A Rogue of My Own

by Johanna Lindsey

  She closed the door behind her before she said, “How typical of you, to leave me to the wolves.”

  He snorted at such a ridiculous description of his family. “Save your melodramatics for a gullible audience. You had them in the palm of your hand.”

  “Does that excuse your rudeness?”

  “My family expects no less of me. Besides, if you failed to notice, Rafe would have been delighted to see me go. Ever since I lusted after his wife, he’s preferred I not be in the same room with her for very long.”

  Rebecca gasped. “You didn’t.”

  He rolled his eyes. “Of course I did, I and every other man who has ever or will ever clap eyes on her. Most men contain their feelings discreetly. I was just more obvious about it than most.”

  Rebecca assumed he was just trying to provoke her. “So this is how it’s going to be? You won’t even stay in the same room with me when your family is visiting?”

  He suddenly pressed her back against the wall. “Just how dumb do you think I am, Becca? As your mother would say, ‘That explains that,’ and it does, most clearly.”

  She couldn’t say anything for a moment, couldn’t even assimilate what he’d just said. She simply couldn’t handle being this close to him. A wave of heat washed over her. Flutters tickled her belly. She couldn’t get her eyes off the lips that were so close to hers.

  “No ready excuse this time?” he continued with enough asperity to snap her eyes up to his.

  She’d seen him angry so many times, yet this went quite a ways beyond that. A muscle was even ticking in his cheek. She could almost feel his fury, it was emanating from him so strongly. What the devil had he said? Think! She couldn’t. She hadn’t heard a single word since his body had moved in so close, and the wall at her back left her no avenue for escape.

  “What are you insinuating now?”

  “This isn’t a good time to test my patience. When did you decide to do whatever it would take to get into my family? Before or after Rafe was removed from the top of your list? You picked a lousy second choice, Becca. I will not make you a faithful husband, if this farce must continue.”

  She sucked in her breath the moment she realized the conclusion he’d drawn. “Are you joking? Your cousin was one of the best catches in all of England, let alone in my neighborhood. Every lady in Norford had her heart set on him, so why would I be the exception? And I was only thirteen when the idea that he could make me a wonderful husband occurred to my mother and me. But I’d only met him a few times, you know. He probably didn’t remember either occasion. And if you must know, when he married Ophelia I was still only sixteen. I was disappointed, having thought of him as ‘mine’ for three years, but I certainly wasn’t devastated or plotting on his replacement. In fact, I was looking forward to joining the rest of the debutantes for a Season of husband-hunting in London, at least until my mother obtained that appointment at the palace for me.”

  “I see you had an excuse ready,” he replied caustically.

  She knew immediately that no matter what she said now, he wouldn’t believe her. He wouldn’t even give her the benefit of a little doubt. She was guilty as charged, had used the oldest trick in the book to drag him to the altar. Never mind that he’d done the dragging, she’d apparently manipulated that, too. And he wasn’t even allowing for his own incredible desirability! He thought she’d been after his family, so any member of it would have sufficed.

  As usual, he managed to make her as furious as he was. And as had lately been happening, she didn’t keep it to herself and retorted with the biggest thorn she could grasp.

  “Nonsense,” she replied, “why would I need an excuse prepared in advance? You’ve already implied that I’m smart enough to lie on the fly. Chew on that, Lord Know-it-all!”

  She ducked under one of the arms he had planted on either side of her and rushed out of the room before he could stop her. She was going to cry again. She didn’t even know why this time. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t already made it clear what he thought of her.

  Chapter Forty-one

  REBECCA WAITED UNTIL MIDAFTERNOON before she went downstairs again, for lunch. She had no appetite, but she couldn’t only think of herself now, when it came to nourishment. She waited long enough to give the Lockes time to leave. She was in no mood to be sociable even if she was part of their family now. She was hoping to grab a plate in the kitchen and then disappear back to her new room again where she could mope in peace.

