Shaved Ape Key

by Jerry Boyd

  “Sure, Caveman. Let me know if I can help.”

  I said, “I will. I surely will.”

  We ran to the ship. Zoom was younger, but I had more time in the box. She took the copilot’s seat. Nunya came over the intercom. “Closed up, ready to lift.” I decided to see what all the fuss was about. Once we were clear of the trees, I goosed it. I guess that made me even with Nikki for her ion trail. I heard later that the sonic boom was heard over most of the continent. I still don’t know why Ruth shut down the boom compensation when she parked it. I haven’t forgotten to do a thorough pre-flight since, though. I touched down in the landing bay, and Nunya opened the ramp. By the time we were off the ship, there was a bot there, who said, “This way, please, Sir.”

  We got transit priority and found ourselves outside the ready room. We walked in, except for our guide, who had other duties, I suppose. We found Scotti, Sally, Julie, Frank, and Ozzie waiting on us. Ozzie spoke up. “How did you like her, Boss?”

  “Entirely too much, I’m afraid. I forgot to turn on the boom canceling before I took off.”

  Sally said, “I have reports from the surface. It was heard quite a distance away. Luckily, it was directed more sideways than behind you. Otherwise, the whole village would be in an autodoc getting their broken eardrums fixed.”

  I said, “Hopefully I didn’t do too much damage. What’s the emergency?”

  Sally said, “Gene, tile the lodge.”

  Gene said, “The lodge is tiled, Ma’am.”

  Sally said, “We think Taz and Willum may be in trouble.”

  I asked, “You think?”

  Frank spoke up. “I’ve been working on my detector for that new radiation. I found a source maneuvering between star systems, and I brought it to Sally’s attention. She and Scotti called this meeting, and I still don’t have a clue why.” Sally said, “Gene, on the screen, if you would.” Gene brought the track up on the screen, and then overlaid another track. A track I recognized, because I had seen the plans before Taz and Willum took off. Sally said, “Please time synch Willum’s projected flight path with the unknown. Now I saw what they were worried about. As soon as Taz and Willum jumped into the system with the unknown, it reacted, like it could see right through their stealth. They tried two or three wild jumps into the black between stars, trying to shake the unknown. I asked, “How are we getting real-time position data from Taz and Willum?”

  Scotti said, “Their transponder is transmitting over comm.”

  I asked, “Could the unknown be tracking that?”

  Sally said, “It would appear so, Boss. Keep watching.” Taz and Willum jumped toward a star system. The unknown followed their projected path. When they should have emerged, allowing their transponder signal through again, there was just a marker saying, ‘No signal’. The unknown ran a search pattern through the system, but eventually gave up and left. I asked, “Do we have any way to know whether they were destroyed in FTL, or came out with their transponder shut down?”

  Scotti said, ”The drive I put in that ship is rated for twenty times that many jumps before it even needs to be checked. We went over every part with every test we could think of. I think they made it out of FTL.”

  I said, “Obviously, they avoided their pursuer. Either their transponder broke down at a great time, or they figured out how they were being tracked. Given that Scotti and her crew built that ship, I’m inclined to believe they figured it out, and managed to either jump out before their pursuer got there or find a place to hide while he searched. The question now is, will they continue their mission, or are they headed home?”

  Ozzie said, “This mission is very important to Taz. He didn’t say where he was going, or what he was going to do, but he was happier than I have ever seen him before he left. I think he would continue, if there was any way to do so.” I said, “Well, that gives us the state of mind of one crew member. Zoom, fly Ozzie’s toy back to the village, and bring Fred up here, as quick as you can. Don’t forget the boom canceling. Be smarter than your Captain.”

  Zoom snapped to, saluted, and left at a run. I said, “Gene, I need to make a comm call, please.”

  Gene said, “I’ve opened security enough for your call, Sir.”

  I commed Fred. “Yes, Bob? You left in a hurry. Is everything all right?”

  “That’s what I’m trying to figure out. I need you to meet Zoom at the landing field and get your fanny up here quick.”

  “On it, Bob.” The comm clicked dead, and I said, “Resume privacy, please, Gene.”

