A Rogue of My Own

by Johanna Lindsey

  “Of course not. For now, this happy marriage is for show only and I have already promised to keep my hands off you, haven’t I?”

  “Then henceforth keep your lips off me, too,” she said on her way out the door. “There’s to be no more accidental kisses.”

  She heard him laugh again before she closed the door behind her. Good Lord, what had she just agreed to? This was never going to work!

  Chapter Forty-three

  BUT IT’S JUST A little ball! Were there so many at the palace that you’ve grown tired of them already?” Amanda asked.

  While Rebecca sat with Amanda at the dining table, she remembered how stubborn her old friend could be once she got an idea in her head. When they were children, Amanda would ignore all answers unless they were the ones she was looking for.

  Apparently, nothing had really changed in that regard over the years. At twenty years of age, Amanda still hadn’t learned how to give in gracefully when she didn’t get what she wanted. Rebecca, however, was no longer the easily manipulated younger friend who could be led astray and had developed her own brand of tenacity.

  So she merely repeated for the second time, “It just doesn’t feel right,” then added, “I’m younger than you! That hardly makes me a proper chaperone.”

  “Nonsense, you just aren’t used to being married yet. Your being a married woman makes you a perfectly acceptable chaperone for me. And I would so much rather go with you than with Avery, who hasn’t come by for me to even ask him yet. Owen’s too young. And Rue causes too much of a sensation with the ladies, which puts so many of the gentlemen present into such a huff that they stop dancing! At least at balls that’s what tends to happen.”

  Rebecca kept from grinning even though she suspected Amanda was exaggerating just to make her point, not that Rupert couldn’t cause a sensation, but that everyone stopped dancing because of it. Since she’d already been informed on the matter, she reminded Amanda, “You moved into this house for the Season because you have a number of ready chaperones, including your aunt. Suddenly they’re all unacceptable?”

  Amanda sighed and dropped her head onto the table. Fortunately, her dessert plate had already been pushed aside. They were the only two remaining in the dining room.

  Julie had dragged Owen off for a weekly accounting of his studies. At sixteen, he was still somewhat bashful, but so polite! Rupert had also left the moment he was done eating, claiming an appointment. At night? She had no doubt he was really heading to whichever lady was currently on his seduction list. But she wasn’t going to let it bother her. Really she wasn’t.

  “You’re quite right,” Amanda admitted, her forehead still forlornly on the table. “While I would prefer Avery, and he doesn’t mind a’tall escorting me, he probably doesn’t know I’m in town yet. Aunt Julie, though, got out of the habit of being sociable when she was raising her boys. She was fanatic about never leaving them alone, you know. While she’d agree to act as chaperone, she’ll also spend the entire night grumbling, and believe me, there aren’t very many men who don’t quickly retreat after receiving one of her scowls.”

  “If they can be that easily intimidated, then they aren’t for you.”

  Amanda’s head snapped up. “Never thought of it like that! But that’s so true. And thinking back, I must say some of those fellows she scared off, I was glad to see go. But still, you are completely missing my point. I would much, much rather go with you! It will be fun! And you seem to be quite levelheaded these days. Maybe you can help me narrow down my search for a husband. Do say yes. Please!”

  Rebecca grinned, still a sucker after all for a prettily said please from her old friend. But then she’d also run out of excuses.

  “Tomorrow night, you say?”

  “Yes, and don’t you dare tell me you have nothing to wear when you’ve just come from the palace!”

  “Calm down, Mandy.” Rebecca chuckled. “I’ll go with you. I even have several ball gowns I haven’t worn yet. While we’d been anticipating an endless stream of entertainments at Buckingham, and I had a wardrobe up to the task, my mother and I simply didn’t take into account that the queen was nearing the end of her pregnancy when I got there. The palace was actually quite sedate during those last weeks.”

  Rebecca was beginning to feel an inkling of excitement. A real ball, not one filled to the brim with officials of the court, so many of them middle-aged or older. This would be mostly young men who came to town for the same reasons all the young ladies did, looking for a partner in matrimony. Endless dancing and no chaperone of her own! The brief fantasy ended right there. She almost laughed at herself, but it would probably have been a bitter laugh.

