Meant to Be Me

by Wendy Hudson

“I’m not suggesting she do it tomorrow, Anja,” Eilidh countered. “Only that she keeps it in mind.”

  “Sounds ridiculous to me. What’s he going to do, stick her head in a fire to remind her how it feels?”

  Eilidh got to her feet. “Now that’s ridiculous, and I think you’re wrong to write it off so quickly.”

  “And I think you’re wrong for even bringing it up right now. She’s still in her hospital bed, for goodness’ sake.”

  “She’s an adult who can decide for herself.”

  “She’s in the room,” Darcy called out over them both. “And doesn’t appreciate being talked about like she’s not.”

  Eilidh glared at Anja a moment longer before bringing her attention back to Darcy. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

  “Me too,” Anja mumbled.

  “I understand you’re both trying to look out for me, but I’m a grown woman. I can decide these things for myself. Maybe the memories are best forgotten, maybe not. Thanks for the suggestion, Eilidh.” She looked between them both. “I’ll make a decision when I’m ready.”

  Eilidh nodded her agreement along with Anja. They both stood awkward and quiet.

  Darcy looked to Anja. “What are you doing here at this time of day, anyway?”

  “Sorry, I didn’t realise I was interrupting anything.” She was curt and clearly unimpressed with Eilidh’s presence. “I’ll go.”

  “No.” Darcy tried to stop her. “Stay, play a round with us.” She gestured to the cards.

  “It’s fine.” Anja was already heading for the door. “I’ll see you tonight.”

  She shot one last glare in Eilidh’s direction, then left.

  “Sorry about her.” Darcy voice was softer as she tried to chill the frostiness Anja had left in the room.

  Eilidh waved her off. “No big deal. She’s worried about you. She cares, that’s all. I understand where she’s coming from.” She glanced at her watch. “Now c’mon. I’ve got ten minutes left of lunch to whoop your arse. It’s your deal.”

  Chapter 37

  It was another two weeks before the doctors would consider allowing Darcy to go home. They thought it was still a little soon, but both Anja and Eilidh fought her corner, assured them she would be taken care of, and offered solutions to every concern they raised.

  The stitches had been removed and the layers of gauze gradually diminished, leaving only the yellow tinge of bruises and angry red lines that promised to fade. It would be another few weeks until both casts came off and the real physio could begin. Until then, Eilidh encouraged exercise in her bed, easy stretches, and short walks with the aid of one crutch.

  Eilidh visited every day, bringing food, her favourite coffee, podcasts, and book recommendations to pass the time. They played card games and laughed a lot; her company was easy, and the time with her passed too quickly. Each day, Darcy’s suspicions diminished, until she realised her trust and faith in Eilidh was wholehearted.

  Her evenings were spent much the same, with Anja taking over entertainment duties. Her commitment to Darcy never wavered, and it amazed Darcy regularly how naturally Anja took care of her. How selfless she was when it came to ensuring Darcy was all right.

  The only true dark spot was Darcy’s memories continuing to evade her. She’d regained a few flashes here and there; Eilidh’s voice had become clearer along with the feeling of something choking her, and the noise. The sound of glass shattering and the deafening blast from the explosion woke her in the night, sweating and panting.

  Often, she’d wake startled and shouting to Anja curled against her, a protective arm holding her tight. She’d stroke Darcy’s hair and utter calm words of reassurance, while other fragments of memory tugged and toyed with her. She knew at some point she’d been shouting, crying, and angry, but at what or who, she had no idea.

  When the day came for her to be discharged, she didn’t mind admitting to being a little scared. The hospital room had become a sanctuary of sorts—a place where real life didn’t need to be acknowledged. She had Anja and Eilidh at her side, and her mum only a video call away. Colleagues and friends stopped by with gifts and kind words; doctors, nurses, and numerous hospital staff tended to her every need.

  Once she left this place, she’d have to fully face up to what had happened. To the police and to herself. She’d have to return to a cabin that had once been her safe haven, but which now teased her with memories she might never reclaim.

