And I shouldn’t linger. The more time I spent with Clara, the more I wanted to tell her about tonight. Fear filled her every breath and something much more concerning. I felt her slipping away as she succumbed to defeat.
I hated everything about this because I succeeded in my goal. I broke the woman I loved.
“I want you to listen to me.” I ran my fingers through her hair and tucked her back against my chest. I needed to feel our connection, and I wanted her to feel it too. “Tonight, there will be visitors.”
Her body tensed. I kissed the top of her head.
“Your role is simple.”
“My role?”
“It’s what you’ve been training for.”
She sniffed and wiped at her cheeks. “And what is that?”
“Be a compliant, devoted, and willing slave. Obey me in everything. That is how you will get through this.” I didn’t know if my hint would be enough, but I prayed she understood.
“I don’t know if I can.”
Fuck it. Fuck Kate. Fuck Xavier. Fuck Forest too.
I paused to think carefully about my next few words, and chose them in such a way they would only make sense to her.
“Unless you want a long ass swim, don’t jump too soon.”
I didn’t know if these rooms were monitored. Chambers never mentioned it, and I never thought to ask, but Xavier seemed to be just the kind of paranoid, over-controlling asshole who would have installed video everywhere, even in the toilets.
“Obey me because you’re in control of what happens at all times. There’s an easy path, where I reward you for obedience, a hard path where I punish you for insolence, and then there’s another more challenging road.”
Her fingers pressed against my shirt. “And what would that be?”
“The one which begins with a rainbow and leads you into the clouds where you can watch the men below you. If you’re lucky, it will take you to a fantasy world where none of this is real. Only you can choose.”
The idea of living in a world where men owned slaves and slaves embraced their roles by choice rather than force hardened my cock nearly instantaneously. That was my fantasy, not that I’d ever speak it. She felt my body’s reaction. Sitting in my lap, how could she not?
She pulled back suddenly, and her eyes darted back and forth between mine as she pieced together my words. This time, I didn’t close myself off. I invited her in and let her see the darkness within me, the beast which raged with relentless hunger, and the tiniest spark of good buried beneath it all.
Her entire body stilled and her eyes closed. They stayed that way for far too long. It occurred to me to give a little shake to see if she hadn’t fallen asleep, but then her lids fluttered open.
“I don’t know if I can live in your world, Josh, not after…” She glanced up to the far corner of the room, and I followed the direction of her gaze. I didn’t see anything at first, but then the tiniest imperfection caught my eye. Damn, but Clara’s intelligence never ceased to amaze me. She dragged her hand over the bruises covering her flesh. “I’ve tried the hard way, and I don’t like it. But I don’t understand what I saw, or why.”
It had been a few days, and most of the deep purples and reds were fading to ugly greens and yellows. The bruising had been thorough, however, as there were still deep purplish-black areas from the cane.
“It’s not your job to understand, and it’s not mine to explain. All you need to know is this is my will.” I pinched her chin and forced her to look at me again. “Obey me or feel the bite of the whip, the strike of the cane, or the smack of my hand against your ass.”
She said nothing for a moment. Then she closed her eyes and drew in a deep breath.
“As you wish, Sir.”
“Good girl.”
I lifted her off my lap, got to my feet, then reached down to offer her a hand up. It was time to kill again. Then it hit me.
She said my name.
Chapter 38
My hand shook as he helped me to my feet. I paused for a second, letting his words sink in.
I had watched him kill a woman. That was the assumption I wasn’t supposed to make. Which meant, he wasn’t a killer?
No. He killed two men right in front of me.
What the hell kind of game was he playing? And how did I figure into any of it?
Our entire relationship played out in my mind, a continuous spool of images from the very beginning when he saved me from savage rape to this moment. He could have locked me in a cell from the beginning.
Instead, he surrounded me with luxury. Not that those days had been easy. As the effects of withdrawal ravaged my body, he did what he could to ease the worst of it.
But then came the training.
Rigorous, and sometimes brutal, sessions where he taught me to be the most obedient and compliant slave. He molded me into a willing submissive and to my surprise uncovered truths about myself I had never faced.
I chose to obey him, if only to avoid painful punishments, until obeying became so ingrained in my psyche that I acted on instinct. I may have goaded him on purpose, once or twice, but I wasn’t willing to face what that might say about me. I wasn’t ready to admit he might be right.
There was a reason, even if I couldn’t yet see it, why I was drawn to him. Explanations existed for all my questions. I knew this because he told me I would swim through a brutal sea of knowledge if I leapt too soon.
When would he reveal all of this to me? For whatever reason, he wasn’t willing to include me in his plans. Which left me to do what?
React.
Could it be that simple?
Again, I had no answers. Instead, something much more precious filled me with hope. I may not know what was happening, but I trusted him.
I trusted My Monster.
It had been far too long since I felt our connection, but it thrummed in the air between us. It solidified in the tightness of his grip. It sang with the rise and fall of our steps as he led me through the maze of passageways to a set of heavy wooden doors.