  Gene said, “The lodge is tiled, Boss.” Nunya asked, “What was all that about, Captain?”

  I replied, “Fred and Willum are close friends. If anyone can speak to Willum’s state of mind, it will be Fred.”

  They fell silent, and I asked Scotti. “If they did decide to abort, how soon would you expect them?”

  Scotti said, “They’re about the same distance away they were when they first jumped in, so about as long as it took them to get there.” That gave us several hours of uncertainty. I thought they would continue mission, but I wanted Fred to confirm before I took any action. Sooner than I would have thought possible, Gene said, “Fred and Zoom are aboard, Sir. Scotti, your crew wants me to inform you of an unauthorized use of launch bay two. Zoom parked Ozzie’s Toy right in the middle of it. I asked, “Why would she do that?” Zoom drug Fred through the door and said, “Because it’s so much closer to the ready room. Designed that way, so Scotti says, in case you have to abandon ship, Captain.” I said, “I see. When are you planning to make bay two operational again?”

  Zoom said, “It should be by now. Remember I said that bay was designed so you could get off the ship in a hurry? It just so happens that Ozzie’s Toy is just the right size to fit in the berth for the Captain’s Gig.” I looked at Ozzie. He said, “It was supposed to be a surprise, but somebody has a big mouth.” I said, “I never saw a thing, Ozzie. I promise I’ll be as surprised as you need me to be.”

  “Don’t bother, Boss. I have a feeling Frank is right before another breakthrough. I’ll have to build you another one when the new tech comes online.” I said, “I had that feeling, too.” I turned to Fred. “I doubt Zoom told you what this is about?”

  Fred said, “No, Bob, she didn’t. Am I in trouble?”

  I replied, “Not at all. I just need your opinion on a little problem we have.”

  Fred asked, “What would that be?”

  I replied, “Willum’s state of mind.”

  He said, “Why would that be a problem?”

  I said, “You know I sent him on a mission, correct?”

  Fred said, “Yes, and he was glad to get it. He was going stir crazy bottled up on just the one planet.”

  I said, “They ran into some trouble, and we’ve lost contact. We think the reason we lost it is because they figured out that the people chasing them were using their contact with us to track them. We don’t have reason to believe they have been captured or damaged, but I need some insight into how Willum was thinking before he left. Will a close call cause him to abort and head back, or will he head back in, trying to be more careful of emissions this time?”

  Fred relaxed and said, “Gee, Boss, you could have asked me that over the comm. Of course, he’ll sneak back in. This is the kind of crap he lives for.”

  I said, “No, Fred, I couldn’t have asked you this over the comm. You remember that secret you and Mr. Cooper shared? This needs to stay at least that secret, if not more so. I’m not going to tell you what they are looking for, because there isn’t any reason for you to know. If you figure it out, keep your mouth shut. If this falls the wrong way, it’s a powder keg that could blow up in our faces. Not to mention, we can’t say Willum’s name over the comm, because the Secret Squirrels that wanted him dead probably have them tapped.”

  Fred said, “I thought these things were quantum. Not tappable at all.”

  I replied, “That’s true in the field, but if you had an agent at the switc
hboard, you could tap the electronic link between the two quantum connections.”

  Fred said, “Gee, Boss, have I mentioned lately I’m glad you’re on our side? You think some nasty thoughts.”

  I said, “Is that all we need to do for now?”

  Sally said, “I think so, Boss. You’re confident they eluded pursuit?”

  I replied, “It fits the evidence better than the alternative. Let me know if you learn more.”

  Sally said, “Will do, Boss.”

  I said, “I have chili to finish up. Who needs a ride?” Nunya, Zoom, and Fred trooped out behind me. Zoom led the way to launch bay two. She said, “The path is crooked, to keep blast away from the bridge if something nasty happens in the launch bay, and there are a couple of blast doors that can be closed in combat.” I replied, “Gene seems to be a well-thought-out ship. I hope we don’t ever have to find out how well she stands up to combat.”

