To Hold Forever

by Carrie Carr

  Lex thought about the question. Her name had been the source of many fights while she was growing up. Kids could be mean, and she never wanted to subject her children to such a fate. "I asked Dad about it when I was around ten. I got sent home from school for fighting and after he busted my ass, he finally got around to asking why I did it."

  "What happened?"

  "Stupid kid stuff. Some of the guys in my class started hassling me. I got tired of it and threw a few punches. I don't think Dad would have gotten so upset, but I got my butt kicked. He hated losers." She rested her forehead on Amanda's shoulder. "I asked him why he named me something so stupid. He said it was where he was when he found out my mother was pregnant with me, and he liked the way it sounded. They thought I was going to be a boy and when I was born, he was too damned stubborn to change it." Lex shrugged. "I guess I should be thankful he wasn't in Hoop and Holler, Texas, at the time."

  "You're kidding me, right?"

  "Nope. It's in Bell County." Lex released a heavy sigh.

  Amanda's well-developed protective streak made her want to hold Lex in her arms and never let her go. "I'm sorry. I should have never brought it up."

  Lex pushed the thoughts away. "That's okay. Promise me we won't name her Dallas."

  "Oh, I don't know. Dallas Walters has a distinctive ring to it." Chills went down Amanda's arms when she felt Lex nibble on her neck. "Don't start something you can't finish." But she tilted her head to one side to give her lover better access.

  "Believe me," Lex whispered in her ear, "I have every intention of finishing." She slid her hands higher until they were gently cupping Amanda's breasts.

  Amanda squirmed when she felt Lex's thumbs barely brush across her overly sensitive skin. "Please."

  "Hmm?" Lex kissed her way across Amanda's neck and took her earlobe into her mouth. She knew it drove her lover wild.

  "We've got to stop." Amanda's right hand rose and tangled in Lex's hair, pulling her closer. "Oh, god." She felt like she was going to combust on the spot. With what little strength she had she struggled to her feet. "Take me home. Now."

  Lex's face was flushed. She stood and took Amanda's hand in hers. "Let's see if Martha will watch Lorrie. I plan on keeping you busy for the rest of the afternoon." She headed for the Knights of Columbus Hall on shaky legs. Amanda would be lucky if she let her out of bed at all.

  LEX WAS STRETCHED out on the bed, when another dress landed on top of her legs, adding to the growing pile. They had enjoyed a fun afternoon, at least until Amanda realized she had nothing to wear to the dance the following day. Now Lex was stuck watching as the clothes flew out of the closet. She lifted a dress from the stack. "What about this red one?"

  Amanda stuck her head out of the closet and glared at her partner. "Are you kidding me? I look like a tomato in that one." She ducked inside. "I'm too fat for anything," she wailed.

  No matter what she said, Lex knew she'd get into trouble. She slipped from the bed and quickly put her clothes on. "Sweetheart?"

  "What?" Another outfit sailed across the room.

  Lex decided to take her life into her own hands. She peeked around the door and was shocked at the disaster their closet had become. Almost every piece of Amanda's clothes was now decorating the floor and her lover stood in the middle, clad only in a bra and slip. "It's still fairly early. Why don't we go into town and buy you something new?"

  "Like what? A tent?" Amanda tossed another hanger onto the floor. She stared at her body and burst into tears. "I'm huge!" She crumpled into Lex's arms and began to sob. "I don't know how you can stand to look at me. I'm as big as a house."

  "You're beautiful." Lex brushed at her face with the end of her open shirt. She cringed when Amanda took the cloth and wiped her nose. Her more immediate concern however, was her wife. "Baby, look at me."

  "No." Amanda tucked her face into Lex's chest.

  "Please?"

  She knew she was being unreasonable, but Amanda couldn't help it. Her tears continued to dampen Lex's skin. The embrace she found herself in finally calmed her. She sniffled a few times and moved away slightly. "I got you all wet."

  "That's not necessarily a bad thing." Lex kissed her forehead. "I know that while the baby is growing, you're uncomfortable with how your body is changing."

  "I'm fat."

  Lex's smile was sincere. "No, you're pregnant. A beautiful, sexy, pregnant woman. And I understand that you want to wear your regular clothes. But sweetheart, maybe those clothes are uncomfortable for Junior." She ran her hands down Amanda's sides and rested them on her hips. "Let's spoil you and go buy some new clothes."

