Grayton Beach Dreams

by Chambers, Melissa

  “Ingrid,” the woman said, kind, but unsteady.

  “Noel,” her husband said, sturdier. Jesse got the feeling this guy didn’t shock easily.

  Jesse turned to Todd and held out a hand, wondering if this guy was old enough to legitimately be his dad. “Jesse Kirby,” Jesse said with goddamned authority.

  “Todd Packwood,” the guy said, his cheeks flushed. Jesse’s probably were, too. Cassidy’s damn sure were.

  When introductions were finished, Jesse noticed that Noel had grabbed a server and was pointing at their table. He came over to them. “I’m so sorry. We’re full-up right now, but I can put an extra chair here on the end. Will that work?”

  “Of course,” Cassidy said.

  The server took a spare chair at the table next to theirs and scooted it to their table. “There we go. What can I get the two of you to drink? Would you like to see a wine list?”

  “Oh, um,” Cassidy uttered, looking flustered. Jesse had never seen Cassidy so stumped. It was starting to really worry him.

  He took her arm to calm her. “I’m driving so I’m just gonna get a light beer. Do you want a glass of Chardonnay?”

  She nodded, her face flooded red. “That’d be perfect.”

  The server asked her if the house brand was okay, and she nodded. “What kind of beer for you, sir?”

  “Whatever light beer you have on tap is fine. Thanks.”

  The server left, and they stood there awkwardly looking down at the seating arrangements. As much as Jesse wanted to plant his ass right there between Cassidy and this Todd guy, he wasn’t going to make his girl sit on the end. He pulled the chair back for her. “You sit here. I’ll sit on the end.”

  “Oh, I can…” Cassidy said, seeming like she was trying to make sense of the chair.

  “No, please. Sit.”

  She did, and he scooted her toward the table. The Todd guy seated himself, his confusion about who Jesse was to Cassidy clearing up and showing in his face. Good.

  “So, Jesse,” Ingrid said. “How do you know Cassidy?”

  He looked at Cassidy, wondering how she wanted him to answer the question. When she just sat there with her mouth hanging open, he decided he’d had enough of this shit. “I guess officially we met on business. Her friend Marigold introduced us in hopes that I’d buy cookies from her for my menu. I have a bar in Grayton called the Bohemian Guppy.”

  Ingrid grabbed Noel’s arm. “Didn’t someone recommend Grayton to us just this morning? I swear they mentioned that place. Did I dream that?”

  “No, I remember the name. Hard to forget,” Noel said with a smile. Jesse understood why Cassidy liked these two so much. They were both kind, even in an awkward situation. “So you two work together, in a way?” Noel asked, glancing between Jesse and Cassidy.

  He waited for Cassidy to speak up, but she just sort of smiled, looking anywhere but at Todd, who was watching her like a hawk. “So, how did the meeting with the donor go?” Cassidy asked, glancing at all three of them and then focusing on Ingrid, which was clearly her safe place.

  “It went well. With some finessing from Todd, I think we’re going to be able to do another project in July. We know that’s the hottest month there, but it’s also got the least amount of rain, so if we dig in, we can do a lot before the rainy season kicks back in.”

  “Sounds like you’ve got it figured out. I know you’ve done a lot of these,” Jesse said.

  As Ingrid talked about some of the past work they’d done, the tension between Cassidy and Todd was becoming palpable. Jesse tried his hardest to pay attention to Ingrid and Noel and kept asking questions about the work to keep them talking. When that was done, he asked where they were from and what work they did when they weren’t in Jamaica, and anything else he could think of to keep the conversation going. Cassidy’s silence filled Jesse’s gut with nothingness, and he questioned everything they’d had before they’d walked into this godforsaken place.

  After they ate and finished off another bottle of wine, the server came over. “How should I split this?”

  While Todd and Noel were arguing over who to give the bill to, Jesse pulled his credit card out of his wallet and handed it to the server, who was gone before anyone could protest.

  Noel smiled at him. “That was smooth. I’ll have to remember that trick.”

