Meant to Be Me

by Wendy Hudson

  Eilidh laughed. “’Tis true. I can be bribed though.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind. But I wasn’t talking about number-seven girl. I mean, Emma.”

  “Okay, I’m still confused, and I can tell you’re bursting, so just bloody tell me.”

  “Martin.”

  “Martin? As in kayak-hire Martin?” She slapped his knee. “Finally.”

  “What do you mean, finally? Why aren’t you surprised?”

  “Oh please.” Eilidh attempted to flutter her eyelashes. “What big biceps you have, Sam. I’m sure you’re strong enough to look after Eilidh, Sam. Please notice me, Sam, and ask me out.”

  Sam shoved her playfully and couldn’t hide his blush. “Okay, maybe he was a bit obvious, but I didn’t think I was.”

  “There’s only so long you can hold out before you give in to that kind of attention. I know you, Tommo.”

  He poked his tongue out. “I hate you.”

  “Nah, you don’t. So you’re dating them both, then? Or is Martin a hook-up? I know your track record with men.”

  Sam feigned a horrified expression. “Please, do you really think I would have waited this long if it was purely sex? Unlikely.”

  Eilidh chuckled. “Seven girl is a no go, then?”

  “Well, I wouldn’t say that. But I’d rather keep my options open, and it’s early days with both.”

  “Do they know about each other?”

  “Of course. What kind of person do you think I am? Emma has been quite honest that she’s seeing other people as well. We’re all adults, we’re all dating, there’s no marriage proposals on the table quite yet.”

  Eilidh curled up in to her chair and sat back slowly, shaking her head at her friend. “From fear of even talking to a girl to dating two people at once. If I had half your gall I’d be in a very different situation right now.”

  Smugness was written all over Sam’s face; he couldn’t hide it if he tried. “Which is why, my lovely, you need to start taking my advice.”

  Eilidh thought again about Darcy, about the possibility of taking her out somewhere. Not a date, just a day out with a friend who had the potential to be more. Up until that point, discounting the bridge and the accident, they had only spent time together in the hospital. A change of scenery might do them both some good and give them the opportunity to talk properly, to discover if any potential lay beyond the “interlude”.

  Eilidh truly hoped there did.

  Anja pulled her hat down so it covered her blonde twist of hair and sat only a little above her eyes. She wrapped a thick scarf twice around her neck and tucked her chin and mouth behind it. Once her coat was on, she finally stood, careful to keep her back to the couple of high-back armchairs behind her.

  She’d heard enough.

  It hadn’t been difficult to find out where Eilidh lived, and after that it was only a matter of waiting. She’d followed her in to town, kept her distance, and walked mostly on the opposite pavement, with an excuse at hand in case Eilidh recognised her.

  Once or twice, she watched the woman smile to herself and wondered what had triggered it. Her lips sporadically moved with the lyrics in her ears, and occasionally she nodded at the odd person in the street. Friends? Exes? Acquaintances? Former patients?

  Anja knew so little about her, but she planned on changing that.

  With Eilidh distracted by her friend, it had been easy for Anja to slip in to the café unnoticed. To find a seat nearby, order a coffee, open a book, and settle in for the conversation. She had been disappointed Eilidh had only hugged the man. A large part of her hoped they were lovers, someone hidden from Darcy that Anja could expose.

  It didn’t take long for the conversation to turn to Darcy.

  Anja sat a little straighter and tilted her head slightly; she could make out almost every word. As suspected, Eilidh had clearly fallen for Darcy, and Anja heard her plot and plan with her crass friend, deciding between them what might be best for Darcy. They didn’t care about her, not in the way Anja did. All Eilidh clearly cared about was when she could jump in to bed with her.

  The way Eilidh had spoken about Anja told her she had no clue what it meant to be someone’s best friend. To be loyal. To care and worry for them and be there no matter what, through the good and the bad. Of course Anja was suspicious, even if she knew that Eilidh was obviously not the stalker. She was still a stranger worming her way in to Darcy’s life and fucking with Anja’s plans in the process.

