The Beast Within

by T. L Smith

  "I'm very happy to hear that Luke. The moon won't be at its highest for another hour so if you can get here within that time, I will hold off on beginning the pack run so that everyone can meet Julie and welcome her home. Think you can make it back by then?" Adam asked.

  "No problem, we should be back within the half hour! We'll see you soon", and with that Luke closed the connection. Turning to Julie, he told her they were expecting them within the hour and he hoped they could make it in thirty minutes. "Adam is going to wait to start the run to give us time to join them. Wait and see, you're going to love the feeling of freedom and family that a pack run will give you!" As Luke finished, he turned to her to see that she had slowed her pace a bit and he could sense her apprehension. He slowed down then, and coming to a stop, he turned to her, "What's wrong Julie? Are you still worried about how the pack will accept you?"

  Julie's wolf whimpered and looked around as if searching for something. "I don't know if I'm ready for this. Does everyone meet the whole pack on their first day as a wolf?" she nervously questioned.

  Luke strolled over to her, radiating the strength and confidence of an alpha, yet once he reached her, he softened and nuzzled her, showing her that he cared for her and that she was important to him. "You don't have to worry about them . . . they will love you! We've all been aware of you for a very long time and I think I can say that everyone is eager to welcome you into our family!"

  Julie raised her head a bit and with questioning eyes replied, "Wait, EVERYONE knows about me? How can that be? Was it published in the Wolf Gazette or something?" With that, Luke's wolf made a slight cough sound as he chuckled at the thought of a wolf gazette. His mouth had turned up to almost look like a smile and Julie seemed to visibly relax.

  "We have town meetings I guess you could say. Once we became aware of a survivor from one of Levi's attacks, we sought you out and gathered as many details as we could of what happened that night. We do have people in the police department among other places. We had to know what happened so we'd be prepared for what might come. Once we learned that your father had inflicted wounds upon Levi, and seeing the pictures of your injuries, we pretty much knew that you'd been infected. We've been watching you ever since." Luke paused to look at her, to gauge how she was taking it all in. He was pleased to see her acknowledgement and acceptance of his story of how the pack knew about her.

  "So you see, it's been like waiting for the adopted child to come home, not that you're a child, but you know what I mean."

  As she pondered his words, Julie turned towards the direction they'd been traveling. With each step she seemed to be more assured and maybe even determined. "Alright then, let's go meet the family," she said. Luke joined her and, side by side, they resumed their run towards her new future.

  * * * *

  Once the connection with Luke had closed, Adam knew that he needed to talk to Levi. The chances were high that he and Julie would meet tonight and he needed to be sure that Levi was aware of her coming and strong enough to handle the emotions that could come with it. He also needed to set some rules down for Levi to be sure they both stayed safe. He opened his mind, searching for Levi, and once he located him, he called to him. "Levi, this is Adam. I need you to come to me right away. There's something I must discuss with you."

  Luckily the alpha power gave Adam the ability to leave the connection open to pick up thoughts. He knew that Levi wasn't strong enough or trained enough to send his thoughts out to him. Adam could sense his confusion and knew that he'd startled him with the sudden intrusion into his mind. "It's ok Levi, only an alpha or his second can do this. I assure you it's really me and all is well." Levi's thoughts then seemed to become more orderly and Adam was able to pick up his acknowledgment of his order.

  It wasn't long before Levi knocked at Adam's door. "Come in," Adam said with the authority of an alpha carrying in his voice. Once Levi had entered, Adam motioned for him to take a seat in front of his desk. Smiling, he reached out to shake Levi's hand. "Thank you for coming so quickly Levi." He always tried to remove the normal apprehension that anyone called before him felt. Being an alpha demanded respect and submission, but he never thought it had to carry fear with it. "The reason I needed you here was because there's a good chance you may meet up with someone from your past tonight and I didn't want any surprises ending the success you've had with your control."

