Under an Alaskan Sky

by Jennifer Snow

  He shook his head. “I don’t.”

  Obviously she hadn’t expected his response. But what had she been expecting? To come back here and find that he’d never gotten over her, had never moved on?

  Maybe in a way he hadn’t, but in that instant, he knew whatever feelings he’d had—both the love and the hurt—were gone.

  “I’m sorry, Montana. The last thing I want to do is hurt Kaia, but you and I are not getting back together.”

  “What if things don’t work with Cassie? What if you try and that relationship doesn’t work out?”

  “For years, I’ve let those excuses stop me from even trying...but I’m done with that. I deserve to be happy and so does Cassie.” He paused. “So do you. And I’m here to support your starting over—with your career, with Kaia...just not with me.”

  Montana nodded slowly. Unfortunately, she didn’t look entirely convinced. “Okay...but let me ask you one thing. If you’re really in love with Cassie, why has it taken you so long to take this leap with her?”

  His jaw clenched and he took a deep breath. “Because I’d taken a leap twice before and it was a long way down.”

  Montana lifted her chin. “You think it will be different this time?”

  All he could do was hope. Unlike Montana, Cassie loved him. “I do, yes.”

  Grabbing her purse, she walked past him on her way out of the kitchen. “Okay...well, for your sake and Kaia’s, I hope you’re right.”

  A moment later, he heard the front door close as he stood there, staring up at the ceiling. His ex was like a tornado with an uncanny ability to blow through his emotions, sending them up in a spiral, just when he thought he’d finally figured them out.

  * * *

  “WHERE’S MOM?”

  Tank turned off the television as Kaia entered the living room two hours later. “She went home.”

  Disappointment was evident on her face. “Why? Did you two argue?”

  Not exactly. “No...she just had to get home.”

  “So you both had a good time, then?” Her hopeful expression was almost harder to handle than the disappointed one. Obviously his little girl was hoping for a reunion between her parents, but that wasn’t what he wanted. Unfortunately, that was easier to remember when he wasn’t left alone with his thoughts and his ex’s words echoing in his mind.

  Damn, Montana!

  He’d been struggling enough with the idea that he was having to share his daughter’s time, with the uncertainty of their future now that Montana was in it, but then she dropped a bomb of a solution on him that solved those issues. If they did try again to be a family for Kaia’s sake, he wouldn’t have to be faced with the potential of eventually being a part-time parent. But that’s not where his heart was leading him, even if it might be an easier solution. He’d loved Montana at one time, but he knew those feelings were long gone.

  “We did have a good time. We did a lot of talking,” he said.

  “Great! I’ll cook again tomorrow night.” Kaia started to leave the living room.

  “No. Wait. Come back, please.”

  Kaia sat on the couch next to him and frowned. “I don’t have to make grilled cheese again. I can also make spaghetti as long as you help strain the noodles once the water boils...”

  “No, Kaia, honey, it’s not about the food.” He turned to face her, summoning the balls to be as honest as possible. He couldn’t leave any room for doubt. She had to understand that he and Montana weren’t getting back together.

  He’d been hoping to tell her that he and Cassie were together now, but that conversation would have to wait. One thing at a time.

  “Kaia, your mom and I love you. Very much. We both do. But we don’t love each other.”

  “That’s because she’s been away for so long. You two just need to spend more time together.”

  “No... We’re... I’m certain that we will only ever be friends. Great friends.” Eventually. “And I’m willing to support your mom in anything she needs in order to be in your life. I’m glad you have her back.”

  “But you loved each other before. When you had me.”

  Damn, how did he explain the less than fairy-tale reality of unrequited love to a ten-year-old? He took a deep breath. “We care about each other. We did then. We do now. But love...that’s complicated.”

  “I trust you two are smart enough to figure it out,” she said confidently, unfazed by his attempts to clarify the situation.