  She was only able to execute half of that hurried plan. Plate in hand, she was mounting the stairs again when the front door opened behind her. She turned, hoping it was Flora arriving with the rest of their trunks. She’d forgotten to mention to Julie that her maid would need a room. But there in the foyer her old friend Amanda Locke was shrugging out of her coat.

  Amanda noticed her immediately, exclaiming, “Becky?! What are you doing here? Is Aunt Julie sponsoring you for the Season—but wait, aren’t you supposed to be at the palace? That’s so exciting. I heard you got that post. Imagine, a real maid of honor! I was so thrilled for you! And maybe a little jealous.” Amanda chuckled at herself. “Never even thought of doing something like that, but maybe I should have. Let the queen pick a husband for me, since I’m having no luck a’tall finding one for m’self. This is going to be my third Season! I could just cry.”

  Rebecca smiled slightly. Amanda certainly hadn’t changed. They hadn’t seen each other in years, but the beautiful child had grown into an even more beautiful woman that Rebecca would have recognized anywhere. And obviously her personality hadn’t changed either over the years. She could still manage a hundred words a minute and juggle three or more subjects nearly in one breath!

  They’d almost become the best of friends when they were children. Being such close neighbors, and only a few years apart in age with Amanda the senior, they’d enjoyed so many of the same things together—when they both still had only childish interests.

  But then Amanda went away to the same private school that all her aunts had attended when they were young, and for a while, half the summers she didn’t even come home to Norford, but visited at the homes of her new school friends. So they’d drifted apart, barely seeing each other anymore, and the age difference became even more pronounced as well, as Amanda’s interests became more sophisticated and socially oriented.

  Rebecca had often regretted that they never got around to renewing their friendship after Rebecca had also outgrown her childhood interests. Rebecca had never even had a chance to tell her old friend that she planned to marry her brother! That’s how many years had passed since they’d spoken.

  Rebecca came back down the stairs to try to explain her presence in the St. John residence without revealing all the facts. “I’ve married. That’s why I had to leave my post at the palace.”

  “Good God, you’ve married already?” Amanda gasped, then wailed, “Now I am going to cry!”

  It didn’t look as if Amanda was going to do any such thing, and she was brightly smiling when she gave Rebecca a tight hug of congratulations and said, “Finally, someone who can tell me all the wicked secrets about marriage that my father was too embarrassed to relate to me.”

  “You really don’t know?”

  “I was joking, course I do. I do have five aunts, after all, and each one of them took her turn at muddling through the delicate facts for me. But then you know how older women can be. They tell you something without really telling you anything, just alluding to this and that.”

  “So you really don’t—”

  “No, really, I do,” Amanda cut in. “All my closest friends have married already—there, you see? I’m the only one who can’t manage to find a husband!”

  Rebecca couldn’t imagine why. Amanda had the extraordinary good looks that so many of the Lockes had been blessed with—bright blond hair, pale blue eyes, and exquisite features. She was undoubtedly the prettiest debutante to come looking for a husband since her come-out—actually, come to think of i
t, two years ago would have been when Ophelia had had her debut, too, and no one, not even Amanda, could compare to that beauty. Still, that was two years ago. Amanda should have been snatched up by now.

  “Is it your father’s title? He is a duke, after all, and that might scare off—”

  “No, no, there have been so many offers. I’m the one having the problem. I simply can’t make up my mind, because I’m not feeling it here.” Amanda pointed to her heart. “Did you feel it here? Yes, of course you did. Why marry otherwise?”

  Rebecca started to explain that there were numerous other reasons to marry besides love, but she wasn’t going to be the one to mention her particular reason when Amanda was still an innocent. If her family chose to tell her they could, but did Amanda really need to know that neither Rebecca nor Rupert had wanted the marriage? Not that it wouldn’t become apparent if Amanda was there for a lengthy visit. But fortunately, for now, Amanda had answered her own question and Rebecca made no attempt to correct her.