  “You ready to get out of here?” Anja appeared at the door with a wheelchair and a hospital porter in tow.

  Darcy glanced around the room one final time as she pulled her coat on. Anja had loaded everything into the car already, and the room stood stark, waiting for its next patient. She was ready. She had to be. Life had to go on, and it wouldn’t wait for her forever.

  She hobbled towards the chair. “As I’ll ever be.”

  The cabin held a cold chill that did nothing to allay Darcy’s nerves.

  Anja bustled about her, chatting, unpacking, and updating her on the new CCTV camera installed on the porch, the provisions stocked in the larder and fridge, and the replenished woodpile courtesy of the farmer.

  Darcy eyed the tablet showing the CCTV images uneasily. It was a necessary evil right now, she guessed, but it didn’t feel right within the rustic confines of her simple home.

  Anja positioned Darcy on the sofa, propped her foot on a cushion, and wrapped a blanket around her shoulders. She then placed a cup of tea between icy fingers and set about lighting the fire.

  “I’ve reset the bedroom heater timers, so it’ll be toasty in there whenever you want to nap.”

  Darcy settled back and tried her best to relax. “Thank you. I don’t know how I’d have managed without you.”

  Anja looked up from the stack of kindling she was building and smiled. “I don’t want to hear you say that again. No thanks needed. That’s what friends are for.”

  Darcy shook her head. “This is above and beyond friends, An. And I’ll thank you as much as I want.”

  Anja put a match to the newspaper, and they both watched for those few uncertain moments when you weren’t sure if it would take. Flames curled the paper and tentatively licked the wood before rising and taking hold. “You’re a dab hand at that these days.”

  Darcy wasn’t sure when the strange sense of foreboding would leave her, but the fire was a good start. Anja closed the wood burner’s door and opened the vent a little, then sat back on the rug against the sofa. They both watched in silence for a while as the glass window filled with dancing flames.

  “Is it weird to be home?”

  Anja looked up at her from the floor, and Darcy nodded. “A little. But this helps. I’m glad you’re with me.”

  “I’ll have to go to work tomorrow, but I can come back in the evening. I’ll stay here as long as you need me.”

  Darcy set her tea aside and laid a grateful hand on Anja’s shoulder, squeezing it gently in thanks. “I wasn’t sure what I expected. I thought maybe once I was home, it would all come flooding back, you know? Because this place was so familiar, I hoped it would tell me its secrets somehow.”

  “Was?”

  “Is,” Darcy corrected. “I know it well enough, but right now it doesn’t feel quite like home.”

  “I get it. You’ve been gone a while, and the last time you were here, well, you don’t remember it. I understand why that would be frustrating, but give yourself a chance.”

  Darcy looked around her, let her eyes settle on random objects. The torch by the door, her graduation picture with her mum on the mantel, her bag on the dining table, the radio surrounded by plants on the kitchen windowsill. All of it known to her but none of it telling the story she needed to hear.

  Exhaustion washed over her, and she felt her body sink further in to the sofa. “You’re right. For now, I think I need some sleep.”r />
  Anja hopped up from the floor. “Of course, sweetheart. Let me run through a few things first so I don’t have to wake you in the morning, and then we’ll get you to bed.”

  She crossed to the front door and a bag Eilidh had left for her. “Your physio friend gave me a few gadgets to help make you more comfortable.”

  “Why do you always call her that? Her name is Eilidh.”

  Anja shrugged. “Whatever.” She produced a long metal stick with pincers at one end and a trigger at the other. “These tong thingy’s are meant to help if you drop something, or if something is out of reach. I don’t know what happens if you drop the tongs though, so I’d recommend not doing that.” She laid them on the table and perused the rest of the bag. “There’s a list of the exercises you can do whilst sitting, some strips of coloured elastic which I hope you know what to do with, oh, and a pack of cards.”

  That made Darcy smile, and she wondered when she would get to see Eilidh again. “What about medication?”