  Amanda tried to keep her petulant look in place, but the love that shined from Lex's eyes made it extremely hard. "Then everyone will see how big I am."

  "No, they'll see how beautiful you are." Lex framed Amanda's face with her hands. "You don't know how wonderful it is, to see our baby growing within you every day. It only makes you more stunning. You take my breath away, Amanda." She kissed her, trying to convey with action what she couldn't find in words.

  The words soothed Amanda's wounded psyche and she melted into Lex's embrace. When they finally parted, she knew that the time of regular clothes was over, at least for another four months or so.

  "Thank you." She kissed Lex on the chin and left. One of her older dresses would do while they shopped for new outfits.

  AMANDA STOOD BESIDE Lex on the front porch of her sister's house. The thought of leaving Lorrie with them disturbed her more than she was willing to let on. She knew they were more than capable of taking care of her, but she still worried. "Are you sure about this? She's quite a handful."

  Jeannie seemed to have recuperated well from Teddy's birth. In fact, she had never looked more radiant. Now Jeannie was standing behind her husband, holding her sleeping son. "Mandy, please. Go and have fun."

  "We'll be fine." Rodney hitched Lorrie higher on his hip. His new best friend had her arm wound tightly around his neck. "I wouldn't have suggested it if I didn't think so." He turned his head and touched noses with Lorrie. "We're going to have a great time, aren't we?"

  "Yep." Lorrie brushed her hand along his cheek and giggled at the feel of his stubble. "Yuck."

  When her eyes met Jeannie's, Amanda smiled. They'd both matured over the last couple of months, and the shared joys of motherhood had brought them closer together. "You're absolutely positive?"

  Jeannie covered Teddy's head with her hand and kept her voice low. "Of course we are. Now go on."

  Lex put her arm around Amanda. "Come on, sweetheart." Truth be told, she was feeling separation pangs as well, but did her best not to show it. "Call us if you need anything?"

  "We will. It's only for the night. Enjoy it while you can." Jeannie stepped beside her husband. "You won't get many more opportunities for a while."

  Amanda lightly yanked on Lorrie's hair. "Be good for your Uncle Roddy and Aunt Jeannie. Your Momma and I will be back to get you in the morning." They were going to stay with her grandparents after the dance, so they wouldn't be on the roads after midnight.

  "Tay." Lorrie leaned toward Amanda and gave her a sloppy kiss. "Love Mommy." She did the same for Lex. "Love Momma." She then rested her head against Rodney's shoulder. "Love Woddie."

  Lex cleared her throat and felt Amanda's hand in hers. "Yeah. You be good, lil' bit. We'll see you later." She turned and led her wife away, before one or both of them broke down.

  AMANDA TUGGED SELF-CONSCIOUSLY at the edges of the jacket draped around her. She was afraid to remove the coat she borrowed from Lex. The new dress she wore wasn't uncomfortable. In fact, it was the opposite. The black crinkle chiffon dress was stylishly cut and it complemented her figure. It was sleeveless, with a scoop neck and had a band of glittering oval rhinestones in a line above her waist. But the fact that it was a maternity dress, no matter how nice it looked, made her feel matronly instead of sexy.

  Lex had gone crazy at the maternity boutique. For someone who didn't like to shop,
she certainly had a great time dressing her partner. Now Amanda had enough of a wardrobe to last her several months. Dresses, jeans, sweaters, tops and even new undergarments filled her closet. She put her foot down when Lex wanted to buy her a new coat. She'd rather wear Lex's old leather jacket. She started to panic when Lex tried to remove it from her shoulders. "Wait."

  "It's okay." Lex gently eased it from her, but left the black lace shawl. She hung the coat next to her own then placed her arm around Amanda's waist. "You look great." In fact, the dress complemented her growing belly quite well. Because Amanda was petite to begin with, it hadn't taken long for her to start showing.

  Martha took that moment to show up. "Don't you two look spiffy. Amanda, is that a new dress?"

  No matter how hard Amanda prayed, the earth didn't open and swallow her. She was certain people had heard Martha's exclamation on the other side of the crowded room. Embarrassed by the attention, she shrank against Lex. "Yes, we got it yesterday afternoon."

  "Goodness." Martha took Amanda by the arm and pulled her away from Lex. "Step over here where I can get a good look at you." She made Amanda turn around. "You look positively radiant, sweetie."