  She could go, but it was questionable whether she could have any fun. She was a married woman. There’d be no harmless flirtations for her, no excitement over gaining a dance with one of the more eligible bachelors. She’d have to decline dancing herself. It wouldn’t be proper, at least not without her husband there to give his approval.

  She almost changed her mind about going, but Amanda had launched into one of her endless streams of subjects, all pertaining to tomorrow night, and she was so obviously happy in her excitement that Rebecca didn’t have the heart to back out on her. She’d go, and she’d probably end up stewing all night because her husband would be off pursuing one of his ladyloves instead of accompanying his wife to her very first Seasonal ball, dancing with her, causing a sensation, but this time because it would become known that he was no longer an eligible bachelor himself. He wouldn’t like that. No indeed, look how hard he’d tried to keep their marriage a secret. Well, too bad for him. She’d be telling everyone she met, and see how his ladyloves liked that!

  Chapter Forty-four

  REBECCA STARED AND STARED at her waistline, unable to believe such an obvious difference was already taking place in her body. The ball gown Flora had just fastened her into fit her so snuggly now, it was almost uncomfortable. Seven weeks ago it had fit her perfectly! She couldn’t be showing signs of the baby this soon!

  Flora was patiently waiting for her to come over to the improvised vanity table they had put together for temporary use until she could go shopping for one. They had confiscated one of the satinwood console tables in the hall, and one of the upstairs maids had found an old mirror in the attic that only had a small crack in one corner. It would do, since Rebecca didn’t really feel as if the room were hers yet.

  Flora, watching her, began to laugh. “It’s not what you’re thinking, Becky. You’ve just gained some normal weight.”

  “I’ve done no such thing!”

  “Of course you have, and it was to be expected when your usual activities were cut in half during your stay at the palace. No daily rides with your mother, no up and down the stairs ten times a day, and far too many rich foods served at every meal, rather than what you were used to at home.”

  “But I haven’t been able to keep down one of those meals since the morning sickness began.”

  “And you’ve compensated for that by eating too much at other meals, particularly at luncheons, when you’re so famished from missing your breakfast.”

  Rebecca marched over to the vanity. She hated when Flora could prove her point so accurately like that, though in this case it was simply because Rebecca had too many other things on her mind lately to draw such an obvious conclusion herself. But before she got testy about it, which was another thing she deplored, but seemed unable to control anymore, Amanda walked in. As if they were still children who didn’t require much privacy, she didn’t even knock first.

  Rebecca managed not to get snappy over that, too, but it took a concentrated effort. These drastic mood swings seemed to be getting worse. She hated them. But then she’d had no real peace of mind to counter them ever since she’d moved into Rupert’s home. It had been particularly bad since last night when she’d sat at the window in her room that faced the street waiting to see when he’d come home and had finally fallen asleep in the chair before he did.<
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  She’d only seen him once today, at luncheon, and he’d maintained his new everything-is-wonderful attitude, while she’d had to keep her mouth tightly shut and her gaze elsewhere just to not cause a scene. Amanda, of course, did enough talking for all of them, mostly about the ball tonight, so Rupert already knew she was going to accompany his cousin and had simply wished them a good time. Of course he didn’t offer to join them, which would have been the husbandly thing to do. That would be taking the charade further than he cared to, Rebecca supposed.

  Amanda was already fully dressed in an aqua gown with sparkling silver-thread embroidery along the edges. With a large teardrop pearl at her neck, more pearls at her wrists, fingers, and even in her hair, she looked exquisite. She made Rebecca feel positively dowdy in her bright lemon silk that was made appropriately pale with an overlay of ivory chiffon—and her tight waist. She was allowed darker, more vibrant colors now that she was married, she just didn’t own any yet. And there was really no point in rushing out to have that corrected immediately, when she’d be outgrowing all of her clothes soon enough.