  “You’d have to give up getting to scour the bill for errors,” Ingrid said.

  “Well, that’s true. I’d lose sleep for a week trying to figure out how I got screwed out of a quarter.”

  Todd shifted uncomfortably in his chair. “Thanks, but I really did want to pay.”

  “Yes,” Ingrid said, “thank you so much Jesse, and Cassidy?” she said the last part of the sentence like a question.

  “It’s our pleasure,” Jesse said, looking at Cassidy. She smiled at him, but it didn’t reach her eyes.

  Todd scratched his forehead. “Um, would you mind if I stole her away for a moment?”

  Jesse’s blood went hot. “No problem.”

  Todd and Cassidy both stood, and he put his hand on the small of her back for a brief moment as he led her toward the outside deck. The idea that this man was comfortable touching her possessively like that made Jesse’s skin crawl.

  Jesse turned back to Ingrid and Noel, who both just smiled at him awkwardly. They met each other’s gaze thoughtfully, and then they turned back to Jesse. Ingrid put her hand down flat on the table. “I’m so sorry if we ambushed you here. It was clear on Cassidy’s face she didn’t know Todd was coming. I hope this evening hasn’t been unbearable.”

  Jesse shook his head. “Not at all. I’ve really enjoyed getting to know both of you.”

  “The pleasure has been all ours, Jesse,” Noel said with a reassuring nod. “I’m not sure where you two are in the scheme of things, but I wish you both happiness.”

  Jesse smiled. “That’s very kind. Thanks.”

  Ingrid smiled, nodding, and then they all shifted their gaze to the door to the back deck.

  * * *

  Cassidy stood at the back of the deck area, elbow resting on the railing, wishing she was anywhere on earth than in this position. She’d failed miserably the entire night. Why hadn’t she thought to ask Ingrid if the we had just meant her and Noel? But then Cassidy had figured if Todd had been in town he would have been the one to contact her. It felt like a sabotage, though she really didn’t want to believe that was the case.

  To Jesse’s credit, he’d performed like a champ. He was gracious, polite, kind, engaging…she couldn’t possibly have asked for him to do anything differently or better. She, on the other hand, had blown the entire evening. She’d chosen to flounder between the two men, so afraid of hurting Todd, who didn’t deserve to have Jesse thrown up in his face, making him feel like a fifth wheel on a blind date with the woman he’d professed his love to a couple of months ago.

  “So, I take it Ingrid and Noel hadn’t mentioned I was coming,” Todd started.

  “It never occurred to me to ask. I just assumed the donor she was referring to was someone for a project they were putting together.”

  He nodded, messing with a splinter of wood in the railing. “Jesse seems very nice.”

  “Yes, he’s wonderful,” she said, trying to straddle the fence between being fair to Jesse and not throwing him in Todd’s face.

  Todd’s expression turned sour, and then a rueful smile crossed his face. “I just…wow, Cassidy.”

  Her defenses flew up. “Excuse me?”

  “I’m sorry, but I’ve just got to ask. How old is he?”

  “That’s none of your goddamned business,” she said, using a word she saved for particular indignant moments.

  “No, you’re right. It’s not. But this is just so out of character for you.”

  “Dating a wonderful man?” she asked, both making a point and driving a screw in. She couldn’t help it. He was attacking the man she loved.

  “You can’t have been with him long. You were just with
me in February.”

  She chose not to respond to that.

  “I’m just surprised you would bring him to a dinner with Ingrid and Noel.”

  “Why is that surprising?”

  “Because you’re intensely private. You’ve never introduced anyone you’ve been dating to any of us. But you chose this guy to start with? Two months after you split up with me?”

  “First of all, I didn’t split up with you, Todd. I told you from the start I didn’t want anything serious. I thought we were having a good time.”

  “Well, I wasn’t.”

  She stepped back eyebrows up.

  He shook his head. “I didn’t mean it like that. I took the deal because I was desperate to be with you. I’ve been in love with you for years now.”

