A Year of Finding Happiness

by Lisa Hobman

  ‘What are you up to this afternoon, then? More leaking sinks to repair?’ She smiled and I could tell she felt the same about things between us.

  ‘Na’… I’m away to pick up Angus, and I think we might go for a long walk.’

  Mallory scrunched her nose. ‘Angus?’

  I realised I hadn’t mentioned Angus before. ‘Aye, I don’t bring him on the boat too often. He can get seasick and sometimes he bothers the customers.’

  ‘Is Angus your son?’ she asked.

  A laugh erupted from somewhere near my boots.

  ‘What’s funny?’ she asked with a smile that was tinged with confusion.

  ‘My son! Actually, he is rather spoiled, so I suppose in a way he is. He’s my dog. Stella looks after him sometimes when I’m out on the boat.’

  Her cheeks turned pink and she laughed. ‘Ah, right. What type of dog is he?’

  ‘He’s a Lab-satian.’

  ‘A what?’

  I chuckled. ‘Labrador-Alsatian cross. He’s bloody huge, greedy, and daft as a brush.’

  ‘Oh, lovely. I’d love to meet him some time. I can’t believe you have a seasick dog.’ She giggled as I helped her out of the boat. Once I’d moored up I climbed out too and together we walked back to the car park.

  ‘Aye, I wasn’t too impressed the first time I took him out, I can tell you.’ I opened the car door and climbed inside. ‘Look, I’ll speak to Stella tonight, okay? See you tomorrow.’

  ‘Bye for now.’

  After slamming the door and starting the engine, I pulled away and headed for the pub to collect Angus. I had this warm fuzzy feeling inside me. Thinking on it for a while, I realised it was happiness. What the hell? I’d forgotten what it felt like, so no wonder it didn’t register. Mallory was a great lass. She made me smile without saying or doing much. Just her company was enough to make me happy. It felt a wee bit strange though. I didn’t really know her but we shared something quite deep and special. A kind of mutual grief. We understood what each other was going through and, whilst I wouldn’t wish the way I felt on my worst enemy, it felt good to know I wasn’t alone.

  As always Angus was giddy when he saw me. He brightened up my days and it appeared I did the same for him. He, of course, couldn’t call me a grumpy arse and it didn’t matter if I put my foot in my mouth with him. His love was unconditional and I was glad of the fact.

  Angus and I set out to buy the washers, taps, and sealant to sort out Mallory’s workshop sink. I figured the sooner I got it fixed, the sooner she could make me the chalkboard I needed to advertise my gigs at the pub. Every time I thought about her making the board especially for me I felt a twinge of something strange. A bit like excitement crossed with emotion. She was going through shit but was making something for me regardless. So selfless. Quite a woman, eh?

  And it was going to be good to make my gigs at the pub official. I just had to be more careful with my song choices. Maybe I could run them by Mallory before I played. I would have to think that through.

  Armed with all the necessary bits and pieces from the plumbers’ merchant, we made our way back home, and I decided that I’d head down to the pub as a paying customer for an hour. Angus liked the attention he got from the patrons and I loved the atmosphere in the place.

  As I sat there with my wee dram of whisky in hand, Stella marched around behind the bar, taking drink orders and then heading in the kitchen to handle the limited food orders she was taking, seeing as she was on alone. I had half a mind to offer my help but figured if I did, it would kind of negate the conversation I was about to have with her.

  She headed back over to me and blew her hair from her eyes. ‘Don’t suppose you fancy helping a poor woman out, do you?’ she asked with a smile.

  ‘Nope. It’s ma night off, but I know someone who’s looking for a job, if you’re interested?’

  ‘If I’m interested? Gregory, I’ve been advertising for ages and no one else is interested. They either don’t live around here or enjoy being a customer too much to stand at this side of the bar. Who could you possibly know who would want a job?’

  ‘Mallory.’

  ‘Mallory? Seriously?’ After she thought about it, she put her hands on her hips and glared at me. ‘Has this been her decision, Greg, or are you interfering more than necessary?’

  I held up my hands in surrender. ‘I made a suggestion that it might be a good way to get involved and meet people, and she agreed. Don’t shoot the messenger.’

  Her smile became wide and she laughed. ‘Well done, Greg, I like your thinking. How soon can she start?’

