The Best We've Been

by Beth K. Vogt

  “It wasn’t the best move.” She rubbed her hands up and down her arms. “He may be younger than you, but he’s not a little kid anymore. You two are going to have to figure out who you are—as adults.”

  “You’re right.” Brian paused, then offered her a smile. “I’ll let you go, but I hope this isn’t the last time I see you.”

  “I—I don’t know about that.” She wanted to like Geoff’s brother, but her loyalty was to her husband. “I should tell you that if I have to choose sides, I’m going to choose Geoff.”

  Brian took a step back. “Understood. Jenny would do the same thing for me.”

  Geoff occupied the front passenger seat, his face buried in the scruff of Winston’s neck. Jillian slid into the car. Shut the door.

  “I’m sorry.” Geoff leaned back against the seat as she started the car.

  “No apology needed. I didn’t want to stay.”

  “Did anyone say anything?”

  “Your mom and dad? No. Brian apologized for forcing your hand.”

  “Brian—!” Geoff muttered something under his breath.

  “You don’t believe him?”

  “I don’t know him. I don’t know what to believe.”

  “Can you give him a chance?”

  “So many years of our family without him . . . and now we’re supposed to just welcome him back in? No questions asked?”

  “That’s your mother’s way of doing things. You can decide differently. You can ask questions.”

  “I wouldn’t know where to start.” Geoff closed his eyes as Winston settled in his lap.

  “Maybe you start with ‘What have you been doing since I saw you last?’”

  “Maybe.” He glanced over, offering her a smile. “Thank you.”

  “For what?”

  “For being the brave one tonight.”

  “Me? I didn’t do anything so courageous.”

  “I know it’s not easy with my parents. And then they added Brian into the equation like some unknown variable. But you didn’t let it stop you from being you. Kind. Considerate.” Geoff’s tone softened. “That’s one of the first things I noticed about you, Jill. One of the things I’ve always loved about you—how kind you are toward other people.”

  “Geoff—”

  “No matter what else happens, no matter how you change, I can always trust your kindness will be there.”

  Jillian wanted to lean into Geoff’s words, accept them for the encouragement they were. But they stung just a bit, intertwined with the rebuke that she’d changed.

  But then, of course, she had changed. She’d wanted to change. Needed to change.

  And Geoff had changed, too.

  Jillian forced herself to keep smiling at Geoff. To reach for his hand for a quick moment of connection as she remembered the words common ground.

  It was her. Geoff. And Winston. Going home.

  And they were worth fighting for.

  20

  THANKS TO THE EPISODE with Brian, neither Jillian nor Geoff was sleeping well. Winston? Winston was happy. While she was at Harper’s, Geoff had stopped putting him in his kennel at night. His new favorite place was beneath the blankets, his furry little body nestled right between the two of them.

  When she woke up in the middle of the night on Tuesday, Geoff was already lying awake beside her, staring at the ceiling, arms tucked beneath his head. But when she asked him what he was thinking about, his answer was always the same.

  “Nothing worth talking about.”

  Jillian knew what kept him awake, of course. But she wanted him to talk to her. To tell her what he was thinking.

  She could only hope tonight wouldn’t be a repeat of last night, but today—right now—she’d get outside and enjoy the clear blue skies and light breeze.

  “Come on, Winnie. Let’s go for a walk. And then we’ll come back home and take a nap. How’s that sound?” Of course, the dog had to stop dancing around so she could get the leash attached to his collar. “Settle down or I’ll skip the walk and just go for the nap.”

  She’d walk. Think. Maybe talk to God. Even though she hadn’t done that in weeks, He would listen to her. Maybe she could ask God to help her. Help Geoff.

  Or maybe she’d just walk. Not think. Not pray. Just walk, one way and then the other, and celebrate that small accomplishment.

  But when she opened the front door, all her maybes stalled out.

  Geoff’s brother stood on the other side.

