An Orphan's Journey

by Rosie Goodwin

  ‘I’m so sorry, Nick,’ Eliza muttered, her eyes downcast.

  He nodded. ‘Aye, and so am I, Eliza. Goodbye.’ And with that he turned and strode away, his shoulders slumped.

  Once he had gone, Eliza picked up the flowers and shaking the dust and the loose petals from them, she turned back to the house with a spiteful grin on her face. That had been so much easier than she had thought it would be. But she hadn’t finished with Pearl yet, not by a long shot, and by the time she had, her sister was going to wish she had never been born.

  Suddenly changing direction, she struck out for the church and once she had passed through the lychgate she picked her way through the tombstones until she came to Monty’s grave. The mistress was having a fine marble headstone carved for him but until it was ready a simple wooden cross marked his resting place. As she stared down at the bare earth, it was hard to believe that the young man she had adored was laid there.

  ‘I miss you so much,’ she whispered as tears streamed down her cheeks. ‘And don’t worry, I shall make sure Pearl is punished for all the lies she’s told about you. I realise now that it must have been her tempting you and I forgive you for what you did.’

  She gently laid the flowers down and, with her heart breaking, turned and slowly trudged back to the house.

  ‘Oh, you’re back then. Did you have a nice walk?’ Pearl gave her sister a weak smile as she entered their room but Eliza ignored her. Pearl’s eyes were swollen from crying but Eliza didn’t even seem to notice. ‘Look, can’t we be friends again?’ Pearl implored. ‘This is getting silly now. Neither of us can change what’s happened and we are still sisters. We should stick together.’

  But her words appeared to fall on deaf ears as Eliza quickly undressed, climbed into bed and turned her back on her. With a sigh, Pearl stared towards the window and as she thought of Nick, so close and yet so far away, the tears started again. I’ve been a coward, she thought miserably. He at least deserves to know the truth of what’s happened and I shall go into town first thing in the morning and tell him. Feeling slightly better now that she had reached a decision, she eventually fell into an uneasy sleep where once again she dreamed that she was on the kitchen floor with Monty raping her.

  She woke drenched with sweat in a tangle of damp sheets and sobbed with relief when she realised that it had only been a nightmare. But now there was no time to lose. She would go and see to Mrs Forbes’s needs and get straight off into town.

  The poor woman was lethargic with no energy whatsoever. It seemed to be an effort for her to just help Pearl to get her dressed and it took twice as long as it should have. But at last she was ready and Pearl asked, ‘Will you be wanting any breakfast, ma’am?’ Mr Forbes would already have had his and be on his way to work by now.

  ‘No, thank you, perhaps I could just have a tray of tea sent up?’

  ‘Of course.’ Pearl hurried away to fetch it as Mrs Forbes sank into the chair by the window where she could watch the garden. She seemed to spend much of her time there now.

  Soon after Pearl was back with the tray to tell her cheerfully, ‘Here’s your tea, ma’am. And I’ve brought you some nice buttered toast as well. Perhaps you might fancy just a little bite or two? You really must start to eat more.’

  She placed it within reach of her but got no response from the woman, so she crept from the room and within minutes was heading down the drive after telling Cook, ‘I shall be back as soon as I can; I have to go into town.’

  ‘Aye, all right, lass.’

  Pearl failed to notice the smirk on her sister’s face as she left the room.

  Once in town, Pearl headed for the hotel where Nick always stayed and after approaching the desk, she told the receptionist, ‘I’m here to see Nicholas Willis. Could you tell me which room he is in, please?’

  The woman opened the book that lay on the desk and after running her finger down a list of names she looked up and informed her, ‘Ah yes, I remember now. I’m afraid Mr Willis checked out a few hours ago. He only stayed the one night.’

  Pearl shook her head. ‘B-but there must be some mistake. He only arrived yesterday.’

  The woman nodded in agreement. ‘So he did, but he said that he was sailing out again on The Dolphin this morning.’

  Without waiting to hear any more, Pearl lifted her skirts and raced down the street in a most unladylike manner until she emerged on to the docks where she paused to look around and get her breath back. There were a number of ships either loading or unloading cargo and after a time she rushed up to a burly sailor and, catching his arm, she asked him breathlessly, ‘Please – can you tell me which of these ships is The Dolphin.’

