The Best We've Been

by Beth K. Vogt

  Jillian used her thumb to twist her engagement ring back into place above her wedding band. She wasn’t thinking about any of that now. Couldn’t think about all the reasons she’d gone to North Carolina. She’d returned to Colorado to support Geoff.

  As she reached the top of the escalator, a small crowd waited for the arriving passengers. A young mom with a toddler asleep on her shoulder. A man with a bouquet of daisies wrapped in cellophane. An elderly couple who waved at the young family with a trio of children right in front of her.

  “Jill! Jillian!”

  Someone here knew her?

  Wait. She knew that voice.

  “Geoff?”

  “Welcome home.” He waited at the edge of the long metal barrier that separated people from arriving passengers, a baseball cap adorned with the Colorado flag pulled low over his face.

  Should she hug him? Wait for him to hug her?

  Step onto common ground.

  “I’m so surprised to see you here.” She pushed past the tiredness wending its way through her body and wrapped her arms around her husband, inhaling his familiar scent. “I’m so glad you came.”

  There was no hesitation as he pulled her close against his chest. “Thank you for coming home.”

  Home. Yes. She was home.

  “I’m glad I’m here. Glad to be back.”

  Everything in North Carolina had been new. Different. Fun, yes, but not familiar. Except for Harper. Geoff was where she belonged—her broken, imperfect body fit against his and she didn’t have to make excuses.

  Neither of them seemed in a hurry to break the embrace. They were content to stand there, in the middle of DIA, and hold on to each other. And maybe that was the point after all—to hold on to each other.

  She needed to remember this moment.

  Hold on more.

  Let go less.

  “You’re not supposed to be here.” Her words were muffled against Geoff’s chest.

  Geoff jerked back. Stepped away.

  “No, I didn’t mean it like that. I’m way overtired and so happy to see you. But I have a car parked here, remember? And now you have a car here . . .”

  “No, I don’t. I took an airport shuttle up.”

  And with the profession of that modern-day act of chivalry, Jillian pulled Geoff close again and kissed him, not caring that other passengers might be watching.

  He tasted familiar and seemed willing to keep kissing her, his arms tightening around to hold her against him. Despite all the tension, all the misunderstanding, she’d missed this.

  At last she pulled away, standing on tiptoe and burying her face in the curve of his neck. “Geoff, that’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for me.”

  “I don’t know if it’s the sweetest thing . . .” His laugh was warm and low.

  “It absolutely is! I was dreading the drive all the way back to the Springs by myself.”

  “And I didn’t want to sit around waiting for you to get home. If I could have figured out a way to bring Winston along with me, I would have. But then I figured I would have had to fight him for your attention.”

  “You’re probably right.” She leaned into him as he put his arm around her waist and led her toward the baggage claim area.

  “No carry-on?”

  “No. One checked bag and my purse. I traveled light.”

  The urge to apologize rose up, but she swallowed it. Now was not the time to discuss why she’d left. Where she’d been. To try to unravel all the reasons she’d run away from home.

  Jillian wished there were some way she could see the future. Not far into the distance, more like skipping a few pages in a book. She just wanted to be able to read ahead and see that everything ended up okay. Then she could go back and get through the tense parts, where the imaginary characters made wrong choices. Said wrong things. And had to live with the consequences.

  But that’s not how real life worked. There was no skipping ahead and going back. She could only live life forward.

  Geoff was wearing a shirt she’d given him when they were first married. Was it intentional? Some sort of attempt to look nice for her when she got home? And was he second-guessing her actions and thoughts as much as she was his?

  Their conversation was minimal until they were in the car, heading south to the Springs.

  “Are you hungry?”

  “No, I’m fine. Thanks for the bottle of water, though. North Carolina’s so humid I almost forgot how dry it is here. Almost.”

  “If you’re tired, you can close your eyes and rest until we get home.”

  She was tired, but the last thing she wanted to do was doze. “Tell me about Brian. I still can’t believe your brother showed up after all these years.”

