nodded. “Thank you. I’m so happy you’re here. Despite everything, it’s great to see you again.”

  The warmth of Eilidh’s smile was nearly enough to dispel any lingering fears Darcy had about her reasons for being out there that night. To shoot down any further suspicion Anja might direct her way. Almost.

  Too much had happened, the stakes were just too high, and until Darcy had the answers she craved, she doubted anyone could evade the wariness that had set in. But for now, her heart told her to believe Eilidh. To accept her help and see where it led.

  “Actually, there is something I do remember.” Darcy felt shy in admitting it, but she wanted to impress on Eilidh exactly what it had meant having her there that night. Not only pulling her from the car, but for staying by her side.

  “Really? What’s that?”

  Darcy reached out and locked their fingers together. “Your voice. Telling me it would be okay.”

  She watched Eilidh’s face soften and thought there was going to be more tears. Instead, Eilidh crouched by the wheelchair and pulled Darcy into a hug. They both clung on tight, neither in a hurry to break apart. “It will be,” she whispered close to Darcy’s ear.

  “Here you are. I’ve been looking everywhere for you.” Anja’s harried voice broke through the moment, and Eilidh quickly moved away.

  “Hey, Anja. Sorry, Eilidh managed to sneak me out for a while.”

  “So I see. You could have left a note or something. When I saw the empty bed… Well… You’re here, and you’re all right, I take it?”

  Darcy glanced in Eilidh’s direction. “I’m fine, sweetheart. Eilidh was filling me in on what she remembers from that night.”

  “Oh, really.” Anja rounded on Eilidh. “No doubt that was an interesting story.”

  Darcy reached out and swatted her arm. “Stop it, you.” She held Anja’s warning glare and shook her head lightly. “Eilidh saved my life.”

  Her friend’s hardened features relaxed a little at Darcy’s words. “You’re right. Eilidh, I’m sorry. It’s been a hard time, as I’m sure you’ll understand.” Anja held out her hand towards Eilidh. “I know I’ve said it before, but thank you for what you did.”

  Eilidh shook the hand, and Darcy smiled, looking between the pair. “That’s what I like to see.”

  Anja brought her attention back to Darcy. “You look exhausted. Have you been crying? We should get you back to rest.”

  “An, I’m fine.” Darcy wasn’t ready for her time with Eilidh to end. There was so much more to say.

  Anja stood hands on hips, head tilted. “What did we talk about? About looking after yourself?”

  “I know, but—”

  “But what? It’s freezing out here and that leg should be resting properly.”

  Darcy glanced at Eilidh who was studying a nearby rock rather intently, clearly unwilling to get involved.

  “My leg feels fine right now, and surely fresh air can only be a good thing? Just a little longer, An. Please?”

  Anja threw up a frustrated hand and glared towards Eilidh. “Fine. Whatever. Do what you like.”

  “Aw, don’t be like that. This is the most human I’ve felt the whole time I’ve been stuck in here.”

  Anja crossed her arms defensively. “I’m not being like anything. If you want to stay, then stay. Who am I to tell you what to do?”

  Eilidh stood suddenly and made a show of looking at her watch. “You should go back inside, Darcy. My lunch break is over anyway, and I promised I wouldn’t have you out for too long.” She turned her back on Anja and squeezed Darcy’s shoulder affectionately. “Same time tomorrow?”

  Darcy couldn’t help but grin. “It’s a non-date.”

  Eilidh winked and set off at a jog. Darcy watched her go a moment, and as if sensing her stare, Eilidh turned and offered a small wave. Then Anja was grabbing the wheelchair handles and jerking it around to head in the opposite direction.

  “Hitting on you while you’re sat injured in a wheelchair. Classy.”

  “Hey. I told you to stop it. She was being nice, that’s all.”

  “Nice my arse. She’s got her eye on you.”

  “I hope so.” Darcy chuckled.

  The chair stopped abruptly, and Anja rounded in front of it. “What did we talk about last night? About being careful around her until we know the full story?”

  “I know and I am being careful. But I don’t think it’s her. I mean, why would she risk getting in touch again? If the stalker did come to the house to attack me, or tried something, then surely they wouldn’t be stupid enough to stick around. How could they be sure I wouldn’t remember?”

  Anja’s brow furrowed, and Da
rcy could see she was torn with the logic. “True, I suppose.”

