Mary

by Peggy McKenzie

  The sun was behind the mountaintops and the shadows were long. It was too late to ride down off the mountain now. Time had slipped away while he was busy reliving the past to pay attention to the present. “I guess we’ll have to spend the night up here on the mountain tonight. It’s too late to try to ride down now. Too dangerous for us and the horses.”

  “It’s alright, Doc. I’m more comfortable under the night stars than I am in the Hanovers’ bedroom. I much prefer the wilderness than town.”

  “I’m not as worried about you as I am that Irish-tempered brother of yours. He’s not going to understand how we could have lost track of time and got caught out here at night.” Doc shook his head in dread at the thought. “That is not going to be a happy reunion tomorrow when we finally do get back to town.”

  Mary grinned at him. “Honestly, Doc. I’m a grown woman and I have a mind of my own. This,” she spun around in a circle encompassing the forest and mountains in her gaze, “this is my home. And if my brother decides he’s going to play big brother after all these years, I’ll set him straight. Please don’t worry.”

  Resigned, he shrugged. “We might as well make the horses as comfortable as possible. I’ll make a corral out of those fallen aspen trunks. They are old and should be light enough to wedge between the branches of those trees.” The two of them made quick work of securing their horses. The next thing was to get their dinner caught before it grew too dark to see. He rigged up an aspen branch for a fishing pole and made a hook from a bone he took from a small animal carcass near the stream just below their camp. He was not surprised when Mary disappeared and returned with two fat rabbits she had snagged in a makeshift snare. Together, they cleaned the trout he caught and Mary’s two rabbits. Soon the aroma of the wild game over the open fire filled the air and made his mouth water.

  Once the food was done, it didn’t take them long to eat their fill. Sitting by the fire with a full belly, he leaned back on his saddle and stared up at the night sky. “I should do this more often. I forget how much I love it out here.” He wasn’t certain Mary had heard him at first because she was lying next to the fire on her horse’s blanket resting her head on the saddle, but when she moaned in agreement, he turned his full attention to the woman lying just a few feet from him. A jolt of desire hit him low and he realized with certainty, his appetite had turned to something much more enticing than fish and rabbit.

  Chapter 14

  Mary awoke to the sounds of coyotes howling in the distance. She realized she must have fallen asleep. A sated appetite and a long ride in the saddle did that to a person. A quick look around revealed her traveling partner was gone, but she wasn’t worried for she knew he wouldn’t go far. Another chorus of howls echoed off the mountains and the horses stomped nervously in their makeshift corral. She started to rise to check on them when Doc’s voice spoke to her from the darkness. “They’re alright. I just checked on them.”

  She turned to see him emerging from the rim of darkness just outside the fire’s muted glow. It took her a moment to realize he wasn’t wearing his shirt. And besides being half naked, his hair and skin were dripping with water droplets. He had taken a bath in the stream just below the campsite. She wished she’d thought of that. Better yet, she wished she could have joined him, but memories of his refusal to kiss her drove insecurities into her confidence.

  “Did you miss me?” He asked and she caught something in his tone. Her eyes searched his face, hoping to catch his meaning, but the fire wasn’t bright enough to illuminate his features.

  She made conversation instead. “I see you took a bath in the stream. It sounds wonderful after a long day in the saddle. Would you mind if I had a turn?” She asked and liked the look he gave her.

  “No, not at all. Help yourself. Although I wouldn’t stay too long. It’s getting to be that time when the predators will be in search of water. And something to nibble on.” His comment surprised her and she jerked her head around to catch his smile before he turned his back to tend the fire.

  “I know how to protect myself should I feel that I’m in danger,” she teased back hoping he understood her meaning.

  “I don’t doubt that. Remember, I’ve seen your knife.” His throaty laugh sent shivers over her skin. There was a difference in Doc tonight. A difference she hoped to explore.

  “I better get going. Would you mind stoking the fire a bit hotter, please? The creek water will be frigid, so I’d like to return to a warm fire when I’m finished bathing.”

  She caught a glimpse of his dark eyes and the look in them when he looked at her. Oh, yes. There was most definitely something different about her companion tonight and her body was suddenly feeling very flushed. Perhaps she could convince the good doctor to use his healing hands on her tonight.

  The next morning Doc awoke to the sound of an elk bugling in the summer meadow down below. He had also woke up alone.

  He sat up and quickly scanned the camp. Mary was nowhere to be seen. His mind raced thinking of the possibilities of where she could be when her voice spoke softly behind him. “I thought you would sleep all day, lazy bones,” she teased. He watched the beautiful woman he’d made love to last night stride into their camp carrying a willow branch with six or seven cleaned small stream trout hanging from it. “I’m hungry and I know you have to be after all the work you did last night.”

  He grinned and rose from the blanket they shared. Standing naked in all his handsome glory, he wanted her to leave the fish on the ground and fall back underneath that blanket with him again. But thoughts of Liam and a search party riding upon them in a compromising situation, quelled his desires. He pulled the blanket up around his waist and hunted for his discarded clothes.

