NOT SO Beautiful: a bay falls high novel

by Kidman, Jaxson

  I started to shiver again.

  I really didn’t know what was real and what was bullshit.

  All of it was horrible though.

  Even if a fraction of it was the real story, it was…

  “Ash,” I said. I reached for his hand. “I’m…”

  He moved and turned to face forward. “So now it’s your turn, angel.”

  “My turn? My turn for what?” I asked.

  “To show me your spot,” Ash said.

  I gasped. “You’re fucking joking.”

  “Nope.”

  “My spot? Where I…”

  “You’re not so innocent, angel,” Ash said. “Remember that? I’m not craving innocence either.”

  “Good to know. But I have no spot.”

  “There’s a spot. That first time… it never leaves your heart.”

  “Can’t you just go beat someone up?” I asked. “That’s what Uly said he was going to do. I’m sure Hil is doing the same.”

  “That’s what you want?”

  “Yeah, it is,” I said. “How’s that sound, Ash?”

  I swallowed down every emotion except for raw, bitchy anger.

  Ash curled his lip.

  “Remember, angel, what is about to happen is what you asked for.”

  fifteen

  Ash drove his truck the way Uly drove his car.

  Except the truck was bigger and wasn’t made to handle turns the way Uly’s car was.

  But that didn’t stop Ash.

  There wasn’t a single turn where the truck’s tires weren’t squealing for help.

  Ash didn’t care.

  He put on music and put the windows down.

  The music was dark and heavy. Some kind of heavy metal or something. All the words were screamed. The guitars were like thunder. The drums pounded against the custom sound system in the truck.

  All I could do was hold on and hope we made it back to BFH in one piece.

  Which we did.

  And when we did, Ash drove just as fast.

  He flew right by the BFH building and the parking lot.

  Part of me wanted to go home. Part of me wanted to stay with Ash.

  All of me wanted to know what the hell was going to happen next.

  Ash was a whole new evil. Not the kind that went out to hurt someone… but the kind that just was who they were which in turn hurt others.

  He fucked with my emotions. Leaving me standing there thinking the spot where I was had been where his mother took her last breath. Where a little Ash stood outside an SUV, blood pouring from a deep cut in his head, watching the SUV disappear over the cliff, where his mother would end up dead.

  And then all the extra parts of the story… his mother and father… affairs… drinking… driving…

  After he already told me that it was another drunk driver that caused the crashed that took his mother’s life.

  All of that crazy emotion left sitting on my shoulders for no good reason. Because the spot had been where Ash screwed someone for the first time. Like I gave a shit about that.

  You do give a shit, Belle. You care about everything… every little…

  Ash jerked the wheel to the right.

  I jumped and let out a quick yell.

  The truck turned sideways and came to a stop.

  We were facing a small clearing next to a side road.

  I started to open my door but stopped when I saw movement.

  A car flew up next to Ash’s truck.

  Uly climbed out, an unlit cigarette hanging from his mouth. He nodded to me and lit the cigarette.

  I turned my head to say something to Ash when I heard the rumble of a motorcycle. A second later, Hil pulled up to the other side of Ash’s truck.

  Smoking a cigarette, looking like the kind of guy you’d do anything to get away from.

  They all were that though.

  Them.

  The ones I was warned to stay away from. To run away from.

  I was better off living my old, shitty life compared to being near Them.

  “Ash…”

  He grabbed my hand and squeezed it. “This is what you wanted, angel.”

  Ash got out of the truck and my heart raced for a few seconds. And then it sank.

  Something bad was about to happen.

  * * *

  “You look a little flustered, doll,” Uly said to me, lowering down to bump his shoulder into mine.

  “No,” I said. “I’m fine.”

  “Come here, beauty,” Hil said. “Let me wrap my arms around you and keep you nice and safe. And warm. Let’s have a drink, smoke together, and when we run out of words, my tongue will invent new ones for you to feel instead of hearing.”

  Hil knew how to paint words to make me feel-

  “Where the fuck is he?” Ash asked. He put his right hand out and stopped me. “You’re staying here, Belle. So you can watch.”

  “Watch what?” I asked.

  “What you wanted to see, doll,” Uly said.

  “He’s on his way,” Hil said. “Patience, Ash. Patience.”

  “Fuck patience,” Ash said.

  The tone in his voice was power, purpose, and simply put - scary.

  He looked unhinged, like someone who couldn’t put logic before action.

  Ash kept moving forward and I stood between Uly and Hil.

  They definitely weren’t friends. Because if they were, then Uly and Hil would have done anything to get him out of there.

  What about you, Belle? What would you do to get him out of there?

  I finally decided to do something.

  I stepped forward and both Uly and Hil grabbed for me.

  As I shook out of their grasp, they both went for my hips.

  I looked back for a second to see Uly and Hil staring each other down.

  Because of me.

  Because they didn’t want to share.

  Share.

  That was crazy in itself. There was no sharing.

  My focus went back to Ash.

  “You’ve proved your point,” I said to him.

  “Get back, angel,” he said.

  “No.”

  “I’m just getting started.”

  “So am I,” I said.

  “Come on, doll,” Uly said, getting closer to me again.