  He pulled her closer for a hug. He’d been honest with her and she’d see for herself that they weren’t getting back together, and in time she’d be okay with it. They’d all fall into a new routine and things would be easier for her to understand. “We will figure it out—figure out this coparenting thing so that you get the best of both of us.” Couldn’t possibly explain it any plainer than that.

  She frowned. “But that’s what I’m trying to avoid. As much as I like spending time with Mom...it’s weird being away from you.”

  She was already feeling the impact of the sleepovers and time with Montana.

  “So...if the two of you got back together, I wouldn’t have to do that. I could be with both of you...all the time.”

  Tank sighed as he touched her cheek. “I’m just not sure that would really be the best thing...”

  “Just promise you’ll think about it?”

  Damn, he hated disappointing her. He had to tell her about him and Cassie...but would that make her feel better or worse? “It’s getting late... We’ll talk about this again, okay?” He chickened out. It had been an exhausting day and he needed time to process things.

  “Okay,” she said, standing and wrapping her little arms around him. “’Night, Dad.”

  Hearing her bedroom door close down the hall, Tank leaned back, resting his head against the cushion on the couch.

  Shit. For once in his life, could he go after what he wanted? Do what would make him happy?

  At the risk of denying his daughter what she wanted most?

  * * *

  “AH, MAN...POOR KAIA,” Erika said, curling a leg under herself on Cassie’s couch later that evening.

  “Poor Kaia? How about poor me?” Cassie said, shoving her fourth piece of peppermint-flavored fudge into her mouth.

  Erika took the box of chocolate away and put the lid on it. “The only thing I’m worried about with you is you getting sick from all this sugar.”

  “The sugar is the only thing keeping me from freaking out right now.” For two hours, she’d sat in the diner listening to Kaia go on and on about how awesome Montana was and how her dad just needed to see it. Then she’d felt guilty for being relieved when Montana’s vehicle was no longer there when she’d dropped Kaia back off at home.

  “You have nothing to be worried about. Believe me, we can all see the change of heart in Tank the last few days...or him finally following his heart at last.”

  “Really?” She’d sensed the change in him too, but past experience had taught her to be careful about getting her hopes up.

  “Yes. Even Reed says he’s never seen the guy so happy, and with everything going on in Tank’s life right now, that’s a true testament to you and his feelings for you.”

  Cassie nodded. “He does seem happy when we are together.” Though lately, whenever they were together, they were mostly naked... Was Tank’s good mood a result of getting laid or was he truly ready to go all in with her?

  “It’s Kaia who will be the disappointed one when she finds out.”

  Cassie cringed. That hurt. The idea that Kaia would be upset made Cassie’s stomach hurt more than the sweets did. She’d always thought that Kaia would be happy if she and Tank were more than just friends. Had she always read things wrong? Tank had always been reluctant for Kaia’s sake. Maybe he’d been right.

  But Cassie loved Tank and Kaia and she was desperat
e to make this work. No matter how difficult it would be now. She just hoped that across town, Tank felt the same way.

  “I know it has to be hard on all of you. Everyone involved. Families are complicated,” Erika said, opening the lid on the box of fudge and handing her one more piece. “Does Montana know about you and Tank?”

  “I’m not sure.” Cassie hoped that Tank had seized this opportunity to tell Montana. How would she react? How would working together be affected by all of this?

  Erika waved a hand. “Well, ultimately it shouldn’t really matter what Montana thinks.”

  Yet it did. Cassie wholeheartedly believed that Tank was over Montana, that there were no more feelings for her, except mutual respect and caring. But it would make Cassie feel a whole lot better if she was as certain that Montana didn’t still possess feelings for Tank.

  Had Montana been the one to put the idea of her and Tank getting back together in Kaia’s head? Had she alluded to it being a possibility? Cassie swallowed the chocolate fudge and reached for her wine. “Things are so much more complicated now than they ever were.”

  “But at least in this version of complicated, you’re getting laid,” Erika said, raising her wineglass toward her.