  “They’re over there.” Mary pointed to a bush close to the horse stalls. She laughed and squatted next to the fire. “You were very enthusiastic when you finally decided to take me to your bed.”

  “You weren’t exactly shy, you know,” he teased back. In fact, she was magnificent and he wanted to learn more, but . . .

  He watched her spread the fish apart and lay the branch’s ends in the fork on each side of the fire. Soon, the heat and smoke gently cooked the fish. The aroma was unbelievable. It brought back so many memories of the things he enjoyed as a child growing up in the forest. He planned to spend a lot more time in the mountains instead of just his occasional trips for herbs and roots. The pain he felt when he reminisced of his time in the mountains as a boy, had taken on a new perspective since he unburdened his guilt to Mary last night.

  He braced for the pain that usually came with thoughts like that. It was still there, but—

  “What are you thinking so hard about?” Mary’s gentle voice pulled him back to the present.

  “I was thinking about how much I enjoy the smells and sounds of the forest and wondered why I don’t spend more time out here.”

  “The mountains were both your salvation and your source of pain. I think you didn’t come back because of the pain and guilt you felt, but you kept coming back because it was also where you felt joy and close to your people.”

  He cut a surprised look to Mary. Her assessment of his life was painfully accurate. “How did you get to be so wise?”

  A ghost of a smile, sad and thoughtful, drifted across her fair features. “I’m only wise to the tragedies I have experienced. You are not alone in your grief, for I have known many people, Indian and white, who have allowed their grief and guilt to steal their life. They allowed it to fester . . . for different reasons. But in the end, I have seen those who allowed the healing to take place or their soul, and I have seen those who did not. Grief must happen. It is the way of the Great Father. That is why we must find purpose in the tragedy. Otherwise, we humans cannot make sense of our losses and we die inside before our body does.”

  He heard Mary’s words and now, he believed them. He was so lucky to have been in those woods that day near the springs and even more fortunate to have stumbled upon this woman. He was
glad he had the opportunity to bring Liam and Mary back together all these years, but he was even more delighted and grateful, he had found someone like her to—

  “Ready to eat? Fish is almost done.”

  “Yes, am ready.”

  She picked the fish off the fire and handed him one. He pulled the charred skin away to reveal the light, flaky meat of the mountain trout underneath. “Does it get any better than this?” He marveled as the tasty morsels hit his tongue. He took in the sounds and smells of the great mountains. This is where he belonged.

  “No, it doesn’t.” Mary agreed and together they finished off the feast of fish.

  His physical hunger satisfied, he decided perhaps they should talk about last night. He wasn’t used to declaring his feelings for someone, mostly because he didn’t allow himself to have feelings, but last night had changed something inside him. He still felt the guilt of a young boy denying his heritage to survive, but he understood it better now. And the realization that he had survived to bring goodness and healing into the world that would have been extinguished had he chosen a different path, gave him the perspective he needed to expand on the life he’d carved out for himself here in Creede so close to his mother’s people.

  “There you go, thinking again.”

  He nodded. “Yes, there I go thinking again. And that wouldn’t be possible without you, Mary. I suppose we should probably talk about last night.”

  Mary’s eyes dropped and he couldn’t tell what she was thinking.

  “Is that necessary?”

  She surprised him with her comment.

  “I suppose not. Not if you don’t want to. I just thought—”

  Her clear blue eyes studied him. “You thought that I had expectations after last night. That I’d want something more from you than just the connection we shared last night. I know that is what you expected, but that is not who I am.”

  Disappointment soured the fish in his belly. He figured as much. He’s finally found the perfect woman for him, someone who understood him completely, and she wasn’t interested. She’d made it clear there was no husband waiting for her back in the Ute village, but he supposed that didn’t mean there wasn’t someone. This is why he didn’t want to love anyone. Because something always happened.

  Chapter 15

  Mary held her emotions in check. As much as she wanted to know how Doc felt about their union last night, she was afraid she wouldn’t be able to keep him from seeing how hard she had fallen in love with him. She quelled her impulse to throw herself in his arms and take him to her blanket again. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to. It was because he needed more time. Time to deal with the raw emotions his confession last night exposed.

  “Are you sure you don’t want to talk about last night?” he asked again.

  “I see no need to talk about last night. You and I were one. We connected our bodies and spirits under the bright stars in the midnight sky. We did what man and woman have done since the Ancient People roamed these same mountains. Why must we talk about it?”

  She could see he had something on his mind, and she intended to let him reveal his thoughts first before she said a word that would expose her feelings to him. She’d heard how many women tried to catch him in their matrimonial snare and the more they tried, the more Doc ran in the opposite direction. She wanted him to run to her, not away from her.

  “Well, I just think that it might be good if we decided how things are gonna be when we get back to town.”

  “Decide how things will be? Explain.”

