An Orphan's Journey

by Rosie Goodwin

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  P

  earl spent the next two days veering between anxiety and despair as she waited to hear her fate. Then finally one morning, as she helped Mrs Forbes dress, the woman said, ‘I think I may have found the perfect solution to all your problems, but before I tell you what it is I must first ask you, are you absolutely without any doubt sure that you do not wish to keep this baby?’

  ‘I’m positive, ma’am.’ Pearl’s voice was dull. ‘How could I even if I wanted to? I have nowhere to go, no home to offer it, nothing.’

  ‘In that case, here is what I propose we should do.’ Mrs Forbes took a deep breath. ‘As you know I have not ventured out of the house for some time now, nor have I received any visitors. And so, we shall immediately begin to put it about that I am with child. Fortunately, I am still of a childbearing age and no one will know any different, only the people who live in this house, and they are all utterly trustworthy. We will, of course, have to confide in the doctor, but it would be more than his job is worth to break the confidence of a patient. From now on, you too will be confined to the house, and when the child is born my husband and I will adopt it as our own. Once the birth is over, it will be up to you whether you wish to go or stay. If you should decide to leave, we shall make sure that you have a free passage back to London with enough money to keep you for some time. I can even arrange for you to have a position in my mother’s house, if you so wish. She need never know that the baby isn’t truly mine; it will have my blood running through its veins, after all. Then you would be able to put all this behind you. So, what do think of the idea?’

  Pearl was so taken aback that she plumped heavily on to the nearest chair. She felt as if all the breath had been knocked out of her. And yet the more she thought of it, the more she realised this could be the perfect solution for both of them. Having the baby to love would give Mrs Forbes something to live for again and it would certainly put an end to her problems.

  ‘M-may I give it some thought, ma’am?’

  Mrs Forbes nodded graciously. ‘You may. But please try to be sensible when you reach a decision. Remember, by your own admission, you have nothing to offer a child, whereas we would ensure that the child never wanted for anything. Boy or girl, it really doesn’t matter to me.’

  As Pearl saw the longing in her mistress’s face she nodded. ‘Thank you. I will of course bear that in mind.’

  ‘Just one thing,’ Mrs Forbes said. ‘Until you have reached a decision, I would ask that you don’t mention this to anyone. Not even anyone in this house. If you do decide that this could work then I shall call a meeting and tell them myself.’

  ‘Yes, ma’am.’

  Pearl left the room on legs that felt as if they had turned to jelly as the mistress’s plan raced through her mind. And it was at that moment that she had the strangest sensation in her stomach as the child let her know it was there. She shivered with revulsion as a picture of Monty’s face flashed in front of her eyes. A part of him was growing inside her, getting stronger by the day as it prepared for its birth, and she didn’t know how she was going to bear it. But here was Mrs Forbes offering her the perfect solution. She knew then that she was going to accept her offer.

  Mrs Forbes was elated when Pearl told her of her decision and clapped her hands. ‘Wonderful. Then, if you are quite sure, I shall call a meeting of the staff immediately. They must all know that they cannot tell a soul outside of these four walls what we are going to do. And now I must insist that you go and have a lie-down, dear. I couldn’t bear for anything to go wrong now.’

  Already, her head was full of the things she would need. Miss Elizabeth’s crib would have to be brought down from the attics. She would get Will to paint it for her. And she would write to her mother immediately with a list of baby things that she would need to be sent over from England. The nursery would need airing and given a fresh coat of paint too. Oh, there was so much to do and not a lot of time left to do it, but the birth couldn’t come quickly enough for her. Her mother had not been able to attend Monty’s funeral, but she could just imagine how delighted her parents would be when she wrote to tell them that they were about to become grandparents again. She could hardly wait to put pen to paper to begin the subterfuge, but first she must have a strong word with the staff and they must all know in no uncertain terms that should any of them disobey her instructions it would mean instant dismissal for them.

  To say the staff was stunned when she gathered them together to tell them of her plan later that afternoon would have been putting it mildly. They gazed at her in disbelief.

  ‘Now, have each of you clearly understood what I have said?’

