His Royal Regret: Royals of Lochland Book 2

by Mulliner, Brittney

  “Is this the right place?” Justin asked, sounding unsure.

  “Yes, this is it.”

  He nodded and walked around to open my door. I got out while Cian opened his side. He met me at the back of the SUV, taking in the area. We were just north of Malibu canyon, in an unpopulated area that got very few visitors.

  “Would you mind waiting here for us?”

  “Of course.” He moved back to the driver’s door and got in.

  I peer up to Cian and smiled. “This way.”

  I started down the unmarked trail I’d memorized over a decade ago. I didn't check back but could hear Cian following me. I wondered if Justin would let Cian’s people know he just let the prince wander off into the wilderness with a near stranger. Probably not, if he wanted to keep his job.

  “Where exactly are we going?” Cian asked.

  “To my favorite spot.”

  That was the last question he asked until we reached the bubbling creek. “Just a bit further,” I said.

  We walked about a hundred yards before turning a corner that revealed a small pool below a thirty-foot waterfall.

  I stood back and smiled. This place had always brought me peace.

  “Wow.” Cian seemed in awe of this hidden paradise.

  “It’s pretty amazing isn’t it?”

  He nodded and stepped closer to the pool until he was on the edge gazing down. “How deep is it?”

  “About ten feet.”

  “Can you swim in it?”

  I moved next to him. “In the summer when the water is warmer. It’s too cold now.”

  He nodded while taking in the waterfall. “How did you find this?”

  “My dad and his friends discovered it while they were in high school. They were just off hiking and stumbled upon it. When my dad got older and the business took off, he purchased the land.”

  “So, this is yours?”

  I nodded. “It belongs to the family, but it’s always been my favorite place.”

  I pointed over to the boulders along the edge of the other bank. “I used to bring my homework here during high school and college. It was the only place in L.A. I could be alone.”

  “I understand that. Wanting a place of your own.” He seemed lost in thought.

  “Do you have one?”

  He stared off as if trying to conjure an image. “We have a loch, or a lake, behind the palace. It was my mother’s favorite place and when I was eleven, I found a secluded area as far away as I could get. I loved going out there, but it scared my nanny when she couldn’t find me. Eventually, I was needed by too many to get away.”

  “I’m sorry. I don’t know what I’d do if I couldn't get away some times.”

  He nodded. “I get moments here and there, but I have to fly halfway around the world for more than a few hours of peace.”

  I giggled. “Seems a bit dramatic.”

  He smirked. “But it brought me here.”

  I turned away to keep him from seeing the blush on my cheeks. That could mean a million things. It might not have anything to do with me.

  “Well, we have until Justin comes to find us.” I walked along the water to the boulders and sat on the tallest one, bringing my knees up to my chest.

  He watched me, making me self-conscious. I stared back at him until he dropped his eyes and made his way over. He sat next to me and gazed across the pool to the waterfall. His arm brushed mine and my skin tingled at the contact.

  “My life isn’t bad.” He paused. “I know I may complain and seem ungrateful but I know I’m blessed. I’m aware I have more than most people could dream of.”

  “I don’t think you come across that way at all.”

  “I hope not.” He sighed. “Nothing comes without a cost. I’ll never want for anything, but my life isn’t my own. I belong to my people.”

  “You can’t really believe that.” Everyone has the right to be their own person, to search for their happiness, and to be a little selfish from time to time.

  “It’s the truth. My family might rule the country, but the country rules us. At least me and my parents. My siblings have more freedom.”

  “Like Aiden running his company?”

  He nodded. “I never would have had that luxury. I went to university and trained with the military then returned to the palace. I didn’t get a gap year like Isla or several years to pursue my dreams like Aiden. Ronan is at university and will join the military afterward as I did, but once he does that, he will have much more freedom to choose what he wants.”

  “What do you think he’ll do?”

  There was a long pause before he turned to me. “I don’t know. I’ve never asked.”

  I tried to hide my surprise, but I guess he saw it.

  He nodded. “I know that makes me a horrible brother, but I never bothered to find out what his dreams or passions are.” The revelation seemed to weigh heavy on him as his brows pull together. “Ronan’s always been the free spirit. He changes his mind every few months, and he has the most freedom of all of us. He could do something in the private sector or find causes to support like Isla.”

  “He’s still in school. It’s normal to take time to discover yourself. I’m sure you’ll have a chance to get to know him better once he’s done.”

  He jaw tightened but didn’t reply.

  I leaned against him, feeling brave. “You’re too hard on yourself, Cian. I wish you could see yourself how your friends do.”

  He glanced over at me. A twinkle flashed in his eyes. “You flatter me.”

  I blushed and ducked my head against my knees. “I have no reason to. You’re not my prince.”

  He chuckled darkly. “Fair point.”

  “You’re doing amazing work. You were great with the kids, too, so generous and kind. That’s all anyone could ask of a leader.”

  He let out a breath. “If only it were that simple.”

  “I know I don’t understand the pressure you’re under.” I tucked my hair behind my ear and met his gaze. “I’ll never fully comprehend your life but I want you to know that from my perspective, you’re doing pretty great.”