  For the first time since she noticed her stomach growing, Amanda felt her self-esteem peek out from its hiding place. She knew that while Martha loved her dearly, she would never say anything she didn't mean. "Do you think so?"

  "Most definitely." Martha slapped Lex on the arm. "Haven't you told her how lovely she looks? Shame on you."

  "Hey." Lex looked offended. "Of course I have."

  Amanda stepped in front of her. "Lex has been extremely supportive. It's been my own stupid insecurity that's been the problem. But thanks. I needed to hear it from someone other than my obviously biased wife."

  "I'm not biased. I've got good taste." Lex put her hands on Amanda's shoulders. "Do you want me to get you something from the kitchen?"

  "Not at the moment. You know what happens when I drink anything. I'm not ready to start that cycle of fun."

  Martha took Amanda by the hand. "Why don't you two sit with us at our table? It's not far from the refreshments. Or the ladies' room." Her last words were whispered to Amanda. She knew of the frequent bathroom breaks Amanda took at home, but she didn't want to embarrass her.

  "Thank you. That would be great." Amanda allowed herself to be led through the crowd, with Lex close behind.

  Wanda, who noticed them when they arrived, stopped them. "Amanda! You look fantastic." She turned to her husband. "Isn't she beautiful?" He opened his mouth to speak, but she cut him off. "What a gorgeous dress. Where on earth did you find it? I mean, you always dress so nice, but I can never find anything that fancy around here." She chattered on, not giving Amanda a chance to answer. "Did you go shopping in Austin? I bet you found it at some fancy boutique, didn't you?" She elbowed Dirk. "Well? Isn't she lovely?"

  He wore his usual suffering look. It was rare that he got a word in whenever his wife got started talking. "Yes, dear." He shook Lex's hand. "It's good to see you both. You do look beautiful, Amanda. Now if you'll excuse us, I'm going to try and find a muzzle." He escorted Wanda away, ignoring her squawks of complaint.

  "I'm not through visiting, Dirk. Let go of my arm." Her voice could be heard all over the room, even with the noise of the crowd.

  Lex waited until they were out of sight. "She's something, isn't she?"

  "You can say that again." Amanda tucked her arm around Lex's. Martha had gone ahead of them and they could see her standing by a table close to the kitchen. Charlie was there, sitting next to another couple. "I'm not quite ready to sit down. Would you like to dance instead?"

  "That's the best offer I've had all day." Lex led Amanda to an unoccupied spot on the dance floor and pulled her close. She loved how they fit together. Amanda's head was at the perfect height so she could nestle her face in her hair.

  Amanda rested her cheek against her lover's chest and closed her eyes. The sounds of the crowd slowly receded until all she was aware of was the sound of Lex's heartbeat. They swayed slowly to the music and Amanda couldn't think of anything more perfect.

  They had been on the floor for three songs when Amanda's bladder demanded to be acknowledged. "Honey? Can we take a break?"

  "Sure." Lex followed her off the dance floor. Before they got to the table, she paused. "Are you ready for that drink now?"

  "That would be great. Thanks." Amanda draped her shawl over an empty chair and continued on to the restroom.

  Lex was ladling them each a cup of punch when someone touched her back. She turned, her hands full, to see Ashley in front of her. "Hi." The red dress she wore shimmered in the lights. It was short-sleeved, cut well above her knees and skin tight.

  "I'm glad you made it tonight. I was hoping to talk you into a dance or two." Ashley stood leaning slightly forward, to accentuate the way her breasts almost fell out of her low cut dress. "We didn't get much of a chance to talk yesterday." She ran her red painted fingernail down Lex's arm.

  Amanda stepped out of the ladies' room and noticed Lex wasn't at their table. She scanned the room and spied her at the concession table. She felt her blood pressure rise when she saw a strange woman with her hands on her partner. It didn't take long for Amanda to weave her way through the crowd. She was almost upon them when Lex noticed her.

  "Hi, sweetheart." Lex felt somewhat guilty for talking to Ashley, but she didn't know exactly why. "I was about to bring you some punch."

  Amanda cut around Ashley and put her arm possessively through Lex's. "I don't believe we've met."

