Grayton Beach Dreams

by Chambers, Melissa

  For weeks since he’d told Cassidy he loved her, he’d been patiently waiting for her to say it back. He’d have given her a lifetime to say it, just as long as he could be with her. But when she finally did say it, she dropped the bomb on him and walked away, the implication clearly being not to follow.

  Whatever that asshole had said to her back at that restaurant had changed her mind about everything they had. Jesse couldn’t help blaming him, though he knew his anger was misdirected. Whatever Cassidy had in her head about their age difference was there whether that guy cemented it or not. But it didn’t stop him from wanting to dismember the guy.

  The door to Gracie’s room opened and she came out wearing pajama pants and a long T-shirt. Well, long for her, normal for anyone else. She messed around in the kitchen and then walked over to the couch and handed him a bowl.

  “I don’t want anything.”

  “You need to eat. You look sickly.”

  “I’m fine.”

  “You’re going to get skinny, and nobody wants a skinny guy.”

  He glanced over at her shoulder. “Are you wearing a bra?”

  “I’m being respectful. I’ve been dressing like this for a month now at home, in case you didn’t notice.” He shifted in his seat, and she shoved the bowl at him. “Eat.”

  “What is it?”

  “Homemade trail mix. I dried the fruit myself.”

  “Really?”

  “No, dumbass. Just eat it. It’s good. All natural. Local honey.”

  He tried to eat a mouthful, but his body was rejecting food. “It’s good,” he said as he set it down on the table.

  “Man, this woman did a number on you, didn’t she?”

  “It’s not her fault,” he said, his defenses up.

  She chuckled. “My God. A woman breaks up with you, devastating you to the point of The Love Boat, and you take up for her? You’ve lost your mind.”

  “She’s got it in her head somehow that I’m going to fall out of love with her when she loses her looks.”

  “Women are insecure about these things.”

  “But not her. Not usually. She’s more comfortable in her own skin than anyone I’ve ever known.”

  “Love does this shit to people. It makes you super-vulnerable. I met that woman, and I saw her a few times at the bar. That’s not a woman who’s used to losing control.” She set her bowl down on the coffee table. “Not that you need a bigger head than the one you’ve already got, but you’re one of the hottest guys I’ve ever known. You’re probably the hottest guy she’s dated in a while, maybe ever. She’s scared. She can’t control the fact that she’s aging, and she’s scared shitless about it.” She held her arms out to her sides. “Look at me.” I’m freaked out because I’m getting ready to be twenty-four, and that puts me one step closer to twenty-five. I’m terrified about turning twenty-five.”

  “Why?”

  “Because that means no more excuses. You can only claim youth for your fuck-ups for so long, and my clock is ticking.”

  “You’ve got your life together though,” Jesse said.

  “Not really. I’m still mooching off my best friend, which I know I need to fix. I’m working on it. But anyway, we’re getting off topic. Just cut her some slack for this. She’s processing through some shit. Give her some time to work it out.”

  An ugly desperation crawled up his spine. “I don’t know if I have time. This idiot guy wants her to come to Jamaica with him permanently. He’s been trying to get her to do that since January. What if she decides to?”

  She pursed her lips at him, considering. “Did you ever patch things up with your sister?”

  “No. Why?”

  “She was a bitch to Cassidy, wasn’t she? She said some shit to her, too, about being old, didn’t she?”

  He forgot he’d told her about that. He’d been stewing about it that day when he’d come to the bar and seen her. He hadn’t told Gracie about the miscarriage, of course, but he’d told her Rachel was shitty to Cassidy. “Yeah.”

  “You need to get your sister to welcome her to your family.”

  He gave a humorless laugh. “You don’t know my sister.”

  “How desperate are you to win this girl back?”

  He turned to her. “Pretty goddamned desperate.”

  She motioned at him like there you go.

  “Why would that help?”

  “Because Rachel is like your mom to you. If Cassidy gets a stamp of approval from her it may help.”