  ‘Yes, ma’am.’ Their heads bobbed in unison and with a satisfied nod and a swish of silken skirts Mrs Forbes left them to mutter amongst themselves.

  ‘But why didn’t Pearl tell us she was carrying Master Monty’s baby?’ Sally said. Mrs Forbes had consciously decided not to tell them that the child was a result of rape. ‘I didn’t even think she liked him.’

  Cook remained tight-lipped; it wasn’t her place to tell them. Eliza didn’t say anything either, she was too busy fuming. Once again Pearl was going to land on her feet, just as she always did, she thought jealously.

  And what about after the birth? Mrs Forbes had told them that Pearl would be free to return to England if she so wished, but what about her? Was she to be left here scrubbing pots for the rest of her life? Had Pearl even given Eliza’s future a thought? Her mood dark, she stormed from the room and headed for the riverbank; she needed time to think.

  It seemed that she wasn’t the only one, because when she got to the river, she saw Pearl staring into the swirling waters with a thoughtful expression on her face.

  ‘Well, you certainly came out of that all right as usual, didn’t you?’

  Pearl started and swung about to see her sister stamping towards her, her gleaming fair curls swirling about her shoulders like a golden cloak. ‘Oh . . . Mrs Forbes has told you what we intend to do, then?’

  ‘She’s told us, all right,’ Eliza answered scathingly. ‘What I don’t understand is how you can give Monty’s baby away as if it means nothing! I would have done anything to have his child!’

  ‘How many times must I tell you, I never wanted Monty,’ Pearl said in exasperation, but Eliza simply wheeled about and stalked away, leaving Pearl to stare sadly after her, wondering if they would ever be close again.

  Once she’d made her announcement, suddenly Mrs Forbes began to take an interest in things again. In the nursery the cobwebs that had accumulated over the years were swept away and it was scrubbed from top to bottom, then Will moved in to give it a fresh coat of paint, and the crib was fetched down from the attic. A chimney sweep came to sweep the chimney and gay-coloured rugs were laid across the floor. Mrs Forbes wrote to her mother to inform her of the impending arrival and within weeks baby clothes began to arrive in readiness for when the child was born. Cook began to knit tiny coats and bonnets and Mrs Forbes, who was an excellent needlewoman, spent much of her time embroidering tiny nightdresses. Pearl, meanwhile, was no longer allowed to work.

  ‘I don’t want you overdoing things,’ Mrs Forbes explained, terrified that something might happen to the baby. She was aware that her husband still had grave reservations about the adoption but because his wife seemed to have come out of the shell she had hidden away in, he said not a word. His main fear was that Pearl would change her mind about giving the child away once it was born. He had heard of this happening but his wife assured him that Pearl had had no intentions of keeping the baby, even if they had not offered to adopt it.

  Pearl seemed to grow bigger by the day, and by the end of July she could hardly wait for the birth to be over. She was the only one who knew she was bearing the child of a murderer but it was a secret she would take to her grave, for how could she ever tell her mistress that her son had murdered his own sister?

  And then some very happy news further
heightened the mood in the house, when Will and Susan confided to them all that they intended to get married.

  ‘About time too!’ Cook told them with a wide grin. ‘Why, a blind man on a galloping donkey could have seen how fond you were of each other. I’m just shocked it’s taken you both so long to realise it yourselves.’

  Susan smiled shyly as they all offered their congratulations.

  ‘So, when is the happy day to be?’ Cook asked in her usual forthright way.

  ‘We thought the end of next month, providing the mistress doesn’t mind. I mean, we know she is still in mourning and we wouldn’t want to upset her.’ Will gave his new fiancée a warm smile. ‘But now we’ve decided to do it there seems no point in waiting, so if the mistress does give her permission, we’re going to see the vicar today.’

  ‘I’m sure she wouldn’t want to stand in the way of your happiness,’ Cook said. ‘But that don’t give us much time to organise everything,’ she fretted.

  ‘Actually, we only want a very quiet wedding,’ Susan told her hastily. ‘We’ll just go to the church and get married and then I’ll move into Will’s rooms over the stables with him.’