  As she left the café, Anja chanced one last glance back. Eilidh and Sam were laughing, not a care in the world. Resolved to take action, she headed back towards her car. She had Darcy to herself tonight and would find a way to plant a few more doubts.

  Tomorrow, she’d send Eilidh a message.

  Darcy wasn’t, and never would be, Eilidh’s.

  Chapter 39

  Darcy watched from the sofa as Anja chopped and stirred. It made her jealous how at ease she was in the kitchen, producing delicious food with seemingly little effort. At the same time, she was grateful for her friend’s ability, because it was all for Darcy’s benefit.

  A tray of lasagne already sat cooling, waiting to be divided in to portions and frozen. On the hob, Darcy’s favourite, chicken Rogan Josh bubbled away, while Anja chopped up the base ingredients for a hearty Scottish broth.

  “How was work today? Any gossip?”

  Anja’s back stayed to her as she chopped. “Aye, fine. Bridget was asking after you and Joe was his usual annoying self.”

  Darcy chuckled. “Is it weird that I miss work already?”

  Anja scraped her board of carrot, onion, and celery in to the pot. “Very weird. I only wish I could have more time off with you.”

  “I know. But you need to save days for our trip to the sun once I’m better.”

  She turned and smiled Darcy’s way. “I truly can’t wait for that.”

  The thought of sunshine on her face and sand between her toes, a cold drink in her hand, and the sea calling her to swim, lulled Darcy, and she allowed her mind to drift. Or was it the pills. Darcy had never taken such strong painkillers before, and they hit her in waves. It sometimes felt as if her head was wrapped with cotton wool.

  “Darcy?” Anja was in front of her, clicking her fingers. “I said have you any other visitors due?”

  Back in the room, Darcy took a moment to gather herself, then thought of Eilidh. “I hope so. Eilidh said she would be in touch about a visit.”

  “I see.” Anja said no more and headed back towards the kitchen, but Darcy could sense the apprehension.

  “I haven’t forgotten your warning, you know. Although you shouldn’t worry. It’s not her.”

  Darcy watched as Anja added the last ingredients to the broth and covered it with a lid, before coming and perching on the arm of the sofa. “What exactly is going on with you two, anyway?”

  “Hmm… That’s a good question.” Darcy had been asking herself the same thing. They had spent so much time together since the accident, but so far it had remained platonic, which was likely a good thing. I mean, what exactly did she think might happen in a hospital room?

  Despite their vague conversation about friendship and the end of the “interlude”, it had remained guarded on both sides, and so Darcy still couldn’t help but wonder if Eilidh was actually interested.

  Although there were the looks. The little touches that were tender and caring and would be barely noticeable if they didn’t make Darcy’s heart pump like a steam train.

  Every. Single. Bloody. Time.

  Darcy could see in Eilidh’s eyes that there was more hiding there. There was a story to be told, feelings to be shared, but she didn’t know what it was or what they were yet. There was likely a reason she was holding back, and maybe it wasn’t for Darcy to push. Or she could find herself mixed up in something that wasn’t meant to
be.

  Anja lifted the cushion Darcy’s foot rested on and slipped underneath it, replacing the cushion with her thighs. She gently lay Darcy’s leg back in place. “You like her?”

  “Aye, I mean, she’s great. We’ve become friends, and I enjoy spending time with her.”

  “But…” Anja’s eyebrows rose expectantly.

  “I’m wary, that’s all. Eilidh’s not long out of a relationship, and I don’t want to be that girl who falls in love only to find out she’s a rebound.”

  “Love?” There was clear shock in Anja’s voice. “You hardly know the woman.”

  Darcy squirmed. Damn these pills. She hadn’t meant to be so forthright and loose with her words. Those kind of thoughts were meant to be kept for the dead of night and her dreams.

  “Love. Lust. Like. Who knows? All I’m saying is whatever it might be, it could be a mistake. I’m aware I hardly know her, but I know I want to change that.”

