All My Loving: A Butler, Vermont Novel

by Marie Force

  “Yes, you’re challenging me to put words to feelings, and I’m not really sure how to do that.”

  “You’re doing great so far. Tell me more about these feelings.”

  He turned his head to look at her. “I feel something when I’m with you. Something I only ever felt for Naomi. Like you said, she’s my benchmark. I know what that was like, and it’s not as if I was running around looking for that again. But when it appeared on that day in the conference room at the store, I recognized it for what it is.”

  “And what is it?”

  He huffed out an exasperated laugh. “Something I want more of.”

  “Is that rare for you to want more?”

  “You already know it’s unprecedented since Naomi.”

  Turning on his side, he ran his fingers through her hair and caressed her cheek. “I want to be with you all the time. I had to force myself to stay on that freaking mower until two, when all I wanted was come home. When you heard about Stella, my first thought was I hope I get to meet her, that I can be part of it with you. When I was working, I kept thinking about her and you and trying to figure out how I can support you as you bring her into your life.”

  His gaze flipped up to meet hers, earnest, sincere, adorable. “I’ve had a lot of fun with women. I won’t deny that. But I’ve never had to nearly tie myself to the mower so I wouldn’t skip out on work to get to someone as soon as I possibly could.” After a pause, he added, “I’m not sure if that’s what you were looking for, but that’s how I feel.”

  “That’s pretty great.”

  “I have no interest in Chrissy or Jessica or anyone but you. I want this, between us, to be officially exclusive. Would that be okay?”

  “Well, since I’m living in your house, it’d be kind of complicated to date someone else right now.”

  His expression went blank with shock.

  Amanda laughed as hard as she’d laughed at anything since before the fire upended her world. She laughed so hard, her sides ached. “I’m teasing you, Landon. Joking. Hello? You’ve heard of that, right?”

  “My brother and I wrote the book on teasing,” he said, scoffing. “I can’t believe you actually tried to get one over on me.”

  “You didn’t honestly think I was serious about dating other people while I’m living with you, did you?”

  “Of course not.”

  “Liar. I totally got you.”

  “Did not.”

  “Did too.”

  He glared playfully at her. “Not.”

  She stuck out her tongue at him. “Too.”

  “I can think of better uses for that tongue.”

  “Landon…”

  “Yes, Amanda?”

  “Just for the record… I don’t want to date anyone but you.”

  “That’s good to know.”

  “And it’s not just because I’m living in your house. It’s because of you. You make me want things I’ve never had, things I never thought I’d want.”

  “Like what?”

  “A real life. A real relationship. A home. A family.” She rested a hand on his chest and felt the rapid beat of his heart under her palm. “I realize it’s far too soon to talk about those things—”

  “It’s not too soon. I want them, too.”

  “Even if Stella is part of the picture?”

  “Especially then.”

  The rush of emotion caught her by surprise, but that was happening a lot lately. “I have to tell you something.”

  “What’s that?”

  “I quit my job today.”

  “Wow. More big news.”

  She nodded.

  “How’d your mom take it?”

  “Better than expected, actually. Turns out she’s thinking about retiring, and we talked about me continuing to do part of her job remotely. It’s something I could do fairly easily from wherever I am, and it would be a nice source of additional income.”

  “That sounds good.”

  “The best part is it gets me off the travel circuit, which will be important for when I have Stella.”

  “True.”

  “I also asked Dani if she might consider me for the assistant manager position at the warehouse.”

  His smile stretched across his face, lighting up his beautiful golden-brown eyes. “Really?”

  She nodded. “Would that be okay? I probably should’ve discussed it with you before I mentioned it to her. It’s your family’s business, after all.”

  “It’s absolutely fine with me. Why wouldn’t it be?”

  “I don’t know. I’m all over the place lately. I’m still figuring out this new version of myself. I’m apt to be a bit of a mess for a while.”

  “You’re not a mess. You’re like a butterfly emerging from your cocoon and spreading your wings.”

  “That’s a lovely metaphor.”

  “It’s true. I’m looking forward to watching you fly.”

  She cupped his cheek and kissed him. “That’s the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me.”

  They made a mad dash to Montpelier to pick up the ring and find a dress for the wedding and were back in Butler by six to drop off the ring to a very thankful Lucas. After they left him, Landon drove Amanda to Hunter’s house, feeling as if they’d had an important breakthrough during that momentous day. They’d agreed to be exclusive, and she was making some big changes that would keep her in Butler. That was the best news of all. He was relieved to know she was looking to put down roots in his town, that she wanted to work for his family’s company and finish raising her daughter there.

  These were all good things, and he’d done something rather impetuous earlier when they were in Montpelier, but he couldn’t tell her about that. Not yet, anyway, but he hoped he could show her what he’d bought for her sooner rather than later. It counted as the craziest thing he’d ever done, but she seemed like a gamble worth taking.

  With everything moving in the right direction, why did he still have a nagging feeling that despite all their progress, things were still far from settled between them?