  Stunned, Levi could only stare at Adam, while trying to get his thoughts together. HOW could there be anyone from his past. His family never saw him again once he'd transformed and anyone else unlucky enough to cross his path had died. They must be mistaken about them being from his past. "Sir, are you sure it's ME you should be talking to? I don't really have anyone from my past that would know I'm alive, or that lived." Levi looked at him with confusion and worry in his eyes.

  "Well, that's where you're wrong, Levi. This person managed to survive one of your attacks. She was a child when it happened and is now a full grown woman," he said with compassion in his voice as he tried to break the news he knew would upset him. Levi's eyes widened in horror as he took in the news, and he leaned back in his chair unable to maintain his upright stance. "A child? . . . I attacked a CHILD?" Levi dropped his head into his hands, hating the monster that he'd been and wondering how he'd ever earn redemption with news such as this!

  "There's more I'm afraid," said Adam, knowing that he needed to get it all out so it could be dealt with. "Not only is she full grown now, but as is typical of this kind of attack, she just had her first shift and is now on her way here as a new wolf in the pack," Adam said as he stood to come around to the front of the desk to be prepared for whatever might happen.

  Levi's head shot up, eyes wider still, as he sat straight up, totally shocked with what he'd just heard, IF he'd heard it right! "What do you mean as is typical of this kind of attack? HOW could she be a wolf if she was a child when I attacked her? You've got to be missing something here. This can't be right. It's got to be someone else that you need to be talking to right now." Levi continued to mumble something, all strung together under his breath, making it difficult for Adam to understand and make sense of it. He was shaking his head side to side while wringing his hands. A sweat had broken out across his forehead and his color had drained from his face. This was a nightmare that now seemed to out weigh all of his others, both lived and imagined.

  Adam had tried to gently calm Levi but seeing that it would get him no where, he pushed his alpha power out and took command of the situation. "LEVI, ENOUGH!" Adam barked out, bringing Levi's stammering to a halt. He then pushed out a calm that he could see took a visible affect over Levi, making him easier to talk to.

  "Listen to me as I tell you her story. Don't think, judge, or panic, just listen. . . do you understand?" he commanded of Levi. Levi mutely nodded his head while visibly preparing himself for what he felt would be bad news. Adam proceeded to tell Levi how a human child could turn into a wolf as an adult. He told him about the family that he'd attacked 17 years ago, of killing of her family and leaving her seriously wounded and thrown into the bushes, of the blood transfer between himself and the girl and of the delay in a shift until between the ages of 20 to 25. He told him of Luke's surveillance of the girl for all these years and how he'd recently connected with her to assist her in her transformation. And finally, he told him that they were both on their way and should be there soon.

  After all of that, Levi could only ask, "Does she know that I'm here?" and to that Adam answered, "Yes". Adam then sent a quick mental message to Luke to inform Julie that Levi was here and to prepare her for meeting him tonight. It wasn't definite that it would happen this night, but if all went well, it was a possibility. It was better to get it done and out of the way so they could deal with any repercussions that may come from their meeting. Then they could all move forward once it was over. Before the mental connection was ended, Adam could sense the worry that Luke felt over this meeting, then the connection closed.

  *
* * *

  Upon the close of the connection, Luke slowed to a walk, drawing Julie's attention as she'd run past him. She dug in her paws to bring herself to a stop, then turned a confused look back to him. "What's wrong," she asked.

  "There's something I need to tell you, to prepare you for, in case it happens," Luke said. Julie wandered back to him while saying, "Well, that sounds ominous! What's up?"

  "Remember how I told you that Levi was going to be reintegrated into the pack, that we'd sort of 'fixed' him, the part in his brain that hadn't connected upon his first shift, that he wasn't responsible for what his beast had done, that he'd been a prisoner in his own body?" . . . Luke paused to let it sink in and allow her to put it all together again for herself. Nodding her head she said, "Yes, I remember. It's all very sad with everything he's lost, . . . but what does that have to do with . . . " Julie stopped short and searched Luke's eyes. Hearing the sad story of Levi was one thing, but, was he telling her that Levi would be at the wolf community??