From the very beginning, he insisted that I was the one who controlled my fate. Over and over, he made that promise. I could obey and live an easy life, or resist and suffer the consequences.
And that final message about rainbows and clouds? Was he telling me there was a path toward freedom? I might have made a huge assumption with that one, but in referencing our love for the fantasy novels about the magical land of Xanth, he hinted that a future existed.
But what would that look like? Would his version of the future be any different from our present? I didn’t know if I could live with that.
And what about the reference to The Watchmen? Was I the watcher? I couldn’t be because I had no power in this place. But if not me, then whom?
“Where are you taking me?”
His grip tightened. “Don’t forget your place, slave, or the proper way to address me. It has been far too long since you’ve gone over my knee.”
I gulped. Whether playing a role, or assuming it, he was in character. I suppose that meant I needed to assume my role as well.
I hung my head and made my voice meek. “Forgive me, Master.”
He pulled to a stop and turned to face me. “While I would someday hope to hear you call me that, it’s a title I need to earn. For this evening, Sir will suffice.”
“Yes, Sir.”
He leaned in and threaded his fingers through my hair. Pressing his lips to the tip of my earlobe, he kept his voice low.
“Obey everything tonight. I don’t want to administer a punishment. Not tonight. And not in front of these men.”
“Can you please tell me…?”
He silenced me with a kiss and gave a stern shake of his head. Tapping his ear, he indicated our conversation was not private.
It had taken two days to locate the cameras in my cell. It wasn’t a far stretch to think they were embedded everywhere in this estate.
He pushed on the heavy doors and ushered me ins
ide. I couldn’t help the sharp whoosh of breath escaping my lungs.
Thick carpet absorbed the sound of our footfalls. There was the wall full of crops, switches, paddles, and canes. There were chains hanging in neat rows along the wall, waiting to be used. And in the center of the space, that horrific cross dominated the room.
A woman had been tied to that. She died there.
Don’t assume anything. Be smart!
My entire focus centered on that cross. I couldn’t help it. My eyes had seen him strangle a woman on the St. Andrews cross. Her garbled screams had echoed off the velvet walls, until they stopped.
Unlike last time, there were no video cameras and high tech gear. Instead, a row of couches had been brought in. They sat against the far wall.
Whatever happened tonight, it would be in front of a live audience. A roaring filled my ears and I lifted my hands to cover them. That’s when I realized he had released me. I stood off to the side, free to move.
My attention shifted to the wooden doors standing open.
“You can try and run, my sweet Clara, but you won’t make it to the end of the hall. Not that I wouldn’t enjoy the chase. It’s been far too long since you’ve gone over my knee.”
The tone of his voice shifted to lethal registers. His entire demeanor had changed, becoming terrifying. He watched me for a reaction, and I realized I had squeezed my thighs together. The thought of a spanking shouldn’t turn me on, but it did.
He lifted the length of rope he’d gathered in his hand and gestured to a spot in front of him.
“You’ll be our centerpiece for the evening, my sweet slave. Come.”
His command shifted my feet into moving. They followed the pull of his voice, obeying without thought while I struggled to pull myself together.
I didn’t want to be here. My body twisted at the waist, half of me wanted to run through those doors while my feet and legs followed the low timbre of his voice.
“Do not run, my sweet Clara. Come here.”
I turned back around, giving up the futility of escape and sucked in a breath. Clenching my teeth, I crossed the distance separating us. He pointed again to that spot on the floor.
“Kneel and wait while our guests arrive. Do not speak unless asked a direct question by me. If someone else asks a question you will not answer. I am your universe. All the rest is extraneous. Do you understand?”
Not one bit, but I nodded my head and clasped my fingers in front of me.
“Yes, Sir.”
You can do this.
I hoped that turned out to be true. I didn’t want to be here, but I did want to be with him. I needed to feel him.
Without needing to be told twice, I lowered to my knees and tilted forward until my forehead touched the ground. He had conditioned me to maintain this pose for prolonged periods of time.
Surprisingly, I found it soothing. With my face pressed to the floor, I couldn’t see my surroundings. Removing sight from the equation calmed me, and I could focus on other things, like the beating of my heart, the rhythm of my breaths, and the way the air fluttered across my skin.
It also made me acutely aware of him. The fall of his footsteps as he walked away from me. The slow exhalation of his breath as he considered his next move. The rustling of his pants as he moved around me. I felt the heat of his gaze on my back when he stopped to stare at me.
I sank into my meditation, maintaining enough awareness of my surroundings to hear any commands he might make. But for now, I floated in nothing while I waited for everything to change.
Please, don’t let my faith in you be misplaced.
I might be delusional in thinking he cared for me. Abducted and enslaved, there was no confusion as to the kind of man he was. He was a monster—a killer—but he was also mine.
And I wanted him.
Chapter 39
I paced around Clara, stunned by her beauty, awed by her strength, and profoundly mystified by her faith in me. I could sit and wonder if she understood my coded message, a language only she and I shared, but there was no need. The grace with which she knelt before me and the trust she placed in me spoke volumes about her faith…in me. Now, all I had to do was live up to her expectations.