  ‘I certainly can – that’s her there, look.’ Raising his finger, he pointed out to sea, where Pearl could just make out a ship on the horizon. She was too late! Nick had sailed without her even being able to explain what had happened.

  ‘Oh! Thank you.’

  Tears sliding down her cheeks, she turned and retraced her steps. Why hadn’t Nick come to find her? And why had he left again so soon? Could it be that he had tired of her? She could think of no other explanation. But then common sense kicked in and she realised that if this was the case, it was probably for the best. At least she wouldn’t have to worry about breaking his heart now. It was too late for hers; it was already broken.

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  ‘Y

  ou really must speak to the mistress soon, pet,’ Cook urged Pearl again one sunny morning early in June. ‘You’re beginning to really show and I’ve no doubt if she wasn’t still in mourning, she’d have noticed before now. As it is the poor soul barely seems to know what day it is.’ She shook her head sadly. She hated to see her mistress so low. ‘I know the master is gravely concerned about her. She’s all but shut herself away but there’s nothing we can do till she’s ready to face folks again. She isn’t even entertaining visitors anymore.’

  ‘I know I have to.’ Pearl’s expression was thoroughly miserable as she looked at Cook’s beloved chickens pecking outside in the yard. ‘It’s just that I hate to add to her troubles.’

  Cook shrugged her plump shoulders. ‘Well, it can’t be put off forever, hinny.’

  Eliza, who was washing dirty pots at the sink, glared towards her and Pearl’s heart sank even more. Eliza never even spoke to her now apart from when she had to, and this, added to the gloomy atmosphere in the house, was getting her down.

  ‘You’ll need to think about what’s to be done with the bairn once it’s arrived an’ all,’ Cook went on as she measured flour on to the table for the pastry she was about to make. She was doing the master his favourite steak and kidney pudding for his dinner, not that he was eating much nowadays. ‘Are you intending to keep it?’

  Without hesitation, Pearl shook her head. She hated what was growing inside her with a vengeance and knew that she would never love the child. How could she when it was a result of rape? No, she decided, she would have to go to see Mrs Briggs and arrange for it to be admitted to the home. There were always childless couples who would adopt a baby and so she had no doubt Mrs Briggs would find it a home. There were times when she wanted to tear open her stomach and rip it out of her, but of course that couldn’t happen and with each day that passed, as her stomach grew, she hated the tiny being inside her a little bit more. On top of that, she was still mourning the life she might have had with Nick and was wishing that she had stayed in the workhouse back in London. If she had, maybe none of this sorry mess would have happened.

  ‘The doctor was saying when he came to check on the mistress yesterday that he still isn’t happy about the way Mrs Veasey and Freda died,’ Cook commented as she kneaded the pastry into a ball. ‘He says if it was some sort of virus that it’s funny none of the rest of us got it as well. Still, there’s nowt to be done about it now, God rest their souls. I reckon this house has seen enough heartbreak in the last few months to last a lifetime. But still’ – she smiled then – ‘at least there’s on
e bright spot on the horizon. Have you noticed how well Susan and Will are getting on? They went out for a walk together again last night and I wouldn’t be surprised if we didn’t hear wedding bells soon. Not before time either. Will’s young wife, Esme, was a lovely little lass, but as I told him, he can’t mourn her forever. Life is for the living and he could do a lot worse than young Susan. There might be a bit of an age gap a’tween them, but what does that matter if they love each other? You should take your happiness where you can, that’s what I say.’

  Pearl gave a wry smile. Perhaps Cook should have listened to her own advice after she had lost her husband, but she never had.

  At that moment the bell above the door tinkled and Pearl hurried to the door. ‘I’ll just go and see what the mistress wants. Hopefully she’ll be ready for something to eat.’

  ‘Aye, and pigs might fly,’ Cook snorted, for up to now all the tasty titbits she had lovingly cooked for her had been sent back to the kitchen untouched. ‘And don’t forget what I said,’ she reminded Pearl.

