The Anxiety of Kalix the Werewolf

by Martin Millar

  After much consideration, she’d decided, almost, that she didn’t believe that Manny had spied on her for the werewolf hunters.

  “I don’t think he’d do that. If he really was related to them, it was just a coincidence.”

  It struck the young werewolf that if she lacked the nerve to call Manny, it might be easier to just knock at his door. Once she actually saw his face, her nervousness might vanish.

  Kalix set out almost immediately, hurrying to Kennington tube station, carried on by a wave of enthusiasm for her plan. The enthusiasm lasted almost all the way to Oxford Circus, where it evaporated.

  This is stupid, thought Kalix. I’m planning to knock on his door? He’ll just tell me to get lost. He’s probably got another girlfriend by now anyway. She’ll be there and it will just be humiliating.

  Kalix got off the tube train and walked through a tunnel to the platform where she could catch a train back home.

  What a waste of time, she thought, and cursed herself for her cowardice. She realized it was no use. She just lacked the nerve to contact Manny.

  Maybe he’ll call me sometime, she thought, as she sat on the train home, her gaze fixed firmly on the floor.

  Kalix arrived home to find Moonglow loading clothes into the washing machine. It was a small machine, fitted snugly beside the sink in their small kitchen.

  “Hi, Kalix.”

  “I was going to call Manny but I lost my nerve,” said Kalix.

  “Oh. I’m sorry.”

  “I thought it might be easier to just visit him but I lost my nerve again.”

  Kalix looked depressed.

  “Maybe he’ll call you,” said Moonglow.

  “Maybe. Probably not.”

  “Well, don’t give up,” said Moonglow. “Sometimes relationships just have to wait until the time is right.”

  Kalix felt vaguely cheered by Moonglow’s words. Perhaps the time would be right in a little while. She might get to see Manny again.

  CHAPTER 182

  Dominil walked into the park by Ladbroke Grove in the early hours of the morning. She checked to see that she was unobserved then changed into her werewolf shape. Her senses were immediately sharpened. She followed a werewolf scent into a clump of trees in the middle of the park.

  “Hello, Sarapen.”

  The huge werewolf was sitting with his back to a tree. He rose to greet her. “I wasn’t expecting you to contact me,” he said.

  “I guessed you’d be staying in one of the clan properties.”

  Sarapen nodded. The MacRinnalchs owned property in London. As an exile, Sarapen shouldn’t have been using any of it, though Dominil didn’t care that he was. They sat down together, with their backs to a tree.

  “That was some fight,” said Sarapen. “You’re still a great fighter.”

  “Thank you.” Dominil didn’t feel the need to return the compliment. Sarapen already knew he was a great fighter. They sat in silence, two werewolves in London, in a public park, watching the moon as it faded in the dawn light. When it disappeared they each made a smooth transition back to human form.

  “What are they saying at the castle?”

  “That it was all unnecessary,” said Dominil. “Some of them anyway.”

  “They’re fools.”

  “No one is much pleased to hear you’re back.”

  Sarapen smiled. “I knew that already.”

  “Now you are back, what do you intend to do?”

  “I haven’t decided.”

  “Were you planning on starting another war with the clan?”

  “If I was,” said Sarapen, “I wouldn’t tell you about it.”

  They fell silent as a young man passed nearby, walking his dog in the early morning. The dog barked, and strained at its leash, trying to flee.

  “We’ve never been popular with dogs,” said Dominil.

  “Neither of us have ever been that popular with anyone,” said Sarapen.

  They lapsed into silence again, though it was not uncomfortable. Even as lovers, Dominil and Sarapen had never been keen conversationalists.

  “Markus has resigned as Thane,” said Dominil, eventually. “Though it’s being kept secret.”

  “He was never suitable as Thane.”

  “Neither were you.”

  “Is that why we’re meeting?” asked Sarapen. “So you can warn me off starting trouble for the clan?”

  Dominil looked at his face. His experiences in the elementals’ dimension hadn’t changed his appearance, apart from the scarring round his jaw, which was more prominent than she remembered, as if the heat had darkened the scars.