That began with assuming a role I hated.
Xavier’s notification had our entire team on high alert. Forest’s medical team waited in the wings. Jake and Kate were with them, going over everything one more time. Chambers waited with Xavier. Mel Abrams was with them. He and Chambers would sit through the demonstration as potential clients to my unique product line.
Their private resort afforded the opportunity for those not inclined to purchase and maintain a full-time slave to rent one as needed within the privacy of their facilities. Carson knew the two men and had done business with them before.
My business plan, by design, would be a competitive buy in. Chambers and Abrams would act the role of potential investors, competitors Carson wouldn’t want. It was my hope to rope him into an exclusive contract, something which would bind our operations together and give me the access I needed to demolish his operation from the inside.
Forest didn’t like that plan. His goals were not mine, however, and we were doing this my way.
A text on my phone indicated Carson’s plane had landed and everyone would be here shortly.
“How are you doing, my sweet Clara?” My vocal tones shifted to the deeper registers I used when dominating her. A shudder rippled over her body, and my cock gave a hungry twitch.
A natural submissive, she couldn’t help but react. Unfortunately, I didn’t think she would ever fully embrace the lifestyle I craved. Not after her abduction and everything which followed.
“Green, Sir.” She gave the standard response which told me she was ready to accept whatever came next.
Could I change? The need within me to inflict pain and dominate were ingrained deep in my psyche. If it meant I could keep Clara in my life, would I consider leaving all of this behind?
“You’ll be on display,” I explained, “with Swan’s Leap.”
My favorite pose, and most intricate, it would take an hour to complete the complicated rope work and suspension. It would give an hour for my potential clients to socialize and fuck. That part twisted my stomach, but Xavier assured me the women who would be brought in for that part of the evening’s entertainment fully consented to what would happen.
Rescued slaves, he explained. Women, like Clara, who had been abducted, sold, brutalized, and then saved by Xavier’s operation. When given the choice to accept new identities and new lives, these women chose to stay and fight.
We all had roles we hated. Sacrifices we had to make. I didn’t judge their choices. They damn well better not judge mine.
I didn’t think too much about why a woman would choose to pretend to be the very thing which destroyed her life, but Xavier insisted everyone consented. Even Chambers and Abrams would play the part of depraved sex traffickers. However it all worked out, this room would soon fill with the worst humanity had to offer… and the best.
Shit. I needed to focus.
“Rise and remove your clothes.”
She would be naked for this, and I hated to expose her to Carson and his men.
Wordlessly, she rose with amazing grace and removed her clothing.
It was just the two of us in this space and time. I soaked in her presence, needing to soothe her, protect her, and promise no harm would ever come to her again. But I kept my thoughts to myself, and I didn’t voice the promises I couldn’t be sure I could keep.
She glanced at me and gave a slow languid blink. The sweep of her lashes fluttered across the high arch of her cheekbones, and she curled her lower lip between her teeth, sucking it in and driving me insane.
“May I ask a question?” Her gaze dropped to my chest as she remembered her lessons. Direct eye contact was not permitted, not unless specifically ordered.
“You may, but any answers depend on the question.”
> “Will you hold me?”
“Excuse me?” Her question rocked the foundations of my world.
“Can you hold me before you begin?”
“You want me to hold you?”
“If that’s okay?” She gave a tiny shrug.
I dropped the rope I’d been measuring out and closed the distance in two strides. Folding her into my arms, her sweet scent flooded my senses with the feeling of coming home. When she wrapped her arms around my waist, and leaned into me, my heart about stopped.
This must be what heaven felt like.
Loving the feel of her against my body, an odd sensation overcame me. I wasn’t sure what to do. How to hold her. Where to put my hands.
That wasn’t like me. Rarely did I find myself insecure, but with her willingly in my embrace, I wasn’t sure what to do next, if anything. My lids drifted shut, and the rest of the world faded away.
A soft sigh drifted from Clara, and I tightened my grip thinking she was about to pull away. One day, we would both be naked when we stood like this. I hated the barrier of my clothes which kept us apart.
“This feels good.” I couldn’t help but say something, even if it sounded dumb.
“It does. Thank you. I needed this.”
“I’m sorry.” I kissed the top of her head.
“I know.” She released her grip and leaned back.
My gut instinct was to yank her back against my chest, but I sensed she needed me to let her go. It was a small thing, but would give her the sense that I didn’t control our every reaction.
She glanced up at me with shimmering eyes. Then, she rocked my entire world.
Lifting up on tiptoe, she wrapped her hands around my neck and pulled my face down. My body followed before my brain figured out what was going on. Then her soft, pillowy lips brushed against mine. Delicate, hesitant, she kissed me.
My entire body stiffened. The beast inside of me, who would have growled and snarled and taken over the kiss, sat back in shock.
Embracing Fate: A Captive Hearts Novel Page 30