  Geoff navigated traffic, easing into the far-left lane. Light and shadow moved across his face. “I’m finding it hard to believe myself.”

  “Have you talked to him again?”

  “No. He’s called me and I’m not certain how he got my phone number. Texted once. I ignored it.”

  “Are you going to talk to him?”

  “I don’t know . . .” Geoff’s words trailed off as if he was unsure what to say next. “After all these years, what’s the point?”

  Jillian twisted halfway to face him. “Is that how you really feel? You aren’t curious about Brian at all—who he is, what he’s like?”

  “If he wanted a relationship with me, where has he been all this time?”

  “Maybe he’s been getting his life together so he could reconnect with you? With your parents?”

  Geoff tossed her a quick glance, the sunlight glinting off his glasses. “Are you siding with Brian?”

  “No. Not at all. I’m on your side.”

  She needed to find her place on the game board quickly or she’d end up back where she was before she left for North Carolina.

  She could just see the edge of Geoff’s wedding band as his hand sat on top of the steering wheel.

  This was about common ground. She was going to find it and stand as close to Geoff as she possibly could.

  “What about your parents?”

  “I called them last night. Told them we’d be there tonight—I hope that’s okay. I didn’t mention Brian. They didn’t say anything, so I don’t think he’s contacted them yet.”

  “You are going to tell them Brian’s here, right?”

  “Yes. But I think it’s best if they hear it from me face-to-face. It’s going to be a shock.”

  “What do you think they’ll say?”

  “You know my parents, Jill.” Geoff shook his head. “They don’t discuss the past. And they chose to shut Brian out of our lives—out of our family—when he left. That’s not going to change.”

  Jillian had to agree with Geoff. His mother lived in the moment, and his father followed her lead. “How did you explain my being gone to your parents?”

  Geoff hesitated. “I . . . I didn’t.”

  “You didn’t?”

  “We don’t talk often—you know that. I kept busy at work while you were gone.”

  “Do my parents know I’m home?”

  “I figured you’d tell them.”

  “Payton and Johanna mentioned Dad has been taking Winston over to his house. I didn’t know if . . .”

  “No. Winston was home today.”

  This wasn’t a problem. It was normal to have to catch up with someone after a trip. To find out what had happened and what hadn’t happened. This conversation just required more tiptoeing around the nontopics of the day.

  Jillian slipped her hand over Geoff’s. Waited. A few seconds later, he turned his hand over so their palms met, fingers intertwined.

  They wouldn’t figure everything out during the drive from DIA to the Springs.

  But she was home again—and that was the needed thing.

  Jillian had never admitted to Geoff that she was uncomfortable at his parents’ house—and she couldn’t confess the truth tonight. If she did, he’d ask why. And
she’d never told him about her conversation with his mother Christmas morning. The “I suggest we keep this between the two of us” exchange, where Lilith had instructed her to let things get back to normal.

  “Normal,” meaning Geoff’s mother forgot about Brian, her oldest son who’d run away from home, as well as Kyler, her youngest son who’d died.

  “You were quiet on the drive over.” Geoff squeezed her hand. “You okay?”

  “Yes. Just tired. Do you think your parents will mind that we brought Winston? And that we didn’t bring his kennel?” She snuggled the dog closer to her body as they climbed from the car.

  “It’ll be fine. We couldn’t leave him at home your first day back. And he would just make a racket if we tried to put him in the kennel.”

  The Hennesseys’ front door opened, causing Winston to perk up and give a soft bark. “Settle, boy. Settle.”

  “Geoff. Jillian. It’s good to see you. It’s been too long.” Lilith’s navy pants and white top looked brand-new, her hair styled just so. “You brought the dog, too. How nice.”

  Jillian found herself trying to decipher any hidden meanings to Geoff’s mother’s words. “It’s been too long” could be an implication they should call or come by more often. And the way she said, “How nice” when she looked at Winston made it sound as if Winston were a mongrel. They should have left the dog at home.