  “And she seemed so genuine with all the questions she was asking. I honestly got no inkling that she knew any more than she was saying.”

  “Well, of course she’d be asking questions. To cover her tracks. You’d be surprised how easily some folk can lie.”

  It still didn’t sit right with Darcy, but after everything, she knew it was irresponsible to disregard Anja’s warnings completely. “I know. I promised I’d be careful, and I will. Stop worrying, okay?”

  “Fine.”

  “Fine.”

  Anja resumed pushing the wheelchair, and both women were quiet. Darcy hated the unease that seemed to have settled around them since the accident. This wasn’t how they worked, but something heavy seemed to sit on Anja’s shoulders that she was clearly reluctant to share. It suddenly occurred to Darcy what it might be. In the aftermath of the accident, she had entirely forgotten the reason why Anja had left the cabin that night.

  “Do you want to talk about Jason?”

  She heard Anja sigh behind her, and it was a moment before she replied. “He’s gone.”

  Darcy tried unsuccessfully to crane around to see her friend’s face. “Where? What happened?”

  “He told me he finally got a job onshore. In Norway of all places. He asked me to go with him, to start fresh back in my home country. He thought that would make me happy. I told him there was no hope for us, but he should take the job anyway. So he did.”

  “Wow. That’s it, then. Definitely over?”

  “Yep. The rest of his shit has been cleared out, there’s some financial papers to sign, and then he’ll be gone.”

  “What about the house?”

  “That was mine before we got married, and he’s agreed I can pay him a lump sum to walk away as part of the divorce settlement.”

  “Oh, Anja.” She reached her good hand up behind her, and Anja clutched it for only a moment. Darcy was sure she heard a small sob but didn’t try to turn around again. The way Anja spoke, so matter of fact about it all, she was clearly trying to hold it together right now. She was fighting against falling to pieces, and Darcy knew that was for her benefit, knew Anja would be angry at any encouragement from Darcy to let it happen.

  “You okay?” Darcy had to ask.

  “I will be. I’ve had my meltdown, and it’s just formalities now. All that’s important right now is getting you better.”

  Darcy tipped her head back for an upside-down view of her friend. “I can see right up your nose from this angle.”

  Anja laughed. Loudly. And Darcy couldn’t help but join in.

  She felt a kiss on the top of her head as the laughter faded. “I needed that.”

  “I think we both did,” Darcy agreed.

  “I’m afraid I have to go back to work tomorrow. Bridget can’t give me anymore time off, and I figured it might be better to save my leave for when you get out of here.”

  Darcy might have been more upset if it weren’t for the knowledge that Eilidh was close by and had promised more visits, but she sensed Anja was far from happy about it. “We knew good-boss Bridget would only last so long. It makes sense to save your leave, although I feel guilty that you’re planning to spend it with a broken me.”

  “Don’t be daft. I’m sure it’ll be fun, and you can make it up to me with some sunshine once you’re better. Plus I can still visit you here in the evenings. Bring you dinner.”

  “I love you.” Darcy wasn’t sure where it came from, but in that moment, she wanted Anja to know it.

  There was quiet for a few seconds before a palm pressed against her cheek. “I love you too.”

  Chapter 36

  Eilidh’s head appeared around the door, and Darcy beamed. “I was wondering when you’d appear.”

  “Aye, sorry, got caught with a patient.” She produced two half-decent-looking chicken-and-avocado-filled baguettes and a large packet of crisps from her backpack, before adding fresh juice and a bag of Haribo to the haul. Her visits to Darcy were rapidly becoming Eilidh’s favourite part of the day, and she knew never to show up empty-handed.

  “Are those the sour ones?” Darcy grabbed for them.

  “Of course. The patient shop came up trumps today.”

  Darcy popped one in her mouth, and Eilidh laughed as her cheeks and lips puckered. “That’s a beautiful look.”

  Darcy drew a circle in the air around her face. “Are you kidding? It’s a right state.”

  “Well, you’re not quite so peely wally, at least. I can see some natural colour past the bruises. Which are fading, by the way.”

  They ate lunch, played cards, and had a few laughs at Darcy’s expense. Eilidh liked that she didn’t feel the need to tread carefully around her or watch every word. She seemed to appreciate that Eilidh took the piss a little in an effort to lighten the mood.