  Fred said, “You’ve already taken down pirates, and slavers, without the Gene. What could be out there yet that can stand up to this fine ship?” I said, “I don’t know, but once upon a time, somebody took the idea serious enough to build Gene in the first place. Whatever they were worried about, I hope we don’t meet it.”

  Fred asked, “That was what that meeting was about, wasn’t it?”

  Nunya said, “What meeting? Are you feeling alright, Fred?”

  Zoom said, “I don’t remember any meeting, do you, Boss?”

  I looked at Fred and made a zip your lips gesture. He said, “Sorry, Boss. I’ll do better.”

  I said, “Thanks.”. We arrived at the Gig and went aboard. Fred asked, “Any chance I could fly this hot rod?” I said, “Zoom, take second seat. Don’t let him do anything too stupid.” She replied, “On it, Boss.” I sat in the back with Nunya. I asked, “Have you lost your help, or are they still deciding?”

  She replied, “I haven’t heard anything definite. I’m pretty sure Milly will stay with her Grandma, at least for now. Janet, well, I don’t think Janet knows what she wants yet. I’d like to have her around, she’s a good tech.”

  I said, “Does she know you want her to stay?”

  “I think so, I mean, I haven’t come right out and said it.”

  “Maybe you should. Don’t pressure her but let her know you appreciate her help. At the very least, it should give you a better idea what she’s thinking.”

  Nunya said, “Thanks, Boss. I’ve been wondering whether I should say something to her or not. At least now I can always say, ‘But the Captain told me to’.”

  I said, “Thanks. Something else to get blamed for.”

  I wouldn’t have known we were back on the planet, but the ramp dropped. I got up and headed out. Fred caught up with me, and said, “Wow, Captain! Ozzie did you up a nice ride there. Thanks for letting me fly her.”

  I said, “Ozzie is good help. I’m glad you enjoyed it.” I got back to the cook shack. Nikki said, “What was all that, Caveman?”

  I said, “Oh, Ruth left the boom-canceling off. I forgot to look.”

  She smacked me on the shoulder and said, “Not that, Goofball! What was the meeting about?”

  I pointed at Ruth. “Her boyfriend is having more fun than he was supposed to. Sally wanted my opinion on the situation.”

  Ruth asked, “How do you mean, ‘More fun than he was supposed to have’?”.

  I said, “Apparently, comm links aren’t as hard to detect as we’ve been led to believe. Their transponder was giving their position away.” Ruth asked, “Are they okay?”

  I said, “It appears that way. I didn’t want to try and contact them, for fear of putting someone on their trail again. How are things here?”

  Nikki said, “The chili is going well. We had to get some Marines to keep people out of the smoker, but we didn’t lose much jerky.” I replied, “Sounds like you have it well in hand. I feel so useful.”

  Milly and her Grandma walked in. Grandma inhaled and said, “My goodness, that smells tasty. I can hardly wait for suppertime.” I asked, “What can I do for you ladies today?” Milly said, “We were wondering what you could tell us about the new village, Captain?” I replied, “Let me make sure things are still on schedule, before I run my mouth.” I commed Andre. “Hi, Boss, what do you need?”

  “Six more like you and Abe. Are you still on the schedule we discussed earlier?”

  “Not exactly, Boss.”

  “What’s the holdup?”

  Andre said, “Topper said he was flying some equipment down to the village, and he would come by and get us after that. We’re just sitting around waiting on transport.”

  “So, you’re done, already?”

  “We are. The fence went up quicker than I thought it would. They could probably move in tonight, if they want to.”

  I said, “That’s good news. I’ll see what’s holding your ride up. Talk to you later.”

  “Bye, Boss.”

  I turned back to our visitors. I said, “Well, good thing I called. Seems plans have changed.”

  Milly asked, “How bad is the delay?”

  I replied, “Oh, it’s terrible. You won’t be able to move in till, oh, after supper at the very earliest.”

  Her Grandma looked at Nikki. She said, “You put up with him? You must have the patience of a saint.”

  Nikki replied, “It’s a struggle some days, but I wouldn’t want the rest of the world to have to deal with him. Somebody had to step up. I was handy.”