  His appearance couldn’t be considered some bizarre answer to prayer because she hadn’t had a chance to pray. He was just there—an unexpected guest. Not that she was inviting Brian Hennessey into her house. There would be no explaining that to Geoff this evening.

  Brian didn’t wear glasses or a baseball hat like Geoff, so it was easy to see he had the same color eyes as his brother.

  She shouldn’t be curious about Brian, but she was. He was someone she never thought she’d meet. One of her husband’s long-lost brothers. And now he stood a few feet from her.

  Brian broke the silence, offering her a smile that displayed slightly crooked top teeth. Only one of the Hennessey brothers had the benefit of orthodontia. “I’m sorry I didn’t call, but I—”

  Jillian held up her hand, interrupting his apology. “You don’t have to explain. If you called Geoff, he wouldn’t answer.”

  “No, what I meant was I didn’t know your phone number.”

  Jillian shushed Winston, who’d started to bark the minute Brian started talking. “My phone number?”

  “I was hoping to talk to you. Not Geoff.” He shrugged as if he knew he should apologize but wasn’t going to.

  “I was taking my dog for a walk.” Jillian motioned to where Winston sat by her feet. “This is Winston.”

  “Great.” Brian took a step back. “I’d be up for a walk, if that’s okay.”

  Yes. No. It was just a walk. It wouldn’t hurt to listen to what he had to say.

  “Sure. I don’t see why not.” She just had to ignore the image of Geoff shaking his head no.

  “Lead the way.”

  Jillian tugged on Winston’s leash, urging him outside so she could shut the door. “I should remind you that, whatever you have to say, I’m on my husband’s side.”

  “I haven’t forgotten whose side you’re on.” Brian fell into step beside her.

  “I want to be honest with you, in case you’re here to try and sway my opinion of you or the situation.”

  “Fair enough.”

  She’d drawn an invisible, but still vital, line in the sand. She and Geoff on one side. Brian on the other side.

  Winston, the traitor, wanted to be friends with Brian. He sniffed around his feet and then yipped, demanding attention.

  And if she was going to be completely honest with Brian—which she wasn’t—she’d have to tell him that Geoff wasn’t talking to her. Ever since they’d come home from his parents’, he’d pulled away, retreated into his own thoughts. Shut her out. Right now, Brian was the only Hennessey brother who cared enough to have a conversation with her.

  “I’m surprised you’re still in town.”

  “If Jenny were here, she’d tell you that I’m stubborn. That when I set my mind to something, I don’t like to give up. But I’m not just a mechanic. I’m also part owner of the shop, so I have more flexibility when it comes to taking some time off.” Brian offered her a smile. “And my wife knew how important this was to me.”

  “She knows it’s not going well?”

  “Yeah. I’ve reconnected with a few high school friends, so the time hasn’t been a total waste. Seems I’m not the only one who’s changed since then.” Brian paused for a moment. “I guess you know the story about how I was the rebellious son.”

  “That’s about all I know.” She’d keep her explanation simple. “Geoff and I have only been married a couple of years. A lot happened during that time, including finding out about you and Kyler.”

  “Kyler. Yeah.” Brian glan
ced away, rubbing the back of his neck. “Now he deserved so much more than he got out of life.”

  “You and Geoff agree about that.” Jillian pulled Winston out of a yard. “I’m sorry to say I don’t know much about you, Brian. I’m still learning about my husband.”

  “Kyler was a good kid. Geoff? Good kid. Me? Not a good kid. If there was trouble, I was going to find it. If there wasn’t trouble, I’d make it. I ran away from home because, well, it seemed like the next thing to do when it came to breaking the rules and throwing my actions in my parents’ faces.”

  “I heard you tried to keep in touch with the family.” The breeze lifted the soft fringe of bangs off her forehead.

  “For a while, yeah. But that didn’t go over well. It’s easy enough to figure out my mother, Jillian. You do things her way, or you’re uninvited to her life. Dad learned that early on in their marriage. I never learned.” Brian’s tone darkened. “My drug of choice? Alcohol. I didn’t mess with anything else, believe it or not. But alcohol—beer, wine, whiskey, whatever—was enough to wreck my life for a lot of years. Some years I was a functioning alcoholic. Some years I wasn’t.”