  “What if it doesn’t?”

  “Then we’ll formulate Plan B.”

  He smiled at her. “I never knew you were such a problem-solver.”

  “You haven’t had many problems to solve since I’ve known you. I’ve been waiting on my moment to shine all this time. Seriously, I’m happy to pay you back for all you’ve done for me.”

  He considered her. “Thanks.”

  She picked up the bowl from the coffee table. “Now eat.”

  “Later,” he said. “I’ve got a flight to book.”

  24

  As Jesse parked the rental car in his sister’s driveway, his bravado wavered a bit. He’d been so desperate to fix this problem with Cassidy that anything he had to do to get her back was palatable, even a conversation with his sister. But now that he was getting ready to face her, the weight of the task ahead bore down on his shoulders.

  He headed up the walk, flipping the car key around his finger. He didn’t even know if Rachel was home. There was a car in the driveway, but he’d never paid attention to what she drove the one time a year he came to see her. He checked his phone for the time. Five forty. She was probably making dinner, and she definitely wasn’t expecting him. He hadn’t warned her he was coming, not sure what he was going to say yet.

  Collecting his breath, and his courage, he knocked on the door. After a moment, it opened.

  Rachel blinked. “Wow. What’s going on here?” She glanced around him.

  “I’m alone,” he said. He hated how visibly relieved that statement made her.

  She opened the door. “Come on in. I was just deciding if I was going to cook dinner or not. I’m seriously considering ordering pizza. I would if I hadn’t already ordered it another time this week.”

  He was sort of shocked to hear it. “You let your kids eat pizza more than once a week?”

  She pulled a chair at her kitchen table back to sit. “I let my kids do a lot these days. I’m exhausted.”

  He narrowed his gaze, wondering if she was pregnant again. She’d been tired through all three of her pregnancies. “You…okay?”

  She waved him off. “I’m fine. Just mentally tired. It’s been a year.”

  Jesse sat down, wondering if he was contributing to his sister’s physical and mental health issues. “How’s Justin?” Seeing him in person had somehow made it easier to say his name aloud.

  “Sober, at least for now. Lauren made him join AA. She threatened to kick him out if he didn’t try to straighten up his attitude.”

  “By the way he was talking, that sounded like his dream come true.”

  “You know Justin. He was just whining. He’d never actually leave her.”

  Jesse nodded, looking out the window, realizing he didn’t know his brother at all, not anymore. He narrowed his gaze at the backyard. “Are the kids somewhere?”

  “Next door neighbor’s house. They’ve got two boys. I trade off with their mom. She takes them one afternoon and I’ll take them the next. It’s hell when you’re on duty, but then when you’re off, it’s bliss. I should be using the time to make some kind of healthy dinner, but you see what I had pulled up on my phone before you rang the bell.” She held up her phone to him which had a pizza menu on it.

  “You don’t cook healthy meals full of steamed vegetables for your kids every night?”

  She pointed at him with her phone. “You’re thinking of the old Rachel.”

  He blew a puff of air out his nose. “I guess I don’t know eith
er of you like I used to.”

  “Can’t imagine how that happened,” she said, eyebrows raised.

  Jesse messed with the placemat in front of him. “I didn’t know he was struggling with drinking. How long has that been going on?”

  Rachel shrugged. “It’s hard to say. He’s always been a drinker. It’s been more noticeable since they had the baby…well, actually, further back than that. Lauren quit as soon as she got pregnant, of course. Chuck and I don’t drink as much as we used to. Someone’s got to be sober in case one of these kids falls out of a tree or something. Pete drinks but he and Mom aren’t around as much as they used to be.”

  “Is that okay with you…with the kids and all?”

  She shrugged. “It’s nothing new. She wasn’t around much for us. I never had illusions she’d be around for my kids.”