  "Are you saying that he's going to be there when we get there?" she asked with an expression of dread and light shock. "IS that what you're trying to tell me, because I can't think of anything else you'd need to prepare me for." Now she stood before him, almost demanding an answer and hoping it wasn't what she had guessed.

  Luke loved her strength. He'd expected her to possibly fall apart with the knowledge that her family's killer was just a few minutes away from meeting her, and if not fall apart, possibly even balk at the idea. But instead, here she was, in front of an Alpha's second, and she was demanding an answer. God he loved this woman! . . . and with that thought HE pulled up short in surprise! Shaking it off, thinking he'd deal with it another time, he asked Julie to walk with him so they could stay on schedule as much as possible. "It's not definite yet that it will happen, but yes, Levi is there and he's being told about you as we speak. Adam will not allow you two to connect if he thinks there's any danger to either of you."

  "EITHER OF US?" she called out a bit more forcefully than she'd planned. "Why would HE be in danger??? HE'S the killer!" she almost screeched, looking shocked at his statement.

  "And that's why Adam said either of you. If you can still look at him and consider him a killer, knowing what you know, then your wolf could sense you anger and there could be a chance that she'd break free to avenge your family. Adam won't allow either of you to come to harm. You're both victims and are being offered a new path in life," Luke said as he tried to explain what Adam was thinking. He thought Julie had a handle on this side of it all, that she really had felt compassion for Levi. Apparently that wasn't entirely the case, though he understood why.

  With Luke's explanation, and reminder of the victim status that Levi held, Julie lowered her head in regret. They were right, it wasn't Levi's fault and she really did mean it when she said she could sympathize with him. But there was a part of her that refused to look past the fact that he had killed her family. WAS it her that wouldn't let it go, or was it the fury that lived within her wolf that kept the anger aimed at Levi for what he'd done. How was she going to get a handle on this and give Levi a chance at moving past his nightmare so she could move past hers. She knew there was grace in forgiveness and she really wanted to forgive and move on. She was going to need help to be able to do it, and she projected this thought to Luke with force.

  Luke was amazed at the strength of her mental push. She's too young to be able to do that, yet here she was, doing it! Later . . . he'd deal with it later. "Of Course I'll be there to help you. I'll do whatever I can to make it go smoothly. I'm sure they'll understand your anger, as long as you can also show some compassion for HIS situation. Do you think you can do that, honey?" he questioned, searching her eyes for the truth. "And it goes without saying that I'll be sure that neither of you harm each other," he finished.

  Julie looked behind her as if judging the distance she'd come from, then looked in front of her to see if she could see her destination. Should she just turn around and go back home? Couldn't she just tell them she'd meet everyone another time? So much had come at her in such a short time and she wasn't sure she could handle it all! Or should she treat it like a Band-Aid on a wound, . . . rip it off in one fell swoop and be done with it? Could she handle knowing that there was yet another challenge ahead of her to deal with?? She didn't know what she should do, what more she could handle. What if she couldn't!?? What if her wolf pushed out to the front and she never got her back under control?? What if she turned into the beast that Levi had?? Her mind reeled with the possibilities so much so that it caused her to stagger. Luke saw her struggle and had stepped close enough to prevent her from getting hurt, but he knew he was going to have to take charge and make the decision for her.

  Using the alpha power, Luke pushed out and pulled her from her raging mind, so lost amid the possibilities.

  "JULIE, LOOK AT ME!" he commanded. The command was the last push she could take and she tumbled to the ground. Her wolf laid there in a small heap, trembling under the stress of it all and a small whimper slipped past her lips.

  Luke lowered himself to lay next to her and nuzzled her neck. Reaching out to her calmer mind, he softly said, "Julie, it will be ok. I will never let you go. Not physically, nor mentally. You have the strength of an alpha female, I've seen it many times. I understand your stress and your panic, but you're worrying about things that won't happen. We've already brought your 'beast' to heel, she won't give you any trouble with trying to take over. Now, that's not to say she would never jump in to defend or avenge you, but you will be strong enough to call her back.