  “That’s not possible, Todd. You’ve not spent enough time with me over the years to be in love with me. Besides, you’ve been with other women since we’ve known one another.”

  “Because I’d expressed interest in you and you’d blown me off. When I kissed you that night at the camp, I couldn’t believe you let me. I would have sold my soul to the devil to have been with you. Of course I was going to agree to keep it casual.”

  “I never knew your feelings were that strong. I never would have slept with you had I known.”

  “Well, now you know. So this is it? This guy is the one?”

  She averted her gaze to the ocean.

  He gripped the railing glancing around. “God, I just don’t see it.”

  “What don’t you see, Todd?”

  “He’s not a long-term solution.”

  She huffed a laugh. “Well, he’s not a roof or a used car part, so…”

  “He’s temporary. Can you not see that?”

  The words stung her like she’d been hit by a lightning bolt. “You better watch it, Todd.”

  “He is. I’m sorry. But you’ve apparently been blinded by his abs and his goddamned tattoos. Really, Cassidy? Tattoos?”

  She started to walk away but he grabbed her arm. “I’m sorry. That was unfair. But you need to hear this. If nobody else in your life is brave enough to tell you this, then I’m going to. Look, I get that this must be thrilling for you to be able to relive your twenties or whatever through this guy. But when the newness has worn off, he’s not going to stick around, and he’s going to leave you feeling like a fool. Life isn’t about lust, Cassidy. It’s about serving others. It’s about people’s hearts and souls.”

  The idea of Todd standing there lecturing her about life was more than her restraint could handle. “Is it, Todd? Is that what life is about? People’s hearts and souls? I’m just curious then. What exactly made you fall in love with me? Was it my big heart? Was it the fact that I love to bake cupcakes and sit on the front porch of my beach house in privileged Seaside, Florida when I’m not by your side in Jamaica painting or learning carpentry while you walk around supervising?” She put air quotes around that last word. “Was it my heart that you fell in love with, or was it my…what did you call it…body like Heidi Klum’s?”

  He scratched his forehead, lips puckered into a tight wad.

  She looked heavenward like she was trying to remember something. “‘I’ve never gotten to make love to a body like yours,’ was another killer line that just really fed my need to be respected and taken seriously intellectually.”

  He held both hands up. “Okay, so fucking sue me for enjoying your body.”

  “Then don’t sue me for enjoying his.” She knew it was the wrong thing to say the second it left her mouth. It reduced Jesse to a toy and supported everything Todd was saying.

  Fueled with her slip-up, Todd’s eyes gleamed. “Where do you think this is going with him? Does he want to have kids? Is that an option for you?” he asked, brows furrowed like she was being ridiculous.

  He’d punched her in the gut, temporarily taking away her ability to retort.

  “I get why he’s with you now. You’re beautiful. But what’s going to happen in ten years? Fifteen? Twenty? You’re not going to look like this. You’re going to age, and he will too, but do you think when you’re fifty-five or sixty, and you’re dealing with inevitable health issues that come with aging that he’s going to be as gung-ho about you then? Do you seriously believe that this bartender, this tattooed surfer guy is going to be by your side during your time of crisis…your time of need like I would?”

  The pressure building behind her eyes threatened to get the best of her, but she refused to let it. She smiled, swiping at a tear that had escaped. “Yes, Todd. I do believe that.”

  He snickered, moving his hand over his balding head, smoothing back a clump of stray hair that had served as a form of a comb-over. “Well, if nobody else will say it, then I will. You look foolish.”

  She smiled and shouldered her purse. “No, Todd. You’re the only fool here.” She turned and walked away, and this time he didn’t try to stop her.

  When she got to the table, Noel, Ingrid, and Jesse stood with looks of sincere concern on their faces. Cassidy remembered that she was horrible at hiding her emotions, and God knew she probably looked like a wreck right then. She put her arms around Ingrid. “It was so lovely to catch up with you.”

  “Yes, I’m so glad we got to do this.”

  She hugged Noel next. “So good to see you.”

  “Never lasts long enough,” Noel said.