  “Any more dreams?” Eilidh asked.

  “Bits here and there. I’m in and out of sleep a lot between the meds and nurses always checking in.”

  “Have you remembered anything new?”

  Darcy picked up a card and discarded another. “Nope. It’s the same few fragments going around in circles, and even then it’s more feelings than visuals. The pain, the confusion, that sense of choking. Your voice.”

  Eilidh smiled at that. “Why is it that you keep dreaming of me, I wonder?”

  “Because you’re the heroine of the tale.” Darcy returned her smile, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. Eilidh knew it was nothing to do with her; it was clear Darcy continued to struggle with the gaps in her memory. She wondered if Darcy would ever get past Eilidh’s association with the accident.

  “Do you think it will always be this way? That when you think of me you’ll think of the accident? I feel as if maybe having me around isn’t always a good thing, because I’m a reminder.”

  Darcy seemed taken aback and began to shake her head even before Eilidh had finished. “Don’t be daft. I don’t associate anything negative with you. What you did… I’ll be forever grateful and indebted to you. I’ll always know you saved my life. How can that be bad?”

  “See, that’s another worry I have. I don’t want you to spend time with me because you feel you have to. I’ve been showing up here every day for a week—uninvited. You must be fed up with me by now.”

  “Nonsense. As if you need an invite. It’s the highlight of my day.” Darcy laid her cards on the table. “I win.”

  “Dammit.” Eilidh half-heartedly threw hers down. “That puts you in the lead.”

  Darcy snickered. “Your deal.”

  “Do you mean that?” Eilidh felt shy in asking, and it wasn’t like her to be so insecure. “About me visiting. It’s not as if there’s much competition.”

  “Don’t let Anja hear you say that.” Darcy chuckled. “But aye. Mostly because you bring me sweets and she refuses. She says I’m hopped up enough on the drugs and caffeine without adding sugar to the mix.”

  “She’s probably right.”

  Darcy grabbed the bag of sweets. “Too late. You can’t take them back.”

  “Wouldn’t dare.”

  They were quiet a moment as Eilidh dealt the cards. Darcy sucked on a sweet and stared out of the window, seemingly lost in thought.

  “One day.” She brought her gaze back to Eilidh. “When people ask how we met, we’ll conveniently forget my clumsiness on the bridge and tell them the heroic story of how you saved my life. It’ll be a riveting tale, and you’ll bask in the glory of it.”

  Eilidh grinned. She liked the sound of that. “One day?”

  “Aye, well.” Darcy fumbled a bit, and Eilidh stopped herself from laughing. “We’re friends, aren’t we? I’d quite like it if you stuck around.”

  “Ah, yes. Friends. The interlude. Can I ask how long you intend for that to last? Beca
use ‘one day’ sounds very far in the future.”

  Darcy didn’t look away. Her eyes crinkled at the sides as she grinned mischievously.

  “We’ll know,” she said.

  What she was trying to say made perfect sense to Eilidh. She nodded in agreement. “We’ll know.”

  They mechanically picked up and put down cards until Eilidh won a game back, making them even. The hospital bustled around them, and the sun cast a warm beam through the window across Darcy’s battered legs.

  Eilidh broke the quiet. “There’s something I wanted to suggest. When you’re ready. It helped me a lot.”

  “Oh yeah?” Darcy pushed herself up higher in the bed, and Eilidh helped her adjust the support under her leg. “What’s that?”

  “Therapy.”

  Darcy began to object, but Eilidh cut her off. “I don’t mean that kind of therapy. Although you might want to consider it. I’m talking about hypnotherapy. There’s a great guy in Edinburgh who helps with your kind of memory loss.”

  Eilidh could tell Darcy was sceptical. “How?”

  “He taps in to all the senses. For example, your sense of smell is one of the most powerful triggers of memory. So he’d take elements of your story and use sensory techniques while you’re hypnotised. To try and find those memories for you.”

  “Like what? I barely know any of the story.”

  Eilidh searched for an example based on what she knew of that night. “I can help some with that. What about the smoke? When I think of that night, the smoke always comes to mind. But he can take it back further. What about something you ate or drank? Before you left the cabin? I think it’s worth considering, anyway.”

  “I’d say that’s the last thing she needs.” They both turned to find Anja stood in the doorway. “Don’t you think her mind has been messed with enough already?”