  His shoulders relaxed and he gave me a genuine smile that reached his eyes, making them crinkle. My breath caught as I fell under his trance. “Thank you for bringing me here. I appreciate you sharing this with me.”

  I hesitated, before admitting, “You’re the only person I’ve ever shown this to.”

  His eyebrows rose as he turned to me. “Truly?”

  “Yes.”

  He held my gaze. “Thank you.”

  Those two words told me more than just his appreciation. He understood that taking him here was me opening up to him. Revealing a part of myself.

  “Serena…”

  He leaned toward me and I found myself mirroring him until we were inches apart. His eyes dropped for a moment before meeting mine again.

  This was it.

  I could feel the energy bouncing between us. A magnetic force pulling us together.

  When we were a breath apart, his eyes darkened while I waited. I wanted him to close the distance. Needed him to.

  His expression changed, though. Defeat? Regret? I could see the second it happened. He tilted his chin, placing a feather-light kiss on my forehead.

  “Thank you.”

  His voice was barely a whisper. Just loud enough to be heard over the waterfall. I waited to feel the disappointment, but instead, things felt right.

  I wasn’t ready for something to happen and somehow, he sensed that. Maybe he wasn’t ready either.

  I pulled away and slid down landing softly on the leaf-covered ground. “We should head back.”

  He nodded and, without speaking, we made our way back to the waiting SUV. In the vehicle, he turned to me. “Would I be able to see the shelter tomorrow?”

  I groaned internally, confused. I felt like he just turned me down, but now he wants to spend more time together? I’d opened up, showed him my most private refuge, and now
he wanted more? Should I let him in? I wanted to. Was I setting myself up for failure?

  I’d never know unless I tried. I could feel something between us and I wanted to see what it was. “Sure, my shift starts at eight so I have to leave the house about a half-hour before then.”

  His body relaxed and his smile, the one that lit up my insides, returned. “I’ll be ready.”

  That was the end of the conversation until we pulled into the driveway. Justin opened my door and I hurried into the house and up the stairs before Cian could catch up with me. Today was too much to process. I had whiplash from the two versions of him I’d seen. He was kind and generous and open but he was also in pain and repressed.

  I wanted to fight for the version at the hospital. I wanted more of the real him. I wanted to know that Cian. What would it take though? What did I have to give?

  Would getting to know him be worth it? I could end up with a broken heart, and he might not even let me in.

  8

  Cian

  Something had changed last night. Serena allowed herself to be vulnerable with me. She’d opened up to me in a way I hadn’t anticipated.

  Then there had been that moment. I wanted to kiss her. I swear she did too, but I didn't want to rush things. Being so close to her on that rock was intoxicating. Thinking of that moment made me regret not taking a chance, but part of me was scared of what it would mean. Would it make things hard when I left if we allowed us to explore what was between us? The last thing I wanted was to hurt her.

  I wanted to try. I wanted her.

  That realization was like being drenched with cold water.

  What was I doing? I didn’t have the luxury of losing my head over this woman. I had one more day before I left. Just enough time to get her out of my mind.

  “Morning.”

  I jumped at the sound of her voice and turned to face the stairs. Serena appeared revitalized with her hair tied up in a bun and wearing yoga pants and a t-shirt with the shelter’s name on it.

  “Good morning, Serena.”

  She gave me a tight smile and gestured to the door. “Are you ready?”

  I nodded and followed her outside. She tensed when I got close and the regret grew inside me. I’d pushed her away and now she was retreating.

  She paused next to her silver hybrid, at the driver’s door but didn’t move. “Are you sure you want to come? It’s not very glamorous work.”

  She was probably trying to get rid of me. Her last-ditch effort to get scare me off, but I wasn’t going to let her.

  “Of course. I’m not afraid of getting my hands dirty.”

  “Or get licked to death?” With a little smirk, she got in the car.

  I followed and soon we were on the road heading toward Santa Monica. I wasn’t sure what I was expecting. Maybe uncomfortable small talk, maybe loud music to drown out the silence. Instead, she began talking like a release valve had finally been switched.

  “You know, I wasn’t expecting you. Not only the part of you being my brother’s friend. Or being a prince. I didn’t expect to meet you at the bookstore. I certainly didn’t expect to feel anything but annoyance when I did.”

  Now, I really wanted to say something but she was on a roll.

  “I’m fine with my life. I’m fine keeping everything at a distance. I don’t really have many friends because I travel so much. I make friends wherever I go. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I’m an unlikable person, but I’m only in each area for a few months.”

  Her rambling was making me smile. I watched as she gestured with one hand, holding onto the steering wheel with the other.

  “My friends from school are all off making their own lives, getting married, starting their careers, establishing themselves. But I’m not.”

  She peeked at me for a second before turning her eyes back to the road. “I don’t know why I’ve been avoiding that. It’s the obvious next step, but I can’t. I can’t see myself settling down. I jump from one place to the next.” She sighed. “You’re the opposite of everything I am.”