  ‘Oh, I don’t exactly know. I said I’d ask you, and she said something about coming in for a trial.’

  She shook her head and waved a disregarding hand. ‘No need for that. Tell her she can start whenever she likes. On her terms. No pressure. Whatever hours she likes. It’ll just be good to have an extra person however often she can manage.’

  ‘Great!’ I was sure I looked like a grinning idiot, but I was in no mind to bother. Finally I was doing something right by Mallory. It felt bloody great and I didn’t care who knew it. I couldn’t wait to tell her the news. I was very much aware that she didn’t need the money, but what she did need was occupation and company. Working at the pub would give her both. And the only negative thing was that she’d have to put up with me and my shitty social skills. But, hey, small price to pay!

  Chapter Nineteen

  Bearing in mind that I’d caught her off guard the day before, I decided to wait a while before heading off to Mallory’s house the next day. At around twenty past ten I made my way down to the little cottage by the water. Angus was his usual giddy self. Of course we’d had the conversation about him being on his best behaviour around the new ladies I was going to introduce him to. And yes, I realise he’s a dog and not capable of cognitive thought processes, but that didn’t stop me from telling him about Mallory and Ruby. As I’ve said before, don’t judge me!

  I knocked on the door and waited. And waited. And waited. Eventually a rather bedraggled woman opened the door to me. Not again?

  ‘I was beginning to think you’d done a moonlight flit,’ I told her as she stood there all squinty-eyed. Angus wagged his tail frantically.

  ‘Sorry, I must have slept really deeply. I’ve only just woken up.’ She yawned and I felt bad for showing up when she was tired again. She looked ready to crawl back into bed, and I couldn’t help smiling at her appearance.

  ‘I brought Angus, is that okay? You said you’d like to meet him.’ She nodded and Ruby, the little black ball of fluff, came trotting through the house. She must have scented Angus. Her little tail wagged as the two dogs sniffed at each other’s backside. I pointed at them and said, ‘I hope you don’t expect me to greet you like that.’

  Mallory burst out laughing. ‘No, a simple hello will suffice.’ She bent to say hello to my big daft dog, and in true Angus fashion he licked her with his muckle tongue right up the middle of her face.

  I laughed. ‘I’ll not do that either, I promise.’

  Wiping her face on her pyjamas sleeve, she eyed me warily. ‘Thank goodness!’

  Marching into the house, I walked straight through to the kitchen. ‘Sit yoursel’ down, I’ll make us a coffee.’ Surprisingly she did so without protest. Progress. ‘I got that new tap sorted. I just need to fit it and then you’re away.’

  ‘Great,’ she mumbled from the living room.

  I carried the mugs of coffee through to the lounge and handed one to Mallory, who was looking a little more awake despite her attire.

  ‘So, I spoke to Stella last night.’ I couldn’t hide the glee from my face. ‘She says you’re very welcome to come and give it a go. See what you think. What do you reckon, eh?’

  She pursed her lips at me and looked a little worried. ‘Oh… great, yes, thanks.’

  I waved my free hand at her. ‘No, no, calm down with your mad enthusiasm, you’ll do yourself an injury.’

  Smiling and c
ringing at the same time, she shook her head. ‘Sorry. I just… I’ve had second thoughts… I’m not sure I’m ready… It’s only been a few weeks, Greg.’

  ‘Hey, no one knows better than I do about this shit. And I say grab the bull by the horns and get out and meet people, make friends. Anyways, I said you’d be there tonight at about six so I can show you the ropes, eh?’

  With her resolve a little firmer, she nodded. ‘Okay. I’ll be there.’

  ‘Great. I’m really glad.’ I drained my cup. As the bitterness hit the back of my throat, I fought back a shiver. Her coffee was awful but marginally better, seeing as I’d made it. I’d have to introduce her to better bloody coffee, that one thing was certain. ‘So, any plans for visitors in the near future?’

  ‘Yes, actually. Josie and Brad are coming up for my birthday next month. I think it’d be hard if they weren’t here with it being the first… Well, you know.’ She dropped her gaze.

  ‘So, am I right in thinking you’ll be the big three-oh this time, eh?’ I asked, grinning at her as the cogs began turning in my brain. Big plans were afoot.

