All My Loving: A Butler, Vermont Novel

by Marie Force

  “There will be far more good, if I have anything to say about it.”

  “That gives me something to look forward to.”

  Landon got up, brushed his teeth and pulled on clothes so he could see them off.

  Stella was waiting for them downstairs. “Are you still going home today?” she asked Landon.

  “I have to, unfortunately. I’d much rather be here with you ladies.”

  “Thanks for all the support. It really helped.”

  “I’ll be back as soon as I can.” The days apart would feel like forever to him, he thought as he hugged her. “You barely know me, but you should know I’m super proud of you for how you’re handling this.”

  “Thanks. My mom has always been there for me. I want to do the same for her for as long as I have her.”

  “She’s raised a wonderful daughter.” He hugged her again before releasing her and then hugging Amanda. “I’ll check on you guys later.”

  “Drive carefully.”

  “I will. Don’t worry about me.”

  “Love you,” Amanda said, giving him a wistful look.

  Landon understood how she felt, because he was afraid of what was ahead, and he wasn’t even going to be there for most of it. “Love you, too.”

  He stood in the doorway and watched them leave in Kelly’s sedan, waving as they drove away, taking his heart with them. For a long time after they left, he stared out the window at the empty street, wishing he didn’t have somewhere to be when he was needed there.

  Before he left Kelly’s, he called the store and asked if someone could meet him at the rental car drop-off in St. Johnsbury. His dad said he’d be there at the appointed time.

  On the three-and-a-half-hour ride north to Vermont, Landon had never felt more torn between what he had to do and what he wanted to do. The farther away from Amanda he got, the more wrong it felt. He wanted to be there with her and Stella to support them through this difficult time, but there was no way he could blow off work when Luc was out, too.

  By the time he reached the rental car lot, he’d given himself a headache from grinding his teeth the whole way home.

  When he came out of the office after dropping off the keys, his dad was waiting for him in the Range Rover. Feeling as if he’d traveled a million miles since they left for the wedding on Friday, Landon tossed his bag into the back and got into the passenger seat, shutting the door a little harder than necessary.

  “Take it easy,” Linc said, always protective of his prized Range Rover.

  “Sorry.”

  “I can tell you’re loaded for bear just by looking at you.”

  “What the hell does that even mean?”

  “Primed for a fight, and if I had to guess, you’re in an uproar over leaving your lady to deal with a heartbreaking situation without you.”

  Leave it to his father to get straight to the heart of the matter. “Yeah.”

  “It sucks.”

  “It does.”

  “But you have to come home to work because your brother is still on medical leave and you can’t leave the department any more short-handed than it already is. How’d I do?”

  “Bull’s-eye.”

  “For what it’s worth, I admire your work ethic.”

  “For all the good that’s doing me when I want to be somewhere else.”

  “I know it’s hard right now, but keep reminding yourself that this situation is temporary.”

  “I hate that someone has to die for us to get back to some semblance of normalcy.”

  “That’s a terrible reality to have to confront. But if I may make a suggestion…”

  “Can I stop you?” Landon asked, grinning at his dad.

  “I suggest you start making preparations to become a family of three. You don’t have room for a soon-to-be teenager at your place, which means you’re going to need to move. Why not take care of that while Amanda takes care of Stella and her mom?”

  “That’s not an awful idea.”

  “Gee, thanks, son.”

  His father’s suggestions started the wheels turning in his mind. They needed to find a bigger house to rent or buy, and he absolutely could take care of that so they’d be ready to bring Stella home to Butler when the time came. “I appreciate the idea. It’s a good one.”

  “Since you’re new to this relationship business, I’ll toss you one more pearl of wisdom, completely free of charge.”

  Landon laughed. “Can’t wait to hear this one.”

  “Make sure you consult Amanda throughout the process of finding a new place to live. A house she has no input on isn’t the kind of surprise a woman tends to appreciate.”

  “Are you speaking from personal experience perhaps?”

  “Possibly.” Legend had it that Linc had bought the Abbott family barn sight unseen and “surprised” his bride with her ramshackle new home.

  Landon laughed hard.

  “My goal in life is to save my children from making the same mistakes I did.”

  “Your ‘mistakes’ worked out okay.”

  “In the end, yes. At the beginning? Not so much.”

  “Thanks for the laugh. I needed that.”

  “I’m proud of you, son.”

  Surprised, Landon looked over at him. “For what?”

  “For the way you’ve stepped up for Amanda after the fire and fought for what you wanted with her, despite the rocky beginning with Lucas and all that business. For doing Luc’s share of the work at the fire department and the farm while he’s laid up. For not even blinking about the fact that you’re going to become a father figure to a teenage girl. For all of it.”

  “Thanks, Dad. Means a lot to me that you’re proud.”

  “I’ve always been proud of you, even when you were acting a fool and making us all howl with laughter.”

  “That’s good to know. How’re Will and Cam and baby Chase?”

  “Doing great and hoping to come home in the next couple of days. Cabot put them up at his home until Cameron feels ready to travel.”

  “He seems like a good guy.”