  He couldn’t say, and that uncertainty kept him off-balance long after they arrived at Hunter’s and settled in for a delicious dinner and a piano lesson for Amanda.

  After dinner, while she went with his brother into the room where the piano was located, Landon helped Megan with the dishes.

  “Thanks for dinner,” he said. “That pulled pork was amazing.”

  “Glad you enjoyed it. It’s all thanks to the Crock-Pot, which was on all day while we were at work.”

  “My mom used to call the Crock-Pot a miracle worker when we were all at home. Actually, she had three of them at one point.”

  “Your mom never ceases to amaze me.”

  “I know. She’s awesome.”

  Megan finished loading the dishwasher while Landon wiped the table and the countertops.

  “Thanks for the help.”

  “No problem.”

  “Let’s go sit. My ankles are swollen after being on my feet all day.”

  Landon grabbed his portable fire department radio off the counter and followed her into the living room, taking a seat next to her on the sofa. Their dog, Horace, who was Homer Junior’s brother, jumped onto the sofa and settled on her lap.

  She put her feet on a pillow that she placed on the coffee table as she stroked the dog’s ears. “Ah, that’s much better. On days like this, it’s hard to believe that pregnancy is supposed to be the most natural thing in the world. I feel like I got hit by a bus.”

  “Are you working too hard?”

  “Maybe, but I’d go crazy stuck at home. I like being at the diner and seeing everyone.”

  “Still, you ought to take it easy. People can refill their own coffee.”

  She gave him a curious look. “That’s actually not a bad idea. Two strategically placed stations would save me a lot of walking.”

  “Do it. No one would mind.”

  “I’ll see what Hunter and Elmer think.�
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  “You know they’ll be all for anything that makes it easier on you.”

  “They will. Elmer is on me every day about overdoing it.”

  “That sounds like him. He adores you.”

  “And I adore him right back.” She gave him a curious look and lowered her voice. “Things with Amanda seem good. You two are very cute together.”

  Landon glanced toward the open door of the room where Hunter and Amanda were talking about scales and registers. “Are we?”

  “Very.”

  “We’ve had a lot going on, and that’s about to become even more so.” Amanda had shared her news about Stella with Hunter and Megan over dinner, and they’d pretended to hear it for the first time. Landon felt guilty about that, but he had a feeling she wouldn’t mind that he’d shared it with them.

  “The news about her daughter is incredible, even if it’s coming from a very sad event for Stella and her mom.”

  “I know. Amanda is elated but trying to keep it in check in light of what they’re going through.”

  “That’s got to be a very fine line for her to walk.”

  “It is. I’m glad we had these plans with you guys so she had something fun to do to get through the hours before her call at nine.”

  Megan rested a hand on her pregnant belly. “I’m trying to imagine what it would be like to talk to your child for the first time twelve years after you gave birth to them.”

  “I can’t get my head around what she must be feeling. I’m just trying to be as supportive as I can be.”

  “It’s hard for you, because you two are starting something new and possibly important, and this has thrown a curveball into everything.”

  “Yeah.”

  “As much as you want to be part of this thing with her and Stella, it’s really going to be about the two of them at first. You know that, right?”

  He nodded. “I’m trying to figure out how I fit into it.”

  “It’s a big deal that she’s making plans to stay here. I think that’s in large part because of you.”

  “I hope so.”

  “It is, Landon. Of course it is. She could go anywhere, but she’s choosing to stay here.”

  “She also likes the town and is interested in our family’s business.”

  “Mostly, though, she’s interested in you.”

  “I’m glad you think so.”

  “You don’t?”

  “I do. It’s just that I’m not sure if we’re looking at a long-term thing or a fling.”

  “Has she asked you to be part of what’s happening with her daughter?”

  “Yes, but—”

  Megan held up her hand to stop him. “That’s all you need to know.”

  “How do you mean?”

  “If she wasn’t looking beyond the temporary with you, there’s no way she’d ask you to be part of her relationship with Stella. I’m not a mother yet, but I’m one hundred percent confident about that much.”

  “Huh. I hadn’t thought of it that way.”

  “I think you need to chill and enjoy the ride. Don’t overthink it.”

  “That’s easier said than done.”

  “Because you legitimately care about her. That’s why everything seems so unsettled.”

  “Is that what happened to you when you were first with Hunter?”

  “Totally. I had no idea how he felt about me, and when he clued me in, I felt like I was skiing the black diamonds in the fog with no poles.”

  “Yikes. How long did that last?”

  “Awhile. Until I caught up to him. Love is a funny thing. It’s the best feeling in the world, but it also comes with so many secondary emotions.”

  Her use of the word love stunned him. It was one thing for him to think that way, but a whole other thing for someone else to go there.

  “Why do you look like you’ve just seen a ghost?”

  “You dropped the L word.”

  “Isn’t that what we were talking about?”

  “I, uh, well…”

  Megan lost it laughing, covering her mouth in a failed effort to contain it. “You’re so stupid.”

  “Hey! It’s bad enough I have to hear that from your husband and our other siblings, but I thought you were a friend.”