  Visiting Geoff’s parents was so different from going to her own parents’ home. She didn’t know the rules. Couldn’t pick up on the cues. And it was like stepping into a model home. If she didn’t know Geoff’s parents lived here, she’d find it difficult to believe anyone occupied the house. Room after room, for five thousand square feet, there was nothing out of place. It always appeared just dusted. Just vacuumed. Display ready.

  Lilith stayed on one side of Geoff, as far away from Winston as possible.

  It was too late now to make another decision, to excuse herself and take Winston back home. They’d have to make the best of it.

  “Why don’t we put the dog—”

  “Winston.”

  “Yes. Winston.” Lilith’s smile, if Jillian could call the slight curve of her lips that, was tight. “Why don’t you put Winston in the backyard? We’re having appetizers on the enclosed patio, so you can keep an eye on him.”

  “That’s fine, isn’t it, Jill?”

  “Absolutely. Winston will enjoy running around.”

  “He doesn’t dig, does he?”

  Had Geoff’s mother forgotten Winston had been there last Christmas? He hadn’t dug up anything. Chewed anything. Climbed on anything.

  “Jillian?”

  “I’m sorry. Winston’s not a digger.” And if he made a mess, she’d make certain to clean it up before they left.

  “Is Dad on the patio?”

  “Yes. Go ahead and get the dog settled. Use the side gate off the garage. We’ll see you in just a moment.”

  It was as if they were being shown to the rear entrance into the house.

  “I can take him, Jill.”

  “I’ll go with you.” Jillian tightened her arms around Winston, lowering her voice as Geoff’s mom disappeared. “I forgot your mother isn’t much of a dog person.”

  “We’ll be fine once we get Winston settled. Plus, we’ll be able to focus while we tell them about Brian.”

  Winston was happy to romp in the yard, and they were ready to join Geoff’s parents on the patio within a few moments, Geoff leading the way. But he stopped just inside the door, causing Jillian to collide against his back.

  “Geoff? What’s going—?”

  “What is he doing here?” Geoff’s shoulders tensed beneath her hands.

  Jillian moved to the side. Who was Geoff talking about?

  “We invited him to join us for dinner, Geoff.” His mother’s voice was smooth.

  “You said you were going to talk to me first, Brian.”

  “I was. But you never returned my messages. I got tired of waiting.” Across the room stood a man the same height as Geoff, with a similar build as their father. He wore a leather bomber jacket over a gray T-shirt and dark jeans.

  “Geoff?” Jillian slipped her hand into his, coming to stand beside him.

  “Jillian. This is our oldest son, Brian.” Lilith made the introductions as if meeting her long-absent son was simple. Uncomplicated. “Brian, this is Geoff’s wife, Jillian.”

  Geoff stood silent.

  “Brian.”

  “It’s nice to meet you, Jillian. Maybe the next time I come to Colorado, I’ll bring my wife and kids.”

  What was the proper response in the midst of this charade? Should she be pleasant, like Lilith wanted? Keep the peace? “That would be nice.”

  “The next time you come?” Geoff released her hand, advancing into the room. “What is going on here?”

  “Nothing’s going on.” Brian’s relaxed demeanor was in direct contrast to the tension sparking off Geoff. “I thought it best not to bring my family with me this time, but I’d like you to meet Jenny and our kids.”

  “I don’t think so.”

  “That’s not your call, is it, little brother?” Brian’s laid-back demeanor slipped. “Mom’s already said she’d like to meet my family.”

  “What is it that you want, huh? Really?”

  “Stop it. Both of you.” Lilith’s words were iced. “I am not going to tolerate some sort of childish brawl in my house. You are both adults and I expect you to behave like it.”

  The two men hadn’t squared off like middle schoolers on the playground, ready to throw punches, but animosity simmered between them. Meanwhile, Geoff’s father hadn’t spoken a word, standing by the bar, seeming to prefer to watch over the array of appetizers, letting his wife referee.

  Jillian could speak up. She’d had more involvement with the Hennessey family than Brian had in recent years. But before she could say anything, Geoff’s mother gathered the reins in her hands again.