  “What’s done is done, beauty,” Hil said.

  “Nothing is done yet,” I said.

  “Yes, it is,” Ash said.

  His amber eyes seemed to glow at me as he spoke.

  Like they were warning lights, flashing at me.

  The glow you give, the gift I never asked for, take it back, but please don’t leave.

  I took a mental eraser to my mind.

  In the middle of this bullshit and my mind felt like writing?

  I swallowed hard.

  I took a deep breath.

  “Sanderson Court,” I said. “An apartment building. Fourth floor. Empty… an empty apartment.”

  Ash kept staring at me. “What?”

  “That’s where it happened,” I said. “My first time.”

  “Your first time what?” Hil asked.

  I looked at him and he was grinning ear to ear.

  My face warmed up.

  “You wanted to know,” I said to Ash. “I can take you there. It’s a little bit of a drive. I don’t even know if the building is still there. It’s probably been knocked down for a grocery store or pharmacy.”

  “Is she talking about what I think she is?” Uly asked.

  “Yeah,” Ash said in a cold voice. Now he looked even more pissed off. “You missed your chance, angel.”

  “No, I didn’t,” I said. “I gave you what you wanted, Ash.”

  “And what the fuck does that mean?” Uly asked.

  “He wouldn’t be this pent up if he blew his load,” Hil said. “Trust me, I’ve seen it.”

  “You’ve seen him blow his load?’ Uly asked.

  “Fuck you, Uly,” Hil said. “You know what I mean. I
live with him.”

  My head raced and raced.

  And Ash just stood still, stoic, almost like he did on the beach when he wanted to get rid of Lizzy and Danica.

  I heard the sound of a stick snapping.

  Ash turned his head.

  He pointed to me without looking. “Get her the fuck back. Right now.”

  “Ash, stop it,” I said through gritted teeth.

  “You yell anything, beauty,” Hil whispered to me, “and I will cover your mouth. And if you lick my hand or spit on it, I’ll just get hard. Oh, that goes for biting too.”

  I looked to Uly.

  Save me, Uly… save me…

  He put his right hand out and touched my stomach.

  “Move back, doll. This is going to happen one way or another.”

  Max appeared.

  Alone.

  And he didn’t look worried at all.

  “Don’t say a word,” Hil whispered to me. “Trust me.”

  I cringed.

  I looked up to Uly and he finally looked at me.

  He nodded.

  I didn’t know what that meant.

  “What’s happening, Ash?” Max asked. “You wanted to talk about the Rulz?”

  That got my attention again.

  I opened my mouth.

  But that didn’t matter.

  Ash went on the attack.

  * * *

  Three times I tried to take a single step and three times either Uly, Hil, or both kept me in place.

  Ash beat Max to the ground in a matter of seconds. It only took a few punches. Which was saying something because Max was built like a rock. He was a chunk of muscle for a baseball player, but that chunk of muscle was on his ass, looking up at Ash as he moved forward.

  “Fuck, man, you got your hits,” Max said. “We’re good.”

  “What an asshole,” Hil said. “Rule number whatever… don’t say that kind of shit to Ash.”

  Ash told Max to get to his feet and fight back. It was obvious Max had no desire to fight Ash. Whether it was fear, respect, or confusion, Max did everything he could to wave Ash off or slowly inch away. But he knew if tried to run he’d be chased down and dragged back. I mean, I knew that and I wasn’t part of the fight.

  Or was I?

  I touched my forehead and looked down.

  I heard the sound of Ash’s fists hitting Max’s face again and felt my stomach flip.

  This was my fault.

  I told Ash to fight someone. Because he wanted me to show him where I…

  “This is fucking insane,” I said.

  “This is respect, doll,” Uly said.

  I looked at Uly. “And you’re okay with this?”

  “What does it matter to me?” Uly asked. He slipped his hand to my right cheek. “As far as I’m concerned, all these pricks deserve a beating after what happened at the beach.”

  Uly was never going to let that one go. Ryan’s jaw was broken and that wasn’t good enough. But Max? He had been there… but this wasn’t about that.

  I slowly moved my eyes to Ash again and he had Max pinned to the ground. His right elbow came high up into the air and then he punched. The sound was… it was like someone hitting a bat to the ground. That hard thud. Nothing giving an inch of space. But eventually it would. And it wasn’t going to be Ash’s hand that broke either.

  Ash was silent as he attacked too.

  Other than telling Max to get up and fight, there were no other words. And there were no sounds.

  At least not from Ash.

  Silent and deadly. Which was maybe the worst of Them.

  “You know what?” I finally asked. “What the fuck am I doing here? Fuck this. Fuck. This.” I cupped my hands to my mouth. “Fuck this, Ash. Fuck you.”

  That got Ash to look at me.

  I waved my middle fingers at him and started to back up.

  “He’s almost done, beauty,” Hil said.

  “I don’t care,” I said. “This is what you all do? Have fun.”

  “I’ll take you home, doll,” Uly said.

  “I’ll walk,” I said.

  I started to move faster.

  Expecting Uly and Hil to chase me down.

  Which they did… but in their own way.

  Which meant it was like a horror movie.

