The Beastly Earl

by Monica Burns

  "We argued for days about it, but I was adamant. I never allowed him to see how much the thought of him being with Elspeth was tearing me up inside. If he'd known, he would never have agreed to share my sister's bed again. But I knew how badly he wanted a son, and I was willing to sacrifice anything for him to have what I couldn't give him.

  "When Elspeth declared she was with child again, Dougal decided to take her to Italy where the climate would be better for her while carrying the babe. She demanded that I accompany them. I refused, but Elspeth insisted that Dougal persuade me to go with them. He was more than happy to oblige her, and as always I surrendered to his wishes.

  "We'd only been in Italy a few weeks when I realized I was with child. I didn't know what to do, and it didn't take long for Dougal to know something was wrong. When he finally managed to make me confess my secret, he was as dismayed as I was. But not once did either of us regret what our love had given us.

  "I suggested I return home, and he could set me up in my own house in London, where he could visit us under the appearance we were married. The suggestion infuriated him. He said he'd already compromised me, and he had no intention of compounding that mistake by tucking me away as his mistress. He said I would remain in Italy, and we would tell Elspeth the truth. I pleaded with him to send me away, but nothing I said convinced him to change his mind.

  "If anything, I think my pleas only made him dig in his heels all the more, and he insisted we tell her the truth. I was terrified to face Elspeth. I loved my sister, and I knew my betrayal was unforgivable. Her anger was terrifying when Dougal told her that I was carrying his child. In her rage, she threatened me, and Dougal took to sleeping in my room for fear my sister would try to harm me and thus you.

  "Elspeth was only a month or so further along than me, and when her time came she had a difficult labor. The first time Elspeth saw Gilbert, she became hysterical. She insisted someone had replaced her beautiful baby with the hideous little thing she'd given birth to. The doctor said Gilbert's deformities were so bad it was unlikely he would live more than a few weeks. We also knew that even if the babe lived, there was little chance he'd be able to take Dougal's place at Argaty.

  "At first, Elspeth refused to nurse Gilbert, but two days after he was born, she put him to her breast. When my time came, Dougal defied the mid-wife and doctor and remained at my side until you came into the world. You were beautiful. It was then I told Dougal I intended to take you to London. I said I would find a small house and claim I was a widow with a small child to raise.

  "Your father refused to listen. He said he intended to divorce Elspeth and marry me. As much as I loved Dougal, I knew we'd injured my sister grievously. Not only had she suffered betrayal and humiliation at our hands, she'd just given birth to a severely deformed son. I couldn't allow him to take everything from her. I told him I would leave Argaty forever, and that I'd never marry him if he divorced Elspeth.

  "He raged, pleaded, even begged me not to condemn him to a life bound to my sister. It took all I had not to give way, but I held firm. I think it was then that Dougal began to concoct the elaborate deception I should never have agreed to. It would have been far more preferable to live in London pretending to be a widow and raising you on my own than the devil's bargain I made."

  Wallis buried her face in her hands, and Ewan leaned forward to rest his hand on her shoulder. It felt awkward, but he could think of nothing else to do. It was as if a floodgate had opened up inside her the way she'd been telling him her story. A shudder went through her, then she sat up straight and patted his hand in a way that said she had recovered her composure. Wallis leaned back in her chair and darted a glance in his direction. Just as quickly she looked back into the fire and dragged in a deep breath.

  "Several days after you were born, Dougal informed Elspeth and me that he'd reached a decision as to you and Gilbert. He informed my sister that everyone at home would be told she'd delivered twins, and that you had been born first. I listened in growing horror as he told my sister that she would accept my child as her own when we returned to Argaty Keep.

  "I loved your father, but at that moment I hated him. Not only was he inflicting a terrible cruelty on Elspeth, but what he proposed meant I would have to give you up. Elspeth would be the one you called mother, not me. Worst of all, Dougal hadn't asked if I was willing to do this, but perhaps I left him with no choice with my threat to leave if he divorced Elspeth. I think he believed everything would be as it was before I was with child, with the exception that he would have an heir.