  “At least there’s that,” Cassie said as they clinked their wineglasses together.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  FLOWERS ARRIVED FIRST thing the next morning. Three dozen roses in red, yellow and white. Red for love, yellow for friendship and white for forgiveness, the card read. He must have gotten help with that from Mrs. Cartwright, the owner of Wild Blossoms. There’s no way Tank would know the meaning of different flower colors, but Cassie appreciated the effort.

  No doubt he also got quite a lecture on love from the eighty-three-year-old florist who’d recently hit a bestseller list with the real-life relationship advice book she’d self-published the year before. As the town’s local love expert, Mrs. Cartwright could be credited for saving a lot of marriages in Wild River.

  Cassie sighed as she smelled the roses.

  She’d already forgiven Tank. He had nothing to apologize for. He’d had nothing to do with the dinner setup and he had already texted to reassure Cassie that everything was fine and that he’d explained to Kaia that he and Montana weren’t getting back together.

  Unfortunately, she’d just realized how shitty this situation was for Kaia. Erika was right. The little girl was the one who would ultimately be disappointed by this. Which continued to break Cassie’s heart. As adults, the three of them could work things out. But Kaia was ten. She wouldn’t understand or be okay with this.

  Kaia expected to have her family back. Wanted her family back.

  Cassie slumped in her chair. Not even the text messages from Reed with photos of the dirty North Mountain Sports Company ATVs and the helpless-looking tour guides stuck in the mud had made her feel better. She knew what she wanted and for the first time she had a glimmer of hope that Tank wanted the same thing...but she worried about Kaia and what all of this transition meant for her.

  Filing the stack of paperwork that had piled up over the last few weeks, her thoughts a frazzled mess, she barely heard the bell chime above the door.

  “There’s my Cassie Lassie,” a familiar voice said.

  She whipped around so fast, she whacked her elbow on the open file cabinet drawer.

  “Ow...shit...oh my God! Dad!?” Tears brimmed in her eyes and she wasn’t sure if it was from the intense ache in her elbow or the sight of her father.

  “Hi, sweet girl,” he said, smiling.

  Her mother stood next to him. Beaming. Absolutely beaming.

  Now the tears definitely had nothing to do with her elbow.

  “What are you doing here? When did you get in?” He’d finished his treatment. He looked so much better than she would have expected. Older. Much older than when she’d last seen him, but healthier. He’d gained weight and his graying hair was cut short... He’d always worn it long, but this suited him better. In jeans, a new ski jacket and hiking boots, he looked great. Best of all, his eyes looked clear and bright. Not bloodshot from hangovers or tired from the pressure of trying and failing to quit drinking.

  “I just caught the train into town a few hours ago and your mom picked me up from the station. I said this was my first stop.”

  Cassie nodded, swallowing the lump in her throat. She stepped forward and he outstretched his arms. She hugged him tight, savoring the familiar scent of his old cologne. He’d worn the same one since she and Reed were kids. But this time, the lack of whiskey mixed with the musky scent had fresh tears gathering in her eyes. “Hi, Dad, you look great.”

  “Not as beautiful as you. Look at you.” He held her at arm’s length and took her in. “Amazing. Hard to believe you’re the same little thing...” He shook his head. “Lots of years...”

  Her mother joined in the hug. “And lots more to come,” she said, tears of happiness in her own eyes.

  They both looked so happy. As though the years in between the day he disappeared and now no longer mattered. They didn’t. The past was the past and her parents would focus on their second chance at a future together, because they both clearly wanted one.

  Her father stepped out of the embrace and looked around the store. “Your mom was telling me about this place on the way over. Wow, Cass...it’s really fantastic.”

  She blushed at the praise, wishing she’d had time to organize better. But it didn’t matter. Her father was standing there, finally getting to see her accomplishment.

  It meant a lot more than she’d ever thought it would.

  “Thank you. I didn’t do it all on my own.”