  Lex cringed as Amanda's fingers dug into her arm. She didn't have to see her face to know she was pissed. "Uh, yeah. Amanda, this is Ashley. She was helping with the decorating yesterday. Ashley, this is Amanda, my--"

  "Wife," Amanda finished for her. She gave Ashley a barely perceptible nod. "If you'll excuse us, we have friends waiting." She practically dragged Lex from the refreshment area. "Who the hell does she think she is? That bitch was hanging all over you." She continued to grumble as they reached the table. It was vacant for the moment, as the other couples were on the dance floor.

  "Amanda, hold on." Lex held out a chair for her lover and waited for her to sit. "I think she was only being friendly."

  "Too friendly, if you ask me." Amanda sat and kicked off her shoes beneath the table. "Damned grabby whore."

  It was time to diffuse the situation. She covered Amanda's hands with hers and looked into her eyes. "You're the only one for me, sweetheart. I met her yesterday in the kitchen, surrounded by a roomful of old ladies. We said maybe half a dozen words to each other. Let's forget her." She kissed Amanda, deepening the contact.

  They separated and Amanda opened her eyes dreamily. "Forget who?" She put one hand behind Lex's neck and pulled her close again.

  "I swear I can't leave you two alone for a minute." Martha sat next to Amanda. She enjoyed the way the two women reddened at her words.

  "Can you blame me?" But Lex moved away from her lover. A little. She placed her arm around the back of Amanda's chair and stretched her legs under the table. When Charlie sat next to Martha and wiped the perspiration off his forehead with a handkerchief, she couldn't help but tease him. "What's the matter? Is Martha wearing you out?"

  He put the damp cloth in his jacket pocket. "Isn't she always?"

  "Don't blame me if you're tired." Martha took a sip of her punch and wiped the residue from her mouth with a paper napkin. "It's not my fault you stayed up so late last night."

  "Are you sure about that?" Lex never saw the wadded paper sail toward her. She picked it up from the table after it bounced off her chest. "Shame on you, Martha. You should let the poor man rest sometime." She tossed the napkin at Martha, who batted it away.

  Amanda popped Lex on the arm. "Behave."

  "She started it." But Lex relented. She'd find another way to torment Martha, later. "Nice suit, Charlie. I guess you're off tonight?"

  He did look dapper in the navy suit.
The pale blue shirt and red tie went together well. He adjusted the tie. "Uh-huh. I've decided to cut back on my hours, since Jeremy practically runs the department anyway. I'd rather spend more time with my lovely wife."

  "I don't blame you at all." Lex rested her hand on Amanda's shoulder. "I'm thinking of cutting back some, myself."

  Amanda turned her head. "What do you mean?" This was the first she'd heard about Lex's plans. It rankled her when Lex would do something without even talking to her. They usually shared everything. "What's going on with you?"

  "I'm tired of spending all day, every day, with the guys or the horses." Lex never noticed when Charlie stood and took Martha away from the table. "Is it so wrong to want to be with my family more? I thought you'd like it."

  "Of course I do. But you can't suddenly drop what you've spent your whole life working for." Amanda scooted closer to her and put her hand on Lex's thigh. "I can't let you do that."

  "Let me?" Lex grew angry. "Shouldn't I have a say in how I spend my life? I don't want my kids to grow up thinking that the damned ranch is more important to me than they are."

  "Lex, please. I'm trying to understand, not tell you what to do."

  The plaintive tone in Amanda's voice touched a cord in Lex's heart. Her anger faded away, leaving a weary resignation behind. "I know and I'm sorry. It's something I have to work out in my head, not take out on you." She stood. "I'll be back in a minute. I need some air."

  Amanda watched her leave. She wanted to find out if Martha had any idea what was going on with Lex. Before she could get up to find her, someone sat beside her.

  "She's quite a catch." Ashley gestured toward the outside door, which Lex had disappeared through. "Don't you love how safe it feels in her arms? She's so strong. God, I could stay there forever."

  "I beg your pardon? Are you talking about Lex?" It took a lot of effort, but Amanda controlled the urge to dump her punch over the woman's head.

  Ashley laughed. "Oh, honey. Don't misunderstand me. I don't think I'm woman enough to keep up with tall, dark and sexy. But I wouldn't mind giving her a whirl." She leaned closer. "You can tell me. Is she the dominating type in the bedroom? I get all hot and bothered thinking about her." She licked her lips. "I bet she's a wild one."