  Pearl nodded. She knew Cook was right so perhaps now would be a good time to make her confession?

  She found Mrs Forbes sitting in her usual place in the chair by her bedroom window and asked, ‘Is there something I can get for you to eat, ma’am? Or perhaps you feel well enough to get dressed?’

  Mrs Forbes shook her head. ‘No, just some tea, if you would please, Pearl?’

  ‘Of course, straight away.’ Pearl hesitated for a moment then with her hands tightly pressed into her waist, she plucked up the courage to do as Cook had advised. ‘And perhaps if you feel up to it, I might have a word with you?’

  The mistress looked towards her with dull eyes. ‘Yes, what is it, Pearl?’

  The words that needed to be said stuck in Pearl’s throat and beads of sweat had broken out on her forehead, but after taking a deep breath she managed to blurt out, ‘The thing is . . . I-I’m going to have a baby.’

  For the first time since Master Monty had died, the mistress seemed to come out of her trance-like state as her head whipped around to stare at Pearl. ‘You’re what?’

  Pearl bowed her head as shame washed over her. ‘I’m going to have a baby.’

  There was silence for a time until Mrs Forbes finally asked, ‘Have you told your young man? Is he prepared to stand by you?’

  ‘The baby isn’t his,’ Pearl answered dully, and now she really did have her mistress’s attention.

  ‘Then whose is it?’

  Pearl gulped. ‘A few months ago . . . I was raped.’ There, it was said – but how could she tell the woman that it was her son who had raped her?

  Mrs Forbes looked horrified. ‘But why haven’t you said anything before? We could have had the culprit brought to justice. And how far along are you?’

  ‘I think the baby will be born sometime in September . . . but don’t worry. I’m going to see Mrs Briggs now. I’m going to ask her to arrange an adoption for me.’

  ‘I see. And who did you say the father was? Does he know that you’re with child?’

  ‘He . . . he isn’t here anymore, ma’am, and so no, he doesn’t know. He’ll never know.’

  Pearl waited with bated breath for Mrs Forbes to tell her she was dismissed, but instead the woman suddenly said softly, ‘It would be nice to have a baby in the house again after all the sadness we’ve had to endure. Are you quite sure that you wish to give it away, Pearl?’

  Pearl was so shocked at this reaction that for a moment she was rendered temporarily speechless, but then she said in a croaky voice, ‘I’m very sure. I couldn’t possibly contemplate keeping it after . . .’

  Unable to go on, she hastily knuckled a tear from her cheek as her employer continued to stare at her thoughtfully. This was not the reaction she had expected at all, and she didn’t know what to make of it.

  ‘Very well. Do go about your work and let me think about this.’

  Heart hammering, Pearl bobbed her knee and fled to fetch Mrs Forbes her tea.

  The instant she entered the kitchen, Cook saw how upset she was and asked, ‘So you took my advice and told her then?’

  Pearl nodded numbly as Eliza turned from the sink with a smirk on her face.

  ‘An’ has she chucked you out on your ear?’ she asked spitefully.

  ‘Not as yet but I dare say she will when she’s had time to think of it,’ Pearl muttered miserably, as she prepared a tea tray.

  ‘Well, you’ve only yourself to blame.’ There was not a trace of sympathy in her sister’s voice and it was like a stab in the heart to Pearl. ‘If you hadn’t flaunted yourself at him and flirted, he’d never have looked at you twice,’ she said with vitriol. ‘Monty told me it was me he loved!’

  ‘Aye, you and a few dozen other lasses,’ Cook said scathingly. She could see how upset Pearl was. ‘Now get back to work, girl, and keep your caustic comments to yourself else you’ll feel the back of me hand. Things are bad enough without you adding your two’pennorth!’

  In a sulk, Eliza turned back to the sink. With shaking fingers, Pearl carried the tray up to her mistress.

  ‘Do you know, Pearl, I think I will get dressed after all,’ the mistress told her as she placed the tray down. ‘I think I’d like to have a word with my husband when he comes home for lunch. Get my black gown out for me, would you?’