  Grandma said, “You two should take up gardening. You sure have plenty of fertilizer.”

  Nikki laughed. She said, “We have fun. Are you going to need much in the way of supplies and so forth for your new houses?”

  Milly said, “Nunya already got everything we’ll need going in the printers on the Gene. It should all be ready to bring down by tonight.”

  I said, “Sounds like things are headed in the right direction, then. Anything else I can help you with?”

  Grandma said, “No, thank you, Captain. I think we can get it from here.”

  They turned around and walked off. I heard Grandma say to Milly, “He gets things done, doesn’t he?” Milly replied, “He sure does.” My comm rang. “Captain Wilson.” Topper said, “Boss, I’m bringing in some equipment you might want to take a gander at. Scotti and I are kind of proud of it.”

  I replied, “You two finally broke down and bought a kit, did you? What will the little booger specialize in?”

  He said, “No, Boss. I’m not settling down yet. I think you’ll like them, though.”

  I said, “See you in a couple of minutes. Andre is waiting on you.”

  “I know, Boss. I’ll get there in just a few minutes.” The comm clicked off.

  I looked at Nikki. “Topper has some cargo he wants me to look over. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

  “What is it, Caveman?”

  I replied, “I don’t know. Some kind of surprise, I guess.”

  Ruth said, “Go on, Mrs. Wilson. There’s nothing happening here, at least for a while yet.”

  Nikki and I went down to the landing field, where Topper was just settling his ship. Will, Charlie, and Fred were there as well. I asked, “You fellas know what the big surprise is?”

  Will said, “Nope. We were hoping you two had a clue.” The ramp came down, and bots started driving rugged looking trucks off the ship. Topper followed them out. I asked him, “Where did you find those?”

  He said, “They’re a cross between an old Commonwealth design, and a Unimog. Powered by a power core, one of the new kind, good for a long time. They have the high ground clearance like a Unimog, but they have hub motors instead of portal axles. I put a three-point hitch on the back, with a camera so you can see what your implements are doing. There are also some extra hydraulic connections back there, if you need to run something that way.”

  I said, “I wondered where you had gotten off to the last few days. Nice work.”

  Will said, “These are for us?”

 
; Topper said, “Yes, Sir. I made the seats adjustable and strong enough that you can train native drivers if you want.”

  Charlie said, “One of those will be way handier than pulling a cart behind the tractor. Thanks, Topper.”

  Topper said, “You’re welcome, Charlie. I need to get back in the air, people are waiting on me.” With that, he turned and went back aboard. Fred asked, “Who is waiting on him?”

  I replied “Andre and his crew are ready to come back. Topper is going to get them.”

  Will said, “Aren’t they going to finish the new village?”

  I replied, “Andre says they’re done, and the people can move in after supper tonight.”

  Charlie asked, “You’re not joking, are you, Uncle Bob?”

  “Not a bit.”

  Charlie said, “That’s good. We didn’t really have enough room for them to stay here. They were getting upset about having to stay so cramped up.”

  I said, “We ought to have them out of your hair tonight. I’m sure some of us will be running over there to help them with this and that for quite a while, but at least they won’t be here all the time.”

  Will said, “That’s good. They don’t much like taking direction from primitives.”

  I replied, “At least you haven’t had to use that Savage of yours yet.”

  Will said, “It’s been close, a couple of times. Especially at first, when they were still getting the steroids out of their systems.”

  I said, “Seems like they’re beginning to settle down. I talked to Milly’s Grandma a while ago, and she seemed pleasant. I didn’t know what to think.”

  Will answered, “Yep, she was the one who almost got introduced to my Savage. Feisty thing, wasn’t she?”

  “Lord, yes. Nikki was ready to tear a chunk out of her, and she gets along with everybody.”

  Nikki said, “Well, we were down on that planet at the time. What are we going to do for those people?”

  I said, “I don’t know. We’ve got enough Marines now, but where would we take them after we caught them? We can’t keep dumping people here, this planet belongs to the Starfoot.”

  Nikki replied, “Aren’t you about ready to send Phonelia out to look for lost colonies?”