  “It’s been a long time since I’ve allowed myself to get close to anyone—be close to anyone—body or soul and I’m new at sharing my feelings. It’s not something I’m comfortable in doing after—”

  “After everything you’ve endured?” She urged him along hoping to hear the words she longed to hear.

  “Yes, after everything I’ve endured. But now that you know how I got to be the person that you see in front of you, I’m going to need some time to sort out all these feelings.”

  Joy filled her heart, and she pushed a little harder to hear the words she wanted so badly. “And what feelings are you trying to sort out, Doc? The feelings of your past? Feelings about your father? Or—”

  “No, I need time to sort my feelings about you.”

  “Me? You have feelings for me?” She remained calm and poised on the outside, but on the inside she was dancing for joy. He said he had feelings for her and if his enthusiasm during last night’s union was any indication—

  “Yes, I do. I want to think about those feelings before I say anything, but—”

  “Hey, Doc. Is that you?” A man’s voice called out from the other side of a stand of aspen trees near the road.

  Shocked to hear the sound of another human voice this far up the mountain, he motioned for her to be silent, then picked up his pistol and yelled back. “Yeah, it’s me. Who’s asking?” He checked to be sure his pistol was loaded. She sat down on a log so her hand could be nearer to the knife she carried in her boot.

  The sound of a horse pushing through the brush soon gave way to Sheriff Grayson and her brother, Liam. She could tell by their sweeping glance of their campsite, they noticed the sleeping arrangements. She hoped her brother wasn’t going to cause trouble.

  “Well, good morning to the two of you. You had me worried out of my mind when you didn’t return last night,” Liam said dividing his attention between her and Doc.

  Mary sent a speculative glance to Doc, but he wouldn’t look in her direction. She was sure he was just about to admit he had feelings for her, but then her bossy brother shows up. How on earth he and the sheriff had found their camp in the middle of this big mountain, she had no idea. Just her luck.

  “As you can see, we are perfectly fine,” she pinned her brother with a look full of meaning.

  “Yes, well I can see that now, but last night when you didn’t come home, I was sure something had happened.”

  Something had happened alright, but thanks to her nosey brother, she’d have to wait for another opportunity to find out exactly what that something was.

  Doc felt the strain of the ride home. No, he felt the strain of his friend’s stare boring a hole in his back on the ride home. Somehow, Liam had maneuvered his horse alongside Mary’s so that left him riding alongside Sheriff Grayson or slipping off the side of the mountain because the trail wasn’t wide enough for three horses abroad.

  Three hours later, he left his horse at the livery stable and watched Mary and Liam ride south toward the Hanovers. He wished he and Mary could have had a few more minutes to talk about what happened between them last night, but Liam and the sheriff’s unexpected arrival didn’t give them the time they needed.

  Well, that’s not entirely true. They had had the time. It was Mary who made it clear she didn’t see the need to examine what happened between them last night. He wasn’t sure how he felt about that or Mary. If he was honest with himself, he’d admit that he had been attracted to her the moment he laid eyes on her in the forest by The Springs. But attraction was one thing. What he was thinking about was something entirely different. Something totally new for him and he needed time to examine those feelings.

  He walked the few blocks from the livery to his office lost in his own thoughts. When he arrived, he dumped his gear onto the front office floor.

  “Hi, Doc. Is everything alright?”

  “Yeah, why wouldn’t it be?”

  “No reason, I suppose. I heard through the sisterhood that you and Mary didn’t come back last night, so . . .”

  “Everything’s fine. I think.”

  “That comment sounds like there might be some doubt. Wanna talk about it? We don’t have any patients expected.” Hope had already vacated his chair and made herself comfortable in her usual spot beside his desk. Under normal circumstances, he wouldn’t be open to talking about his personal life, not even with Hope, but after last night, he could use a woman’s perspective on the matter.


  He dropped his gear next to his desk and took his seat. How did he start this conversation?

  “Why not start at the beginning, Doc? Sometimes, that’s the best way.”

  She was reading his mind again. How did she do that?

  “The beginning. I’m not sure I’m ready to go that far back, at least, not again so soon after—”

  “Well then just start at the place where you are most comfortable and then you can branch out from there. How does that sound?”

  “Yeah, I suppose that’ll work.” He sat thinking about his night in the mountains with Mary. Then he moved on to all the feelings that night uncovered. What was it about Mary . . . and Hope that made them see things he hadn’t wanted them to see?

  Lost in thoughts, Hope reached over and touched his arm. “Just start. You’ll be surprised at how easy it will get once you start talking.”

  “Alright. When I first found Mary, I felt an immediate connection with her. I couldn’t explain it then, but after last night I understand it…better. You see, Hope, there’s a lot of things about my past I’ve been reluctant to share with anyone for fear people wouldn’t understand or they would judge me for what I was instead of who I was.”

  He let his words hang in the silence waiting to see what Hope would say. He could see the wheels of her mind turning to make sense of what he’d just said, but she kept quiet. He took that as a sign to continue.