  “I am your friend, and that’s why I’m telling you you’re stupid. The reason why this is so confusing, Landon, is because you’re falling in love with her. And vice versa. Why do you think she’s arranging her new life to include you? It’s not just because the sex is good, you fool.”

  “Now you’re just being mean.”

  “Awww, I’m sorry. You know I love you.”

  “Too late. You can’t take it back now. And PS, I’d already started to come to that conclusion about the L word myself, so I’m not as much of a fool as you think I am.” Despite the jabs, he adored her. Mostly, he adored the way she loved Hunter.

  “You’ll thank me later for giving you the lowdown on what’s going on here.”

  “I think you’re spending way too much time with Gramps.”

  Megan laughed again. “That might be true. I’m starting to quote him without even knowing I’m doing it.”

  “Who are you quoting, love?” Hunter asked when he and Amanda came into the room.

  “Your grandfather.”

  “He’s got her brainwashed,” Landon said.

  “I can think of worse people to be influenced by.” Hunter effortlessly arranged Megan so she and the dog were on his lap with his arms around her, the baby bump and the dog. They made for a cute little family.

  Landon extended his hand to Amanda, inviting her to join him.

  She cozied up to him, and with her in his arms and the scent of her hair enveloping him in a cloud of sweetness, he felt himself settle ever so slightly into the possibility that he was, in fact, falling in love with her.

  That was a rather earth-shattering revelation to a guy who’d gone out of his way to avoid the L word his entire adult life.

  But if falling in love meant getting to be with her every day, well, then that was just fine with him.

  “How was the lesson?” Landon asked her.

  “It was great. Hunter showed me a few things I need to practice. I’m going to order a keyboard online.”

  “We might be able to get you one through the store,” Hunter said. “We have suppliers for just about everything.”

  “Even better.”

  “I’ll check with Charley tomorrow and let you know.”

  “Thank you.” To Landon, she said, “Are you ready to head home?”

  “Whenever you are.”

  Amanda stood and found her balance while holding on to Landon’s shoulder. “Thank you, guys, so much for dinner and the piano lesson. I really appreciate it.”

  “Our pleasure,” Hunter said.

  “Don’t get up,” Landon said. “We can see ourselves out. Thanks again.”

  “Any time,” Megan said.

  Landon helped Amanda down the stairs and into his truck. “How’re you holding up?” he asked as he drove them home.

  “This last hour will be the longest of my whole life.”

  “Probably, but just think, in an hour, you get to talk to Stella.”

  “I can’t wait.” She looked over at him. “I know you have to go to work—”

  “I can hang out until you make the call.”

  “Oh good,” she said, sounding relieved. “I was so hoping you might be able to stay.”

  “Barring a rescue call, I’m all yours.” That was true in ways he was only beginning to fully understand.

  Chapter Eighteen

  “Patience is the art of hoping.”

  —Luc de Clapiers

  After Landon and Amanda left, Hunter and Megan continued to snuggle on the sofa until she was yawning so much, he insisted they turn in early. He let out Horace and locked up for the night.

  On the way upstairs, Hunter said, “I think my little boy Landon is falling in love.”

 
“I know. I told him that and freaked him out a little.”

  “He didn’t already realize it?”

  “He said he was getting there on his own, but he seemed a little startled to have it spelled out so clearly by someone else.”

  Hunter put his arms around her, gazing down at her with the love and affection that had become part of her daily life since he made her fall in love with him. “You know what I don’t miss?”

  “What’s that?”

  “All the time I spent wishing for everything we have now. I wouldn’t go back to that for anything. That uncertainty is the worst.”

  “It is. Landon is really struggling with trying to figure out how he fits into her life, especially in light of the new wrinkle with her daughter.”

  “That’s really quite a challenge for both of them,” Hunter said.

  “It is, but I think they’re up to it.”

  “I do, too. It’s funny how both he and Lucas could end up taking on kids. They’re a couple of kids themselves.”

  “No, they’re not,” Megan said. “Despite how it might seem sometimes, they’re actually fully grown men.”

  “They are? Really?”

  “They are.”

  “Huh, I must’ve missed that memo.”

  “Guess what? So is Max.”

  Hunter pulled a shocked expression. “Wow. I might need a minute to process this.”

  “Face the facts, love. Your baby brothers aren’t babies anymore.”

  “I can’t get my head around this development.”

  Megan yawned again and snuggled into his embrace, practically asleep on her feet.

  “Let’s get my baby mama tucked into bed.”

  She was almost asleep when he slid into bed a few minutes after her. “Need my kiss.” Even though her eyes were closed, she felt his smile against her lips. “Love you.”

  “Love you, too. Thanks for marrying me and making me the happiest guy in the world.”

  She managed a smile with the last of her energy. “You didn't give me much choice.” They had this conversation frequently.

  “The choice was all yours, my love.”

  “Best thing I ever did was marry you.”

  “I’m glad you feel that way.” He put his arms around her and settled her head on his chest. “Sleep. I’ve got you.”