All My Loving: A Butler, Vermont Novel

by Marie Force

  For the longest time, Joyce said nothing.

  “Mom? Did you hear me?”

  “I heard you.”

  “And?”

  “I’m not sure what I’m supposed to say to that.”

  “You could say, ‘It’s amazing that she reached out to you and that you’re going to have your daughter in your life.’”

  “So you’re going to do it, then?”

  “Of course I am.”

  “You know you don’t have to, right?”

  “I do know that, but it never occurred to me not to step up for her. Why wouldn’t I when I can certainly provide a loving home for her now?”

  “Where’re you going to do that? You live out of suitcases on the road two hundred days a year.”

  “I’m well aware of how my life was.”

  “Was? Past tense?”

  “I think so, Mom.”

  “Are you giving me notice?”

  Amanda hadn’t intended to do that today, but what was she waiting for? She already knew she wanted to change her life, and in order to have any kind of meaningful existence for herself, her daughter and Landon, she needed to change jobs. “Yes, I guess I am. I want you to know how much I appreciate the opportunities you gave me with the company. I’ve appreciated it so much, but I want something different now.”

  “Because of Stella?”

  “Partially, but also because of me. I’m tired of living out of suitcases and not having a real home or a life outside of work. The fire was a huge wake-up call that I need to make some changes. I’d had that epiphany before I heard from Stella. And now that she’s in the mix, I have even more incentive to figure out my shit and decide where I’m going to live.”

  “You’ll be coming home, then?”

  Amanda took a deep breath and held it for a second. “I don’t think so.”

  “Where will you go?”

  “I think I might stay right here in Butler, if Stella doesn’t mind moving to Vermont. They live in upstate New York, so I could take her there a few times a year to see her friends.”

  “What’s so exciting about that small town in Vermont that you want to stay there permanently?”

  “So many things. It’d be hard to sum it up until you see it.” She didn’t want to tell her mother about Landon. Not yet. She didn’t want her mother to think she was making life decisions based on a man. He was definitely part of the equation, but she was the bigger part of it. This was about her, first and foremost. She wanted to be someone her daughter could be proud of and set the right kind of example. To do that, she needed a job that didn’t require her to travel constantly and a home in a place where a child could grow and thrive.

  Butler felt like that kind of place.

  “What will you do for work?”

  “I’ve inquired about a job with the Abbott family’s business. They’re launching the catalog and warehouse this fall.”

  “Won’t you find that boring after what you do now?”

  “Not at all. They’re building the catalog and warehouse from the ground up, so it’s an exciting time for their company. This week, they’re launching our product line and doing a family photo shoot for the catalog. I haven’t been bored one minute since I’ve been here.”

  “Well, I’m going to have to get there to check this place out before much longer. Of course, I’ll want to meet Stella, too.”

  “We’ll make that happen for sure,” Amanda said, surprised but delighted at the genuine interest her mother was showing in meeting Stella. “When the time is right.”

  “I’ve been wanting to talk to you about my own situation.”

  “What about it?”

  “I’m thinking about retiring and planned to ask if you were interested in my job, but I guess that’s a moot point now.”

  “Maybe not,” Amanda said, thinking fast. “I’m sure the company realizes by now that they’d need two people to replace you since you work sixty hours a week. What if I coordinated the trade show element, and you hired someone else to manage the sales force?”

  “Didn’t you just say you want to work for the Abbotts?”

  “I do, but I think I could handle that part of your job, too. I’m going to have a child to support, college to pay for. The extra income will help.”

  “That’s an interesting idea. I’ll pitch it to them and let you know what they say.”

  “And you’ll convey my two weeks’ notice?”

  “I’ll do that. It’s going to be odd not to work together anymore,” Joyce said, sounding sad about the changes.

  “We’ll still talk all the time, and I’m going to want you to come visit—and eventually meet your granddaughter.”

  “I’d like that.”

  “Well, then, we’ll make that happen as soon as possible.”

  “Keep me posted?”

  “I will. Thank you again for everything you’ve done for me, Mom. The job has really meant the world to me.”

  “You did a great job for us. Don’t be surprised if you hear from Martin,” she said of her boss. “He’ll want to keep his top sales rep in the family.”

  “Thanks for the warning,” Amanda said with a laugh. “I’ll be ready for him.”

  “Let me know how the training goes with the Abbott sales force.”

  “Will do. We train on Monday.”

  “I’ll speak to you soon, then. Love you, honey.”

  “Love you, too, Mom.” Amanda put down the phone, feeling oddly emotional after hearing those words from her mother. Their relationship had become very businesslike and transactional after Amanda went to work for her. She was interested to see how things would evolve between them when they no longer worked together.

  The phone rang again, and she grabbed it without checking the caller ID. “Did you forget something?”

  “What? Who’s this?”

  “Amanda. Who’s this?”

  “Is Landon there?”

  “No, he’s working.”

  “Tell him Chrissy called. Again.”