  “No. I didn’t ask you here on clan business. It’s a personal matter. If you’re not planning on starting a new feud right away, I have a suggestion. You could help me to stop taking laudanum.”

  Dominil was slightly gratified by the way Sarapen’s mouth opened in surprise. It wasn’t easy to shock the great werewolf but she’d succeeded. Sarapen was so startled he was unable to respond.

  “Yes, I’m a laudanum addict,” continued Dominil. “I have been for a long time. I kept my addiction secret, but now everyone knows. They’re going to throw me off the council because I’m a disgrace to the clan.”

  “You certainly are!” said Sarapen, hotly. “What on earth were you thinking—”

  Dominil held up her hand, silencing her companion. “I’ve already been through the lectures. I assure you they’re not helpful. What would be helpful would be your assistance in stopping.”

  “How could I help?”

  Dominil frowned. “I asked Minerva for help but that option’s no longer open. I can’t go to a clinic. I can’t use any of the substitutes humans use to ease withdrawal. So I’ve just got to stop. It won’t be easy.” She sighed. “Withdrawing from laudanum is going to involve fever, hallucinations, pain-wracked muscles, vomiting, sweating and who knows what else. For several weeks, possibly. I could do with someone to mop my brow and bring me water. And clean up the vomit.”

  “It’s not sounding like an attractive task,” said Sarapen.

  “Some reassurance that I’ll make it would be helpful too.”

  “Surely I’m the worst person you could ask? Mopping your brow? Being reassuring? I’d be terrible at that.”

  Dominil smiled. “Probably. But I’m terrible at that sort of thing too, and yet I managed to help Butix and Delix.” She looked into Sarapen’s eyes. “I don’t know who else to ask.”

  Sarapen nodded. “I’ll do my best,” he said. “When are you going to start?”

  “Right away, if you have no other plans. I can’t stop taking the substance abruptly because that might kill me, but I plan to lessen the dose each day till I stop taking it altogether.”

  “Will you be better then?”

  “No. I’ll be ill during the decreasing dosages, and worse afterward, for some time.”

  They rose from the bench. A few more people had entered the park. They looked with interest at the huge, scowling figure of Sarapen, and the white-haired and beautiful Dominil, as they strode along the path. Dogs cowered in terror and children fell silent.

  “I’ll drive us to my flat,” said Dominil. She trembled a little.

  “Are you already feeling it?”

  Dominil nodded. She’d taken less laudanum today and she could sense a faint nausea growing in her stomach. Sarapen put his arm round Dominil’s shoulders to support her, and they walked together toward her car.

  CHAPTER 183

  “Vex seems to have made a quick recovery from her boyfriend trauma,” said Daniel. “A couple of days and she’s back to normal.”

  “I think she liked having a boyfriend more than she actually liked Pete,” said Moonglow.

  “You’re probably right. Mind you, I still think it was mean of Dominil to just tell her like that. She might have been more tactful.”

  Kalix, sitting beside them at the table in the living room, smiled. “Dominil isn’t very good at being tactful.”

&nbs
p; Moonglow poured tea into three mugs. “Have you been drawing today?” she asked Kalix.

  Kalix was immediately alarmed. “Drawing? Why?”

  “You like drawing. You’ve drawn a lot of good pictures.”

  “How do you know that? I only showed you one.”

  “Vex took all the rest from your room,” said Daniel.

  Kalix went bright red with embarrassment at the thought of anyone looking at her drawings. “I wish she’d stop doing that!”

  “Vex doesn’t have much idea of privacy,” said Moonglow. “It’s annoying. But your drawings are really good, I’d no idea you were so talented.”

  “Thanks,” mumbled Kalix, still embarrassed.

  “I loved your picture of us all sitting on the bed watching TV,” said Daniel, sincerely.

  They were interrupted by Vex thundering up the stairs.

  “Look! Dominil sent me a kilt!” She danced around the living room with excitement. “Isn’t it great?”

