by Ivy Smoak
Felix handed me my cup. It was filled to the brim with the delicious punch.
“Thank you.” I took another huge sip. “So about that tour…”
He smiled and grabbed my free hand. I was pretty sure the last time a boy had held my hand was in fifth grade. And he’d been dared to do it at recess.
Felix wound me through all the people, showing me the living room, dining room, and every other room you could possibly imagine. Including a movie theater and something he called a jungle room, which from what I could tell was just a room filled with plants. But I wouldn’t put it past him if there were some monkeys or something hiding in there. And all of that was just on the first floor, which was crazy because I didn't realize apartments could be two stories.
“You really do look beautiful tonight, newb.”
I pushed my bangs off my forehead and laughed. “I’m wearing sneakers with a skirt. I look ridiculous. I was actually standing outside earlier thinking I looked like a deflated troll.” What the hell? Why had I just said that out loud? It was like I had completely lost my filter ever since I stepped into Felix’s apartment.
His lips dropped to my ear so I could hear him better. “A troll? Not in a million years. You look sexy as hell.”
I was pretty sure my throat made a weird squeaking noise, but I couldn’t be sure when the music was so loud. Fortunately that meant he hadn’t heard it either. No one had ever called me sexy before. Not even the boy in fifth grade that had held my hand for five whole minutes.
Felix had kept his head dipped down, so when I turned to look at him, his lips were only a fraction of an inch away from mine. I’d never been kissed. But I’d also never wanted it more than in that moment. The music seemed to fade away. I stared into Felix’s blue eyes. They reminded me of the ocean. God, I could get lost in them.
He stayed completely still, like he knew this moment was precious too. For some reason my mind started racing. If he closed the gap between us, I was almost positive it wouldn’t be his first kiss. He was…Felix. He lived in an apartment mansion that looked like a modernist museum. He was popular at school. And his eyes were definitely easy to get lost in, because I was already swimming in them.
It felt like my brain short-circuited as he moved a fraction of an inch closer. I wanted to follow his lead. But if it was my first kiss and his hundredth kiss? It would be inadequate. I’d be inadequate. Because despite what he said, I wasn’t beautiful. I was an invisible girl in a world that I’d never belong in.
“So what’s on the second story?” I asked. As soon as I said it, I realized that it sounded really forward. “An arcade?” I said, because it was the first thing I could think of when my mind was focused on the fact that his bedroom was probably up there.
“No, that's down a level,” he said.
Three floors? “Seriously? I was kidding.”
He smiled. “It’s just a few games, not a whole arcade.”
“Cool. Oh rats, I’m all out of punch,” I said and stared into my empty cup. “Could you bring me some more?”
“Are you sure? You’ve already had two glasses.”
“Of course I’m sure. It’s punch. I love punch. Did you make this?” I asked and lifted my cup. “It’s yummy. Like your eyes.” What? “Not that I want to eat your eyes. I just meant that your eyes are this really pretty blue and I want to swim in them. God, I’m thirsty. Are you thirsty? It’s hot in here.”
He laughed. “Okay I’ll get you that drink,” he said and lifted my empty cup from my hand. “But then you owe me a dance.”
“Deal.” I had no idea how to dance. But I did feel like dancing. Just thinking about dancing had me moving my shoulders to the beat. The rest of my body seemed to follow.
“Stay right there, okay? I’ll be right back.”
“You got it, sir.” Where the hell else would I go? I saluted him. Oh God, why did I just salute him?
He laughed and disappeared into the crowd.
I stood there by myself, swaying to the music. A yawn escaped my lips and my eyelids closed. I was so tired from work that my mind felt all fuzzy. The sleepier I felt, the more I wanted to dance. Or sleep. It was a hard choice. But my throat was so dry that all I really wanted was to have more punch. I leaned against the wall behind me.
“What are you doing here?”
I closed my eyes even tighter. Was I dreaming? I was pretty sure I had just fallen asleep. But I was also pretty sure I was still standing up because my legs were tired. Why was I standing in bed?
“Brooklyn.”
The voice sounded real. And it sounded like Matt. I opened my eyes. I blinked because he was way too close. His face only a few inches away from mine. I was definitely dreaming.
“Sorry, what was the question?” I asked even though I was asleep. My body was all warm like when I wore my flannel pajamas. And he was blurry like I still had sleepy in my eyes.
“You told me you’d stay away from Felix.” He looked mad. Like he had in class when he yelled at Charlotte. I remembered the sound his pencil made when it snapped in half. He was so strong. And a dick.
“That’s not a question,” I said. “And I never said that.”
“Nunca. Remember?”
“I don’t speak Spanish, weirdo. My friend does. Kennedy. She’s my best friend. You probably know her because she’s been going to the same school as you for a while now. Not that you care about scholarship students. She’s here somewhere but she’s taking pictures because I think she’s mad at me for some reason. How long ago was that? Never mind, I’m just dreaming anyway. Because in real life you aren’t speaking to me.” I put my hand on his face. The scruff on his jaw line was rough against my palm. “I do remember that. You pretending I don’t exist.”
His Adam’s apple rose and then fell. “How much have you had to drink?”
