The Anxiety of Kalix the Werewolf

by Martin Millar

“Moonglow, please join us. I have some questions regarding Agrivex and her sudden mania for art school, but first I have some words for you and Daniel.”

  Moonglow came down the stairs, slightly puzzled. “Me and Daniel?”

  “Yes. Daniel has been telling me of his hopeless love for you—”

  “That’s not quite what I—” said Daniel.

  “Which he is too young and foolish to do anything about. But Daniel does have many good qualities, Moonglow, which may make up for his deficiencies. If you could overcome them, you may find you make a suitable couple.”

  Daniel had by now buried his face in his arms on the table. The Fire Queen carried on. “There is a certain meshing in your auras, which does suggest to me you may be compatible. I would suggest you pretend you’ve just met, and go out on a date, as other young humans do.”

  The Fire Queen smiled, and looked at Daniel. “Well?” she said.

  “That wasn’t quite what I had in mind,” mumbled Daniel.

  “What did you expect? A love spell?”

  “Something like that.”

  The Fire Queen laughed. “A little plain talking was all that was required. Moonglow, you should consider Daniel’s request for a date. But before that, could we talk about my niece? Why should I pay money for her to cut up paper and sharks, as she seems so keen to do?”

  CHAPTER 184

  Two days later the Fire Queen summoned her niece to the throne room.

  “Agrivex. I will be absent from the palace for a few days. While I’m gone, you will be in charge. Don’t wreck anything and don’t spend the palace reserves on ridiculous items.”

  “Wait a minute!” cried Agrivex. “You can’t just say I’m in charge and then leave.”

  “Why not?”

  “I don’t want to be in charge!”

  “You’re perfectly capable. Reasonably capable. Just do your best.”

  “I can’t be in charge of a whole country!”

  The Fire Queen studied her niece, carefully examining her aura. She turned to dismiss her attendants. “Agrivex, I know you are not keen to take on responsibility. And I’d rather not burden you with any at the moment. But you must be prepared. I have no other heir at the moment.”

  “Can’t you get one?”

  “Not in the space of a few days, notwithstanding the gaggle of aristocrats you’ve flung at me recently, all of them very unsuitable.”

  “Maybe you should have tried harder,” said Agrivex. “Some sex might make you less grumpy.”

  “I am rarely grumpy. And my sex life is no concern of yours. I do have a date with a Japanese fashion designer coming up.”

  “Oh, is he nice?”

  “Very nice. I may be in need of a new designer if Thrix does not recover. That is why I must leave the palace. Despite her promises of a new winter wardrobe, Thrix’s mind has not healed. She has been too bitter for too long, and has used too much sorcery, sorcery filled with hate and revenge. It has left her drained and unable to function.”

  “Will she get better?”

  “I think so, but it will take some time. I’ve made her comfortable on the mountain top, and will continue to minster to her. But she won’t be designing any clothes for a while. And this is a cruel twist of fate, as I have important fashion engagements coming up, and she absolutely promised me a full wardrobe for next season.”

  The Fire Queen took a seat, not on her throne, but on a golden ottoman at the side of the room. She motioned for her niece to sit next to her. “I have confidence that you can manage.”

  “I don’t. What if war breaks out?”

  “Unlikely. Kabachetka is cowed and we have no other serious enemies. First Minister Xakthan will take care of day-to-day business, and you will probably find that nothing important arises which requires your attention.” The Queen rose. “I will be back in a few days. If you wish to pursue this dubious art school adventure, I suggest you study in preparation for your upcoming year at college.”

  “I would,” said Agrivex, “if only I could bring my college books here.”

  “Fortunately, I have arranged with Merchant MacDoig to do just that,” said the Fire Queen. “You will find them all in your room. Farewell, Agrivex.”

  “Wait a moment, Aunty.”

  “Yes?”

  “About you producing an heir. Do you have to be married first?”

  “It would be better. Illegitimate heirs inevitably lead to civil war.”

  “In that case, why not just marry Xakthan?”

  The Fire Queen stared at her niece. “That is the most extraordinary suggestion I’ve ever heard. Xakthan? My first minister?”

  “Why not? If you don’t like anyone else well enough, they say you should marry your best friend.”

  “Who says that?”

  “Elle magazine. Last month, in their piece about fashionable weddings.”

  “It seems like a very strange suggestion,” said Malveria. “I have nothing in common with Xakthan.”

  “But you’re used to each other. You know each other well enough not to be fighting all the time.”

  “I don’t know about that. Besides, I don’t think I’d call Xakthan my best friend.”

  “He’s your best male friend. You’ve known him since you were a child. You’ve been on the battlefield together. He’s always cropping up in your war stories. Not that your war stories are dull or repetitive in any way.”

  The Fire Queen shook her head. “I do not count this as one of your best ideas, Agrivex.”

  Malveria bid her niece farewell, and dematerialized, on her way to Scotland. Behind her, Vex grinned. She didn’t think it was such a bad idea. It would certainly never have occurred to her aunt on her own, but now it had been suggested, who knew what might come of it?