  The dark green kilt was quite small, a children’s size. Moonglow and Daniel were impressed with the garment, as was Kalix. “It’s the MacRinnalch tartan,” she said. “No one outside the clan ever gets that.”

  “I’m an honorary MacRinnalch!” said Vex. “I’m a werewolf! Owwwoooooooo!”

  “Don’t do that!” cried Kalix.

  “Owwwoooooooo!” yelled Vex. “I’m a Scottish werewolf in a kilt!”

  She raced upstairs to try on the kilt.

  “That was nice of Dominil,” said Daniel. “She must have feelings.”

  “She likes to pay her debts anyway,” said Kalix. She frowned. “No one ever sent me a kilt from the castle.”

  “You wouldn’t wear it,” said Daniel. “Your legs are too scrawny.”

  “Hey! My legs are not . . .” Kalix paused. She laughed. “They are quite scrawny. I felt like an idiot modeling these shorts for Thrix.”

  “You could model more,” said Moonglow. “Didn’t someone offer you work?”

  Kalix shrugged. “I didn’t really enjoy it.”

  “But you could earn money,” said Moonglow. “Which would be useful. You know, for your future.”

  Kalix was immediately suspicious, as she had learned to be whenever Moonglow mentioned her future. “Why?”

  “Well,” said Moonglow. “It’s almost time for you to start college again, and it’s your last year, so you should think about what you’re going to do after that.”

  “Do I have to?”

  “Moonglow doesn’t approve of anyone not having plans for the future,” said Daniel.

  Kalix felt some twinges of anxiety, and wondered how she’d managed to get trapped so quickly in a conversation she’d rather not have. “I’ll probably just wait and see what happens,” she mumbled.

  “That’s never the best plan,” said Moonglow. “I think you should go to art school.”

  “What?”

  “Art school,” said Moonglow. “You’d enjoy it.”

  “I think you’re getting carried away.”

  “I’m serious,” said Moonglow.”

  “They’d laugh at me.”

  “No they wouldn’t. They’d look at your drawings and think, this girl has talent.”

  “I don’t know anything about art.”

  “Well who does?” said Moonglow. “It would still be a good place to go. I mean, what else have you got planned?”

  “Wouldn’t Kalix need qualifications?” asked Daniel.

  “I can hardly even read,” said Kalix.

  “Your reading’s getting much better!” enthused Moonglow. “Another year at remedial college and you’ll be right up to standard. And the qualification you’ll earn is enough to get you into the foundation course at St. Martin’s Academy, or Camberwell School of Art.”

  “How do you know that?”

  “I just happen to have checked.”

  “Why? Have you been planning my future?”

  “Someone has to. You can’t spend all your life just being a werewolf with problems. You’d like art school.”

  “I’m sure I can’t draw well enough.”

  “You’re pretty good with these crayons,” said Daniel. “Anyway, they do more than that, I think. Don’t artists cut up sharks and stuff these days?”

  Kalix quite liked that idea. She had a strong prejudice against sharks.

  Vex came downstairs very noisily in her new kilt and glacier boots. “What’s happening?” she asked.

  “Moonglow’s planning Kalix’s future,” Daniel told her. “She thinks she should go to art school.”

  Vex’s eyes bulged. “I want to go to art school!” she screamed, at the top of her voice. “Kalix, we have to go to art school! It’s the best idea ever! I’ll get more crayons!”

  Kalix remained unconvinced. “It costs a lot of money to go to college.”

  “Aunt Malvie’s got lots of money!”

  “So has the werewolf clan,” Moonglow pointed out. “Your mother would probably pay your fees if you approached her the right way.”

  Kalix wasn’t sure about that. She could imagine widespread mockery at Castle MacRinnalch were it ever learned that she was planning to go to art school.

  “You should think about it anyway,” said Moonglow, in her most encouraging manner. “You can read some prospectuses. Which I just happen to have picked up for you. Look, here’s one for St. Martin’s foundation course.” She held open a pamphlet showing a picture of three students cutting up sheets of colored paper.

  “What are they doing?” asked Kalix.

  “I’m not sure. Something artistic, I expect.”

  “They do look happy,” said Daniel.