  Jesse considered his sister who’d been old for as long as he could remember. She seemed ten years older than Cassidy, but it was the other way around. A shock of anger came over him as he remembered her telling Cassidy about the miscarriage, but he wasn’t here to deepen their divide, so he calmed his emotions before speaking. “I wish you wouldn’t have told Cassidy about the miscarriage. That should have been my choice.”

  She nodded, looking at least a little contrite. “I know. It was wrong of me. But I was desperate.”

  “For what?”

  “To help you. Look, she seems like a lovely person, and if she had something to do with getting you to see Justin again, then I’m truly grateful for her. But I can’t sit by and let you partner up with a woman who’s double your age.”

  He let his head fall to the side. “Rachel.”

  “Well, close enough. She’s got to be forty, right? Getting pregnant at forty is not easy. It takes fertility drugs lots of times and there are high risks at that age, and—”

  “Why would you assume she’s trying to get pregnant?”

  Rachel blinked. “Because. You’ve always wanted to have kids.”

  “No I haven’t.”

  “You cried like a baby when Lauren had that miscarriage.”

  He closed his eyes, stilling himself, and then opened them once he’d calmed. “Rachel, that was a very different time in my life. I was a different person. I was a fucking accountant, for crissakes. Look at me.” He held his arms out to the sides. “I’m not that person anymore.”

  “Well, maybe that’s what scares me, Jesse.”

  It was his turn to be shocked. “What does that mean?”

  She sat back in her chair, gauging him. “Think about this from my viewpoint. My little brother is this nerdy little library geek who reads incessantly and goes to college to study accounting. You meet this sweet, wholesome girl whose father takes you under his wing and grooms you to be this corporate bigwig.” She wiped her hands together. “My work is done here. One less brother to worry about. Then when it all goes to hell, you lose your shit. You move to freaking Florida where I can’t be anywhere near you to help you out. You don’t share any info with me anymore. Hell, you don’t even talk to me. You get all tatted up and buy this bar and live in it.”

  “Above it.”

  “Same freaking difference.” She tossed a hand at him. “I don’t even know who you are anymore. Then the first woman you bring to meet me is forty.”

  He didn’t dare correct the age she had in her head.

  “I just—” She stopped herself, staring at him like she wanted to say something, and he had an idea what it was.

  “Go ahead,” he said.

  “Do you even know who you are?”

  He had been expecting her to say he was living out some kind of missing mother complex or syndrome or something. This question took him off guard.

  “What does that mean?”

  She took a pair of glasses off the top of her head and set them on the table, leaning in. “It means you were someone for many years, and then you became this person out of spite or anger or just wanting to be as opposite of your old life as possible. I get it. But who is the real Jesse? Have you figured that out?”

  He swallowed hard, both hating and appreciating his sister’s uncanny ability to cut deeper into him than anyone on the planet. “What does that even fucking mean? Who am I? I’m fucking me. That’s a stupid thing to ask.” He was trying to undercut her point…trivialize it. That way he wouldn’t have to think too hard about it.

  All she did was stare at him, and the shame within him grew. He shifted in his seat.

  He finally met her gaze. “I love Cassidy. She is the reason I agreed to see Justin. She grounds me in a way I never knew was possible. She loves me and puts my needs before her own. She’s sweet and compassionate and one of the most kind-hearted people I’ve ever known. She spends her winters in Jamaica helping people, building schools and stuff. She’s freaking amazing.” He met her gaze. “I want you to know that. I want you to know her. I want you to accept her.”

  Rachel sat back, picking up her phone and tapping it on the table absentmindedly as she stared at him. “If this woman is truly the person you want to be with, then I’ll accept her with my whole heart. All I ask is that you love yourself before you love her.”

  A chill shot down Jesse’s spine, and he wasn’t sure if he could speak. Rachel picked up her phone and headed out to the deck, shutting the door behind her and leaving him with nothing but his own jumbled thoughts.