  Mallory gaped at me with narrowed eyes. ‘Don’t remind me. I feel old,’ she said as she rubbed her face and her shoulders hunched.

  Old? Shit! What did that make me, then? ‘Ah, rubbish. You’re a wee bairn. Wait ’til you’re my age, then you’ll feel old.’

  ‘What age is that, then?’

  Ah-h, this could be fun. ‘Guess.’

  ‘I may offend you,’ she warned.

  ‘Na’. I don’t offend that easily. Age is just a number.’

  ‘Okay, you asked for it.’ She thought about it for a moment, tapping her chin and looking to the ceiling. ‘Erm… fifty-five?’

  What? Shit, maybe I didn’t look as good as I thought. I opened my mouth to speak but couldn’t think of a single thing to say. My heart rate accelerated with panic and I felt the desperate urge to go look in a mirror to see what she was seeing.

  Her eyes brightened and she punched me on the arm. ‘Ah-h-h, you said you wouldn’t get offended. Age is just a number, you said.’

  I huffed out a long breath and shook my head. ‘You cheeky wee mare.’ Now I really needed to know what she thought, if only to soothe my bruised ego. ‘Go on, seriously, how old would you say I am?’

  ‘Seriously? About thirty-four… maybe thirty-five?’ I could tell that she was being honest this time and my heart soared. That’s more like it.

  Sitting up a little straighter, I smiled. ‘Na’. I’m thirty-eight next birthday. I just look bloody good for my age.’ We laughed together and my insides did a little flip.

  ‘Yes, it’s your modesty I admire the most.’

  Like a spoiled child I made a face at her before laughing out loud. She joined in and my heart skipped. Deciding now would be a good time to end the conversation before I ruined things, I got up to leave and made my way up to fit the new tap, leaving Mallory to shower and dress.

  My brain ticked over with plans. She was going to be thirty and that only happened once. After what she’d been through her birthday needed to be something she remembered in a good way. I wanted her to smile and have fun. I figured she needed that.

  After a while a familiar scent infiltrated my thoughts and I glanced up to see her standing there in the doorway of the workshop. She looked incredibly sexy even in casual gear. The long-sleeved blue top she wore hung loosely over her leggings, leaving far too much to my fertile imagination. She was a fair bit slimmer, which was a shame because she had the most stunning curves before; but she still looked pretty and I wanted to tell her. But fearing I’d say the wrong thing again, I bit my lip and just smiled.

  She began to get some wood and paints out, and I hoped it was my chalkboard she was going to make. I got on with my task at hand and sang along to her Pearl Jam CD, but every so often I glanced over surreptitiously and saw her sketching with her tongue out of one side of her mouth. So bloody cute. I could’ve watched her work for hours. The concentration on her face and the way her brow creased was kind of mesmerising. But eventually I was finished fixing the tap.

  ‘All done,’ I told her as I wiped my hand on the rag tucked into my belt. I turned on the tap to display my handiwork and thankfully water gushed out and into the Belfast sink below.

  ‘Oh, that’s fantastic, Greg, thank you so much.’ She looked as if she wanted to hug me, but I froze. She dropped her hands to her sides and blushed bright pink. Was I giving off don’t-you-dare vibes? I hadn’t meant to.

  Internally kicking myself yet again for my reaction, I bid her goodbye and said I’d see her at the pub later. Why could I never seem to do the right thing where she was concerned? I’d have to figure out a way to make amends. I just had no clue how.

  Then a light bulb clicked on in my head. What I could do was organise a surprise party! Surely that way she would see that I wasn’t a total socially inept arse? Maybe she would see that I was actually a decent, caring bloke worthy of her friendship?

  But no sooner had the light bulb illuminated than it extinguished. Why would I arrange a party for her? Surely that was something a real friend would do? She had said before she didn’t class me as a friend so it would be weird, wouldn’t it? And maybe she wouldn’t want all the fuss? I know I wouldn’t have. But then again, she wasn’t me. She adored her friends and, let’s face it, if you’re going to cry on your birthday – which she no doubt would under the circumstances – who would you need around you more than your friends?

  My brain whirred with ideas but as Angus and I climbed in to the Landy I shook my head as if to dislodge my own stupidity. You’re grieving too, you idiot. Jeez, you’re the last person to make a success of arranging anything that involves laughter and fun, you miserable arse. People will think you’re stupid. Mallory will think you’re creepy. And what about Mairi?