I moved my fingers to his lips. They were so soft compared to his. “A couple glasses of punch.”
“You’re drunk.”
I laughed. “No. I’ve only had punch.”
“There’s alcohol in the punch, Brooklyn.”
“Psh. No. Besides, I’m asleep. I dream of you a lot. You actually talk to me in my dreams. It’s nice.” I moved my fingers to his hair. It was soft too. Maybe it really was spun from gold.
“Let me take you home.”
“I don’t need a knight in shining armor, Matt. And even if I did, it wouldn’t be you. Because you don’t speak to me, remember? Why are you even talking to me now? Because your girlfriend’s not here?”
“What are you talking about?” He grabbed my hand and removed it from his hair.
I felt the same spark I had in the bathroom as he cradled my hand in his. Like I was a dumb baby that had just stuck my finger in an electrical circuit. But I wasn’t a baby. And he was just a handsome boy, not a super complicated electrical circuit. I pulled my hand away from him. “I’m talking about Isabella.”
“Isabella is not my girlfriend.”
“But you stopped talking to me after you talked to her at lunch.”
He didn’t respond.
“So if it’s not because of her…why aren’t you talking to me anymore?”
“It’s complicated.”
“Complicated? Really? You know what’s complicated? My mom is dead. She’s dead and I’m all alone. I’m alone.” I sighed. I was getting sleepier by the second.
Matt opened his mouth again and then closed it. “I’m really sorry, Brooklyn. I didn’t know.”
“Yeah.” I shrugged. “Well, like you said. Life is complicated. I don’t have any parents. You’re kind of dating Isabella and ignoring me. Whatever, whatever. It’s life. And I don’t care anymore.”
“I’m not dating Isabella. I’m not dating anyone.”
A Backstreet Boys song that I used to listen to when I was little came on. I used to dance to it in the kitchen with my mom. She’d turn up the radio as high as it would go. The memory made me smile. Now I really wanted to dance. If my tired body wo
uld allow it.
“What about your father?” Matt asked.
“Oh he never wanted me.” I waved my hand in the air like it meant nothing even though my heart ached. “He left when he found out my mother was pregnant. I don’t even know his first name.” I reached out and touched Matt’s hard bicep. “You’re always such a good listener in my dreams. Do you want to dance?”
“I’m going to take you home now, okay?”
“But I really feel like dancing. I love this song.” I tried to pull him toward the dancefloor but his hard body was as heavy as it looked.
“No, I’m taking you home.”
“But…it’s the Backstreet Boys.” Was he insane? This was dance music if there was ever dance music.
“Yeah, you’re definitely drunk.”
“I only had punch,” I said.
“And like I literally told you a few minutes ago…there’s alcohol in the punch.”
I shook my head. “No. I’ve never had alcohol before.”
“Well, tonight’s a first then.”
Almost a first. I was about to have my first kiss with Felix. I knew it in my bones. My very hot bones. Was it a thousand degrees in here? “It’s hot.”
“Yeah, that happens when you’ve had too much to drink.”
Matt was insane in the membrane. I didn’t drink alcohol. He probably did. And all the Untouchables. Because they pretended to be cool even though I knew their façade was just that - a façade. They were as broken as me. Except him. I squinted my eyes at Matt. “I don’t get it,” I said.
“Get what?”
“How much one week can change things. I thought you liked me.” I reached out to touch his face again, but he caught my hand in his.
“Let’s talk about it on the way home.”
Matt was such a buzzkill.
“Hey,” Felix said. He was standing next to me with the punch I’d requested.
“Oh, thank you.” I grabbed it with the hand Matt wasn’t holding and took a huge sip. My dry throat felt a million times better.
Matt pulled the cup out of my hand, spilling some onto the ground. “That’s enough.”
“But…”
“I’m taking you home.” He said it more sternly this time.
“Ignore him,” I said to Felix. “He’s just a dream.” I pulled my hand out of Matt’s. “Do you want to dance?” I asked Felix.
He lowered his eyebrows slightly.
“Brooklyn, I’m taking you home,” Matt said and grabbed my arm.
“Let go of me.” I tried to pull away from him, but his grip was firm.
“She said to let her go,” Felix said.
“Why? So you can get her even drunker?”
“She asked for a refill. Get your fucking hands off her.”
“And you’re taking advantage of her,” Matt said.
“Me? Seriously? You’re the one about to stuff her in a cab to take her home. Get out of my house.”
“Yeah, no innuendo there, man. She needs to sleep this off.”
Oh my God, what was happening? This time when I pulled my arm away from Matt I did it successfully. “Stop pretending that you care about me.”
“I do care,” Matt said.
“Really? Did you care when Charlotte ripped me apart in class? Or when she said she wished I would disappear? Or when Mr. Hill made me read out loud for an hour? Or the past week when you didn’t even glance in my direction even though you sit right in front of me?”
“I told you it was complicated…”
“Don’t throw that bullshit excuse at me when I told you my mom just died. Don’t…” I let my voice trail off. “Don’t you dare.” I could feel tears welling in my eyes as the room started to spin. I felt like I was going to be sick. I tried to swallow down the lump in my throat but it wouldn’t budge.