  25

  Cassidy stood in front of the workspace in the Seaside Sweets kitchen, staring at a recipe. She knew leaving Jesse would be hard, but she hadn’t dreamed of the enormity of this blanket of depression that covered her. It was tough now but would pay off later, she kept reminding herself. Jesse deserved a woman his own age. He deserved a family and a beautiful, young wife. Cassidy and he had fallen into the middle of something ridiculously intense. They’d gotten wrapped up in each other in a way Cassidy had never known, and it had scared the hell out of her.

  Time would heal this unbearable emptiness inside of her, she was sure of that. Now that he’d seen his brother and his ex and had some closure there, he could move on. Lovely young women his own age came into his bar every night. He’d meet one and they’d fall in love. Now that he was free of the monkey on his back, this was the next logical step. It was time for Cassidy to step aside and let that happen.

  The double doors swung open, waking Cassidy from her trance. “We’ve got visitors,” Marigold sang.

  Cassidy wiped off her hands that weren’t even dirty yet and headed out there. Tears welled up behind her eyes when she saw Seanna and Sebastian standing side by side. “What are you two doing here together?” she asked, swiping at her eyes, trying not to make a fool of herself.

  “Reinforcements have been called in,” Sebastian said. “Get your purse. We’re having a spa day.”

  She let the tension drop out of her shoulders. “Oh, guys, that is so sweet of you. But I can’t. We’re still on the tail end of spring break. It was slammed in here up until about a half hour ago. I can’t leave Marigold.”

  On cue, Marigold tossed Seanna an apron, and she said. “That’s what I’m here for.”

  Cassidy blinked. “But you’ve got to work.”

  “It’s Saturday.”

  She looked at Marigold for confirmation, and she nodded.

  “No, sweetie. I’m not letting you work here on your day off.”

  “Blake’s at the clinic. Besides, I’m looking forward to it. I haven’t hung with Marigold solo in months. I still need to know more about this Dane guy who’s been taking up all her time.”

  Sebastian tossed up both hands. “You’re stuck with me.”

  Seanna tied her apron around her waist, surveying the workspace behind the counter. “Yep, pretty much looks identical to when I worked here. I think we’re good.” She nodded at Marigold.

  “Yep,” Marigold said, handing Cassidy her purse. When had she gotten that?

  Sebastian came around the counter and took Cassidy’s hand. “So now, all you have to do i
s walk with me, right this way, pretty lady, so we aren’t late for our appointment.”

  “What do we have an appointment for?” Cassidy asked.

  “Pedicures and therapy, both on me.”

  Cassidy would continue to argue but she literally did not have the strength.

  * * *

  When Cassidy’s nail tech got her settled under a dryer, Sebastian dropped his magazine and came over to sit next to her. “Let me see the color. Pretty in pink. I love it.”

  She turned to him, her body feeling drained of energy. “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome, hon. Now let’s get down to business.”

  Cassidy let out an exhaustive sigh. “I love you for doing this for me, Sebastian, but I can’t talk about it.”

  “Oh, you can and you will. Marigold is worried about you, and therefore we’re all worried. Right now it’s just Seanna and me who she’s called, but she will not stop until our whole group is crowded around you with pillows and cups of herbal tea. So either you talk to me about this now, or you pay later.”

  She bit her lip, relaxing back on the pillow behind her. “It’s nothing, honestly. I just needed to end things before they got too heavy.”

  “Mmm hmm, because you staring into space for a week solid isn’t heavy at all. What happened here, sweetie?”

  Hoping to even temporarily lift the crushing burden of sorrow, she told Sebastian about the dinner and the talk with Todd on the deck.

  “Mmm-kay. He seems lovely. Tell me again why you let this pompous asshole influence you?”

  “Because he said everything I’d already been thinking. I know Jesse thinks he loves me now, but—”

  “Thinks he loves you?”

  “Okay, does love me now, and truth be known, he would probably love me forever if I let him. But how can I let him? How can I selfishly take this man’s love and keep him from having a traditional family with kids and grandkids and all of that stuff?”