  Draped over Amanda’s arm was a fur-trimmed cloak, which she dropped on the bed before she remarked, “You’re still using this room when there’s a perfectly good bedroom attached to the master suite that you could be using instead for your dressing room?”

  Rebecca kept her eyes on the mirror. She had lied yesterday when Amanda had found her in this room. Well, she hadn’t actually lied, she just hadn’t corrected the girl when Amanda assumed Rebecca wasn’t actually sleeping in it, merely using it as an extra room to dress in.

  “I believe we’ve decided the room off the master shall be the nursery, and your aunt Julie plans to furnish it within the month, so there was really no point—”

  “Understood, and at least Rue’s snoring hasn’t driven you to separate rooms.”

  Rebecca choked back a hysterical laugh. “He snores?”

  “Doesn’t he? I thought most men did.”

  Trying not to blush, Rebecca said, “I’m a sound sleeper. I wouldn’t notice.”

  “Then that works out well, doesn’t it? It’s something I’ve always worried about, m’self. I mean, I’ve heard how loudly my father snores. It rattles the windows! How do married women put up with that?” Then in the same breath: “Almost ready? The coach has been called.”

  “A few more minutes,” Flora answered for Rebecca.

  Amanda nodded and left to wait downstairs. Flora cocked a brow at Rebecca in the mirror the moment Amanda was gone. “She’s very exuberant, isn’t she?”

  Rebecca had to grin. “You didn’t know her as a child. She was even more excitable then.”

  “A personality like that can exhaust you. Don’t let her tire you out in your condition.”

  Good advice, though Rebecca found Amanda’s extreme chatter amusing for the most part, not exhausting—at least when the girl wasn’t bringing up personal subjects.

  Joining her friend downstairs, Rebecca actually expected Rupert to be present to see them off. And see how dowdy she looked—well, that wasn’t really accurate. Her little mirror said she looked wonderful despite her tight waist; she merely felt dowdy. Just one more uncontrollable feeling to add to all the other unhappy feelings she’d been having.

  This should be one of the most happy times of her life, instead of the most miserable. Other women had adoring husbands with whom they could share this miracle of birth. She had a faithless rogue who only wanted to pretend to be adoring.

  The ride was short because this first early ball of the winter Season was taking place only a few blocks away. The excitement Rebecca had been feeling was completely gone now, replaced with something resembling panic when she realized she wasn’t ready for this. She had wanted her marriage to be known. That was the whole point of barging in on Rupert. But she wasn’t really prepared for it to become public knowledge yet. If she had to stomach well-wishing from perfect strangers, she would probably burst into tears. Her emotions were simply too raw to manage such a full-scale pretense of being the “happy bride.”

  They were stepping out of the coach in front of the Withers mansion when she abruptly whispered to Amanda, “Don’t introduce me as the Marchioness of Rochwood.”

  “Why ever not?”

  “Because I don’t want to explain why Rupert isn’t here with me.”

  “Oh, how silly! Men rarely come to these affairs if they don’t have to. And you are—”

  “Mandy, please, just say I’m your chaperone or just introduce me by my first name only. I don’t know these people and they don’t need to know me yet.”

  “Fine. As you wish. But I still think you’re being silly.”

  For all of her aggrieved tone, Amanda was the one who got huffy with the butler when he stared at Rebecca for nearly a full minute, waiting for her to supply him with her title. “She’s with me, and do not keep me standing here another moment. Announce me!”

  Red-faced, the fellow did as told, and Amanda hooked her arm through Rebecca’s to show that they were together as she led Rebecca into the large ballroom. Amanda didn’t go far, and Rebecca couldn’t miss her long, drawn-out sigh.

  “Embarrassed for having been so sharp with the man?” Rebecca asked.

  “Who? Oh, not a’tall. He was rude and deserved it. No, I’ve just noticed none of my friends are here and probably won’t be for any of the events this season. They’re all married now or planning their weddings. A few even have children already. Emma Davis, who finished school when I did, is even expecting her second child!”

  It wasn’t just Amanda’s forlorn expression but also the real melancholy of her tone that expressed how upset she was by this.