  ‘But you’ll need a nice new dress,’ Cook told her. ‘And I’ll put a little spread on here for you. I’m sure the mistress won’t mind.’

  Knowing that it would be useless to argue with Cook when she had made her mind up about something, the couple agreed.

  ‘But only a very small do for the people here,’ Susan told her.

  ‘Right, then if you don’t mind, I’m going to go through and tell the mistress the happy news and put your minds at rest,’ Cook declared, as she took her apron off – and before they could stop her, she was off with a spring in her step.

  She found Mrs Forbes busy sewing in the day room and when Cook told her about the wedding she beamed with genuine pleasure.

  ‘They’re just concerned that it might be a bit soon after . . . you know with Master Monty . . .’ Cook faltered.

  ‘Not at all, it’s just wonderful.’ Her face became sad for a moment. ‘After all the sadness, we now have two happy events to look forward to, don’t we? It’s funny, isn’t it? They say that life’s circle is a birth, a marriage and a death. We shall have had all three within a year, even if they have been in the wrong order. But now, what is Susan planning to wear? We must have her looking her best. Send her in to me, would you, Cook? I’m sure I shall have a gown that would be suitable for her upstairs, and a bonnet too, no doubt. My gowns will probably be a little large for her but we can alter it to fit. I’m just sad that I won’t be able to attend the church and neither will Pearl. But never mind, we can see them before they set off and when they get back.’

  And so shortly after, Susan and the mistress went upstairs and when she came back down Susan had a beautiful shot-silk gown across her arm and a large smile on her face.

  ‘The mistress insisted I should have it,’ she told Pearl, her eyes shining like stars. ‘And she’s given me a bonnet trimmed with silk flowers and a tiny veil to match it too. She’s even going to alter it to fit me. Oh, I’m so happy.’

  Pearl was pleased for her too, and yet as she witnessed Susan’s joy, she felt a pang of regret as she thought of Nick. She would never know what it was to be a bride now because if she couldn’t marry him, she would never marry anyone. She deeply regretted that she couldn’t be at the wedding as well, but that was out of the question. Until after the birth, both she and the mistress would be virtual prisoners in the house. But still, she consoled herself, at least she would be able to help Susan get ready for her wedding on the day and she would be here to celebrate with her when the happy couple got home, so that was something.

  The next four weeks passed in a blur and finally the day of the wedding dawned. A bright sunny day with not a cloud in the sky.

  Downstairs, Cook was putting the finishing touches to the wedding breakfast as Pearl helped Susan to get dressed. Finally, she was ready and as Pearl tied the ribbons of her bonnet beneath her chin she was choked with emotion. ‘You look so beautiful,’ she whispered. And it wasn’t just the grand dress that made her so, it was the glow that eman-ated from her. Mrs Forbes tapped on the door then and as she entered the room, she too was emotional as she stared at the bride.

  ‘Why, you look just stunning, my dear,’ she whispered as she handed Susan a bouquet that she had ordered for her.

  Susan gasped with pleasure as she stared at the sweet-smelling freesias and cream roses surrounded by delicate, snow-white baby’s breath.

  ‘Oh, ma’am . . . you shouldn’t have. The dress and the bonnet were more than enough.’

  ‘Nonsense.’ Mrs Forbes waved her thanks aside. ‘Every bride should carry a posy.’

  ‘Thank you, ma’am.’ Tears glistened in Susan’s eyes as her mistress stepped forwards to give her a hug and pull the wispy veil that was attached to the hat over her face. ‘Now, be off with you. You have a wedding to go to,’ Mrs Forbes told her with a smile. ‘And we shall all be waiting here for you when you get back. I only regret that I can’t be there with you.’

  The happy couple arrived back at the house an hour later to a shower of rice and rose petals and a feast fit for a king laid out for them. Even Mr and Mrs Forbes were there to greet them and they looked genuinely happy for them.

  ‘We’ve never had two members of staff get wed before,’ Mr Forbes said as he accepted a glass of wine from Pearl. ‘So may I raise a toast to the happy couple. May you always be as happy as you are today and may all your troubles be little ones!’

  As Susan blushed, everyone laughed.