  “But now . . .”

  “Now I’m a recovering alcoholic. Always will be. If I forget that part of my story, Jenny has promised to remind me. And I have a close group of friends who hold me accountable.”

  “Jenny sounds like she’s good for you.” Jillian ducked under a low-hanging tree branch while Brian stepped off the curb and into the street, keeping pace with her.

  “She is. We’re good together. She knew me at my worst and loved me in spite of it. Believed there was more to me than all of that even when I didn’t. I would love to say I sobered up for her, but I didn’t. I learned you can only sober up for yourself.”

  Jillian checked her phone, where she’d marked the house’s location so she could always find her way back to where she wanted to be. To home. Brian didn’t need to know she could get lost on a simple, short walk.

  “Everything okay?”

  “Yes, I’m fine.” She tucked her phone back in her pocket. “I was just checking something. All good.”

  “To sum it up, mine is basically an ‘I once was lost, but now I’m found’ story.”

  “Interesting choice of words.”

  He nodded but didn’t say anything more. “Look, you’ve been honest with me. I’ll be honest with you. I came here today because I wanted to ask if you’d talk to Geoff about meeting with me for coffee or breakfast or lunch. Just to talk. I don’t even know what my brother’s favorite meal is.”

  “I can’t convince Geoff to do anything he doesn’t want to do.” And Brian couldn’t begin to guess all the hidden layers of that statement.

  “I’m not asking you to convince him. I remember what you said earlier—you’re on Geoff’s side.”

  “Nice to know you were listening.”

  Brian rejoined her on the sidewalk. “All I’d like is for you to ask Geoff to meet with me so we can talk. That’s it.”

  “Do you blame Geoff for not trusting you?”

  “No. I don’t. But he’s not trusting who I was years ago. He doesn’t know me now. I’d like another chance.”

  Jillian understood wanting another chance. Longing for something different. Longing to be someone different. Brian wanted a chance to be someone else. Wanted to prove to Geoff that he was someone other than who his family thought he was.

  She understood because she’d wanted that, too.

  There was no urgency in his voice. No defensiveness. He’d merely stated his request. And waited. He didn’t hide his past. He was approachable and open about what he wanted.

  Jillian stopped walking, Winston coming to a halt beside her and dropping to a sit. “Do you mind if we head back?”

  “Your call. You know where we’re going.”

  “Nice of you to trust me.” A small laugh slipped out.

  “Excuse me? Did I miss something?”

  “No. Just a little humor. Joke’s on me.”

  “Okay.”

  She glanced at her phone again. They’d been walking in an elongated circle. “We’re headed in the right direction.”

  “I hope so—and yes, I’ll admit there’s a double meaning to that statement.” After a few moments filled only with the barking of a dog in a nearby yard, Brian spoke up again. “Tell me about you, Jillian.”

  “What? Like how Geoff and I met?”

  “Anything you feel like telling me. You’re the woman my brother chose to marry, yes, but let’s pretend we’re getting to know each other just because. What would you like me to know about you?”

  “Me?” There was nothing all that important to tell. “I have three sisters.”

  “No brothers?”

  “No. All girls. The Thatcher sisters.”

  “I bet that was fun growing up.”

  “It was. Johanna—she’s the oldest. She’s, um, having a baby in a few months.”

  “Congratulations. You’re going to be an aunt.”

  There was nothing more to say about that.

  “And then there’s Payton. She just got married in February. She’s back in college, and she coaches volleyball.”

  “Johanna, Payton, and . . . ?”

  “Pepper. She was Payton’s identical twin. She died in a snowmobile accident when she was sixteen.”

  “I’m sorry.” His response was brief, not requiring that Jillian share more of the story.

  “It’s been a long time. I don’t think you ever stop missing someone, but in an odd way, you get used to it.”