  “I want to cut up paper!” screamed Vex.

  “I probably couldn’t manage it,” said Kalix. “I’ll think about it.” Kalix took the pamphlets from Moonglow and went upstairs to her room.

  “That went better than I expected,” said Moonglow.

  “I think it’s a good idea,” said Daniel. “She’s got the tortured bit already. Enough depression and anxiety for a room full of artists.”

  “I’m going to art school!” yelled Vex. “I’m off to ask Aunt Malvie for money.” The young Fire Elemental raced out of the room.

  “Is Vex a suitable candidate too?” asked Daniel.

  “Who knows? But I’m sure they’d let her in. I mean, just look at her.”

  “True. She’s already like a walking art exhibition.”

  “She might even get good enough grades, with Dominil tutoring her,” said Moonglow.

  Daniel shuddered. “Poor Vex. Imagine being tutored by Dominil. It’s inhuman.”

  “I asked Dominil if she’d help you too,” said Moonglow.

  “Very funny,” said Daniel. “Wait, you’re not serious, are you?”

  “She’ll really help you with Shakespeare. She’s good at Middle English too, and you need a lot of help with that.”

  Moonglow walked upstairs toward her room.

  “I know you’re just saying that!” cried Daniel. “Dominil isn’t really going to tutor me. Is she? Are you serious?”

  Daniel’s frantic enquiries were cut short by the sudden appearance of the Fire Queen. She looked at Daniel with raised eyebrows.

  “Daniel, could you explain to me why my dreadful niece has just burst into my private chambers screaming about something called ‘art school’?”

  “It’s Moonglow’s fault. She suggested that Kalix went to art school and Vex got caught up in the excitement.”

  Malveria’s eyebrows lowered slightly. “Is this art school a proper place of learning?”

  “I suppose so. I don’t really know much about it. Moonglow has all the information.”

  “I shall consult with her. My lips are in need of attention in any case.”

  As Malveria approached the stairs, Daniel had a sudden stroke of inspiration.

  “Could you help me?”

  Malveria turned. “Help you, Daniel? With what?”

  Daniel blushed br
ight red and immediately regretted his stroke of inspiration. His hair flopped in front of his eyes and he looked down at the carpet. “It’s all right, it’s nothing.”

  The Fire Queen advanced. She had always found Daniel’s shyness amusing. “Well, young Daniel. What is this?” She scanned his aura. “You want to ask me about Moonglow, yes?”

  “No.”

  “I can see it quite plainly in your aura.”

  Daniel blushed an even deeper shade of red. “OK, it’s about Moonglow. I’m getting nowhere,” he said. “Can you help?”

  “Clarify ‘getting nowhere,’” said the Fire Queen.

  Daniel looked hopeless. He raised his hands despairingly. “I’m in love with Moonglow, but I can’t make any progress. It’s just impossible.”

  The Fire Queen nodded. “I see. Well, Daniel, this is a difficult enterprise. Your problem—or, I should say, one of your problems—is that you are now very familiar with each other. You have become friends and companions. Transforming from friends into lovers is not so easy. There is no spark, you see. No fire. No thrill of the unknown. To Moonglow, you can never be an exciting new discovery.”

  Daniel’s shoulders slumped. He sat down heavily at the table. “I knew it was hopeless.”

  “I did not say it was hopeless. I said it was difficult. Too difficult for you to manage, as things stand.”

  Daniel slumped lower. “How’s my aura looking now?” he mumbled.

  “Very bad. Another of your problems is giving up too easily. In a way, it is a shame, because Daniel and Moonglow might well be a satisfactory couple. There is something about your auras that does match.”

  The Fire Queen sat down at the table. She smiled at Daniel. “You have looked after my appalling niece far better than I could have expected. So I am prepared to help you.”

  Daniel’s heart leaped. “Really? How? You’d have to be discreet of course.”

  Malveria rose to her feet, very grandly. She crossed the small living room, climbed halfway up the stairs, and called out to Moonglow.

  “Yes?” said Moonglow, appearing at the top of the stairs.