  “So, who is the lucky fellow?”

  The question was asked with such curiosity that it occurred to Rebecca that Amanda hadn’t even considered her three male cousins of this household. Of course, one of those cousins, Owen, was too young. Rebecca hadn’t met Avery, the second son, yet, but if he was anything like Rupert, Amanda would likely have deemed them both uneligible bachelors.

  “That would be me,” Rupert replied as he came up the hall behind Rebecca. He stopped at her side and put his arm around her shoulder. She stiffened, but didn’t shrug him off because Amanda’s eyes were on them.

  “You?” Amanda blinked at her cousin, then swung her eyes back to Rebecca with a delighted cry. “Oh, that’s wonderful! We’re finally going to become the best of friends, Becky! I can’t believe I missed all the excitement. How did this happen before the Season has even begun? Did you meet at home, or here in London? When did this happen—wait a minute, why wasn’t I invited to the wedding?”

  “We were too impatient to wait for a normal wedding,” Rupert said.

  “You went all the way to Scotland to avoid posting the banns?” Amanda guessed. “How romantic!”

  Rupert planted a kiss by Rebecca’s ear, and as he did so, he whispered, “She doesn’t need to know.”

  They were actually agreeing on something? Rebecca thought in amazement. What a surprise. As she turned to tell him so, her lips bumped right into his.

  Chapter Forty-two

  REBECCA KNEW VERY WELL that kiss was only for Amanda’s benefit. That was the only reason she didn’t immediately pull away. At least she assured herself of that before her senses got so confused that she simply forgot she wasn’t supposed to enjoy it.

  Shouldn’t rogues taste as bad as they behaved? Yes, they should. That would be a clear warning right there. But her rogue didn’t. Euphoria had overcome her every time she’d tasted him, and even now, when his promise to “never be faithful” was still so fresh in her mind, she couldn’t prevent the bubbly giddiness that overcame her at his touch, at the way his hand was moving up and down her back.

  It wasn’t Amanda who broke Rebecca’s trance. Amanda was just rocking on her heels and grinning that they were so much in love that they couldn’t keep their feelings to themselves. At least Rebecca figured that was what Amanda was thinking when she caught sight of her when the plate Rebecca had been holding slid out of her fingers and shattered on the marble floor at their feet. That separated her and Rupert instantly.

  Amanda began to giggle as Rebecca stared appalled at the mess she’d created. “Don’t worry about that,” Amanda said as she came forward to drag Rebecca toward the parlor. “One of the maids will clean it up. I want to hear all about this wonderful romance that has you two behaving so impulsively.”

  “That ought to be interesting,” Raphael said from where he was lying on one of the sofas.

  His sister stared at him. “I was wondering why you hadn’t returned to your town house yet, but didn’t expect you’d still be here visiting. Did you at least warn Aunt Julie that I would be staying here for a while?”

  “Forgot to mention it, m’dear,” Raphael said as he sat up. “But I’m sure she was expecting it, since you stayed here last Season and have decided to prolong everyone’s agony by not marrying.”

  Amanda sputtered, “I’m doing no such thing!”

  “You’re done whining about it? Glad to hear it!”

  She huffed over her brother’s teasing. “Where’s your wife? You’ve overstayed your welcome.”

  “Exactly what I was thinking,” Rupert said as he joined them.

  Raphael chuckled. “Might as well give it up, old boy. You’ve joined the ranks, as it were, which quite ends our little squabble. As for the ladies,” Raphael added for his sister, “they went upstairs to find Rebecca so they can figure out which room can be turned into a nursery.”

  Amanda’s eyes swung toward Rebecca. “Isn’t that a bit premature?”

  “Actually—no.”

  “My word, how long have you two been hiding this marriage?”

  “Not long enough,” Rupert said with a roll of his eyes.