  I have a real talent for matching people up, thought Vex. It was extra-brilliant of me to demonstrate to my aunt that none of these aristocrats was suitable, and then suggest Xakthan.

  The young Fire Elemental was still smiling as she went to sit on the throne, to see what it felt like.

  The Fairy Queen of Colburn Woods was irate. She could feel the anger and confusion among the werewolves caused by Teinn’s revelations about Markus.

  “That dreadful fairy!” raged the Queen. “Does she know the trouble she’s caused? The MacGregors are up in arms. So are the MacPhees and the MacAllisters. And this at a time when there are funerals to attend and they should all be together. Now Markus has left the castle. I can sense very bad things in the future because of this. Where is Teinn? Bring her to me.”

  Teinn was nowhere to be found. She wasn’t much troubled by the Queen’s wrath, but thought it wise to avoid her for a while.

  “I’ll go visiting till she calms down. It’s a while since I’ve traveled the country.”

  Traveling the country would have been a laborious flight for a small fairy, but Teinn had no need to fly all the way. There were certain spots she could reach via the same sort of paths used by the Fire Elementals in their travels. The next day she popped into existence above Sherwood Forest, where she visited her friend Ælfleger, a fairy renowned for her powers of spreading ill health and misfortune. They shared stories of their misdeeds, and laughed together, before Teinn set off again, on her way to visit another friend in Cornwall.

  I’ll fly over London, she thought. Big cities always inspire me to mischief.

  CHAPTER 185

  Kalix lay in her favorite clump of bushes in Kennington Park. She stared up at the sky. It was a cloudy night, and there were no stars.

  This doesn’t feel like I thought it would.

  Kalix had expected to die in the attack on the Guild. She hadn’t thought much about what might happen if she survived, but she wouldn’t have anticipated the feeling of emptiness that now engulfed her.

  I thought beating the guild would be a triumph. For the clan anyway.

  The MacRinnalch Clan was anything but triumphant. Kalix knew this because her mother had taken the very unusual step o
f calling her. From the tone of the conversation, Kalix gathered that the werewolves in Scotland were grieving over their losses, rather than celebrating a victory. At least Decembrius was recovering, though Verasa hadn’t heard anything more from Thrix. All she knew was that Malveria was looking after her. Dominil too had disappeared. Apparently there was a lot of bad feeling against her.

  “That’s ridiculous,” Kalix had said. “Look at all the hunters we killed. We’d never have managed that without Dominil.” Not everyone at the castle saw it that way. Kalix felt annoyed, though not that surprised.

  She looked up at the sky. She remembered lying here not long after she’d killed Sarapen. Or thought she’d killed him. Now he was back, she didn’t know what would happen. Kalix frowned. She had always hated her brother. She supposed she still did, but she knew the attack wouldn’t have succeeded without him. He was so powerful. She wondered if she’d end up fighting him again.

  I said I wasn’t going to get involved in any violence. That didn’t work out very well.

  Kalix remembered her plans for self-improvement. None of them worked. I should have known better.

  The night air was chilly. Kalix shivered, and changed into her werewolf form. I like this clump of bushes. It’s so peaceful.

  Kalix jolted upright as her thoughts were interrupted by a loud crash followed by wailing.

  “Help! I’m trapped in the bushes!”

  Kalix sighed. “Don’t you know I come here for peace and quiet?”

  “I like peace and quiet too!” said Vex. “So I’ve come to join you. But I’m trapped!”

  Kalix made her way through the dense undergrowth to help Vex, who had become entangled in thorns.

  “Couldn’t you start hiding in some place that was easier to get to?” asked Vex, brightly. “I’ve been ruling the Hiyasta but now I’m back in time for college.”

  Both of them were due to start their second year in two days’ time.

  “You were ruling the Hiyasta?”

  “It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I sat on the throne for three days reading manga and not much happened. Now I’m back. I’m really looking forward to everything! We’ve got college and then art school.”

  “Art school? Are you serious?”

  “Of course, why not? I’ve got extra crayons so we can draw everything. And I got some big scissors in case we need to cut things up.”

  “We might not even pass our exams this year.”

  “Of course we will. Dominil’s going to teach us.”

  “Dominil’s going to teach you,” said Kalix.

  “I’ve included you as well,” said Vex. “I left her a message saying you wanted help.”

  “Thanks for that.”

  “It’s not so bad. It’ll be fun, just you, me and Dominil and a few books.”

  Kalix thought that sounded anything but fun, but let it pass. Vex made a small spout of flame spurt from her hand. She watched it for a few seconds, then let it vanish. “I never thought I’d be able to do that. Let’s go to the café.”

  “OK.”

  Kalix changed back to her human shape as they made their way from the bushes into the park.

  “The flat was empty when I got back,” said Vex. “Is this the big night?”

  “Yes.”

  Vex laughed, and Kalix smiled. They both knew that Daniel and Moonglow had arranged a date, after encouragement from the Fire Queen.

  “It was super-brilliant of me to arrange that,” said Vex. “I knew I’d get Daniel to ask Aunt Malvie for help if I kept talking to him about dating.”

  They left the park. It was late evening but the lights were still on in the small café on the corner.