  ‘Yes, ma’am.’ Pearl went to the armoire and lifted out the gown that Mrs Forbes had worn for her son’s funeral, and once she had helped her to dress, she brushed her hair into a neat chignon on the back of her head. She was appalled to see how much weight the woman had lost. The gown hung slackly on her now but it was nice to see her making the effort to be dressed again at least. Mrs Forbes added pearl earrings and a matching strand of pearls to her ensemble, and then on legs that were weakened by weeks of lying or sitting down, she made her shaky way down to the drawing room, instructing Pearl to bring the tray of tea with her.

  ‘You say she’s up and about?’ Cook was delighted when Pearl told her. ‘Well, the master will be pleased when he gets back. Poor man has been worried sick about her but let’s hope this is the start of her recovery. And did you tell her whose baby it was?’

  As Pearl hung her head Cook had her answer and she sighed with exasperation. ‘But why didn’t you tell her?’ She looked annoyed. ‘None of this was your fault.’

  ‘I couldn’t bring myself to in case she didn’t believe me,’ Pearl admitted.

  With a snort Cook took off her apron and flung it across the back of a chair, then patting her mob cap she made for the door. ‘Then if you won’t tell her, I will!’ she declared. ‘Just ’cause Monty has gone don’t make him a saint, and she needs to know. Once she tells the master the condition you’re in, he’ll have you out of here like a shot from a gun and it ain’t fair! They both need to know that this is their grandchild you’re carrying.’

  She found the mistress in the drawing room and the woman gave her a smile as she entered. She was very fond of the cook and always made time to have a word with her.

  ‘It’s nice to see you,’ Mrs Forbes told her, patting the seat beside her. ‘What can I do for you, Mrs Drew, dear?’

  Cook tentatively perched on the edge of the seat like a rabbit about to take flight. ‘Well, the thing is, I know Pearl just told you about her predicament, but there’s something else I think you should know.’

  Quietly, she went on to tell her story to Mrs Forbes, and when she was done the woman’s eyes were stretched wide.

  ‘Are you quite, quite, sure about this?’

  Cook gave a vigorous nod. ‘Oh yes, ma’am. Pearl ain’t the sort of girl to go telling lies and I saw her the morning after it had happened. In a rare old state, she was.’

  ‘Then you have done right in telling me.’ Mrs Forbes was clearly shaken, but she managed a weak smile. ‘Thank you, Cook. Please leave it with me. I shall have to discuss with my husband what we’re going to do about it.’

  With a nod, the portly woman made her way back to th
e kitchen, happy that she had done the right thing.

  That afternoon when Mr Forbes came home for his lunch, as he did each day now to check on his wife, he was delighted to find her up, dressed and waiting for him.

  ‘Darling, what a wonderful surprise.’ He instantly crossed to her and dropped an affectionate kiss on her forehead. ‘It’s so lovely to see you up and about again and—’ He stopped talking abruptly as he saw the expression on her face before asking, ‘But there’s nothing wrong, is there?’

  ‘Not wrong exactly, Zack. But something has happened and I need to talk to you about it. I have a feeling you’re not going to be very pleased when I tell you what it is, but I feel we could turn it to our advantage.’

  ‘Then tell me what it is by all means.’

  Flicking his jacket tails to either side of him, he sat down beside her, and haltingly she began to relate what Pearl and Cook had told her.

  When she had finished, his face was set in a grim mask and he slapped his knee. ‘Good Lord, this is all we need,’ he exclaimed in horror.

  ‘But don’t you see?’ Emmaline grabbed his hand and shook it up and down, her face animated. ‘This could be the best news we’ve had for some long time. You see, what I was thinking was . . .’

  She began to ramble on, and the more she told him of what she was proposing to do, the more horrified he looked.

  ‘Have you gone stark staring mad? Why, darling, you must see that this could never work.’

  ‘Oh, but it could! I know it could! Please tell me that you will at least consider my idea. This baby is our grandchild. And if we were to take it as our own, we would still have a piece of Monty here with us.’

  As he looked into the face he adored, his heart sank. How could he refuse her anything after all she had been through? ‘Very well . . . I’ll think on it. But that isn’t a yes,’ he warned.

  Her smile lit up the room as she rose to follow him to the dining room and he felt as if he was caught in a trap.