  Me trotting away and Them just walking. I had distance on Them but that didn’t make me feel any better. Plus, I had no clue where I was. I had my phone. I had service. I could call Lizzy or Danica for a ride, sure, but I hated not knowing where I was.

  I stopped walking and growled under my breath.

  I played the lesser of three evils game in my head.

  And as messed up as it was, Hil was just that.

  For the moment.

  Because on a motorcycle he couldn’t talk to me. And when it came to dropping me off at Jo’s, he’d never pass up the chance to flirt with me or make a pass.

  But I still didn’t want…

  “What the fuck are you doing, angel?”

  I laughed at the sound of Ash’s voice.

  He had no problem stepping in front of me though.

  Sweat glistening on his face.

  His hands bloody.

  His shirt stained with both sweat and blood.

  “What the fuck am I doing?” I asked. “I’m leaving. That’s what the fuck I’m doing. I don’t need to see this. You want to play tough guy and trick Max to come here to beat him up? Good for you. That does nothing for me. I’ve seen it before. And after what you did on the road…”

  “You wanted me to do this,” Ash said.

  “That’s right. Just like everything else, right? It’s all my fault. Showing up here. Seeing you. East vs. West. Ryan and the others. Your little affair with Lila. And now this with Max? What else, Ash? What else do you want from me? Is this you using me now?” I laughed. “Here I thought you’d use me for something else. But instead you’re using me as your excuse to do… whatever all of this is.”

  Ash reached for me.

  I jumped back. “Don’t touch me.”

  “Belle, you’re missing it,” he said.

  “I’m not. I see it. All of it.”

  “Max took off,” Uly said.

  “Fuck,” Ash said. “I wasn’t done yet.”

  “I can go find him and finish it,” Hil said.

  “No,” I said. I turned and grabbed Hil’s shirt. “You’re going to take me home. Right now.”

  “Fuck that,” Uly said.

  “Fuck you,” I said, looking back to Uly.

  My eyes moved and stopped at Ash.

  He didn’t say a word.

  “Well, well, well,” Hil said with a laugh. “It looks like pretty little Belle made her decision.”

  He slipped his arm around my shoulder.

  I had the urge to punch him in the balls.

  But that would probably only turn him on.

  “I’m following you,” Uly said.

  “Don’t bother,” I said without looking back at Uly. “I made my decision.”

  I gave Ash one last glance and kissed the air.

  Fuck, why does he have to look sexy right now? I can’t be into this fighting thing. I can’t. The violence is wrong. The smell of the sweat and the blood is wrong. But his shirt… it’s sticking to his body. It’s hugging him in a way that I want to do too. His hair is still perfect, even if his hands are bloody. Those hands… he’s the only one who hasn’t touched me…

  “Come on, beauty, let’s get you out of here,” Hil said.

  I walked with Hil, letting him put the bucket helmet on my head and clip it shut for me.

  When I got on the back of his motorcycle, I wrapped my arms tight around his body and didn’t bother to look at Ash or Uly. And even when Hil started the motorcycle and moved toward the road, I simply turned my head so nobody could see me.

  My heart raced and as such it started to hurt.

  I wanted to be on the back of Hil’s motorcycle.

  But I
wanted Ash and Uly to be there too.

  That made me begin to wonder who was using who.

  * * *

  I made it one step away from the motorcycle when Hil grabbed my wrist.

  I quickly unbuckled the helmet and handed it to him.

  He shut off the engine to the motorcycle and shook his head. “That’s not what I want, beauty.”

  “That’s all you’re going to get,” I threw back at him.

  “Have a cigarette with me.”

  “What?”

  “That’s our thing, Belle. I drop you off. We smoke. Talk. Flirt. I leave rock hard. You walk away messy between your-”

  “Fine,” I said. “Only because I need one.”

  “Need one of what?” Hil asked.

  I laughed. “Nice try.”

  “I never try,” Hil said. “I always do. Remember that.”

  “Okay, Hil, I’ll remember that.”

  We each lit a cigarette.

  He didn’t get off his motorcycle.

  I kept my distance… but not much really.

  “An empty apartment, huh?” he asked.

  My throat squeezed. “What?”

  “I’m just picturing it. You and some clown in an empty apartment.”

  “I shouldn’t have said anything.”

  “That depends on why you said it. To get Ash not to beat the shit out of Max? That was a stupid idea on your part. But to say it and leave me feeling like I’m going crazy… that was genius.”

  “You’re going crazy? Why?”

  “I would have done it differently for you, beauty.”

  “Oh yeah?” I asked, laughing. “How?”

  “I have my ways,” Hil said. “You’ll find out soon enough.”

  “Won’t be my first time though.”

  “It will be with me,” he said. “And that’s a first time you won’t forget.”

  I coughed on the cigarette smoke. Like I was some rookie teenager under the bleachers, gagging on their first drag.

  That only made Hil laugh.

  “Shut up,” I said in between coughs. “I have a tickle in my throat.”

  “I can make something tickle in your-”

  “Stop,” I said.

  Hil laughed again. “So why an abandoned apartment?”

  “It was in his building,” I said. “That’s why.”