  “Your brother contacted us, Geoff, and we invited him here.” Lilith stood between the two brothers. “He says he’s changed. Fine. He’s changed.”

  “Just like that?” Geoff never took his gaze off Brian.

  “No. Not just like that.” Brian spoke up. “I know I’m the one who hurt the family by running away. I’m the one who refused the help that was offered me years ago—help that was offered more than once. It wasn’t until I was twenty-five that I finally got my act together. I’d be happy to tell you my story—”

  “That’s not necessary.” Lilith interrupted Brian’s offer like an established student cutting in line on the new kid the first day of school. “We’re glad to hear you’ve changed your life. Put your mistakes behind you.”

  “Yes. Welcome home.” At last, their father spoke up. “Would you like a drink?”

  Brian turned toward his father. “If you have club soda with lime, yes. I don’t drink alcohol.”

  “I can manage that.”

  “Where do you live, Brian?” Jillian opted to ask an easy, neutral question.

  “In Minnesota.”

  “And you’re married?”

  “Yes. Jenny and I met in our early twenties, but we didn’t get married until I was twenty-eight. We have a son and a daughter. Mallory is four, and Jason is one.”

  Apparently Geoff was the only Hennessey brother who didn’t want to have children because of the family’s past.

  But that wasn’t the topic of discussion for tonight.

  “What do you do?”

  “Jenny does day care out of our home. I’m a mechanic. I hope to eventually open my own shop.”

  This was more awkward than the worst first date ever. Jillian fought to keep a conversation going—she’d ask a question, Brian would answer, and then there would be dead air. No one else seemed to care enough to engage, to join in, to find out anything about him.

  Geoff stood beside her, stiff and silent. Felix remained in place by the bar, intent on pouring Brian’s club soda. And through it
all, Lilith reigned supreme, declaring everything fine and good, and that it would continue so until she decided otherwise.

  Brian seemed unaffected by the family conflict swirling around them. He answered her questions, maintaining a relaxed posture.

  By stepping into the middle of the Hennessey family’s drama, Jillian was reprising her designated role—the role she knew best.

  But if she didn’t do it, who would?

  As Lilith encouraged Brian to try some of the shrimp or the caprese skewers, Jillian focused on Geoff. “Do you want to stay?”

  “Are you kidding me? No. I didn’t come here to see him.”

  Now wasn’t the time to ask Geoff why he wasn’t willing to give his brother a chance. Why he couldn’t at least try to be happy his brother wanted to be a part of the family again.

  “Then let’s leave.”

  “We can’t—”

  “Yes. We can. Go get Winston. I’ll tell your parents we’re leaving.”

  “I can’t ask you to do that.”

  “I’m offering to do this, Geoff. We’re family. We take care of each other. Your parents shouldn’t have put you in this situation.” Jillian gave him a quick kiss before nudging him toward the backyard. “Go. Get Winston. I’ll meet you at the car.”

  But as Geoff disappeared, Jillian’s bravado faded.

  “Geoff and I are going to excuse ourselves from dinner.” She pressed her hands together, cleared her throat, and chose to focus on Felix, the noncombatant, rather than face Lilith. Or Brian. “I know it’s abrupt, but I think we can all agree this is a bit uncomfortable for everyone, especially since Geoff didn’t realize Brian would be here. We need to figure out how Geoff . . . how we want to proceed.”

  Jillian escaped from the porch, allowing herself to exhale when Geoff’s mother remained behind. She fast-walked to the front door, whirling around when someone touched her shoulder.

  Brian caught her by the arm, stopping her from stumbling. “Whoa, there. Didn’t mean to startle you.”

  “It’s okay. I thought you might be Lilith.”

  “Just me.” Brian chose to ignore any implications about his mother. “I wanted to apologize for upsetting Geoff. I realize I shouldn’t have tried to force his hand. Shouldn’t have tried to get him to talk to me if he wasn’t ready.”