Kennedy showed up just in time. Because she was the only person here who actually cared about me. “How much punch did you have?” she asked after giving dirty looks to both Felix and Matt.
“Just two cups.”
She shook her head. “Lightweight.”
I laughed even though I didn’t know what she was talking about. “And I’m having a nightmare. Matt’s pretending he’s speaking to me and I messed up my first kiss.” I looked at Felix.
Felix’s eyes grew a little wide.
So easy to get lost in them.
“Yup, just a bad dream,” Kennedy said. “Let’s get you home, okay?”
I nodded. “Can we have a sleepover again?”
“Absolutely.”
I was pretty sure Kennedy kicked Felix’s shin as we walked past him. But none of it mattered. Because I was definitely dreaming.
Chapter 10
Friday
“That was so much fun,” I said as the taxi pulled up outside our apartment building. “Can we do that again next week?”
Kennedy opened the cab door. “I think you’ll be singing a different tune tomorrow morning.” She stepped out onto the curb and I followed her.
The movement made my stomach feel weird. Or was it my legs that felt off? Like they weighed more than usual. The thought made me laugh, which made Kennedy start laughing too.
“Cut it out, we have to be quiet.”
“But my legs are so heavy,” I managed to say through my laughter.
She grabbed my arm to steady me on the curb. “Seriously you have to stop laughing or I’m going to keep laughing. I can’t believe you only had two cups.”
“I love punch!” I yelled.
She put her hand over my mouth. “Oh my God, Brooklyn stop. You’re going to get us in so much trouble. We’re definitely sleeping at your uncle’s instead of my place.” She removed her hand from my mouth and gave me a hard stare. “Did you just lick my palm?”
I started laughing again.
“No more punch for you.” She pulled me toward our apartment and somehow managed to force me up the seven flights of stairs, despite my protests.
“I really do love punch,” I said as we finally made it to our floor.
“You’re a closet alcoholic.”
“How many times do I have to explain this to people? First Matt, now you.” I leaned against the wall outside my uncle’s apartment. “I only had punch.”
“Which had alcohol in it.”
I shook my head. “I don’t think so. I’ve never had alcohol before.”
Kennedy shook her head. “Well that explains a lot. You should have told me. I wouldn’t have let you have any.”
“But I love it!”
“Shhh! I got that. Be quiet for one minute, okay? Hopefully your uncle is already asleep.” She pulled out the key from her purse and was just about to turn it when the door opened by itself. Like magic.
Only it wasn’t magic. It was my uncle. And he looked…not happy.
He shook his head. “Get in here before you wake up the whole floor.” He opened the door wider and Kennedy pulled me inside.
“I’m sorry, Uncle Jim,” Kennedy said. “We’re just really wound up from an exciting night of work. So we should probably just go to Brooklyn’s room to cool off.” She started to pull me toward my room.
“Not so fast.”
I bumped into Kennedy when she froze.
“Brooklyn, look at me,” my uncle said.
I turned around and looked. Really looked. I just wasn’t sure what I was supposed to be looking for.
“Have you girls been drinking?” he asked.
“Only punch,” I said.
Kennedy elbowed me in the side, which made me start laughing again.
My uncle ran his hand down his face. “Where were you two tonight?”
“At work,” Kennedy said.
But at the same time I said, “At Felix’s house.”
He just stared at us, waiting for our stories to align.
Kennedy sighed. “We went to a classmate’s party for a few hours after work. Please don’t tell my mom.”
“It was my idea,” I added. “I
forced Kennedy to go with me. I’d never been to a party before and I thought it would be fun. And it was. It really was. But I’m also pretty sure I’m asleep so…”
My uncle started coughing, drowning out my words.
“Are you okay?” I asked. I started to walk over to him but he held up his hand.
He cleared his throat. “You two need to take better care of each other, okay? I know teenagers drink. I’m not an idiot. I prefer if you don’t, but if you’re going to drink, make sure to have a glass of water between every glass of alcohol. I don’t expect to see either of you like this again. Is that clear?”
“I’m sorry,” I said. But I was more concerned about his cough than his lecture on underage drinking. I really hoped this was a dream, because his cold was getting worse instead of better. I was getting worried that he had the flu or something.
“I don’t want an I’m sorry. I want you to promise me that the two of you will take care of each other. No more getting drunk. No more of this nonsense.”
“I promise I’ll watch out for her better,” Kennedy said.
“Me too,” I said. Which sucked because I really did like punch. “My arms are heavy now too.”
Kennedy laughed.
“Go to your room,” my uncle said, his voice sterner than I had ever heard it. He didn’t have to tell us twice. We both ran out of the kitchen.
Once the door was closed behind us, I breathed a sigh of relief. “That was a close one,” I said.
“A close one? Brooklyn, we got caught.” Kennedy collapsed onto my bed.
“But he wasn’t that mad. Besides, it’s all just a bad dream.”
She shook her head. “Was it also a bad dream that you almost kissed Felix tonight?”
“No, that was a good dream.” I lay down beside her. “But I don’t know if he was actually going to kiss me. It just seemed like he wanted to.”