  She turned to Jesse, reaching behind his head and pulled him to her for a kiss. She smiled at him. “Let’s go home.”

  She waved at Ingrid and Noel, who stood a little dumbfounded, and hated that this would probably be the last time she saw them…at least as long as they were working with Todd.

  22

  Cassidy was quiet the whole way back to her house from Miramar, staring out the window and biting on her thumbnail. Jesse turned on the radio to fill the emptiness between them, but what he really wanted was to know why she had that frown on her face and what it meant for them.

  He pulled into the driveway and cut off the engine. She opened the door, but when he did not, she hesitated and then closed the door. “You’re not coming in,” she stated rather than asked.

  “I’m not sure if I’m welcome to.”

  She let her head fall to the side like she was so exhausted she could barely keep her eyes open. “Jesse.”

  “I’m serious, Cassidy. What happened back there?”

  She shook her head, looking out the window.

  Acid churned in his stomach. “What did he say to you?” he asked, each word deliberate.

  She met his gaze. “Nothing I hadn’t already been running through my head a hundred times a day.”

  He turned his body to face her, waiting.

  She stared at him hard. “Do you want to know why I don’t like to be on top? It’s because I don’t want you to see just how cruel gravity is to a forty-four-year-old woman’s breasts. I also don’t want you behind me in bed because the thought of you getting an up close and personal view of the saggy skin on the backs of my thighs makes me worried that you’re going to realize that I’m a middle-aged lady.” She pressed her hand against her forehead. “I know I look good right now, thanks to my father’s side of the family, but I’m going to be fifty in six years. Fifty years old. And you’ll be thirty-five. You’ve worn sunscreen out of the house every day since you were a kid. You’re going to age like George freaking Clooney. I just spent two months in Jamaica where sunscreen was the last of my priorities. I know you say you’re crazy about me, and you’re attracted to me, but I’m hanging on to what’s left of my youth by a shoestring. You’re just getting started with yours.” She pinched the bridge of her nose. “I thought I could do this. I thought, ‘We’re not talking about forever. We’re talking about for now,’ and that’s how I’ve been operating all this time. You would tire of me or realize the gimmick had worn off, and we’d call this a day, and I would get back to my real life. But I’ve slid so far down into this place with you, that if I don’t find a way out
now…” She shook her head, looking back out the window.

  He sat there thinking of all the times he’d reassured her about their differences, wondering if there would ever be a way to make her see sense. “I love you, Cassidy, and it has nothing to do with your body. Sure, your looks were what drew me to you a hundred percent. I won’t lie about that. And I wanted in your pants. I wanted to lay this hot, sophisticated woman who intrigued the hell out of me. Then I did, way faster than I thought I would, but even then, I was fucking hooked. I fell for your heart. I loved that you’d done all these amazing things but were completely self-effacing about it. You have this uncanny ability to ask all the right questions but not to push when you see something off. You’re by far the kindest and most considerate person I’ve ever known.” He swallowed hard, his throat welling up. “You’re more of a family to me than my own family has ever been. I fall more in love with you every day, every goddamned moment. So the idea that you think that I would consider letting you leave my life over saggy boobs or skin on the back of your legs makes me realize that I’ve fucked up epically in expressing to you exactly why I’m so in love with you.” He took her quivering hand in his own. “I’m madly in love with your heart and your mind. I have zero fucks to give about your body.”

  She huffed a laugh that sort of went into a sob. Holding her hand over her mouth, she steadied and calmed herself, swallowing hard and then sitting up straight, closing her eyes. After a moment, she opened them and shouldered the strap on her purse. “I have never, nor will I ever, love a man as much as I have loved you.” She squeezed his hand, let go, and then got out of the car and went inside without him.

  23

  Jesse lay slumped on the couch on his fifth episode of The Love Boat. It’d been a week since Cassidy walked away from him, and with every day that passed, he sank deeper into misery. When he’d found out his brother had been sleeping with his girlfriend, he was filled with rage for years. He’d kill for rage right now, because it would mean he was alive.