  "As would be expected, Elspeth refused to agree to what Dougal had proposed. She called the idea of mothering a bastard revolting. Dougal immediately threatened her with divorce unless she agreed to do as he ordered. Divorce meant more humiliation for her, and I'm certain she knew that her shame wouldn't be discovered if she agreed to Dougal's proposal. Only the three of us would know the truth. I think that was the moment she began to plot her revenge.

  "It took almost a week before Elspeth agreed to Dougal's proposal, but there were conditions to her acquiescence. From the moment Dougal and Elspeth were married, I had refused to let him petition Elspeth for a divorce saying I didn't want my sister to be hurt. I believe, with all my heart, that was true in the beginning. But the anger and mortification in Elspeth's voice that day as she laid out her demands made me realize a divorce would have been far less painful for her.

  "What Dougal was forcing her to do was incredibly cruel. It wasn't simply that she had to claim her sister's bastard as her own, it was that every time she looked at you, it was a reminder she'd been betrayed by her sister and husband. Perhaps worst of all, it was a slap in the face as to her failure to give Dougal a son capable of being his heir.

  "I had no doubt by then that Elspeth hated us. It was only when she outlined her three conditions that I knew how deep her hatred was. The first condition was that you were never to be told the truth. I agreed to the stipulation readily. I cared little for my welfare, but you were the most precious thing in my life. I think perhaps even more than Dougal at that moment.

  "Life for you as a bastard meant you would carry the burden of my shame. The thought of you being tormented and shunned by others for my sin was unbearable. I also knew it would ensure your future. The second condition was a double-edged sword.

  "I was to remain at Argaty Keep caring for you and acting as Elspeth's lady's maid for as long as she deemed fit. Caring for you would be a joy, but I knew my sister would make me pay dearly for that happiness. She already knew what it was to be a mother. Even as hideous as Gilbert looked, I knew she loved him.

  "It was how she knew I would do anything for you, and we both knew the threat of sending me away from you was her way of holding a knife to my throat. But it was a price I was willing to pay. Even if you never knew I was your mother, I would know it. It would also be a penance for my betrayal of Elspeth. A penance I knew deep inside would hold no real meaning as I wickedly, and shamefully, dared to think Dougal and I would still share quiet moments of happiness watching you grow to manhood.

  "Little did I know how dearly my sister would make me pay for my original sin or the treacherous sins I contemplated even as she made her demands in ways I couldn't possibly imagine. But Elspeth had thought of everything. She knew Dougal and I would accept her two conditions simply because we would still be able to share our joy."

  Wallis paused and looked at Ewan as if waiting for him to ask a question. He simply met her gaze with a growing sense of dismay for what she'd endured. They'd both suffered at the hand of Elspeth Colquhoun, and he was quickly coming to realize the true depth of his mother's sacrifice for him.

  In all the years he'd looked to the Countess of Argaty for a word of affection, his real mother had offered her love to him in silence. She'd been the one to wipe away his tears, and hold him tight whenever he was afraid or hurt. It had been Wallis MacCullaich who had expressed praise for anything he'd accomplished. It was a painful and humbling tru
th that shamed him for not seeing it until now.

  This time there was no awkwardness in his movement as he reached out to take her hand and kiss her fingertips. His silent gesture of gratitude and respect for her sacrifice made her hand tremble in his. Grey eyes so like his shimmered with tears before she pulled her hand from his and turned her head back toward the fire. Inhaling a deep breath her mouth worked in silent speech for a brief moment before she continued.

  "It was her third condition that extracted the ultimate payment for our sins. She condemned us to the hellish existence we had known when I'd first arrived at Argaty Keep. Elspeth said Dougal and I were never to meet in private again. Even a single, innocent encounter would be enough for her to seek a divorce where she would expose the charade that was being forced on her.