  “Okay.” Anja clearly wasn’t buying the backtrack. Her face had hardened, the easy smile replaced with a look of suspicion. “Two things. One, there’s a big difference between all of those words you listed, and two, does it feel like she’s on the rebound to you?”

  Darcy thought for a moment. This was Anja. Best friend and keeper of secrets. The woman who had suffered with her through the bad days and been the instigator of so many good days.

  “She feels different to me.”

  Darcy watched as Anja looked across to the living-room window and the mountain views beyond. She chewed her lip, a habit Darcy rarely witnessed; it normally signalled she was operating at peak stress levels. When she returned her gaze to Darcy’s, the warmth and encouragement she usually found there was missing. “Then I guess you need to ask Eilidh if you feel different to her.”

  With that, she extricated herself none too gently from under Darcy’s leg and headed back to the cooker. She kept her back to Darcy whilst tending the pots, her shoulders hunched.

  Darcy stared after her in confusion. What was that all about?

  That’s what she wanted to ask, but something kept her quiet. She left Anja to have her moment. She understood all too well Anja’s immediate mode of protection when it came to anyone new in Darcy’s life, but this seemed different. Didn’t she like Eilidh?

  They’d only met briefly a few times, and Anja had hardly been warm and welcoming. But given Eilidh’s heroine status in Darcy’s life, she thought it wouldn’t be long before Anja reined it in a little and gave her a chance.

  Or perhaps that was it?

  Maybe she was feeling threatened by this new woman in Darcy’s life? For so long it had been the two of them. Sure, there had been Jason, and both had other friends and different interests, but at the end of the day, they always knew the other was there. If Anja was struggling with the possibility of Eilidh, Darcy understood that emotion needed to be respected. Anja was her best friend, and she rightly came first.

  As she stood at the stove, Anja swallowed back tears. It took everything she had not to scream at Darcy.

  Not her.

  Pick me.

  Why can’t you see it?

  It’s meant to be me.

  Instead, she stirred and tasted, seasoned and stirred some more.

  Darcy had remained quiet, and Anja knew she’d sensed all was not right. Anja’s reaction to their chat about Eilidh hadn’t been typical, and Darcy had always been particularly sensitive to people’s moods and emotions. That’s what made it so fucking difficult to hide things from her. To lie to her.

  Anja needed to get a hold of herself or she risked another fucking disaster the same as the hot-tub night.

  “I thought we’d have some of the curry tonight?” she called over her shoulder.

  Darcy’s response was muted, mechanical, and Anja dared not look at her.

  “Sure. Sounds good. I’ll go wash up.”

  At the same time as the bathroom door clicked shut, Darcy’s phone vibrated with a message. Anja glanced at it, only a foot away charging on the worktop. Her fingers itched to tap in the code and see who it was. She looked towards the bathroom door; the toilet hadn’t flushed yet. Darcy was insisting she could manage herself despite it taking twice as long.

  Unable to resist, she swiped the screen and tapped in the four-digit code. As she suspected, Eilidh’s name shone out, and Anja no longer hesitated as she tapped the green box and the message opened.

  Cabin fever set in yet? Fancy a day out? E x

  Anja changed gears into Darcy mode without a second thought. The fear that Darcy might find out was long gone, and it was worth the risk to Anja if she was going to succeed in keeping Eilidh away.

  Appreciate the offer but I’m exhausted and don’t really feel up to it. D x

  The toilet flushed, and she quickly deleted both texts. She was sure Eilidh would reply again, and there was little time. The tap was running in the bathroom, but still there was no response.

  As the door opened and Darcy hobbled back down the hallway, Anja flicked the phone to silent and slipped it in to the waistband of her jeans, pulling her jumper down over it. She put aside their awkward exchange of a few minutes before and automatically crossed to help Darcy back to the sofa.

  She wiggled her fingers in Darcy’s direction and pulled a face. “I’ll go de-garlic myself while the rice cooks.”