  The line went dead before she could say anything. “Lovely.” Amanda shook that off and went back to thinking about the call with her mom.

  “So, that happened. You quit your job.” She took a second to let the words register, expecting to feel regret or fear or something other than elation. “I quit my job.”

  Smiling, she stood, stretched and did a happy little dance that she instantly regretted when her ankle objected. “Buzzkill.” She returned to the sofa, put her foot on a pillow and powered up her new laptop for the first time to prepare for the Abbott training and to revisit the work she’d done on the catalog for the intimate line.

  For the first time in a while, she actually felt like working, which was a welcome relief and a sign that maybe she was getting back to some semblance of normal. Call it the “new norm,” full of exciting challenges and adventures to come. She refused to slip back into old habits of living half a life that focused almost exclusively on work.

  That was no way to live, and those days were over.

  It was like she’d torn up her life plan and started over with a blank page that she could fill any way she chose. The first two items on her blank page would be Stella and Landon. Everything else that came along would be like frosting on the sweetest cake. Just knowing she didn’t have to travel from city to city all summer was enough to fill her with joy.

  After an hour of reviewing the catalog and other work-related emails, she called up a web browser and dove into a deep rabbit hole of real estate options in the Butler area. That’s what she was doing when the phone rang with a call from the adoption agency.

  Amanda pounced. “Hello?”

  “Ms. Pressley, this is Kathleen calling with more information. Do you have a pen handy?”

  “I do.” With her fingers poised on the keyboard, she was ready.

  “Stella and her mother, Kelly, are available for a call tonight at nine p.m. Does that work for you?”

  “Yes,” Amanda said,
blinking back tears. “That works.”

  “Excellent. Here’s the number at which you can reach them.”

  Amanda typed the number, which was in the 518 area code, and repeated it back to Kathleen to make sure she had it right. “Please let them know I’ll call at nine.”

  “I’ll do that, and I wish you all the best. I can only imagine how you must be feeling.”

  “It’s hard to put into words.”

  “We have counselors available should you need someone to talk to.”

  “Thank you. I’ll keep that in mind. So far, I’m doing okay, but there’ve been a few tears.”

  “I’m sure. For what it’s worth, Stella seems like a delightful young lady.”

  “I can’t wait to talk to her. Not sure how I’ll last until nine.”

  “Please let me know if there’s anything I can do for you. We’re here if we can be of assistance.”

  “Thank you again.”

  “My pleasure.”

  Amanda ended the call and immediately figured out how long it would take to get from Butler, Vermont, to Albany. “Ugh, almost four hours. Longer than I thought. Oh well, that’s still closer than a lot of other places she might’ve been.”

  She was spinning and realized that, but couldn’t seem to help the desperate need to know everything about her daughter now that the door had been cracked open to allow her into the child’s life in a much more meaningful way. Since she’d received that letter, she’d had to keep reminding herself that what was the most wonderful thing to happen to her was coming at the price of a devastating loss for Stella.

  By the time Landon came home at two, Amanda was about to combust from the way time seemed to move backward all day. Every time she looked at the clock, it was only one minute later than the last time.

  “I’m very happy to see you,” she said to him.

  He took off his boots, hung up his coat and came to sit with her on the sofa. “And why is that?”

  “Other than all the obvious reasons, my brain is going to implode at some point in the next seven hours.”

  “What happens in seven hours?”

  “I get to talk to Stella. And her mom, Kelly.”

  “Wow, that’s exciting.”

  “I know! Except time is moving backward today, and I’m about to lose my shit.”

  “We can’t have that.” He leaned in to kiss her. “I can think of many good ways to distract you from clock watching.”

  “Is that right?” He smelled of clean air, pine and freshly cut grass.

  “Oh yeah. I’m endlessly creative when it comes to distractions.”

  Amanda bit her lip as she smiled. She already felt better just having him there, and any distraction he provided was sure to be helpful.

  He cupped her cheek and stared at her. “Happy and excited looks good on you.”

  “Does it?”

  “Yeah.”

  “You’re seeing me at my best and my worst lately.”

  “I like every version of Amanda.”

  He couldn’t have said anything that would mean more to her. Before she could respond, he kissed her, and like always, his kisses required her full attention. They ended up reclined on the sofa with her arms around him as one kiss became two and three, and then she lost count. She strained against him to get closer, wanting to ride the wave of euphoria she’d been on all day and to share that feeling with him.

  While he kissed her, she unbuttoned his blue plaid flannel in search of sexy man chest. She was stymied by the T-shirt he wore underneath, which she yanked from the waistband of his jeans.

  “This sofa’s not big enough for what’s happening here,” he said against her lips.

  “What’s happening?” she asked, playing it coy.

  “You’re trying to rip my clothes off, and I want to fully encourage that.” He pushed himself up and off her, extending a hand to help her. “Right this way.” Walking slowly so she could keep up, he led her into the bedroom, where he quickly removed her sweatshirt and the tank she wore under it as well as the pajama pants she’d never changed out of.