  "Dougal reacted with a fury I'd never witnessed in him before. He told Elspeth he would see her in hell first, and that he would divorce her the moment they returned to Argaty Keep. That cold, malicious smile of hers was born that day. She simply replied that even if he succeeded in securing a divorce, it would be Gilbert who would become master of Argaty Keep, not you.

  "I was the first to agree to her demands. Even if Gilbert defied the doctor's prediction and lived, it was doubtful he would ever be capable of being master of Argaty. As agonizing as it was to enter into such a devilish pact, I convinced Dougal it was for the best, not just for you, but for him as well.

  "Elspeth held true to her word and told the world you were hers reminding us of her threat if we broke any of her conditions. Even though I couldn't speak to Dougal in private, I could see the anger and frustration in his eyes every time Elspeth tormented him with her threats. This went on for several months after our return to Argaty Keep until Dougal eliminated her threat to expose what we'd all agreed to.

  "Without mentioning it to anyone, he arranged for you to be baptized. He knew Elspeth would not be able to avoid adding her name to the birth registry. It was a legal and public declaration that you were her son. My sister was livid, but she knew her leverage over Dougal was gone. She could divorce him, but she wouldn't be able to say you weren't her son.

  "At this point, Dougal hated Elspeth as much as she loathed him. It wasn't a secret among the staff, and no one questioned our riding out onto the moors with you sitting in front of Dougal. I refused to give myself to him again, and he eventually accepted my decision. But those hours we spent out on the moors with you were happy ones.

  "Then the accident happened. You had been sick, and we decided to go riding without you. We were racing each other when the girth on Dougal's saddle broke and he was thrown from his horse. He died in my arms.

  Wallis drew in a sharp breath, and the anguish on her face was one he understood too well. It was the same depth of pain he'd been facing since the moment Louisa climbed into her brother's carriage. Before he could interrupt her, his mother continued sharing her story.

  "Elspeth gloated in private over Dougal's death. It was then I began to suspect she was responsible for his death. Although the girth didn't appear to have been deliberately cut, Elspeth had hired the stable hand who'd saddled Dougal's horse only the week before the accident. She and Dougal had argued about her interference with the stable, but after a few harsh words the matter was dropped. When the groom gave his notice a few days later I confronted Elspeth about it. She simply laughed saying even if my suspicions were true, I could never prove it.

  "It was only a few days later that Elspeth began her true plan of revenge. I found her bullying you over some small infraction, and I chastised her for her behavior. She immediately threatened to send me away from Argaty Keep if I challenged her authority to discipline her son. I knew then I had nothing to fight her with. Her name was on the baptism registry, which would have made it impossible for me to establish any claim I was your mother as your father was the only one who could confirm the truth of what had happened."

  Wallis stopped speaking, and a glance in his mother's direction confirmed his suspicion she was struggling to maintain her composure. As if aware of his scrutiny, she clasped her hands in front of her and stared down at her lap. Silence hung in the air between them, and Ewan swallowed hard as his mother turned her head toward him.

  "You were too young to hear the truth when your father died. It wasn't simply the legal fight I knew I would face trying to take you away from the keep. I'd just lost your father, and the thought of losing you as well was unbearable. So I convinced myself that by remaining silent I could stay at Argaty Keep and shield you from Elspeth's cruelty. Even in that respect I failed you."

  "You shielded me on numerous occasions," Ewan said quietly as he remembered all the times she'd wiped the tears from his cheeks while tenderly soothing him with quiet words of love.

  "But it wasn't enough. I'll always bear the weight of knowing how different your childhood would have been if I'd allowed Dougal to divorce Elspeth as he'd wanted from the beginning rather than the devil's bargain I entered into."

  It was obvious his mother was struggling to speak while holding back her tears, but she didn't reach out to him. Her hands remained clasped in her lap before she met his gaze steadily.

  "I'm not asking you to forgive me, nor do I expect it of you. But you deserved to know the whole truth."

  Her last sentence was little more than a whisper. It emphasized the pain she'd lived with for so many years, not just from her own choices, but at the hand of her sister's malicious manipulation and hatred as well. Ewan wanted to reach out to take her hand, but he was suddenly feeling awkward again.