  “I guess you do.” Brian spoke almost to himself. “Even if you don’t want to.”

  Jillian chose not to respond, unsure what to say. Unsure whether he was talking about her or Geoff.

  “Are your other sisters in Colorado, too?”

  “Yes. One’s here in the Springs and the other in Denver—close enough that we can get together.”

  “Well, I’ll be back in Minnesota by next Monday. I’d like to think I could leave here with at least the possibility of a better relationship with my brother.”

  “What about your parents?”

  “My parents? I know what I’m getting from them. A relationship on my mother’s terms. No other option. I’m hoping for something more from Geoff.”

  “You realize I haven’t promised to help you.”

  “I know. But you listened. And I appreciate that.” They stopped in front of the house. “Would it be okay if I gave you my phone number?”

  “Why?”

  “That way you can let me know what you decide to do. Text or call. No pressure. I promise.”

  “Fine.”

  Brian stood in the middle of the sidewalk as he entered his number and then returned her phone.

  Jillian tucked her phone back into her pocket. “I’ll think about talking to Geoff.”

  “That’s all I ask. I realize I might not hear from Geoff before I leave for Minnesota. But I’m available to talk whenever he’s ready, even after that. I’m willing to wait.”

  They’d walked and talked without crossing the invisible line. Brian acknowledged it was there, but then he stayed on his side. No demands. Just a request. Winston obviously thought he was a nice guy, accepting a final pat and scratch behind the ears.

  But Jillian couldn’t promise him anything because she didn’t want to be fooled. Didn’t want her husband to be hurt any more than he already had been.

  It wasn’t like Jillian ever forgot she had battled cancer. The reminders stalked her every day.

  The scar where her breast should be.

  The fatigue.

  The mental muddle.

  The inability to get pregnant.

  The last consequence reached past the insomnia that had pulled her out of bed tonight—again. Stalked her downstairs into the living room. Drained any hope out of her future.

  Somehow, someway, someday, she needed to figure out how to not be so defeated by all of this. Find the hop
e she wanted.

  Jillian shifted on the couch. She should have brought Winston downstairs with her, rather than sit here, wide-awake, by herself.

  She opened the Notes app on her phone. Might as well update her to-do list. Cross off the few things she’d completed the last couple of days. Try to remember what new things she needed to add.

  And there it was—the one thing she never expected to be on her list.

  Talk to Geoff about Brian.

  The echoes of her conversation with Geoff’s brother lingered like the effects of her chemo and radiation. It hadn’t been twenty-four hours since she and Brian had talked. Even if a week had passed, it wasn’t like she’d forget going for a walk with Brian. Forget his request for help.

  “I’m not asking you to convince him.”

  All she was supposed to do was ask Geoff to talk to Brian. She wasn’t responsible to make it happen. But Brian was only in Colorado for a few more days. Would she find the courage to talk to Geoff before then?

  “Jill?”

  Jillian gasped, twisting to find Geoff standing at the foot of the couch. “I didn’t hear you.”

  “I was awake upstairs. Thought I might as well join you down here, if that’s okay.”

  Jillian shifted into a half-sitting position, pulling her legs closer to her body. “Did I wake you up?”

  “No. I haven’t been sleeping well . . .”

  “Since Brian showed up.”

  It was as if his brother sat between them. Invisible but present.

  “Yeah.”

  “Have you heard from him again?” Jillian stared ahead as she launched the question.

  “No. He texted quite a bit at first. Called a few times. But he’s gone silent now. And . . .”

  “And now you wish he’d call?”

  “No.” Geoff’s denial was swift. “I’m fine with the silence. I’ve done a lot of years without him around. This is normal.”

  “But sometimes normal . . .” Was she going to say this? “Sometimes normal needs to change.”

  Geoff glanced at her over his shoulder, his eyes for once not hidden behind his glasses. “What does that even mean?”

  Jillian pushed herself to sit straight, turning to face Geoff, tugging the blanket into position. “Maybe we should table this conversation.”