  “Everyone needs help to achieve their goals, but the determination in you was what made it happen,” he said, scanning the photos along the wall. “So many years...” The tinge of regret in his voice tugged at her heart. She didn’t want him to regret the past...just keep moving forward. That’s all anyone could do.

  “When do you leave for Point Hope?” Not that she didn’t like having him in town, but temptations were there. Hell, her boyfriend owned a bar. Boyfriend? Was Tank her boyfriend? What were they exactly?

  No time to think about that now.

  “We head out there tomorrow morning,” he said. “Your mom’s all packed and I start the new job the day after tomorrow.”

  Hitting the ground running—good. Acting while his motivation was high would help him be successful.

  “Yes. We wanted to take you kids out to dinner tonight before we left,” he said.

  Cassie froze slightly. What would Reed think seeing their dad again? They’d been communicating through letters, but face-to-face was stirring so many emotions in her, Reed was going to be a whirlwind of thoughts and feelings... “Have you talked to Reed?”

  Her father nodded. “Called him from the truck. He was...surprised. But happy, I think.”

  “I’m sure he was,” she said quickly. Reed had been waiting for this for so long.

  “Him and that lovely surgeon of his will be meeting us at Meat & More Steakhouse in an hour,” he said.

  Cassie glanced at the clock. If she locked up now, she had just enough time to shower and change.

  “If you want to invite a guest, you’re welcome...” her dad started.

  Arlene was shaking her head. “Cassie’s situation is a little complicated.”

  “Complicated?” Her father frowned. “What have I always told you? What do you do when boys give you trouble?”

  “Kick them in the nuts,” she said with a laugh. Unfortunately, in this case she was quite fond of Tank’s nether regions.

  “That’s my girl,” her father said with a wink.

  Her mother checked her watch. “Okay, well, we should get going, darling. We have a few things to pick up for the trip tomorrow. We will meet you at five?” she asked Cassie.

 
“I’ll be there.”

  Cassie watched as her parents left the store. In complete awe. She’d never imagined the day she’d see her parents back together again. So happy. So in love. So committed to starting a new life together.

  Could she really prevent Kaia from having this feeling?

  Tank might claim he was over Montana, but the two had been determined to stick things out and make it work for Kaia’s sake before... Would they again if Cassie wasn’t in the picture?

  She knew what she wanted, but was she willing to continue chasing it if it meant hurting Kaia?

  Damn. Two days ago, things seemed to be going in the right direction. She’d been elated and confident in her feelings and the progress she and Tank were making. So why did she suddenly feel like a roadblock?

  An hour later, she’d showered and changed. As she opened the door to Meat & More Steakhouse, Cassie could hear laughter and Reed’s voice to her right, and she released a deep breath as she headed toward their table near the window. Before they saw her, she took a second to stare at her family. Her mother, father and Reed at the same table. And Erika, fitting in perfectly, sat next to Reed, his arm draped over her shoulder, the smile on his face telling the story.

  Good job, Dad.

  He’d made it back to them.

  Seeing the love at the table... Erika and Reed and her parents... Cassie struggled to compose herself. Would she ever really have that? Could she be selfish and continue to fight for what she wanted?

  Reed turned and saw her. “Ah, there she is,” he said with a wave.

  Forcing a smile, Cassie joined her family, refusing to let her own conflicted, tortured heart destroy this moment.

  * * *

  CASSIE’S DAD WAS BACK.

  Tank was happy for her and Reed as he glanced at the photo she’d just texted him of all of her family together for the first time in so long. Too long. He hoped her father’s road to recovery got easier with time and the loving support of his family. Tank only wished he could be a part of that. This was the first Reynolds family dinner in years he hadn’t been invited to and it made him nervous. But the fact that he wanted to be there, by her side on this special occasion, told him a lot. All day, he’d been thinking about Montana’s words and Kaia’s wishes...but he kept going around in circles of indecision.