  Over the past few days, he'd come to accept the reality of his parentage. With that acceptance had come the realization of just how deep his affection was for Wallis MacCullaich. Although his fury at being lied to had begun to dissipate over the past few days, it had been eased even more by his mother's explanation as to the events that led them to where they were now.

  It was difficult not to feel empathy for his parents' forbidden love and their eventual betrayal of Elspeth. He wasn't certain he could have done any differently if he'd been placed in the same situation where Louisa was concerned. His mother had sacrificed a great deal—not just for his father, but for him as well.

  It also answered every question he'd ever had as to why she'd willingly subjected herself to the cruelty her sister had inflicted on her. Over the years, Wallis MacCullaich had paid her penance more than once for betraying her sister. She leaned forward and tipped her head to more easily meet his gaze.

  "You are Dougal Colquhoun's son, Ewan. He wanted to ensure your birthright in the only way he knew how. What he did wasn't simply because you were the heir he wanted. It was because you were the embodiment of our love for each other," Wallis said with a fervency that emphasized her belief in what she was saying. "He loved you before you were born, Ewan. We both did. If either of us had realized how dearly you'd pay for our mistakes, we would have charted a different course. Please believe that."

  "I cannot judge you or my father for making choices you thought were in my best interest," Ewan said softly. At his reply, Wallis paled slightly as an earnest look crossed her face.

  "Then don't let her win, Ewan. Don't let Elspeth take Argaty Keep from you as she did your childhood, and God knows she made you pay a high price."

  Ewan shoved his hand through his hair as his mother pleaded with him to do as she asked. Rising from his chair, he walked across the room to stare out the window. The light was beginning to fade, and the moors were beginning to take on the purple shroud of darkness. It was hauntingly beautiful, and if he listened to his mother, he didn't have to give it up.

  But could he live a lie? The irony of the question wasn't lost on him. For years he'd been doing just that. His newfound knowledge of the truth didn't change how others saw him. To everyone outside of this room, he was the Earl of Argaty. Other than his word and that of Wallis MacCullaich, there was no evidence to prove the life he led was based on a falsehood.

  Elspeth's signature
on his baptism record was a legal confirmation impossible to repudiate. The law and the church would never see him as anyone other than the issue of Dougal and Elspeth Colquhoun. Any claims he might make regarding his illegitimacy would be met with disbelief. People would ask why Elspeth had claimed a child that wasn't hers.

  The answer to that question would open his mother to public condemnation or denouncement. That he couldn't allow. Unconsciously, that very thought had been in the back of his mind as he'd made his plans to leave Argaty Keep. He'd instinctively known any public declaration of his illegitimacy meant revealing Wallis MacCullaich was his real mother. The silence in the room ended as Wallis released a sigh.

  "Have you considered what will happen to Ross? Do you intend to tell the boy the truth about your lineage as well as his own? Do you intend to destroy his childhood in a manner similar to the way Elspeth destroyed yours?"

  The question made him jerk his head up in anger. He had no intention of hurting Ross. That his mother might even suggest it offended him, and Ewan directed a scowl at her over his shoulder. His silent reply made her wince slightly, but he saw her understanding as well. Ewan turned away again as he tried to contemplate how all of this would affect the boy. He'd thought nothing about the child's future other than to ensure the rest of his childhood was the happy one he knew Louisa could give him. An instant later, he jumped as his mother touched his arm.

  "Ewan, it is one thing to deny yourself happiness, but do you care so little for her that you're willing to sacrifice her happiness too?"

  "What do you mean?" Ewan's voice was harsh as every muscle in his body became as taut as a bow ready to launch a volley of arrows.

  "Elspeth was not the only one who noticed the way you looked at Lady Westbrook," his mother said softly as she gazed out the window at a memory he couldn't see. "I remember times when I'd look up to see your father staring at me the way you do, Lady Westbrook. You're in love with her, and I'm certain she loves you as well."