  “I love the all-day breakfasts,” said Vex. “I’m going to buy two.” Vex looked happy. “You’d have to say our self-improvement’s been a big success.”

  “What? I was a complete failure, and you weren’t doing any self-improvement anyway.”

  “Of course I was. And look what I can do now. I can make fire and I can heal people. Well, I’m better with plants really, but it’s a start. And you went running and got fit, you managed not to be so bad-tempered with your flatmates all the time, and you won a big fight, and now we’re going back to college and then we’re going to art school. Even your mother called you and she never does that. How can you say you haven’t improved? We should get medals for self-improvement, we’re practically world champions.”

  Kalix laughed. “Well, maybe.”

  “And I brought you some new Hello Kitty running shoes! I got them specially because you liked the other pair so much.”

  “Thanks,” said Kalix. “I can’t wait to see them.”

  CHAPTER 186

  In the middle of the night there was a small flash of yellow light on the roof of Somerset House, above the Courtauld Gallery. Distikka emerged from the shadows, frowning.

  I didn’t mean to land on the roof. My powers of navigation are far from perfect in this world.

  She looked up at the gray sky. There was a light drizzle, which she found annoying, though she’d visited London often enough to know that the rain wouldn’t kill her.

  Though it does weaken my powers. I doubt I could produce much fire here.

  Distikka had fled her own dimension. After initiating a rebellion in the realm of the Fire Queen, and fleeing from a death sentence at the hands of the Empress, it seemed the prudent thing to do. There were other nations in the realms of the elementals, but most of them were allied with at least one of her enemies. Were she to seek asylum, it was quite probable that she would be returned to Malveria or Kabachetka, and promptly executed.

  Distikka walked to the edge of the roof and looked down at the great courtyard below. It was deserted. She stepped off the roof, and floated to the ground.

  I sill have some power here. Enough to maintain my presence for a while, anyway.

  Distikka was thoughtful as she walked toward the courtyard gates. Fleeing to Earth was a no more than a temporary solution. Only the most powerful elementals could spend long periods here. Distikka was strong, but her strength was not at the same level as the Fire Queen or the Empress. Eventually her fire would dwindle, and she would die.

  Distikka nimbly vaulted the tall gates, and walked into the dark street outside. Humans survive here, she thought. But I have no wish to become human. They’re so weak, and they have such a short lifespan. Anyway, there’s no known way of becoming human. Distikka walked down the Strand. It’s unfortunate that I’m an enemy of Thrix MacRinnalch. She might have had some suggestions. I suppose I could ask Merchant MacDoig’s advice. They say he’s extended his own lifespan. She would have set off to visit see him right away, but realized, depressingly, that she didn’t know how to get there. She knew the address, but couldn’t navigate her way through London.

  I’ll need to wait until morning, and buy a map.

  Distikka reached Trafalgar Square. Though it was the middle of the night, there were still people at the bus stops. She sat on a bench, to wait until morning.

  My plan should have worked. I lured the MacRinnalchs into a trap. If they escaped, it was down to deficiencies in the werewolf hunters. The Empress should have realized that. Unfortunately, the Empress is a fool. Distikka hoped that Dominil had survived the battle. She thought about Dominil for a while, and then about werewolves in general. They were a strange breed. She’d read a lot about them during her service to the Empress. It struck her that, in comparison with the rest of Earth’s population, werewolves were very strong, and very long-lived.

  And while there’s no known way of becoming human, there is a way of becoming a werewolf. A bite, a blood transferal and a brief ceremony. So it’s said, anyway. That’s an interesting thought.

  Distikka sat on the bench, a small, dark, a fugitive, alone in the world, without any realistic prospects of success, or even survival. Most elementals in her position would have given in to despair, but Distikka was too resilient to despair. She was confident she�
��d find some means of surviving, and prospering.

  Teinn the fairy hopped onto a chair, and looked around the room. Paintings were torn from the walls and there was blood on the floor. The front door was broken, forced open by the police who’d responded to the emergency call following Manny’s screams.

  They took him away in an ambulance. Teinn laughed. She liked ambulances. Her mischief had been the cause of many an emergency call-out in Scotland.

  She sniffed the air. How funny, she thought. That silly Queen of the Fire Elementals has tried to cover it all up.

  Teinn laughed again. The Fire Queen’s covering spells might have fooled another elemental, or a werewolf, but not her. No one could hide mischief or misdeeds from Teinn. Flying over London, she’d been attracted to the scene, sensing the recent presence of a werewolf and a powerful Fire Elemental. Now she was here, she could picture the events quite clearly.

  I wonder why Thrix tried to kill the boy? I should find out more about him.

  The fairy hopped onto the windowsill, pleased with her discovery. It held promise for some entertaining mischief in the future. Teinn launched herself into the air, soaring high above London.

  How horrible this big city is, she thought. But as she looked down at the vast sprawl of buildings, it did occur to her that there was an almost infinite capacity for mischief here. She had become constrained in the small world of Colburn Woods, and the werewolf estates. Who knew what she might be able to achieve, given such a huge canvas?