  ‘Poor lass, give her chance,’ Cook chided as Will stared down at his wife adoringly. After losing his darling Esme, he had thought he would never love again but Susan had wormed her way into his heart and he felt whole again.

  ‘I don’t want any of you doing any more work today. This is a day of celebration; we can all do with cold cuts for dinner this evening,’ Mrs Forbes told them, and everyone was more than happy to oblige.

  It was a truly happy day, even Eliza managed the odd smile, and by the time the newly-weds retired to their room, they were all in a happy frame of mind. It was a wonderful balmy night with the sky full of stars and Pearl was tempted to stroll by the river before going to bed, but because her ankles were swollen, she decided against it. She was just weeks away from giving birth now and was so big that she waddled rather than walked. The warm weather wasn’t helping either and her back ached almost all the time.

  She found Eliza already in their room by the time she had puffed her way upstairs. Mrs Forbes had offered her a room in the main house, but Pearl had opted to stay close to her sister, not that Eliza had any time for her anymore.

  ‘It’s been a lovely day, hasn’t it?’ Pearl said as she struggled into her nightgown – but as usual there was no response from her sister, so with a sigh she climbed into bed and tried to get comfortable, which was proving to be more difficult by the day.

  I wonder what Nick is doing now? she thought, as she stared towards the window. She still missed him but had accepted that she would never see him again. It broke her heart, but she knew that it was something she was going to have to learn to live with for the rest of her life.

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  ‘I

  really must insist that you have a bedroom in the main house now, Pearl,’ Mrs Forbes told her one day early in September, as they sat together sewing yet more baby clothes. Pearl was sure that between them they must have made enough for at least six babies. ‘Your labour could start any day now and I would feel safer knowing I was close by, so I’ve asked Susan to prepare a room for you on the same landing as me. I also have the doctor on standby. The midwife here is known to be a bit of a gossip, so I’d rather the doctor attend the birth; we know we can trust him.’

  Knowing that she was about to leave the room she shared with Eliza, Pearl suppressed a sigh. She supposed Mrs Forbes was right, so she reluctantly agreed. After
all, she could hardly give birth with Eliza there. ‘Very well, I’ll get Susan to help me move my things in a while.’

  Mrs Forbes looked relieved. She was as nervous about this birth as Pearl herself was, and terrified at what she thought of as her last chance at happiness being snatched away from her.

  ‘Have you thought of any names for the baby yet?’ Pearl asked.

  Mrs Forbes smiled. ‘I have, as it happens, but I’ve decided to wait until after the baby is born to make my final decision.’

  Pearl had no problem with this. If Mrs Forbes was going to take the child as her own, then she thought it only fair that she should choose its name. As something else occurred to her, she asked tentatively, ‘And what about, er . . . feeding it?’

  ‘I’ve already discussed this with the doctor,’ Mrs Forbes surprised her by saying. ‘And he did suggest that perhaps it would be best if you were willing to feed the baby, for the first few days at least. Apparently, that’s when the child draws its goodness from the mother. Ordinarily I would hire a wet nurse but of course in these circumstances that won’t be possible. Once we get the first few days over, the doctor can see no reason why the child can’t be bottle-fed. Do you think you could do that for me?’

  ‘I suppose so,’ Pearl agreed, although the thought was abhorrent. Just thinking of it conjured up images of Monty sucking and biting at her tender breasts. But then she supposed the child couldn’t be blamed for the sins of its father.

  ‘Excellent. Then I think we are all prepared, and once you’ve moved into your new room, all we need is the baby.’

  ‘Will you be hiring a nanny to care for it?’

  Mrs Forbes shook her head. ‘Oh no, dear. I intend to care for it myself, and Susan has promised to help too. I’m sure we’ll manage very well between us.’

  ‘I’m sure you will.’ It was strange to think that this dear woman was looking forward to having the child as much as Pearl was dreading delivering it. Now that her time was close, she was alternately looking forwards to getting it over with and dreading the birth. She had seen her own mother bring two of her siblings into the world, so she knew exactly what lay ahead of her. Not something to look forward to at all. But she supposed the sooner it happened, the sooner she could get on with her life.