  When he would’ve started next on his own clothes, Amanda said, “Wait, let me.” She pushed the flannel off his shoulders and lifted the T-shirt over his head, revealing a lean, muscular chest and abdomen that was covered with the perfect amount of golden-brown hair. After flattening her hands on his chest, she slid them slowly down over the best six-pack she’d ever seen, stopping at the button to his jeans.

  “You know how to torture me.”

  “What did I do?”

  Chuckling, he said, “You know what you’re doing.”

  “What am I doing?” She dropped to her knees in front of him.

  “Oh fuck. I wish I could take a picture of you right now so I could never forget how incredibly sexy you look.”

  “No pictures.”

  “Let me take a good long look, then.”

  She smiled up at him as she gently worked the zipper down over the huge bulge.

  He helped her with the jeans and kicked them off, leaving him only in boxer briefs that hugged his hard cock.

  Amanda kissed him through the underwear, drawing a tortured-sounding groan from him. She ran her hands up the backs of his legs to cup his ass, pulling him even closer to her as she worked her fingers inside the back of his boxers to start removing them. With the waistband halfway down his cock, she stopped and worked the length of him into her mouth, pulling the underwear down as she went.

  His fingers tangled into her hair as he trembled from the effort to hold back.

  She took as much as she could and then retreated, repeating the process over and over.

  “Wait,” he said when he apparently couldn’t take any more of that. “Let’s do this together.” He sat on the edge of the bed and reached for her, bringing her onto his lap. “Is this okay?”

  Amanda nodded and took him in, moving slowly to come down on him as his head dropped back and his hands gripped her ass.

  “God, that’s so good,” he said on a long exhale. “All I could think about today was what it feels like to be inside you. I can’t get enough.”

  She rolled her hips. “I can’t either.”

  “Yes, like that. Ride me.” His eyes flew open, his gaze colliding with hers in a moment of unity that was unlike anything she’d ever experienced with a man.

  She felt like he saw inside her as they made love with a kind of reverence that was all new to her.

  Landon surprised her when he wrapped his arms tight around her and stood, bringing her with him without losing their connection.

  “Where’re you taking me?”

  “All the way.” He turned them, lowered her to the bed and came down on top of her. “Is it wrong that I’ve wanted to do nothing but this since the first time I found out how fucking awesome it is with you?”

  “Nothing wrong with that.”

  Without missing a beat with his hips, he drew her nipple into his mouth and ran his tongue over the tip.

  Amanda raised her arms over her head, surrendering completely to him and the way he made her feel. Sex with an athletic man was a revelation. His stamina was admirable, which was the last rational thought she had as he picked up the pace and had her screaming from the orgasm that crashed over her suddenly, without the usual slow build. When it happened a second time a few minutes later, she was truly shocked.

  The man was a god, in bed and out. That much she knew for certain as he came down on her in the aftermath of his own pleasure, breathing hard and sweating from the effort he’d expended.

  “Wow,” she said.

  “Mmm. So good.” He kissed her neck, along her jaw and then her lips. “I knew it would be from the first second I saw you.”

  “It’s because I was holding a dildo. Admit it.”

  “That didn’t hurt anything,” he said with a laugh, “but it was you. I had a reaction to you that I’d never had to anyone other than Naomi. When I realized my brother did, too, I wanted to cry. I
wanted you all to myself.”

  “Is that why you insisted on bringing me home with you from the hospital?”

  “Absolutely. I’m a shameless opportunist, and hey, it worked for Tyler after Charley got hurt. I could only hope it would work out that way for us, too.”

  “And how’s that going so far?”

  “It’s better than anything has ever been.”

  She recalled in that inopportune moment that she had forgotten to give him the message from Chrissy. “One of your friends called while you were out.”

  “Who?”

  “Chrissy.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  “Never cut a tree down in the wintertime. Never

  make a negative decision in the low time.

  Never make your most important decisions when

  you are in your worst moods. Wait. Be patient.

  The storm will pass. The spring will come.”

  —Robert H. Schuller

  Landon cringed at the mention of Chrissy as he withdrew from Amanda and landed on the bed next to her. “That ‘friendship’ is in the past.”

  “Does she know that?”

  “We’ve never had a conversation about it, if that’s what you’re asking, but we also never had any kind of commitment. We were friends with occasional benefits. That’s it—and she knew it.”

  “And now that’s over?”

  “Of course it is. I’m with you now.”

  “And this is different than that?”

  He stared at her, seeming incredulous. “Yes.”

  “How is it different?”

  “You want me to, like, describe how it’s different?”

  “That’d be good.” She tried not to laugh as he struggled to understand what she wanted from him.

  He pretended to be annoyed. “You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?”

  “Just a little.” She propped her head on an upturned hand and waited him out.

  “You want to know how it’s different…”

  “That’s what I said.”

  “For one thing, you’re not like anyone I’ve ever known.”

  “How so?”

  Landon grimaced. “You challenge me.”

  “Is that what I’m doing right now? Challenging you?”