  Rebecca gave him an odd look. How easy he made it sound as if they’d merely wanted some time alone before they told the family the “good news.” She would have preferred the truth, but then the truth was so unpleasant, and embarrassing, and…she had a feeling she was going to cry again.

  “They must have missed me while I was in the kitchen. I’ll go find them,” she quickly said. “Excuse me.”

  For the second time that day she rushed out of the parlor. Rupert followed right behind her. Wanting to be alone, she stopped and asked, “What now?”

  With a maid already cleaning up the mess in the hall, he took her arm and ushered her into his office again to speak in private. He still kept his voice low when he said, “We don’t have to tell the whole family that this is a marriage made in hell.”

  He’d already mentioned that in regard to Amanda, but he also hadn’t said anything to Ophelia and Raphael either to indicate all wasn’t right with their marriage. But how were they supposed to conceal that when they couldn’t be in the same room for long without snapping at each other?

  “What are you suggesting?”

  He seemed frustrated for a moment before replying, “You’re good at acting. I’m suggesting we put a good face on this, at least for the rest of the family.”

  An insult and an olive branch in the same breath. No, he wasn’t implying a truce, just a pretense. Something she was good at—in his opinion. She almost laughed.

  “Why do you even want to try this, when you expect to end our marriage in several months?”

  “Because you’re in this house. Because you have already announced the marriage, when I told you not to. You could have come here as a guest instead, you know. I even went to Norford to—never mind. But now that it’s known, we need to put a good face on it.”

  “You haven’t answered my question. Our having irreconcilable differences were your grounds for an annulment. What you are suggesting now puts an end to your easy out, doesn’t it?”

  “You already did that. You came here to force my hand. So be it, you’ve succeeded. There is always divorce instead, if it comes to that. But as to why? You said it yourself, Becca. For the baby.”

  She couldn’t argue with that. She just hadn’t expected him to think of the baby first—but then she should have. He’d married her for the baby’s sake, after all.

  She sighed. And made an effort to shake off all animosity—for the moment.

  “Very well,” she said. “But you realize your mother will probably say something to your relatives, if she hasn’t already. I was honest with her.”

  “You gave her your version—or mine?”

  She flushed with angry color. How short that truce was! He expected her to play the role of the happy bride when he couldn’t keep his insults to himself?

  “I gave her facts, not assumptions. And this isn’t going to w
ork if you’re going to continue to deliberately provoke me at every turn!”

  He raked an exasperated hand through his long hair. “I’m sorry, that was unintentional. I will make every effort to guard my tongue in mixed company.”

  She narrowed her eyes on him, guessing, “But not when we’re alone?”

  “The pretense is for others, not ourselves. Neither of us is delusional.”

  “Of course not, far be it for me to think there’s any reality in this. But if you think I can portray genuine smiles and bubbly happiness while around others when I’m so furious that I’m plotting your demise, well, think again!”

  He sighed now. “I see your point. I’m balancing on this thin thread of doubt, so bear with me, please. I will make some adjustments. As for my mother, it’s very unlikely that she will mention anything untoward. She’s so delighted with this turn of events, she will fight tooth and nail to assure nothing ruins our marriage.”

  “Then I guess the only thing left is for you to prove that you’re up to the challenge. Give me a smile that isn’t a sneer.”

  He wasn’t expecting that, to go by his sudden surprise. But it was a reasonable request. She wasn’t going to carry the entire charade on her shoulders alone. He had to do his share.

  But she wasn’t expecting one of those amazing smiles he’d dazzled her with before that fateful night she’d spent in his bed. She sucked in a sharp breath. Her heart started to thump loudly. Good God, how could he still do this to her?

  “You don’t need to be that convincing!” she snapped, and swung around to get her eyes off him. “Save your seductive smiles for your legion of conquests. I won’t be one of those, so a decent smile will do, thank you.”

  He actually laughed. “That was a normal smile, Becca. If you don’t believe me, turn around and I’ll show you the difference.”

  “No! Seducing me isn’t part of this bargain.”