  “He is. We all like him very much. And that wedding was something else, wasn’t it?”

  “It was for sure. What else is going on at home?”

  “I didn’t want to tell you when you were off with Amanda, but baby Dexter the moose escaped from his pen while we were away.”

  “What? How’d that happen?”

  “Hannah thinks Fred had something to do with it.”

  “Hannah would think that.”

  “Apparently, Dude showed up to feed Dex, and he was gone. There’s been no sign of him—or Fred—for days.”

  “Oh damn. Hannah must be beside herself.”

  “She is.”

  “Have people been out looking for them?”

  “Hunter, Max, Nolan, Gavin and Tyler were out looking for hours yesterday, but there was no sign of them.”

  “Jeez. Is it weird that I feel almost as sad about that as I would if an actual kid went missing?”

  “Nope,” Linc said. “I’ve been feeling the same way since I heard he was missing.”

  “It’s because Hannah’s had enough heartbreak, and none of us want her to have any more.”

  “That’s exactly what your mother said. I’ve got one more piece of news for you.”

  “What’s that?”

  “We think Max spent the night with Caroline after the wedding.”

  “Shut up! Go, Maxi-Pad!”

  “Honestly, Landon. How many times do I have to tell you and your idiot twin brother not to call him that?”

  “It’s our pet name for him. He loves it.”

  “Sure, he does,” Linc said, chuckling. “Seventh-grade health class for you and your fellow buffoon was one of the worst things to ever happen to poor Max.”

  “On behalf of my buffoon twin and myself, thank you. We were rather proud of our work when it came to him.”

  “All kidding aside, your mom and I were happy to see him having a
good time with Caroline. He’s had a rough few months.”

  “Yeah, he has. So how’d he get a night all to himself?”

  “Mom and I saw that he was having fun, so we suggested to Hannah that she offer to keep Caden with them for the night.”

  “In case we’ve never told you, we hit the parent jackpot with you guys.”

  “Thank you, son,” Linc said softly. “I’m glad you feel that way.”

  “We all feel that way.”

  Chapter Thirty-One

  “Obstacles don’t have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don’t turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.”

  —Michael Jordan

  Max tried to stay focused on work at the sugaring facility, but his mind was still locked in a Boston hotel room with Caroline. What a night that had been. After he’d danced with her for hours, his sister Hannah had offered to keep Caden for the night, and Max had willingly agreed. He so rarely took any time for himself anymore that he hadn’t hesitated to jump on the offer, knowing his son would be with an aunt and uncle who adored him.

  Apparently, it had been his parents’ idea, which meant they’d probably tuned in to the deep funk he’d been in lately and were hoping a night off from fatherhood would do him good.

  They’d been right about that. One night with the supremely sexy Caroline Lodge Fullerton had definitely fixed what ailed him.

  She was fun, funny, smart, athletic, sexy and up for anything in bed.

  Fuck, he could not be thinking about that unless he wanted to sport wood in the forest. That thought made him laugh.

  “What’s so funny over there?” Colton asked.

  Max hadn’t realized his brother was so close by. “Just thinking about something funny that happened this weekend.”

  “Oh yeah? What’s that?”

  Think of something, Max… “You know how Caden slept over with Hannah, Nolan and Callie after the wedding?”

  “I heard that.”

  “The kids slept between them, and they woke up to a hair-pulling fight at six a.m.”

  “That is funny.” Colton gave him a curious look. “So what’d you do with your one free night?”

  “As you well know, I went out after the wedding with you and your wife and our siblings and cousins.”

  “And after that? When you walked Caroline back to the hotel. What happened then?”

  “None of your business.”

  “Aha. So it’s like that, is it? I hope you used protection.”

  “Shut up, Colton.”

  “I’m only busting you. Don’t get pissy. I’m glad you had some fun. You needed that. You’ve been a barrel of laughs lately.”

  “It’s been harder than I thought it would be, to be on my own with Caden. Not that I’m completely on my own with Mom and Dad and everyone else around, but still…”

  “The responsibility is all yours. I feel that, and for what it’s worth, I’ve admired the hell out of how you’ve stepped up for your son.”

  “What choice did I have?”

  “You didn’t even see it as a choice. You just saw him and that he needed you, and you were there for him. That’s cool, bro.”

  “Caroline said she doesn’t want kids.”

  “Like, ever?”

  “That’s what she said.”

  “Huh. Well, that’s something to consider.”

  “Doesn’t matter anyway. She lives three hours from Vermont. I don’t even have reliable cell service unless I’m up here on the mountain. It was a fun weekend, but that’s all it’s gonna be.”

  “Who you trying to convince? Me or yourself?”

  “I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “Okay.”

  They went back to work replacing lines of plastic hose that brought sap from the trees to the sugarhouse, but Max continued to think about Caroline and the night they’d spent together while wondering if he’d ever see her again.

  Hannah hadn’t slept in days. Coming home from Boston to learn that Dexter had gotten out of his pen and disappeared had left her devastated. She was barely functioning as she waited and hoped that someone would spot him or Fred or both of them. But days later, there was no sign of either of them, and she was a sleep-deprived zombie as she worried about whether Dex had eaten anything or if he was cold or if he missed her and his home.