  Safely in the bathroom with the phone, she checked for a reply. Still nothing. She sat on the edge of the bath, foot tapping, and after a couple of minutes, she flushed the toilet, then turned on the tap. As she lathered her hands in soap, Eilidh finally replied.

  I understand. Maybe in a few days if you’re feeling better? E x

  Relieved to have a way to end the exchange, Anja dried off her hands and sent a final message before deleting them both again.

  Maybe. I’ll let you know. D x

  She checked her reflection in the mirror and gave it a few more moments just in case of a follow-up text.

  It was a small intervention and felt short term. Futile. She knew it would never keep them apart indefinitely. Eventually, one would again text the other and despite some minor confusion, they were likely to resume where they left off. She could feel Darcy slipping away, along with the power to stop it happening.

  She pasted on a smile before heading back to the kitchen and setting the phone back on the counter. She’d bought herself some time, at least.

  All was not lost yet.

  It couldn’t be.

  Chapter 40

  After almost two weeks confined to the cabin, Darcy was bouncing off the walls.

  The days dragged on, long and dull, her pain a constant companion. The nights brought no relief, only terror and trembling. When the medication allowed her a few precious moments of quiet, the nightmares soon invaded. As her eyes closed and she finally drifted, the ugly, unknown sounds of that night tore through the quiet. Her body became a ragdoll, twisting itself into knots until the sound of her own violent breathing eventually roused her and saved her from the darkness.

  The cabin was suffocating, the trees around it closing in; she needed to get out.

  Her salvation came in the form of Eilidh. She hadn’t heard from her since being discharged and assumed Eilidh was giving her some space to settle back home.

  The amount of time Eilidh had spent with her at the hospital had gone above and beyond, but Darcy couldn’t help but wonder if her silence meant that would be the end of it. She thought about texting her a number of times, before remembering the complete mess she was in both physically and emotionally and deciding against it. She wasn’t exactly the epitome of good company, drugged up to the eyeballs and unable to walk more than a few metres at a time.

  But Darcy could no longer deny one small fact that kept prodding her for action.

  She really flipping missed Eilidh.

  So she caved
and sent her a text.

  Please come and get me out of here? D x

  The response was almost immediate, which made Darcy smile.

  I thought you’d never ask. Day after tomorrow? E x

  With a weekend shift looming, Eilidh insisted on spending her days off with Darcy, and Darcy had no intention of turning her down. It seemed both were happy to remain in the “interlude” period. Friends enjoying time together, getting to know one another without any pressure. There was no worrying what to wear or where to go; it was simple and relaxed and exactly what Darcy needed.

  “Fancy a drive?” Eilidh stood on the porch, hands behind her back. She rocked excitedly on her heels like she had more than a drive in mind. It was odd to see her out of uniform. She wore blue skinny jeans tucked into sturdy-looking ankle boots, and a soft-looking teal V-neck jumper that set off her eyes. It was the first time Darcy had seen her hair down, and it suited her. It fell a little past her shoulders with a slight wave that curled the ends.

  “I’m up for anything that means getting me out of here. Come in a minute while I grab my things.”

  Eilidh tentatively stepped inside and glanced around. “Wow. This place is gorgeous.”

  Darcy couldn’t help but smile with pride. “It’s small and simple, but that’s how I prefer it. The most important thing is it’s mine.”

  “Well, it turns out I’m a fan of small and simple.” Eilidh strolled around the living space, stopping in front of the wood burner. “You can’t beat a real fire.”

  Darcy pulled the sleeve of her coat tentatively over the wrist still trapped in a cast. “Definitely one of my favourite things.”

  Eilidh came to her side then and helped with the coat. “How do you feel about a trip out to the Black Isle? We can stop at the brewery, and I packed a picnic. The views up there are great on a day like this.”

  It sounded perfect, and Darcy told her so. “The blue sky’s been calling me all morning, so sounds great to me.”

  They drove in relative quiet, the radio on low, and Darcy took a moment to savour the sun on her face. She closed her eyes and drifted a little, content to be out in the world and in Eilidh’s company.