  “Oh, yes.” Anja unpacked a paper pharmacy bag. “I got a little day-by-day tray, and I’ll write down what you need to take and when. Some of these are pretty strong, and we wouldn’t want you accidentally overdosing.”

  Darcy manoeuvred herself to get up from the sofa. Anja moved to help, but she put up a hand to stop her. “I need to do this myself, otherwise I’ll end up festering all day in one place when you’re gone.”

  She used her good hand to push off, and despite a small wobble with only one stable leg to balance on, she managed okay. “See, I’m fine.”

  “You’re stubborn,” Anja countered.

  “Independent,” Darcy insisted.

  “Okay, well, the sofa is one thing, but please don’t be attempting something stupid such as the shower or bath without me.”

  Darcy laughed. “Can’t wait to get me naked, eh?”

  Normally, Anja would have had a cheeky comeback, something about Darcy’s dreams or wishes, but instead she blushed.

  “Anja Olsen, I do believe I’ve made you blush.” She attempted a sexy strut towards the kitchen that was anything but, as the heel of her cast clunked clumsily on the wooden floor. “You finally realised what hot stuff I am?”

  She could see Anja trying not to laugh, but she failed miserably. “You’re ridiculous, and you wish. It’s the fire that’s put colour in my cheeks, not your so-called hot body.”

  “Hmm… I’m not so sure that’s true, but I’ll take your word for it.”

  Darcy reached the kitchen counter and held on tight with her functioning hand. The short walk across the room had been enough to tire her, and her leg throbbed mercilessly.

  “Hey, you all right?” Anja moved to her side and put a protective arm around her.

  “Aye. Fine. I need a minute, that’s all.” Darcy took a few breaths and stared out of the kitchen window in to the blackness where nothing stirred or broke the faint reflection of her and Anja that shone back. What had she expected? A pair of ghoulish eyes watching their every move?

  A slice of neon yellow caught her attention—the canoe paddle she used to stir the hot tub water. The hot tub. A memory clawed at the back of her mind but wasn’t quite able to hang on. “Were we in the hot tub together that night? I know I was in my dressing gown and bikini, but I just had this fleeting feeling that we’d gone in.”

  Anja’s arm slipped from her waist, and she moved back to sorting medication. “No. We had a plan to go in. I told you that. You had the fire lit to heat the water, but Jason called before we had a chance. Maybe you went in alone?”

  “Maybe.” Darcy continued to stare in to the night. “I guess it’s possible if someone came by and I was out there, the car would be a logical thing to go for? But then how did I get the keys?”

  “Darcy, you need to stop torturing yourself with this. I’m sure you’ll figure it out eventually, but trying too hard won’t help. You need to concentrate on resting and getting better.”

  Darcy sighed in frustration. She knew Anja was right. “I know, and I’m actually exhausted. I’ll never remember anything if I don’t get some shut eye.”

  “Exactly.” Anja closed the lid on the pill box and placed it on top of the notes she had written. “Bed time?”

  Darcy nodded. “Bed time.”

  Chapter 38

  Eilidh felt light. She chuckled thinking that was exactly the meaning of her name in Gaelic. It suited her today; for too long, her surname had been more appropriate.

  First Aid Kit, a Swedish band, sang sweet melodies in her ears as she made her way along Inverness high street. Sam was waiting for her in one of their favourite cafés for lunch, desperate for a long overdue catch up on Eilidh’s gossip.

  He wrapped her in a huge hug which only added to her good mood, and he had taken the liberty of ordering her favourite—chai latte.

  “You look well, my friend. It feels like I haven’t seen you in ages.” He took a sip of cappuccino, daubing chocolatey foam on his nose.

  “I saw you at work yesterday.” She swiped at his face with a napkin.

  “Aye, but that’s not the same. A minute here and there between patients isn’t enough, and I seem to have lost my lunch buddy.”

  She had the grace to look sheepish. “I’m sorry, Tommo. I know I’ve been spending a lot of time with Darcy, but she’s out now. So, you’ve got me back.”