  Alarmed by my train of thought, I stopped in my tracks. Another epiphany hit. For the first time in what seemed like forever, I was actually considering someone else’s feelings above my own. What was that all about? Why the hell did it matter so much? I shook my head to rid myself of the errant thoughts and carried on my way.

  I knew one thing for certain: I wanted to make Mallory’s birthday special and I knew just the people to help me. I would need access to Mallory’s phone at some point, but that could wait. First and foremost I needed a venue.

  Chapter Twenty

  I made sure to arrive at the pub just after five. It gave me a chance to speak to Stella about Mallory’s birthday. My plans were deliberately simple; I got the feeling Mallory was the type of woman who didn’t go for the expensive, glamorous parties. She seemed quite shy in many ways, and the last thing I wanted to do was embarrass her. But she needed to know she was surrounded by people who cared. The villagers loved her more than she could possibly know.

  ‘Are you sure this is a good idea, Gregory? It’s not long since she lost her fiancé. Maybe this would be too much?’ Stella’s concern was etched all over her face.

  She was right of course but I was on a mission. ‘I really think I can make it special though, Stella. Just a few close friends and some nice food and… and me.’

  Her brow furrowed. ‘You?’

  ‘Aye. I thought I’d… you know… play a few of her favourite songs, maybe.’

  She smiled widely. ‘Oh, Gregory. That’s such a thoughtful thing to do. You clearly think a lot of her.’ She patted my arm and I felt my cheeks heating up.

  I didn’t want anyone getting the wrong impression. This was me making amends, not advances. ‘No, no, it’s not that. I just… I just want to do something nice, seeing as I always seem to do the wrong thing around her.’

  ‘I know, love. I know.’ But from the glint in her eyes I guessed that what she ‘knew’ wasn’t the same as what I ‘knew’ about the situation. As I had feared, she clearly was reading too much into things.

  At just before six I was standing chatting to Ron when the door opened and in walked Mallory. Stella greeted
her with a hug and took her coat. She looked… beautiful; very smartly dressed in trousers that hugged her curves and a top that showed just enough cleavage to tantalise unintentionally. She wasn’t the kind to flaunt herself. She was carrying a large, flat package wrapped in brown paper. My heart flipped. Mallory followed Stella behind the bar and Stella left her with me.

  A wave of excitement came over me as I eyed the parcel. ‘Is that what I think it is?’ I asked her.

  Tilting her head to one side, she smiled. ‘Hmm, depends what you think it is.’

  ‘I think it’s my chalkboard,’ I said with a smile.

  ‘Then, in that case, you would be correct.’

  She handed me the package and I ripped the paper off like an excited kid at Christmas. I could feel her watching me for my reaction. She chewed nervously on a nail. As I stared at the beautiful board with its scrolled writing and smooth painted surface, a lump lodged in my throat. No one had ever made something just for me – well, not since Mairi anyway. And certainly not someone to whom I’d been a total shit. She’d made this for me. Me, the arsehole who always said the wrong thing. Me, the stupid idiot who’d made her cry. It just confirmed the type of person she was. One of a kind in the best possible way.

  Steeling myself and clearing my throat, I was able to speak. ‘Mallory, Mallory, Mallory… it’s bloody brilliant!’ I caught her letting out a breath. Her face relaxed into a beautiful smile. Still grinning, I repeated myself, ‘Bloody brilliant! I love it!’ I turned it around to show Ron, who beamed from ear to ear.

  ‘Aye, she’s a talented lassie, our Mallory.’

  Mallory’s smile widened and my heart melted. I placed the board down and met her eyes. I had an overwhelming desire to pull her into my arms but wasn’t sure if I should. After staring at her and fidgeting awkwardly for a moment, I did it anyway. The softness of her breasts met the muscles of my chest and I closed my eyes, relishing the feeling of her curves against me. It had been so long since I had held a woman in my arms and I’d had no clue how much I’d missed the feeling of closeness. Guilt suddenly pummelled my insides. This wasn’t Mairi. And this girl was grieving. The last thing she needed was to be pawed at by some arsey stranger. I broke away and ran my hands through my hair, the heat of embarrassment setting my face afire.