  I've been talking to Adam, and he tells me that Levi is just as worried about meeting you as you are him. Levi already struggles with feeling like he has no business ever being happy again, or ever belonging to a pack. He blames himself for everything his beast did while he was a prisoner. He's afraid of his beast and he worries all the time that it will break free again and he will once again disappear to the hell he spent so long in. So you see, you aren't alone, and we ALL understand what you're feeling or at least why you're feeling it." Luke searched her eyes, hoping to see a resolve grow within them. He knew she had a big heart, a forgiving heart, and he meant what he'd said. She had the spirit of an alpha female! She was going to make an amazing mate!

  Being connected to her, Luke felt it when she'd settled down and accepted things for what they were. He watched her rationalize everything as her analytical mind worked through things, which he loved about her. She put herself in the other position and imagined how she'd feel, and in this instance, it allowed her to feel compassion for someone that might otherwise never get it. In that moment of clarity, her trembling stopped and she sighed as she leaned into Luke, seeking his warmth, comfort and support. He knew then that she would continue, and she would handle it.

  * * * *

  Julie knew that they probably should get going but she was exhausted, more mentally than physically. She needed a moment to enjoy Luke's closeness. She could feel his support and she knew he cared for her, a lot. She FELT it. She needed his strength to help her do the right thing. She now knew that it was her wolf's anger that had fueled her feelings towards Levi. She did understand that he's not to blame and she hoped that she'd be able to keep the anger of what his wolf had done under control. They were both on a new path now and they both deserved the best shot at success for this new life. With Luke's help, she would be able to give Levi what he needed most to succeed. . . one way or another, she'd give him her forgiveness!

  CHAPTER THIRTY THREE

  Adam sat before Levi, watching him worry over the pending meeting with Julie. He could see the anguish he carried and the self hatred of who he'd been and what'd he'd done. Adam opened the mental connection with him to find that he was considering just slipping away when no one was looking, yet his strong desire to stay kept him from committing to it. "It's not going to happen Levi," said Adam as his gaze intensified to show he meant what he said. Levi jerked his head up
, embarrassed that he'd gotten caught thinking about slipping away.

  "It would probably be best for everyone if I wasn't here when she arrived. She'll hate me, and I won't blame her," he said as he hung his head once more. Adam softened his stance a bit and moved over to be near Levi.

  Pushing out his calm, he tried to assure him. "It's going to be ok. Luke has talked with Julie, told her you're here so there'll be no surprises. She's been doing amazingly well in adjusting to her situation. He feels fairly certain she'll handle meeting you. What I need to know is if YOU are going to be able to handle it? Can you keep your wolf back and meet her as a human. I think that's the best way to handle this for the time being. Her wolf won't be threatened by you as a man. Luke and I will be there, watching, and be sure that her wolf doesn't hurt you if she decides she can't meet you on level ground. Do you understand why she needs to be the one to decide how she can do it?" Adam questioned.

  Nodding, Levi raised his head to look at Adam briefly, then looked past him in thought. "I understand. I know from my own experience that as a new wolf, there can be triggers that bring the fury to the surface. I haven't even let my wolf out completely because of the unpredictable nature they can have." Looking back up to Adam, Levi asked, "Are you sure this is a wise thing to do? I mean, she JUST turned, she JUST learned about how her family died and she JUST learned that I did it!" Adam saw the uncertainty in Levi's eyes and knew he couldn't allow him to question his decisions or his authority - or his ability to keep his pack safe.

  "Are you questioning me??" he asked, resuming his tall, powerful stance of intimidation. "I am the Alpha of this pack and I will not be questioned on my decisions. You will do as I've instructed and that's all there is to be said." Adam turned to go back to his seat behind the desk. Once he was seated, then he allowed his gaze to go back to Levi and saw that he had visibly submitted to Adam's will. He understood Levi's fear, but couldn't allow him to let it control him. "Levi, you have been doing an amazing job at controlling your wolf. You've worked long hours, pushing yourself to conquer his hold on you and taking control of him instead. I believe you are ready to shift completely and then return to your human form, and I want to do that here, and now."