  “Hmm… But for how long? I’ve seen the way you look at her, and the way she looks at you, I might add.”

  Eilidh squirmed. “Straight down to business, I see.”

  He pulled a face like there was any other way to go. “Sorry, should we talk about the weather a minute first, like proper Scots?”

  She laughed and stirred the cinnamon topping into her milky drink. “I really like her.”

  “Well, aye, that’s obvious. So what’s been happening? Are you seeing her?”

  “We’re on an interlude.”

  “An interlude? I’m confused.” He sank back in to his armchair and gestured for her to explain.

  “I guess neither of us wants to rush anything. Right now, she’s fragile and hurt.”

  “So are you.”

  “This is different. I want to be there for her as a friend first and foremost. She has a journey ahead of her that I’m all too familiar with, and I don’t just mean the physical stuff.”

  “I get that. But if you’re in to each other, why hold back? Perhaps a bit of romance is what you both need.”

  A waiter came by to take their food order, and Eilidh thought on his words. Why was she holding back? Was it because she still wasn’t quite over Claire? Or was she afraid? That Darcy wasn’t ready? That she wasn’t ready? That if either of those worries were true, it would all fall apart before it had a chance to grow?

  Sam nudged her knee. “Well? What’s stopping you?”

  “I’m worried it’s too soon. For both of us. It’s only been a couple of months since Claire left, and maybe being Darcy’s friend is enough right now. Anything more always has the potential to go sour very quickly, and then where will we be? I’d hate it if that happened and it made things awkward. If I wasn’t able to help her anymore.”

  Sam shook his head impatiently at her and tutted. “If I know you, you’ve concocted some romantic notion that now you’ve saved her life, you are forever beholden to protect her. Which is shite. She has plenty of other people to help her through this, I’m sure. Her family? And didn’t you say her best friend is always around?”

  “Her mum’s in Australia, no dad. I know she has other friends, and aye, Anja is always around. It’s just… Well, you’ll think I’m being daft and overprotective, but there’s something not quite right with her.”

  “I’ve always thought you were daft, but what d’ya mean?” Sam was forward in his seat again, intrigued.

  “I don’t know. It’s like…” Eilidh th
ought how to verbalise the uneasy feeling she couldn’t shake when Anja was around. “No one else can touch Darcy. Anja always knows best, and she seems to go out of her way to get between us. I’ve caught her looking at me a few times, and it’s not exactly been a look of appreciation, or fondness—considering I did save her best friend’s life.”

  Sam stirred his coffee, and his eyes squinted in the way they did when he was trying to figure something out. “Maybe she’s suspicious? Given the stalker situation Darcy has going on. You have kind of come out of nowhere. She might think you’re the stalker.”

  Eilidh pondered that a moment. Despite how ridiculous it sounded, she could see why it might be true. “Aye, I guess. I hadn’t really thought of it in that way.”

  “She might simply be worried for her friend. Or jealous. She wasn’t there to do the saving, and so now she’s being protective, that’s all, what with Darcy being in such a vulnerable situation.”

  “That’s true. I suppose I’ll have to stick it out and hope she begins to trust me at some point.”

  “Give it time. She’ll come around. All best friends are naturally suspicious of a new person in their pal’s life. It’s in the contract. Even when they don’t have a stalker. In the meantime, however, I think you should take Darcy out.”

  “As in a date?”

  “No. Take her to church.” Sam rolled his eyes. “Of course I mean like a date. It doesn’t have to be fancy or over planned. Keep it simple, keep the pressure off, and see what happens.”

  “Okay, I reckon I can manage that. I’ll have a think about it and see how she’s doing. She only got discharged yesterday, so I’ll give it a wee while.”

  “There. You’ve got a plan. Then you’ll be dating, and I’ll be dating…” He trailed away and waited for her to catch up.

  “Wait. What? Who are you dating? Number-seven girl again?”

  “You need to stop calling her that.”

  “I will when I get to meet her.”

  “That’s never happening. You know too many of my secrets.”