  Rebecca put a consoling hand to Amanda’s arm and said the only thing she could think of. “You’ll be glad you waited when your man comes along. Imagine if you had married too soon the wrong fellow, and then the right one shows up.”

  Amanda blinked, then the most brilliant smile appeared. “That would be horrible, wouldn’t it?”

  “Dreadful.” Rebecca grinned.

  Having just shared something so personal with Amanda, Rebecca was actually feeling a little better herself. Misery really does love company, she supposed. And Amanda forgot all about her own doldrums the moment a group of young men who’d noticed her entrance converged on her. Many of them already knew her from previous Seasons, and all of them were eager to get a promise of a dance from her. With a shake of her head, Rebecca stepped back when some of them turned toward her as well. Dancing meant conversation, and she’d already decided to avoid that.

  “You caused quite a stir leaving your post at the palace like you did, without a good reason.”

  Rebecca groaned inwardly. She recognized Elizabeth Marly’s voice behind her. Watching Amanda laugh now as one of the young men led her onto the dance floor, with the rest of the gentlemen dispersing, Rebecca turned to her old nemesis, steeling herself to withstand an unpleasant conversation. She almost laughed, though, at Elizabeth’s ensemble, a gaudy orange gown with sleeves that were far too plump. The girl still had no sense of taste or style.

  “I had a good reason,” Rebecca replied. “I conveyed it to Lady Sarah. If she chose not to share it—”

  “Sarah has been dismissed,” Elizabeth said in an annoyed tone. “Constance, that selfish twit, complained one time too many about the minor tasks she’d been asked to do, and it reached the ears of the duchess.”

  “So the queen’s mother really didn’t know about Sarah’s intrigues?”

  “Intrigues?” Elizabeth scoffed derisively. “Sarah just tried to keep abreast of things is all. So she went about it a bit oddly,” Elizabeth added with a shrug. “No one was ever hurt by it.”

  Incredulous over such an indifferent attitude, Rebecca replied, “How do you know that? You were just her willing lackey. You have no idea what she did with the information she gathered or whom she hurt with it.”

  “Does it matter now?” Elizabeth said peevis
hly. “The duchess was furious and sent her away immediately, despite their long association. She won’t tolerate any scandal whatsoever linked with her personal entourage that might reflect poorly on the queen.”

  “There was a scandal?”

  “You aren’t listening! It was nipped in the bud. But the position is so boring now, with Sarah gone.”

  “Is that why you’re here?”

  “Of course. The heir apparent isn’t even a month old yet. Other than the celebrations over his birth, Drina still isn’t making appearances or ordering entertainments yet. So what was your excuse for leaving?”

  Rebecca should have just pointed out bluntly that it was no business of Elizabeth’s, since they hadn’t even been civil acquaintances, much less friends. She couldn’t imagine what devil had got into her to make her say, “I married Rupert.”

  Elizabeth’s face twisted with rage. “You did no such thing!”

  “Ask him.”

  The girl stared with such venom, it was amazing how she got it under control long enough to feign an indifferent shrug. “It doesn’t matter. It wasn’t marriage I wanted from him anyway, when it was so obvious that he won’t make a good husband. What a pity you didn’t realize that sooner. A brief affair with him is highly desirable though. I should thank you. You’ve given me something else to gloat over—when I have him in my bed again.”

  Rebecca saw red. The urge she had to fly at Elizabeth with her nails bared was too compelling. She couldn’t resist it. That Elizabeth immediately stomped off wasn’t going to stop her. She was going to cause the worst scandal London had seen in decades, and she didn’t care!

  Chapter Forty-five

  I ACTUALLY EXPECTED TO FIND you alone, just not out here in the middle of the room standing out like the proverbial sore thumb.”

  Rebecca swung around. Her surprise was so great on finding her husband grinning at her over his teasing remark that her brief burst of fury dissipated. He looked so handsome in his formal black coat and breeches, his black hair orderly, but still caressing his wide shoulders. All that black was such a contrast to those beautiful pale eyes of his.