  She stood at the door and stared out at the dark yard, wishing with all her heart that he was safely tucked into his pen for the night.

  Maybe she’d been crazy to think she could provide a good home for a baby moose, but she’d certainly tried to make him happy.

  Nolan came up behind her and put his hands on her shoulders. “You need to get some sleep, Han.”

  “I can’t sleep.”

  “You have to.” He gently guided her back from the storm door, shutting and locking the inside door.

  “Leave the light on. Just in case.”

  Nolan left the outside light on. Taking her by the hand, he led her into their room where he undressed her and helped her into the flannel pajamas she wore year-round. “Come on, let’s brush your teeth.”

  “I can do it.”

  When she emerged from the bathroom, he was sitting on the bed waiting for her and held out his arms to her.

  Hannah went to him, sat on his lap and let him surround her with his love. “This reminds me too much of when Homer died.” Losing her late husband’s beloved dog had been like losing Caleb all over again.

  “I know you love Dex, and I’m sorry this has happened.”

  “Even though you think I’m insane for wanting to keep a baby moose as a pet?”

  “I never used the word ‘insane.’”

  “You thought it.”

  “I love you, Hannah. Whatever makes you happy makes me happy.”

  “Even Dexter?”

  “Even Dexter. I have to admit the little guy has grown on me.”

  “Can we bring him inside when he comes home?”

  “Absolutely not.”

  Her shoulders slumped again.

  “Maybe for a quick visit,” Nolan said.

  “Really?”

  “Like, ten minutes.”

  For the first time in days, she smiled.

  “There’s my girl. I hate to see you so sad.”

  “I miss him, and I’m so worried about him. He doesn’t know how to feed himself or how to stay warm without his blankets.”

  Homer Junior brushed up against her leg.

  Hannah leaned down to pick him up. “You miss your brother, too, don’t you?” she asked the dog.

  Always mindful of the sleeping baby, he gave a soft yip. He was the best-behaved dog she’d ever known, even more so than his namesake.

  “Our family won’t be complete until Dex comes home.”

  “We’ll keep looking for him,” Nolan said. “He’s got to be around here somewhere.”

  “What if…” Hannah shook her head. It didn’t bear considering.

  “What?”

  “What if he doesn’t want to live here anymore and was waiting for his chance to get away?”

  “Why in the world would he not want to live here anymore when you’ve basically turned him into a glorified poodle with three hots and a cot, toys and blankets and a cushy bed? Of course he still wants to live here. Any guy would want to be loved by you.”

  “He’s not a glorified poodle,” Hannah said on a huff.

  “Is that all you heard?”

  “I heard the rest, too, and it’s sweet of you to say that.”

  “He knows he’s got a good thing going here, Han. He’ll be back. And when he gets here, it won’t do him any good if you’ve made yourself sick worrying about him.” With his arms under her, he lifted her and walked around to her side of the bed, put her down and tucked her in with Homer Junior in her arms. “I want you to sleep for Dex and for Callie and the baby. And for me and Homer. We all need you.”

  “I’ll try,” she said, her chin quiveri
ng.

  Nolan got into bed, shut the light off and snuggled up to her and the dog. “I’m sorry you’re sad. I’d give anything to be able to fix this for you.”

  “You’ve done everything you could, and I appreciate the hours you’ve spent looking for him.”

  “Anything for you.”

  Hannah forced herself to relax and turn off her thoughts to try to get some rest. She was so tired, she could barely keep her eyes open anyway. With Nolan’s arms around her, she eased into sleep while forcing herself not to think about where Dex might be, for a little while, anyway.

  She had no idea what was happening when a crash woke her from a sound sleep.

  “What the hell?” Nolan muttered as he rolled out of bed to go see what’d happened. A minute later, he called to her. “Uh, Han, you’re going to want to come here.”

  She got out of bed, nearly tripping over her own feet and Homer Junior as she went to find Nolan. He was standing in front of the storm door and made room for her to join him so she could see Dexter frolicking in the yard like he’d been there all along.

  Hannah let out a cry and rushed into the yard to greet him with a hug. “Where have you been?”

  Dexter was so happy to see her, he peed himself.

  “Good Lord,” Nolan muttered from the stairs to the porch.

  “Where were you? I was so worried about you!”

  Dexter nuzzled her neck and kissed her face like an overgrown dog.

  A loud moo from the brush next to the driveway alerted them to Fred’s presence. He mooed again.

  “Did you take him, Fred?” Hannah stood with her hands on her hips and glared up at him. “He’s not a toy for you to play with.”

  “Moo.”

  “I hope you boys had a good time, because he’s not allowed to play with you anymore.”

  “Moo.”

  “No, I don’t want to hear it.”

  Fred let out a sound that resembled a whimper.

  “Aw, Han, you’re breaking his heart,” Nolan said. “And no, I can’t believe I just said those words. Tell him you forgive him.”