  I waited for a breath to see if she would keep going but I finally had my chance to respond. I wasn’t sure why she felt the need to tell me all of this, especially right now, but I wasn’t going to miss the opportunity to respond. I didn’t know where to start. I wanted to get back to her feelings toward me but now wasn’t the time. I believed she was having some sort of existential crisis and I wanted to help.

  “Maybe you haven’t found the thing to keep you rooted.”

  Her eyes darted to mine, but she didn’t speak.

  “Everyone finds it at different times in their lives. I obviously knew from a young age where I belong and what I was going to do with my life. I was taught and trained from the earliest moment possible. Not everyone is like that though. Some require experiences and testing their options to see where they belong. Neither method is correct. It just depends on the person.”

  She nodded once with her attention on the cars in front of us. I studied her profile. She was stunning, even with her hair tied up in a bun and no makeup on. I wanted to keep staring, memorizing her, but I continued.

  “Take Aiden, he knew he wanted to make an influence on the environment. He also wanted to make a contribution to our country and it’s economy outside of his royal duties. He had a vision and worked to create LochEnergy. He put all of his time and heart and focus into it, but just recently realized that he did all he could do. He reached his full potential in his position and moved on.”

  “He just left the company?” She sounded surprised as she tightened her grip on the wheel.

  I nodded. “He made sure the right people were in place to run the company, then took the next step in his life.”

  She turned to me after stopping at a red light. “Do you think he’ll be happy with his role as a prince?”

  I took a deep breath. This was something that had weighed on my mind for years. I’d wanted him to step into his role long before he did, but for selfish reasons. I wanted help. I wanted someone to carry the burden with me. I’d begrudged him for following his dream for years, but now I can see that everything happened as it was meant to.

  “I think now he will be. If he hadn’t accomplished his goals and built LochEnergy I think he would have resented the crown and our family.”

  She glanced up at the light as it changed to green and kept driving.

  “I firmly believe that things happen for a reason.” I studied the signet ring on my right hand. It held the royal coat of arms. A constant reminder of where I come from, and my role. “I believe David and I met and became friends for a reason. I know I came on the tour, even though it was supposed to be Aiden, for a reason. I know I’m here in this car with you right now–“

  “For a reason.”

  I chuckled. “Precisely.”

  “And what reason do you think?”

  “To get to know you better.”

  Her eyes shot to mine as her cheeks deepened red. “You’re a flirt.”

  I really laughed at that. If any of my siblings had heard her say that they would have thought she was mad. “I can assure you I am most definitely not.”

  There was a beat of silence but I never took my eyes off her. “Why did you tell me this, Serena?”

  She pursed her lips as her fists tightened on the wheel. “I wanted to run away.”

  “From what?”

  “You.” She peeked over at me but averted her eyes. “I realized last night I was running away from you.”

  “Why?” My confusion morphed into anticipation.

  “You’re a lot.”

  I chuckled. “You’ll have to be more specific.”

  “Cian.” She said my name like a curse. “You know exactly what I mean.”

  I turned in my seat as much as I could to face her. “No, I really don’t. Is it my family? My title? My stunning good looks? Or something completely different?”

  She tilted her head enough for me to watch her roll her eye
s. “I’m trying to be serious right now. I’m trying to be honest with you.”

  I shot her an apologetic look. “I’m just caught off guard. I figured you’d ignore me the entire drive over.”

  “I thought about a lot last night. I decided I don’t want to take the easy way out. I don’t want to let you walk away without me being honest.”

  My stomach tightened in anticipation. Was she telling me she was interested in me? That she wanted to see if there was something between us?

  “So, what are you saying?” As direct as she thought she was being, I still didn’t know what she was trying to tell me.

  We were stopped at a red light so she had no excuse to avoid my gaze. After a long pause, she faced me. “I don’t know. I’m trying to put all my thoughts into words, but I’m obviously failing. I…I thought I wouldn’t like you at all.”

  The light turned green and we turned left before pulling into the shelter’s parking lot. Serena turned off the car and opened her door but I didn’t move. She noticed and slowly faced me.

  “So,” I said, “you like me a little?” My heart was racing in my chest.

  She scrunched her nose as her cheeks flushed. “I might like you more than a little.”

  I smiled and got out before walking around to her side to open her door. I helped her out then followed her toward the entrance.

  I didn’t say anything else. I wanted to end that conversation there so that she couldn’t change her mind or talk herself out of her admission. For the next few hours, I wanted to soak in the fact that Serena liked me.

  “Good morning.” A plump, elderly woman put her hand over her heart when she saw me.

  “Good morning, ma’am.”

  “Oh my.” Her cheeks flushed as the door opened behind me and Serena walked in. “Serena, why didn’t you warn me about your friend?”

  My eyes darted between the two women. Serena forced a smile. “Margaret, this is Cian. I did talk to you about him.”

  Margaret eyed me. “You forgot to mention a few things.”

  I smiled at her and winked. “Like what?”

  Her blush deepened in response. “Your charming accent and how handsome you are and–”